April

This month I read: 10 ebooks and 1 book from the Toronto Public Library, totaling to 11 books overall.

Lots of Spoilers! Reader Beware!

Before we begin:

Honourable Mentions

This is a new section! It's for books that I wanted to finish but couldn't for some reason, and still want to talk about.

Let's Make Dumplings by Hugh Amano and Sarah Becan

Synopsis: This is a graphic novel cookbook. The authors describe and illustrate the history of various dumplings, and show you how to make many different kinds of dumpling wrappers and fillings.

My thoughts: I think that a comic cookbook is a genius idea because clearly it shows you how to make everything step-by-step, and it's also very visually engaging. Readers will know that a recipe must have some pictures of the food, otherwise I find it really hard to engage. Unfortunately, I grabbed this on my way out of the library and the only thought that really registered was “looks yummy”. Only when I got home did I realize that it was literally all about dumplings, and I'm just not equipped (mentally or physically) to make any.

You may like this book if: you are now hungry because I just mentioned dumplings

Dishonourable Mentions

Loki’s Ring by Stina Leicht

Synopsis: Gita spent many years training two different AIs, whom she considers as her daughters. Now she doesn’t see them that often, because her work as captain of the spaceship Tempest. But when she gets a coded message from her AI-daughter, Gita will have to drop everything to help her.

My thoughts: I just wasn’t in the mood to read a space opera at the time, and the AI-as-daughters concept was kind of cool but it didn’t really grab me.

You may enjoy this book if: you don’t know anything about general intelligence AIs (so that you can’t complain if the AIs are unrealistic or whatever).

Good Husbands by Cate Ray

Synopsis: Three women get the same strange letter: allegedly, their husbands all raped someone twenty years ago. Is it true? Is it a sick prank? Can they trust their husbands? Should they?

My thoughts: The tone of this book was super dark and rainy, and I just didn’t want to get bogged down by misery and distrust (readers will know that it’s the same reason why I unsubscribed from r/AmItheAsshole), and I’m all the better for it.

You may enjoy this book if: you want a version of Taylor Swift’s Vigilante Shit where the narrators are confused and afraid instead of confident

The Real Reviews

A Magic Steeped in Poison by Judy I. Lin

Synopsis: Ning is running out of options. Her mother was recently killed by a batch of poison tea, and her sister Shu is barely still clinging to life. Ning’s mother was a shennong-shi, a magician who could brew teas that showed the future, imparted abilities, and cured illnesses; but neither her mother’s tea cures nor her father’s medicines have been able to save Shu. When Ning’s family gets an invitation from the palace to participate in a competition that will choose the next court shennong-shi, Ning sneaks away from their village in the middle of the night to compete in the capital city, in the hopes that she’ll be able to find a cure for her sister. However, the capital has its own problems: the princess Li Ying-Zhen is not yet 20 years old, but her father the emperor is very ill and rumour says that he’s unfit to rule. The outer provinces have been suffering under cruel governers and poisoned tea (that killed Ning’s mother), and unrest is spreading. What will happen when Ning gets caught up in the palace politics?

My thoughts: This is one of the White Pine nominees for the 2023 Forest of Reading Awards, and while I don’t think that it will win, I would not be upset if it did. I liked the overall aesthetic of the China-analogue country that the book is set in, and I especially liked how it centered around tea rituals and ingredients as a form of magic. However, it’s giving very strong YA-trilogy vibes, and I didn’t realize that going in, so I was not pleased when the book ended with a lot of loose ends. It turns out that it's only a duology, and the sequel has already been released, but the library only has it in audiobook. Hopefully, I won't have to wait too much longer for the ebook.

Rating: 3/5 birds that you must trick into eating poison even though they’ve been specifically trained to never eat something that can poison them

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

Synopsis: Linus Baker is great at following rules; it’s what makes him so good at his job as a Case Worker for the Department in Charge of Magical Youth. Every day at DCOMY is the same, and sure it may be boring and dreadful (think Insuricare from The Incredibles), and the desks are too close together and personal items aren’t allowed, but he really doesn’t have anything to fear, besides his supervisor, his supervisor's assistant, and getting demerit points. Until one day, Linus is summoned by Extremely Upper Management and given a risky, confidential assignment: spend a month at the Marsyas Orphanage and determine if it should be shut down. The risky, confidential part? The Marsyas Orphanage houses 6 of the most horrific (read: charming and delightful) magical creatures Linus has ever met: Talia, a female gnome; Theodore, a wyvern; Phee, a forest sprite; Chauncey, an amorphous pile of goop; Sal, a were-Pomeranian; and Lucy (short for Lucifer), the 6-year-old Antichrist. They are supervised by Zoe Chaplewhite, a sprite who “owns” the island on which the orphanage exists, and Arthur Parnassus, the mysterious but charming proprietor. How will Linus be able to follow the rules if his whole life is turned upside down?

My thoughts: I have been seeing this book everywhere, and honestly I’m so glad that I read it; it’s easily one of the best books that I’ve read this year, and I highly recommend it. (Honestly the synopsis doesn’t really do it justice). The vibes are impeccable, like A Series of Unfortunate Events but more hopeful, and it’s full of dry humour. I was shipping Linus and Arthur from the very beginning, and I’m so glad that they, a gay couple who met in their 40’s, got the happy ending that they deserved. Linus also shows a tremendous amount of character development, growing from a constricted bureaucrat who was secretly miserable, into a brave defender of what’s right, even when he’s still scared on the inside. The overall themes of the book are about overcoming fear and anxiety, and breaking down prejudices (especially for children). The children themselves are all delightful, and although Lucy gets a little too much focus, he does have great taste in music (Alexa, play Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin).

Rating: 5/5 buttons that your orphan wyvern loves so dearly that you’ve resorted to clipping them off of an extra work shirt just so that you’ll have a little treat to give him every day.

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake

Synopsis: The widely known story about the burning of the library of Alexandria isn’t entirely true: while the physical building was destroyed, most of the books were rescued and are maintained by the Alexandrian Society. Every 10 years, the Society recruits a new incoming class of 6 magicians: after a year of training, 5 will be made full Society members and will get the chance to study for another year. Members of the Society usually become very rich and powerful, although the Society itself is totally secret. This year, 6 magicians have been recruited: Libby Rhodes and Nico de Varona, perpetual rivals who can control physical matter; Reina Mori, an inverse naturalist who is constantly harassed by plants instead of the other way around; Tristan Caine, who can see through any illusion (and possibly time itself); Parisa Kamali, a telepath who often uses sex to enhance her abilities (as if a woman could not enjoy sex and read minds at the same time!); and Callum Nova, a rich playboy who can control anyone’s emotions. If they want to become members of the society, these 6 magicians will have to form uneasy alliances (but should they?).

My thoughts: This book is definitely unlike most books that I’ve ever read, and it went in a lot of different directions. Libby and Nico almost converted me into an enemies-to-lovers girlie (readers will know that I hate the enemies-to-lovers trope; there’s a reason that they were enemies in the first place), but unexpectedly took a left turn. I won’t be fooled again. The writing style was full of dry humour, and I took a bunch of screenshots of the ebook (I guess that’s the digital version of adding sticky notes to a physical books?). Some choice quotes:

“Who are you,? Tristan asked him, which was probably delayed, though in his defense, he’d been laboring under capitalism for several hours now. He wasn’t at his sharpest.”
“It was unsurprising, really, that he was magically misdiagnosed; empathy was a far more common magical manifestation in women, and thus, when it appeared, it was usually cultivated in a delicate, maternal sort of way… (Callum would blame the false dichotomy of gender constructs if only he had the time).
“Yes, Libby had been targeted outright by Callum (a predictably breed of asshole if Nico had ever seen one) and she was much too fragile to contend with Reina’s lofty disinterest in her, but that was only because it was in Libby’s personal moral code to fret pointlessly about things she couldn’t control.”

If you enjoy Survivor-esque social games about building alliances, you will probably like this book. There was also a lot of discussion about the nature of time, space, and the physical world. Even though it was a lot of whiplash and confusion, I already have the sequel on hold.

Rating: 4/5 Nova Scotian mermaid (half-fish, half-human) – satyr (half-goat, half-human) hybrids that appear to be fully human (half-human, half-human) but are woefully under documented

My Sister, the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite

Synopsis: Korede will always back up her sister. Even when Ayoola accidentally killed her boyfriend (in self-defense, says Ayoola), and Korede has to clean the crime scene. Even when it’s the third “self-defense” death in as many years. But Ayoola is the golden child, the perfect younger sister who could never do anything wrong (according to Korede’s mother). Korede wrestles with her relationship with her sister, and their shared familial trauma.

My thoughts: This book is definitely not the traditional serial killer crime novel, so don’t go in expecting that. Instead, it’s about Korede’s love/hate relationship with her sister, who always gets everything she wants, even at Korede’s detriment. It’s set in Lagos, Nigeria, and intersperses some Yoruba words with the English. It had a lot of thought (many short chapters that are more like vignettes), but not a lot of action, so it just wasn’t for me.

Rating: 2/5 car trunks that can’t possibly have any bloodstains in them, so the police will definitely realize that they weren’t involved in a crime

White Cat, Black Dog by Kelly Link

Synopsis: This is a book of short stories, so I’ll give a very short synopsis of each story:

The White Cat’s Divorce: A billionaire sends his sons on quests to find special gifts. His youngest son discovers a cannabis farm run by talking cats.
Prince Hat Underground: A man journeys through the underworld to bring back his husband, Prince Hat.
The White Road: A troupe of mail carriers/traveling actors journey through Tennessee in a post-Covid apocalyptic world.
The Girl Who Did Not Know Fear: A woman becomes stranded at an airport for a week while waiting to catch a flight back to her wife and daughter.
The Game of Smash and Recovery: A brother and sister pair explore a desolate planet.
The Lady and the Fox: A girl waits for every Christmas in order to glimpse a mysterious stranger.
Skinder’s Veil: A grad student reluctantly moves to Vermont for 6 weeks in order to house-sit a very strange house as a favour for a friend.

My thoughts: Unfortunately I didn’t really vibe with this collection of short stories at all, everything was mysterious and weird and unexplained. If possible, I would choose The White Road to be expanded into a full-length book; I thought the world-building was really interesting, and I think that the author could have done more with it. I think that all of the stories were supposed to be based on different fairy tales, and although some of them had the same structure as a fairy tale, I just wasn’t really picking up what the author was putting down. (Readers will know that I’ve never been accused of not knowing enough children’s stories). I almost wish that the author had included their explanation of what exactly they were trying to do, maybe then I would have appreciated it more? Honestly I only finished it because it was so short.

Rating: 2/5 walnut shells containing the most perfect teeny-tiny dog you could ever desire

A House with Good Bones, by T. Kingfisher

Synopsis: Samantha is an archeoentomolgist, and her recent dig just got indefinitely postponed, so it’s a good opportunity for her to spend some time with her mom. Her mom, Edith, lives in small town North Carolina, in the house originally owned by Samantha’s grandmother, Gran Mae. After her father’s death, Samantha and Edith were forced to move in with Gran Mae, and while it wasn’t altogether pleasant, it was certainly better than nothing (or was it?). But Edith is acting strangely, and the house has been redecorated to how Gran Mae liked it when she was alive (problematic Confederate wedding photo and all). How will Samantha be able to fix what’s going on with her mom if no one will tell her anything?

My thoughts: I really liked how different aspects of Samantha’s character were specifically designed to fit with the story: she’s an entomologist, so she isn’t too freaked out by bugs but knows enough to realize that something’s wrong; she’s an archeoentomologist, so she could dig up the backyard; she’s plus-sized, so it makes sense why she wouldn’t see a doctor when she thought she was having sleep paralysis. It was a little annoying how hard it was for her to really understand that magic was going on, but in fairness, she is a scientist (and how would you feel if your house was literally haunted), and really prefers to have analytical evidence for things. I also got psy-opped by the painting with the Confederate solider, because when Samantha started researching her great-grandfather and found newspaper clippings calling him a Wizard, I thought FOR SURE that there was going to be a gotcha that he was in the KKK. Nope. Turns out he was a literal wizard who could do magic. But overall I definitely enjoyed reading this book.

Rating: 4/5 jars of human teeth (like, over a hundred teeth) that you dug up in the backyard

Lone Women by Victor LaValle

Synopsis: After a tragic event, Adelaide Henry was forced to leave her family farm behind with nothing but a carpet bag and the world’s heaviest trunk. Inspired by a newspaper column, she purchases a piece of land in Montana: if she can subsist off of her land, she can keep it. For a Black Woman in 1915 with no husband, it’s basically her only option for homesteading. Eventually she reaches the town of Big Sandy, and meets some of the other Lone Women, including “a Negress, a Celestial*” and a woman with a peculiar child. How will Adelaide manage the secret inside her trunk? More importantly, how will she handle the townspeople of Big Sandy when they find out?

*”Celestial was a common slur for the Chinese. A citizen of the Celestial Empire of China,” Chapter 32, Lone Women

My thoughts: I was a bit skeptical of this book when I first picked it up but it definitely delivered. It’s part wild west survival, part gothic supernatural horror, part LGBTQ rights. It had a bunch of twists and I never really knew what was coming next, but it just kept me more engrossed. Binge reading this book probably helped with the immersion, so I highly suggest it. Confusingly, I think there might have been a bit of an anti-abortion sentiment? Which I make a point to never encounter, but I think that I’m probably reading too much into it (it was also more of an anti-infanticide sentiment, so I’m maybe just schizo-ing out a little). Overall, I highly recommend it.

Rating: 4/5 linens strictly cleaned in kerosene, as is the modern way, and surely not with turpentine spirits and benzene (solvents of the past)

How to Survive Your Murder by Danielle Valentine

Synopsis: Last Halloween, Alice’s sister Claire was brutally murdered in a corn maze, and Alice saw Owen Trevor Maddox do it. For Alice, life hasn’t been the same since. Her parents divorced, her friends moved on, and she can’t stomach the thought of any horror movies or true crime documentaries (which used to be her favourite things). But most of all, she desperately misses her older sister. This Halloween marks the start of Owen’s murder trial. As the only witness, Alice’s testimony will be instrumental in sending Owen to prison, because everything else is only circumstantial evidence. A lot of people aren’t happy with her: there’s a growing group of Owen “truthers,” women who think that he’s innocent and Alice is lying (or crazy). They infuriate Alice: she knows what she saw, right? After a chance encounter, Alice is transported to last Halloween, and given the chance to save her sister and unmask the real murder. But will it be worth the price?

My Thoughts: First off, I don’t recommend binge reading this book between the hours of 1am and 3am, because you will be anxious and won’t be able to sleep (ask me how I know). But overall, I do think this book was pretty interesting, and covered a couple of interesting themes. One was the impact that true crime on the victim’s families, which is a really important thing for people to understand: true crime really happened in real life, and there are real consequences when you become obsessed with it, even if you think it’s just a small corner of the internet that the victim’s family won’t find out about. The culture around true crime just freaks me out (in a bad way). Readers will know that the only true crime I consume is plane crash documentaries; otherwise I strictly stick to fake crime. Horror movies were also a big theme in the book, especially the idea of the “final girl” (a horror movie trope describing the only character, often a woman, who is able to survive/escape the villain). Alice’s friends start a podcast called How to Be a Final Girl, where they use horror movie strategies to analyze true crime scenarios, including Claire’s death. Ironically, they claim to be respectful of the victims and their families, but the whole thing is extremely insensitive, and hurts Alice. But Alice essentially uses their strategy of applying horror movie logic in order to solve the real-life crime when she gets sent back in time. I am not in to horror movies, but I’m pretty sure that’s what was happening. The ending of the book was also pretty crazy. I wish that the lore around Sidney Prescott (the angel who sent Alice back in time) was explained, because the reveal that she was actually an angel of death who needed to meet a quota came wayyy out of left field, and didn’t make a lot of sense. Perhaps it could have been framed as though Alice had interrupted the murder spree the first time, so Sidney brought her back to “fix her mistakes”. However, I do give the author credit for neatly resolving the book without defaulting to a happy ending, because I rarely see that. In retrospect, Alice killing herself because Sidney kept reminding her to not die, and Sidney was an angel of death so she must have been lying, was pretty weak, even though it did bring her back to the present. I think that she should have killed the murder instead, although I don’t know if that would have really changed the very end at all. If you like slashers and want a book that’s a bit different, you’d probably enjoy this.

Rating: 3/5 rubber wolf masks that are only worn by sick freaks with an incurable disease (school spirit)

Take Your Breath Away by Linwood Barclay

Synopsis: Six years ago, Andy and Greg drove up to their cottages for a boys weekend of fishing and drinking. When they returned, Andy's wife Brie had disappeared without a trace. Andy didn't kill his wife, but he's battled the police department and Brie's family, who don't believe him. Eventually, Andy moved to the next town over and changed his last name. He met Jayne, and he's moved on. Until one quiet morning, a woman appears at his old address, screaming about a house (his house) that used to be there. She then drives away, and vanishes, seemingly without a trace. The woman was white and had dark hair; and she looked a lot like Brie. The news of this mystery woman shakes Andy to his core: is that actually Brie?? Where has she been all this time?? And if it's not Brie, who tf is it?? Andy, his in-laws, and the police are all trying to solve this mystery before it's too late.

My thoughts: I'm usually a fan of Linwood Barclay but this book was pretty good, but not exceptional. I feel like the author really tried to hype up all the different secrets that the characters had, but most of them weren't that dramatic or horrifying. All the loose ends got tied up (some better than others) and there wasn't too much bone-headed behaviour, so nothing to complain about (in contrast with the next book in this list). But the title has absolutely nothing to do with the story. At this point, I think Linwood Barclay just churns out mediocre thrillers (growing up sucks).

Rating: 3/5 bags of flour spilled all over the kitchen floor so that any mice (or murderers) scurrying around leave footprints

Reckless Girls by Rachel Hawkins

Synopsis: After Lux's dad left and her mother died, she had nothing and no one. Until she met Nico: rich, hot, and full of adventures. Within a few weeks, she mover into his boat and they sailed to Hawaii, which was going to be the first stop on their world tour. It wasn't. Nico is enjoying himself, hanging out and fixing boats, but Lux is stuck cleaning hotels. This isn't what was supposed to happen. When they meet Brittany and Amma, two college friends who want to charter a boat, things start to look up: maybe this can actually be the start of their adventure. Together, they sail to Meroe Island, a picturesque tropical hideaway off the beaten path. (Oh, it just happens to have a history of shipwrecks and cannibals, and bad vibes overall). Will Meroe really be the paradise that Lux is looking for? Or will they end up another tragic legend of the island?

My thoughts: Despite the premise, this isn't a stuck-on-deserted-island cast-away style book, it's more about people's behaviours and relationships (no, there's no cannibalism). I didn't really like this book because all the characters made bad decisions (so bad that it made me a little anxious). Don't move to Hawaii with a guy you just met who is kind of a dick! When a creepy stranger arrives on the island, or when he smashes your radios, or when you find drugs on your friend's boat, just leave! If your friends start killing people, don't participate! I guess the one interesting thing was that the author included snippets of letters, articles, and transcripts to demonstrate that the island was low key haunted.

Rating: 2/5 Rolex watches that you stole from a rich frat boy, who won't even miss them and definitely deserve to be robbed

Every Little Piece of Me by Amy Jones

Synopsis: Mags Kovach grew up on the wrong side of the Halifax tracks and just wants to be a rockstar. After getting kicked out by her sister, Mags moves into her boyfriend Sam's basement (his parents never go down there) and sits in on his band's rehersals (so far they just do covers and original songs in Klingon). Mags secretly starts writing lyrics, and eventually becomes the lead singer for the band, now called Align Above, as they break out of the indie Halifax scene and become (a bit) more mainstream.

Ava (short for Avalon) Hart is perfectly content living in New York with her dads and her siblings (sister Eden and brother Val (short for Valhalla)). Her dads are both in show business, but business is no longer booming. The family's last chance is a reality show called “Home is Where the Hart is,” and will ostensibly follow the Harts as they run a charming B&B in Gin Harbour, Nova Scotia. Ava is furious about being on a reality show in Canada, and even more furious when Eden becomes a breakout star, a stark contrast to Ava's snark and refusal to participate.

The book follows Mags and Ava as they deal with fame and cross paths.

My thoughts: This book was certainly readable, but the plot got super depressing as it went on, painting a grim picture of the realities of being a woman in entertainment. Or a girl. The book takes place over many years, starting when both protagonists are teens, and ending when Ava is 18 and Mags is 22. It seemed like Ava and Mags were being set up to be good friends, but that never materialized. “The first time Mags met Ava, she saved Ava's life. The second time, Ava saved hers.” Mags did talk Ava off of a literal ledge, but I'm not really sure what Ava contributed. I guess bringing Mags inside when she passed out on her stoop? It just felt like Ava was tagging along with Mags, and neither were particularly compelling. Other works by this author might be better, but this was just not it for me.

Rating: 2/5 sweet potatoes, an inside joke referring to bad news that I thought would make good tv, but the network felt it was too cutesy

And finally...

The Bonus Bracelet of the Month:

This bracelet is pattern #41274, and I thank my foreign correspondent for sending me a photo because I forgot it in Kingston. It has two shifting colours (I chose purple and yellow because they’re complementary) that shift and fade into each other, without any outlines or clear borders, so it’s a departure from my usual taste in patterns. I was worried that the pattern would be too complicated for me to do it without constantly referencing the pattern, but once I finished a few units it was pretty easy. It’s also thinner than I’ve been doing lately, so it was nice for a change.

i am, your most faithful blogger, elisa

March

This month I read: 6 TPL e-books and 2 books from the University of Toronto Libraries, totaling to 8 books overall.

Lots of Spoilers! Reader beware!

Before we begin:

Dishonorable Mentions

A Bad Day for Sunshine by Darynda Jones

Synopsis: After leaving her hometown following a traumatic assault, Sunshine Vicram and her young daughter Auri must come back to Del Sol, New Mexico because she was elected sheriff without even running. Sunshine will have to protect the town from new crimes while trying to get justice for her own.

My thoughts: No shade to the author, but I just couldn't get into this book.
You may enjoy this book if: you enjoy hunting serial criminals but also want a goofy tone and love story.

Twin Crowns by Catherine Doyle and Katherine Webber

Synopsis: Wren and Rose are twins that were separated at birth, and now lead vastly different lives. Rose is the crown princess, and Wren is one of the last witches (who are persecuted and in hiding). Desperate to make a real change, Wren captures Rose and trades places with her. How will the twins be able to navigate dangerous situations, shifting politics, and romance?
My thoughts: Actually, I will shade the authors because I had high hopes for this. I read at least a third of this book but it was such a drag the whole way through. It was basically a worse version of the Girl of Fire and Thorns trilogy: spunky but inept young princess gets captured and is forced to travel through the desert (see my February review for more details), but Twin Crowns also had a twin sister.
You may like this if: you enjoy fluffy YA fantasy/romance

The Real Reviews

The Guest List by Lucy Foley

Synopsis: There’s a wedding happening on a secluded island off of the coast of Ireland. We meet the wedding planner (who is hosting the wedding on her island), the bride, the maid of honour, the best man, the plus one, and the dead body. All the guests are in the wedding tent to shelter from the storm, and the power has just gone out. The wind is screaming outside, but is it just the wind? Told through revolving POVs in a series of flashbacks to the 36 hours leading up to the wedding, we eventually unravel the guest’s darkest secrets and figure who is not who they seem.
My thoughts: I actually read this book in February but somehow forgot to include it in February’s roundup. From what I can remember, the vibes were extremely spooky (derogatory). I wasn’t actually scared, and I thought the effect of the storm was quite heavy-handed, especially with all of the noises of the wind, and the thought that “someone” was out there. I think that the body could have been discovered by a nameless guest, and then eventually more and more named characters get added to that scene, thus narrowing down who the body could have possibly been. That would have given it more of a whodunnit feel. But the author’s ending did wrap up everything in a nice bow, so I will give her props for that. I also totally thought that the wedding planner was a man and he had a gay chef husband. That was not true (her name is Aoife, pronounced something like Eve); my apologies to the Irish.

Rating: 3/5 bottles of whiskey that you pretended were produced by your fake distillery to distract from the fact that your life sucks

Book Lovers by Emily Henry

Synopsis: Nora Stephen’s life is like a romance novel, except she’s not the main character. Her past 4 boyfriends have all abandoned her, the high-powered workaholic city woman (known to some as the Shark), for sweet small town girls who run bed and breakfasts and family-own ranches. When Libby, her sister, begs for them to have a girls trip, Nora reluctantly joins her for a month in Sunshine Falls, North Carolina, the platonic ideal of a small town. Nora is a literary agent based in New York City, and Sunshine Falls was the setting of her biggest client’s recent bestseller, Once in a Lifetime. Her client just submitted a great new manuscript for another book, and Nora is happy to sacrifice her vacation to help edit it. Except, the book is about Nadine Winters, a ruthless and bloodthirsty film agent, who is a lot like Nora. Even worse, she keeps running in to Charlie Lastra, a dry, monochromatic New York literary type, and the editor who rejected Once but is determined to edit the new manuscript. Plus, things with Libby aren’t quite what they seem.

My thoughts: This is perhaps the best romance novel ever. I actually already read this in the fall but I was craving something familiar that I knew was excellent, and I lucked into a skip-the-line copy. I adore Nora and Charlie together, they fit really well and it’s a nice way to rebel against the “city man leaving his ex for a new country girl” trope. Any romance scenes that may or may not exist are moving but not explicit. I love that Nora and Charlie do everything right and don’t get into stupid arguments or miscommunications, and that the third act conflict is mostly based around Nora and Libby’s relationship instead. I also love that Nora is a New Yorker who adores many different aspects of New York, so there’s a reason to set the book there (readers will know that I hate when books are set in New York arbitrarily; there are so many other census metropolitan areas to choose from). There are some fun easter eggs that reference Emily Henry’s other books, so look out for those if you’ve read them (which I also recommend). On my second read-through there were a couple of scenes that I skipped, but they were pretty short and not egregious. All in all, I adore this book.

Rating: 5/5 local small town businesses with charming names like Poppa Squat and Mug + Shot

Love and Other Disasters by Anita Kelly

Synopsis: Dahlia’s life is falling apart. She just divorced her high-school sweetheart and is now running out of money; the only joy in her life right now is cooking. When she gets the opportunity to appear on Chef’s Special (a reality cooking show), she quits her job to fly across the country and compete for prize money. London’s life isn’t falling apart, but things still aren’t great; they’re feeling unmoored and directionless, and their relationship with their still father hasn’t recovered even though they came out as non-binary two years ago. Maybe competing on Chef’s Special will help get them out of their rut. When London and Dahlia meet on set, sparks fly. But they come from such different lives; will they ever be able to make it work?

My thoughts: If you are looking for queer or w/nb stories (aka slash fiction, as I was recently taught), you will enjoy this book. I do ship London and Dahlia because they clearly fit very well together. For all you degenerates, yes there are plenty of steamy scenes, but they do feel very one-sided. From my expert perspective (readers will know that I am very straight and very sex-negative), if you’re going to write a queer love scene, don’t be a coward; you have to actually do justice for both parties. Low-key, I also wish that the author had spent more time explaining how the cooking show work (even though I know it’s not the point of the book). I feel like books about cooking reality shows are everywhere now; perhaps the cooking-show-writers-guild has banded together to ensure that no fictional cooking shows ever get described in an effort to prevent rebel authors from undercutting their competition with a detailed explanation of the rules, regulations, and strategies.

Rating: 3/5 boxes of roasted vegetables that I shipped across the country to you as a big romantic gesture that went very rotten because I couldn’t afford refrigerated packaging

Daughter of the Deep by Rick Riordan

Synopsis: Ana Dakkar is a student at Harding-Pencroft Academy, an exclusive private high school dedicated to marine sciences and also combat. At HP, there are four houses: Dolphins (main character syndrome, linguists, recon); Sharks (jocks, combat, weapons); Cephalopods (nerds, engineers); and Orcas (medics, archivists). HP is actually named after Cyrus Harding and Bonadventure Pencroft, the protagonists of The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne. But surely it’s just a quirky reference, right? They’re fictional characters; they can’t have actually founded the school, right? And when HP is attacked, will Ana have what it takes to lead her freshman class and defeat the Land Institute?

My thoughts: “Rick Riordan?” you say, “Isn’t that the guy who did Percy Jackson? Isn’t this a middle grade book?” In this cafe we stan middle grade adventure books and we especially stan Rick Riordan. (He actually started Rick Riordan Presents, a publishing imprint where authors who’ve written Percy Jackson-style books for other mythologies (Korean, Hindu, Navajo, Mayan, African/Afro-American, etc) can get published, and Rick helps by promoting their books. It’s a genius idea and seems to be very successful). Now that we've cleared that up, I wish that the evil rival school in Daughter of the Deep was the Annorax Institute (named for Pierre Annorax) and that the evil submarine was the Harpoon or the Land Shark or something like that (referencing Canadian Ned Land, a harpooner), instead of the other way around. The Land Institute is giving way too much earth vs water vibes and I struggled to get past them. I know that Riordan thrives in a middle grade environment, and the kids here were in grade 9, being attacked by grade 12s. However grade 9 (and only one year of prior training) just seems way too young for these kids to be as violent and efficient of a militia as they are (Would I defend middle grade books until my dying breath? Yes. Am I also annoyed that the characters are in middle grades? Also yes). But despite the insanely high stakes, I did enjoy the book, and I would read a sequel if he wrote one. If you are a Jules Verne girlie, you will definitely like this book.

Rating: 3/5 orangutans who love The Great British Bake Off and can make you any food you desire out of microalgae synthates

The Life Lucy Knew by Karma Brown

Synopsis: Lucy's life is going well. She's happily married to Daniel, and is the head of communications at consulting firm in Toronto. But after a nasty head injury, Lucy wakes up in the hospital to hear that not all of it is true: she and Daniel broke off their engagement years ago, and now she's dating Matt, who she thought was just a co-worker. What is going on? It turns out that Lucy has developed false memories while she was in a coma, and they’re completely fabricated even though they feel very real to her. How can she go back to living her life when she's not the same person any more? And how will she navigate her current relationship when she thought she was married to someone else?

My thoughts: This book had a cool premise, and I like that it explored how memories (and life experiences) can really shape a person. It was also set in Toronto (readers will know that's where I live!), although it didn't feel quite authentic (the author lives in the GTA not in the city, so that must be why). I binge read this while motion sick, and unironically I felt very #unreality while reading this book, almost as if I was struggling to distinguish book from reality. I assume this is what it’s like to read while high. However, I'm not really in love with this book. I think I've read too many thrillers, because I was expecting a lot more malicious energy (eg. that Lucy hit her head because she was pushed, and that Daniel's current wife was trying to poison Lucy). I understand that for plot reasons, not everything can be resolved in the first act of the book, but surely Lucy should have had the nerve to ask Daniel why they broke up sooner instead of staying hopelessly in love with him for far too long. Also, Lucy recognizes that multiple false memories aren't entirely made up: they are usually based in reality with some false details. No she didn't get married but she went to her sister's wedding. The fancy party for her parent's 25th anniversary was actually for Matt's parent's anniversary. I wish that Lucy had been able to accept these facts and apply the same concepts to her false memories about Daniel: yes she had a romantic bubble bath date, but it was with Matt, not Daniel. I think understanding her feelings were real but just misplaced would have really helped her (readers will know I've taken one (1) psych class about memory, so I'm something of an expert in this area). Generally, the entire Matt vs Daniel romantic subplot made me super uncomfortable. The ending also hit me like a brick wall: completely anti-climactic, glossed over all of the issues that the protagonist took so much time to reveal, and just fast-forwarded to months later after they had already resolved their issues.

Rating: 2/5 blue and grey striped ties that are utterly boring and unremarkable and definitely aren't a metaphor for the valuing the simple joys in life

Shubeik Lubeik by Deena Mohammed

Synopsis: This graphic novel is set in an alternate reality Egypt where wishes exist. Sentient spirits (jinns) that can grant wishes are extracted and bottled (or canned), and then sold in all over the world. Not all wishes are created equal. Third-class wishes aren’t bound very well, so the spirits have enough freedom to monkey’s-paw-ify most requests. But first-class wishes can grant the wisher virtually anything. Shubeik Lubeik (an Arabic phrase that means “your wish is my command”) chronicles the day-to-day realities of Shokry, a street kiosk owner in Cairo, as he tries to sell three first-class wishes (It’s not as easy as it seems; wishes aren’t really allowed in Islam, and many Muslims deeply distrust wishes). Over about 5 years, we see the stories of Aziza (a poor worker who is unfairly arrested for buying a first-class wish), Nour (a university student who contemplates using a wish to cure his depression), and Shawqia (an old woman who is dying of cancer), as well as Shokry himself.

My thoughts: I really enjoyed reading this book and I highly recommend it. Nour’s section was my favorite, both because it used a lot of graphs and charts to illustrate Nour’s inner thoughts as a university student, and for its realistic portrayal of mental illness issues. Shawqia and Shokry’s stories were also so rich and detailed, and had a lot of emotion. The art style was really fantastic, and I especially like how the jinns were depicted as being made of Arabic letters instead of having a defined shape. There were also two vignettes that gave more context into the system of wishes (for all you amateur economists, they are valued like money and extracted and regulated like oil). In general, I really liked the worldbuilding surrounding wishes, including how they co-existed with governments, religion, and international relations. The only issue I had was that since the book was originally published in Arabic, it’s supposed to be read from right to left; I wasn’t always sure which order the panels should have been read in, especially since they varied in shape, size, and placement. But that’s because I’m a dirty westerner; definitely not the author’s fault.

Rating: 4/5 advertisements using just the most atrocious graphic design you could imagine

Women Talking by Miriam Toews

Synopsis: After the news about the mass rapes in Manitoba Colony, a Mennonite community in Bolivia, broke in the early 2010s, Toews created “an imagined response to real events.” The novel starts when the men of the Molotschna colony left to bail out the 8 perpetrators in the main city after they were arrested for their own protection. Eight women meet in a barn hay loft; they represent two main families (the Loewens and the Friesens) and three generations, and have all been directly harmed by the perpetrators. They are there to decide the future for women of Molotschna: they can stay and fight, stay and forgive, or leave Molotschna altogether. Over the course of two days the women talk, debating and discussing issues of life, religion, the world, and misogyny. August Epp is a man, but he’s an outsider, and only returned to the colony after the perpetrators initially confessed; he is there to take minutes (because he’s the only one who can read and write), and he narrates the story. This novel was the inspiration for Sarah Polley’s Oscar-winning adapted screenplay for the film of the same name.

My thought: I am pretty sure that I read this book when I was going through a Can-Lit phase several years ago, but I’m not sure if I finished it then. I definitely finished it now though, and it’s a very powerful read. It’s very interesting to hear the inner thoughts of the women of Molotschna, considering that they can’t read or write, and are incredibly oppressed by the men in their colony. Ironically, we are only able to read the story because they have a man there to transcribe it, highlighting just how little freedoms the women have (But August is definitely an ally to the women; yes he’s weird and awkward but I won’t hear any slander towards him). They truly live in a different world to us, even though it’s set only 10 years ago. The book is very lyrical and thoughtful, so it may not be everyone’s cup of tea (usually it’s not mine).

Rating: 3/5 stolen horses that you didn’t really steal but instead freed so they could join an equal socialist society but you got in trouble anyway

Spin: A Novel Based on a (Mostly) True Story by Peter Zheutlin

Synopsis: Anna Cohen Kopchovsky wants more out of life. Only 22, she’s already stuck in a passionless marriage with three small children underfoot. The best part of her day is when she can leave the house for her part-time job of selling newspaper advertisements. It’s the 1890s, and bicycles have just become all the range. In order to popularize cycling for women, the president of the Columbia Bicycle Company has issued a challenge: he’ll award $10 000 (an absolute fortune) to any woman that can cover 10 000 miles in 15 months, while earning $5 000 along the way. For Anna Cohen Kopchovsky, who has never ridden a bike in her life, that would be impossible. But for Annie Londonderry (sponsored by Londonderry Spring Water Company), there is no such thing as impossible. Annie accepts the challenge, and thus begins her trip around the world. This book is actually based on the life of the real Anna Kopchovsky, who is the great-great-aunt of the author, although Zheutlin admits that it’s heavily fictionalized because there just weren’t enough records.

My thoughts: I had actually already heard of Annie Londonderry (literally heard of, since she was an episode of the Stuff You Missed in History Class podcast), so I was vaguely familiar with her story. Annie was an impressive protagonist, and although she wasn’t exactly the epitome of be gay, do crimes, she did her very best. The crime in question is just lying, but she lies more than my lawful-good ass can normally tolerate. It was pretty interesting to see how Annie interacted with the media (her press strategy was to be as sensationalist and inconsistent as possible in order to become even more of a sensation, and create enough public pressure to ensure that she would get the prize money, even if she didn’t quite fulfill all the conditions). Certified girlboss behaviour. In terms of being gay, I absolutely had no problem with book-Annie’s sexual orientation, but it made me a bit uncomfortable for real-Annie; in the epilogue Zheutlin shares that he’s written several books about Annie, but that he had to falsify a lot of the events in the novel in order to create a cohesive story. I don’t actually know what the real Annie’s sexual orientation was, so I can’t say how truthful or authentic the lesbian storylines really were, but the idea of making these kinds of speculations doesn’t totally sit right with me.

Rating: 3/5 serendipitous meetings with the two biggest feminists of the 1890s, Susan B. Anthony and checks notes Buffalo Bill Cody

And finally:

The Bonus Bracelet of the Month

This bracelet uses pattern #143531, and it's my first ever pattern! It's not really original though, since I took an existing pattern and just doubled the amount of strings from 12 to 24. I have been wanting to try out a braid-style pattern but it takes a lot of string so I was irrationally nervous (any other fibre arts girlies constantly worry about using up string/yarn? or am I just crazy), so instead I actually foraged the string for this bracelet from an activity on campus. So yeah, I guess you could say I'm a Gatherer. However, it's a thicker cord material that I'm not used to and don't really like (plus tangles super easily). I also didn't have a great selection of colours to choose from, so I wish that the purple colours were inverted. This bracelet took me nearly 6 weeks to finish, and it's easily my longest bracelet to date (it fits around my wrist 1.5 times). Eventually I'll trim the ends to get rid of the loose strings, but for now I'm just glad to be done with it.

i am, your most faithful blogger, elisa

(A disappointing synopsis and review of You Season 4)

Major spoilers for You, Season 4!

Going into the most recent season of You, I had some high hopes. Penn Badgley announced that he had asked the producers for fewer sex scenes out of respect for his marriage. Perhaps Joe might even get what he deserves.
Season 3 ended dramatically, with Joe Goldberg (Badgley) killing his murderous wife Love Quinn (Victoria Pedretti), abandoning his son Henry with their childless gay neighbors, and fleeing to Paris in desperate pursuit of his next true love, Marienne Bellamy (Tati Gabrielle), all to the soundtrack of Dr Swift’s Exile.
Joe skulking around with his stupid hat

After searching through Paris for months, Joe eventually gets a tip that Marienne will be at an art show in London, and successfully spots her. But during their chase, Marienne tells Joe that he is a monster and she could never love him (incredibly obvious, but it apparently shocks Joe). Marienne is also a single mother, and her daughter Juliette is waiting for her back in Paris; does Joe really want to orphan another child?
Joe confronts Marienne in London
Confronted with these realities, Joe (surprisingly) lets her go. Almost. A private investigator for the powerful Quinn family catches up with him, and makes him a deal: in exchange for the content’s of Love’s secret bank account, Joe will be provided with a new identity and papers: everything he could ever need to make the fresh start he is so desperate for a reality. The price: eliminate Marienne. After all, Joe faked his death back in Madre Linda, and Marienne is the only one who knows that he really survived. But killing Marienne would only be a return to his depravity, and proof that Joe Goldberg can never change. What to do, what to do? Eventually, Joe figures out a compromise: he stalks Marienne to the train station and steals her necklace as “proof” of her death. The gambit works: Marienne goes home to her daughter, the PI gets enough money to retire in luxury, and Joe Goldberg gets a new chance at life in London as Jonathan Moore.
Joe teaching American Lit
Jonathan rents a flat, begins teaching American literature at a university, and keeps to himself (for a little while). But just because you have a new chance at life doesn’t mean that it’s easy to abandon your old ways. Jonathan still dabbles with his online stalking and Peeping Tom schtick (after all, it’s not his fault that his neighbor Kate Galvin (Charlotte Ritchie) keeps committing bedroom acts in front of her open windows), but it’s all harmless. Until one evening he just so happens to be following Kate when she gets mugged, and he is forced to show himself in order to rescue her. As a thank you, Kate’s annoying boyfriend Malcolm (a total prick) demands that Jonathan accompany them to Sundry House, a club frequented by London’s rich and debaucherous. Despite his best efforts, Jonathan is quickly subsumed into Kate and Malcolm’s rich friends, and gets so trashed on absinthe that he starts hallucinating.
Joe walking into Sundry House for the first time
After a wild, blacked-out night, Jonathan wakes up the next morning safely in his flat with Malcolm’s dead body on his dining table and a new app on his phone. He starts receiving disappearing messages through the app from the real killer, who is threatening to expose Jonathan's true identity unless Joe disposes of the body.
Joe posing with Malcolm's body

Over the course of part 1, more of Kate’s wealthy friends are killed, and Jonathan battles against this so-called “Eat the Rich” killer. I think that it’s a really interesting dynamic, because the killer becomes this season’s You (the object of Joe’s obsessions). It’s the first time that You hasn’t been a woman and a love interest; the hunter has now become the hunted. Instead of stalking women for fun, Jonathan’s skills are finally being used for good as he tries to identify the real killer, who is now threatening Kate. Readers will know I hate when regular people play at detective, and Jonathan’s plans to study classic detective fiction to guide his mystery solving are very contrived contrived. He even resorts to asking one of his students Nadia (Amy-Leigh Hickman) for help, under the guide of writing his own mystery novel.
Nadia with Joe in the Library
At the same time, Jonathan begins to fall for Kate (and she him), which was not unexpected but nonetheless refreshing. Jonathan is stalking Kate out of guilt and obligation, not out of obsession. As he grows to love her, he doesn’t really manipulate her. Charlotte Ritchie is really excellent as a cool and independent Kate, especially considering it’s the exact opposite of her as herself on Taskmaster Series 11 (10/10 season, would recommend). Kate's secrets are much more normal: daddy issues and soulless corporate greed (à la Norfolk Southern or PG&E from Erin Brockovich).
Kate is a bad bitch
Part 1 ends with Jonathan finally identifying the Eat the Rich killer: it’s Rhys Montrose (Ed Speelers), a friend of Kate’s who grew up poor but discovered that he was the son of a British Lord and thus inherited a lot of wealth and privilege later in life. Rhys admires Joe (specifically Joe, not Jonathan), believing them to be cut from the same cloth, and demands that Joe kill “innocent” people so that they will take the blame for Rhys's crimes. Jonathan rejects him, refusing to kill anyone else, and is rescued from the basement of a country manor by Kate moments before the whole structure is engulfed by flames. Rhys escapes back to London and announces that he's running for Mayor of London.
Rhys talking to Joe that night at Sundry house when they were on absinthe
All in all, a great start to the season. Joe-as-Jonathan seems to be showing a lot of character growth: he is starting to recognize that killing people is wrong and stalking them is usually wrong. He refuses to kill people even to save himself. He even figured out who the Eat the Rich killer was (although his silly detective work did not help him at all). At this point the season seemed to be wrapped up nicely with a little bow, and I was wondering where else the writers could possibly go from there.
Joe and Kate watch the country manor burn to the ground

Reader, they found a way.
Part 2 of Season 4 goes completely off the rails. We discover that Marienne never actually made it back to her daughter in Paris, but was instead drugged and captured. She breaks her elbow in a struggle and later wakes up in a large plexiglass cell (Joe’s signature move). She gets regular deliveries of water and Indian take-out, and is apparently in there long enough for her arm to completely heal (Google tells me 3-6 weeks). Eventually the deliveries stop coming and the food begins to run out.
Marienne and saag paneer in the cage
At the same time, Jonathan is in a new sticky situation. On the one hand, we have Rhys, who is now running for mayor of London. On the other hand, we have Tom Lockwood, an evil billionaire (and Kate’s estranged father).
Joe sneakily observing Tom and Kate talk
Both Rhys and Tom know Jonathan's true identity and demand that Joe help them kill/blackmail the other. Joe flips back and forth, wondering how to balance the ever-increasing demands with his budding relationship with Kate. However, Rhys plays the trump card: he has Marienne, and if Joe doesn’t do his bidding, she will be killed. Joe is absolutely enraged, and decides that the best course of action would be to go after Rhys himself, by capturing him and bringing him to a locked basement. Surely some CBT (residents and guests of 40 Elm street, this is exactly what you think it is) will force Rhys to give up Marienne’s location so that she can be rescued.
Also at the same time, Nadia is growing increasingly suspicious of Jonathan. After all, he conveniently showed up in London right when the Eat the Rich killer first began. After dismissing detective fiction as inferior he suddenly wants to write his own. He's also starting to fan-girl over Rhys Montrose (not a good look). Even worse, Jonathan has begun skipping classes and office hours, and lies about having read her writing. Nadia impulsively breaks into Jonathan’s apartment and discovers a book on torture, stalker paraphernalia, and a mysterious key. After analyzing Jonathan’s past behavior, she retraces his steps and eventually finds an abandoned former crackhouse. Using the key she retrieved from Jonathan’s place, she opens the door to find… Marienne in a plexiglass cell. Wait, what?
Nadia discovering Marienne
We cut back to Joe, whose unorthodox torture methods have just killed Rhys without revealing Marienne’s location. Horrified, Joe steps back to see another Rhys walk into the room. Joe and Rhys (real) and Rhys (imaginary)
At this point, I was sure that there was going to be some kind of identical twin or Mission: Impossible-eqsue face masks that had allowed Joe to kill someone innocent while the real Rhys remained safe. Nope. Rhys really was killed. And the other Rhys standing right in front of him is actually a figment of Joe’s imagination. Rhys and Joe had only ever met once before his death. 90% of their interactions were completely hallucinated, and the remaining 10% was Joe stalking the real Rhys from afar. The show lazily explains that through a few flashbacks of Joe “talking” to Rhys while other characters give him strange looks, which imo was not nearly enough.
Imaginary Rhys harassing Joe in his own home

The writers claim that it was a form of erotomania, the delusion that a famous person who you’ve never met is actually in love with you and is communicating with you via codes. To be fair, they did previously introduce erotomania earlier in part 2 through a separate 1-episode-arc stalking incident involving Kate’s friends, but this was still completely off the wall. I don’t care if it makes it too obvious; foreshadowing is a necessary part of plot development, and the inherent shock value of plot twists doesn’t make them good TV.
Up to this point, the only instance of Joe being an unreliable narrator (which I don’t think he ever was in the past), was when he was tripping on absinthe at Sundry House. But that was a single incident; long-absinthe (like long COVID) isn't real. The only other possible clue that I could tell was Joe finding incriminating evidence from Rhys inside his own flat. I guess Joe put those things there himself, and then re-discovered them later? Another thing that I really can’t get past is the texts that Joe exchanges with the killer. Multiple times, Joe watches the “I’m typing” bubbles and exchanges messages with the killer in real time. The imaginary Rhys specifically implies that Joe in fact was just sending those texts to himself but I really just don't believe it.
Does this look like a man who sends texts to himself

Joe committing the Eat the Rich murders is the facet I have the least issue with. He is constantly on edge because he’s being “framed” for all of the murders, meaning that he's always a plausible suspect. However, I still have some questions. When did he send Malcolm’s finger to the police? When did he kill Gemma at all? Since Jonathan actually commits a few murders himself, I wouldn’t say that killing people damages Jonathan's character development that much. Plus, the Eat the Rich victims were all total assholes, so it’s not really that bad.

However, the biggest problem I have with the big twist is that it means Joe actually captured Marienne instead of letting her go. There was no hint at all that this was coming; the single scene of Jonathan and Kate at the Indian restaurant where Marienne’s rations came from was in the same episode as the final reveal. This does not count as foreshadowing.
Marienne’s freedom was such a fundamental part of the beginning: it’s the first time that Joe really recognizes that what he’s doing is evil and irredeemable. It sets up his entire desire for an unproblematic European holiday where he can reinvent himself as the good guy Jonathan Moore (especially since he didn’t kill her in order to gain that identity). It’s also the first time that he proves he can love his objects of desire selflessly by acting in their best interest instead of his own. Joe reflects multiple times about how he let Marienne go be with her daughter, and he ends up killing the real Rhys because he’s so horrified at the possibility of Marienne in danger. Having someone else capture Marienne in the cage could have had so much potential: it would have flipped the script and shown Joe the pain that his actions cause.
If Marienne absolutely had to be captured (she didn’t), the writers still could have saved it with Nadia. In the first half of the season, she did not impress me. I thought she was basically Ellie (Jenna Ortega) from season 2: a younger girl that becomes a bit of a sidekick for Joe, and a person who Joe tries to save even though he ends up screwing them over. But once Nadia discovers Jonathan's secrets, she starts plotting his downfall. Once she finds Marienne, they team up to outwit Joe and rescue Marienne.
Nadia and Marienne plotting her escape
But once Joe realizes that he was the one who endangered Marienne, he doesn’t seem particularly fussed to release her, even though she’s on the verge of dying of thirst. He instead spends a lot of time lecturing and hanging out with Kate. He also forgets the code to unlock the cage, which is a huge L.
the code is actually Dr Swift’s birthday
Nadia helps Marienne fake her own death by “OD-ing” on the opioids that Joe gave her weeks ago for her broken elbow. They faked a text exchange alleging that Marienne had lost custody of her daughter because she never returned to Paris; Marienne then killed herself with beta blockers to stop her heart temporarily. Horrified, Joe is finally able to unlock the cage, and ends up staging Marienne’s body as a drug addict on a park bench. He walks away feeling tremendously guilty that he caused Juliette’s mother to die, but moves on almost immediately. He finally kills Tom Lockwood (and a scapegoat) and solves Kate’s daddy issues, thereby cementing their relationship and allowing him access to her newly inherited wealth.
Rhys and Joe after killing Tom Lockwood
Nadia successfully revives Marienne, who really does get to reunite with her daughter in Paris (and presumably goes immediately into hiding). But Nadia feels that her own work is unfinished: she is determined to prove that Joe is the Eat the Rich killer, and enlists her boyfriend to assist her. I won’t say that she girlbossed a little too close to the sun with this one, because she was actually good and snooping and documenting all of the perverse trophies from Joe’s stalking and murderous behavior. Unfortunately, Joe swoops in and ruins everything.

Probably the worst spoiler that I could have received was that the final episode would close with Dr Swift's “Anti-Hero”. This is in fact true, but I had hoped that I would play over montage of Joe becoming more self-aware and getting his just desserts. That was not really the case. Joe's suicide scene was very confusing and unsatisfactory. To start, Netflix began the episode with a note that it doesn't condone suicide and who to contact if you are in crisis. (But Marienne's death scene didn't get one. Suspicious.) It reads as very woke: Joe is the villain, he is supposed to die as punishment for his sins, and we aren't supposed to be upset about it (I certainly wasn't). It would be the perfect way to get rid of imaginary Rhys once and for all, and be the final recognition that Joe and Rhys are one and the same.
Joe about to jump (about time)
However, Joe regretted jumping off of the bridge almost immediately, and was miraculously rescued by a police boat that constantly patrols for jumpers. He wakes up in a hospital room with Kate at his bedside, and they resolve all of their issues without revealing any secrets. Jonathan can go back to being Joe Goldberg, and Kate's money has eliminated all of the consequences. I could have lived with that if Joe showed that he was truly committed to change. But his actions towards Nadia confirmed that he has made zero lasting character development.
Nadia enlisted her boyfriend to break into Joe's apartment again, this time to find proof that he was the Eat the Rich killer. And she succeeded! But somehow, Joe caught up to her at the very last second and ended up destroying all of her evidence (reasonable), and then killing the boyfriend and framing Nadia for it (completely unreasonable). Multiple times, Joe has said how Nadia has impressed him with her writing and her general character. Sending her to jail for a crime she didn't do completely undoes any shred of character development he could have clung on to.
Nadia being threatened by Joe with her dead boyfriend just out of frame
The season ends with Anti-Hero played as Joe does a media interview in preparation for the rest of his new life with Kate. In a voice over, he admits that he will continue to kill for “good causes” as a way of supporting Kate's endeavours with her new wealth.
Joe being interviewed by Kate's PR team

Overall, I was not impressed with You season 4. I’ve read some interviews with the writers, and they say that just because Joe hasn’t been arrested it doesn't mean that he's “winning”. I heavily disagree: Joe got literally everything he wanted except for Marienne, but now that he has a new girl (and his new girl’s new assets), it doesn’t even matter. Joe is able to shed his Jonathan identity and restart his life. There was even a great hallucination scene where Joe's past victim's (particularly Beck and Love) came back to haunt him; but in the end it didn't make a difference.
Love and Beck
Kate is definitely an unusual love interest: she's overall pretty normal, but is so haunted with guilt about her past corporate crimes that she vows to never ask Joe about the many skeletons in his closet as long as he doesn't ask after hers. We hate to see a corporate girlie that's bad at negotiation because she's definitely getting the short end of the stick here. She's now stuck with a deranged killer and Joe gets off scott free.
Kate, no longer in her slay era
I appreciate that Joe fell for her but was never obsessed with her, and that the hunter became the hunted for once, but it's not really enough to counterbalance all of the other issues I had. Joe's inner monologue this season also bordered on ridiculous and annoying; I'm not a Penn Badgley girlie and the whole act is starting to wear thin.
One of many memes, you get the idea
I initially started watching season 1 because I read the book that it's based on (You by Caroline Kepnes) and wanted to see how it was going to be adapted. I ended up staying for the spooky serial killer vibes, but the series has definitely been going down hill. Will I watch season 5 (allegedly the final season) when it gets released? Usually I would say yes, if only to find out what happens, but I barely enjoyed watching season 4 at all. At this point, it'll probably only be if I'm absolutely desperate for thriller/horror vibes and I've exhausted all my other options.

A bonus meme

Rating: 2/5 unbreakable plexiglass cages that are the perfect size to hold your enemies/lovers

i am, your most faithful blogger, elisa

February

This month I read: 11 e-books from the Toronto Public Library.

Some spoilers! Don't say I didn't warn you.

Before we begin:

Dishonorable Mention: Nine Dash Line by Emily Saso

Synopsis: Jess, a US Naval agent, and Zi Shan, exiled for re-education by the Chinese Communist Party, meet on Mischief Reef, a coral atoll in the middle of the South China Sea. Set in the 1980s, Mischief Reef is an artificial island being built to help restore sovereignty over ocean territory (demarcated by the nine dash line) that China believes it is entitled to.
My thoughts: I quit reading this book 43% of the way through; that should be more than enough to overcome any slow starts. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get into it. I didn't feel as though the story was really going anywhere. Although the book hinges on the interactions between the two main characters, they hadn't even met yet, and most of the story so far was flashbacks.
You may enjoy this if: you are aware of the upcoming world's largest military parade but are not so excited that you've already booked your tickets.

The Woman in the Library by Sulari Gentill

Synopsis: This book by Sulari Gentill, an author, is about Leo, an aspiring author, who is pen pals with Hannah, an author, who is sending him book chapters about Winnifred, an author, who is writing a book directly inspired by the actions of her friends, including Cain, an author. Are we sensing a theme here?
Actual plot synopsis: After hearing a scream from a woman library, 4 strangers become fast friends, and somehow involve themselves in trying to solve her murder. Separately, the author and her pen-pal exchange correspondence.
My thoughts: The format of this book was wild, so I feel like I have to review each level separately.
Written by Sulari, about Hannah/Leo: This storyline was by far my favourite. It was a really interesting POV, where you got all of the letters that Leo wrote to Hannah, plus other incoming correspondence, but the only outgoing correspondence was her book chapters. Because Leo is also a writer, we also got his commentary about the book chapter that we just read, and it's a real window into his psyche.
Written by Hannah, about Winnifred/Cain: This part was okay. I still don't understand the opening proposition of this storyline, which is if you and three strangers were sitting in the reading room of the Boston Public Library, and you all heard a very loud scream come from somewhere inside the building, you would immediately become very good friends. This must be such a common sentiment in-universe, since the scream was specifically planned in order to engineer this exact situation. The four characters constantly go out for dinner, have sleep overs, and generally get very wrapped up in each others lives even though they have only just met. Some even start dating. And then, of course they have to solve the murder that brought them together. Why? None of you have ANY qualifications, and you're just making the mess even bigger. And then of course, as they try to solve the murder, they end up accusing each other of murder. Again, you've only known these people for a few weeks. Chill out. The actual murder was full of a lot of twists and turns, and was pretty okay.
Written by Winnifred, inspired by her friends: This didn't really get developed very much, but I think it's pretty weird that Winnifred was essentially chronicling the weird stuff that's happening in her real, actual life. I would hate that. She also doesn't know how it's going to end, because the end hasn't happened yet. Kind of lazy.

Rating: 4/5 murders that you really didn't need to involve yourselves in

Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan

Synopsis: Nora, a recently-divorced mom of two, usually writes scripts for cheesy Hallmark movies. In a very uncharacteristic move, she wrote a depressing, cerebral screenplay that was loosely based on her divorce that was optioned by Hollywood (it's giving Marriage Story). The film crew are now at her house so that they can film on location, including movie star Leo, who is playing the screen version of her ex-husband. A budding romance develops.
My thoughts: This book teaches you that having a bad husband is worse than having no husband, so kick your ex to the curb! Nora thrives being single, and I love that for her. However, the romance between Nora and Leo is pretty sweet, although the pacing is faster than you'd usually see in a typical romance. The third-act conflict is a bit dumb, but not yelling-at-the-page dumb, so I'll accept it.

Rating: 3/5 romcoms where the big city guy/gal comes back to their small town sweetheart to come together for a charming community function

Any Sign of Life by Rae Carson

Synopsis: Paige Miller wasn't feeling great, but surely it's nothing that a good nap and maybe some IV fluids can't fix. But when she wakes up a week later, her whole world has changed. Her family is dead, the power won't work, and the only human interaction she can find is a recording of the Ohio Emergency Broadcasting System. Apparently, that virus was a lot worse than she realized. Even with Emmeline, her neighbor's beloved shelti dog, by her side, will Paige have what it takes to survive after the end of the world?
My thoughts: I always find it a bit spooky when books are set 10+ years after the current COVID-19 pandemic (and you can tell that this went to print in early 2020 because they only refer to it as the “coronavirus”, yikes). The book mostly deals with Paige's day-to-day life and how she survives, but it's definitely not a “survival” book (it mostly takes place in suburban Ohio). I'm not sure that I really vibed with the pacing of this book either. It also had some awkward conversations about race that definitely feel like they were written by a white person, and they were a bit inconsistent.

Rating: 2/5 drivers licenses taken from people who died from the virus as a way to honour their memories

How to Fail at Flirting by Denise Williams

Synopsis: Three years after leaving an abusive relationship, Naya is determined to have some causal flings, but immediately falls for her very first fling, Jake. But what will happen when their personal and professional lives collide? And will Naya survive the re-appearance of her abusive ex?
My thoughts: Readers will know that I staunchly believe that babies are plucked from the cabbage patch fully-formed. So you can imagine my shock and horror when Naya went well beyond the flirting phase, instead of just crashing and burning there (as the title would suggest). Tbh it was a little excessive. However, Jake is one of the best romantic leads ever: exceedingly respectful of boundaries, kind, generous, and he tells the absolute worst corny jokes. In short, the perfect man. And I'm very proud of Naya for her character growth (certified girlboss).

Rating: 4/5 cheesy jokes that are so silly they become charming and sensual

Fire and Thorns Trilogy by Rae Carson

Series Overview: The titles and covers for this series are extremely YA/fantasy core, and it's normally not my thing. (Don't let that put you off though, since the titles don't really have anything to do with the content). But (!!) the protagonist's name is Elisa (readers will know that's MY name) so I had to try it. And I'm glad that I did, since I definitely enjoyed them. Overall I found that the first act was usually pretty slow and a bit of a slog, but once you get to the action it got a lot better. The fantasy world is extremely religious, so you may find it a bit heavy handed if you are a wretched atheist worse than myself. It also didn't do a great job of explaining and defining the non-human creatures, because I thought they were just all humans for a long time.

Book 1: The Girl of Fire and Thorns

Synopsis: Lucero-Elisa is a princess of Orovalle, and on her 16th birthday is married off to King Alejandro of Joya D'Arena to become his Queen-regent. She is also a bearer of a Godstone: a precious gem that grows from her navel that gives her a direct connection to God. Bearers are only marked once every hundred years, and destined to complete a great service for God. They are also said to have great power, meaning that everyone wants Elisa as a pawn (and even a desert won't stop them). Oh, and there's also a war brewing. Will Elisa be able to save her kingdom and herself?
My thoughts: This book has a great depiction of Elisa's relationship with food. She starts out borderline obese due to a binge eating disorder: food is obviously a coping mechanism. She loses a lot of weight while on a hike through the desert; part of it is the reduced rations, but a lot of it is due to increased exercise. Her transformation makers her much stronger and more fulfilled, not just skinny or beautiful. Love that for her. Hate the vibe between her and Alejandro; he has a 9-year-old son by his dead first wife, so he's definitely way older than her, and while they don't consummate their relationship, the implication is that they will eventually (even though the age gap won't change). And the pining from both sides gives me the icks. I wish that Elisa had been aged up to 19 or something, but I guess she's supposed to truly be a teenaged girl.

Rating: 3/5 child brides that are better at war than their grown-ass husbands

Book 2: The Crown of Embers

Synopsis: After the events of Book 1, Queen Elisa now has to manage a kingdom on the brink of crisis, (ostensibly by finding a man who will marry her and become King) while avoiding the ever-increasing attempts on her life. She devises a scheme to sneak out the palace and travel to a mysterious island that no one has ever found, in order to harness the true power of her Godstone and save her people from other power-hungry would-be rulers.
My thoughts: This book was very compelling, and I got so sucked into reading it that I had to ask for an extension on an assignment. I really ship Elisa and Hector! Yes, she orders him around, but he admires her courage and strategic skill. And yes, it's his job to save her life at all costs, but she admires his leadership, tactics, and martial arts. So I think the power imbalances even out.

Rating: 4/5 honey-coconut scones that are known to be the Queen's favourite and are therefore a good target for a poisoner

Book 3: The Bitter Kingdom

Synopsis: After the events of Book 2, control of Joya d'Arena has now been seized by other members of the governing Quorum, and Elisa will have to fight a civil war if she wants to take back her country. However, this will require a lot of new friends and allies, starting with a king-consort that will rule beside her (not instead of her). There's one man who's perfect for the job, but he recently sacrificed his life for hers, and has since been captured. Elisa travels across the known world to rescue her lover, broker alliances, defeat her enemies, and take back the throne.
My thoughts: This book is definitely jam-packed with action, and it definitely has a stronger beginning than the first two books. I would die for Hector, still. We love a man who loves his girl. There are a lot of strong women in this book, and they certainly hold their own. I really liked how the author handled the true purpose of Elisa's Godstone, which helped to propel the female-forward narrative: almost everything she did was a result of her own hard work and power, not just because she got lucky that God blessed her.

Rating: 4/5 divine tasks that God commanded you to do that only could have been accomplished through the power of friendship

Overall thoughts on the trilogy: I really enjoyed reading this series. Elisa and Hector were fabulous characters, with a non-toxic relationship that I can ship without worry. There is a sequel that takes place in universe, but it focuses on the story of Red Sparkle Stone, and tbh I wasn't that enamored with her. She has grown from a young child into a teenager, but the premise didn't grab me so I didn't end up reading it.

Overall rating: 4/5 thic girlbosses with their strong, endlessly devoted malewifes

After She Wrote Him by Sulari Gentill

Synopsis: This is some more insane meta-fiction from Sulari. This time, there are only two writers. Madeleine d'Leon is a crime writer, and her next story is about a man accused of killing his editor. Edward McGinnity is a literary writer, and his next story is about a woman trapped in a marriage. But it turns out that Madeleine and Edward are actually writing about each other. What is real? What is in the author's imagination? When they write, are they creating the other's story?
My thoughts: The beginning was kind of a slow start, but once you get into it you really do get sucked in. The author weaves the perspectives of each protagonist together pretty seamlessly, and it's hard to tell who is writing and who is living (which is the point). The ending in particular was devastating, how could Sulari just end the book there and go right to the reader's guide. It low key sent me into a depressive episode.

Rating: 3/5 chunky bracelets that surely must have been the source of the weird marks on your neck from you sleeping on them funny, surely it couldn't have been hickeys from the weird dream you had about the guy you're writing about

The Constellation Trilogy by Claudia Gray

Series Overview: This is a sci-fi series set hundreds of years in the future. Earth is too full and too polluted, and it can no longer support all of its population. Humanity has needed to expand outwards into the Loop in order to find new permanent homes. The Loop is a series of wormhole gates that connect the 5 habitable planets: Earth, Stronghold (an industrial planet that mines tons of metals and ores, very brutalist), Cray (a volcanic world that houses the best of Earth's scientists in the cave network below the surface, it's a great place but you have to be a super-smart researcher to get there), Kismet (a small oceanic paradise that is a tourist destination for the wealthy), and Genesis. Genesis is an Earth-like socialist planet that is very spiritual (there are many different faiths represented), and has only adopted the minimum technology that is necessary (so no over production or pollution). Genesis has split away from Earth and refuses to be colonized, so there's been a huge war (the Liberty war) going on for decades, where Genesis battles Earth for its independence.
Burton Mansfield, a genius Earth inventor, has also created mechs: beings that are made from human flesh, but have robot brains and no souls. There are 25 different designations of mech, each designed to perform a different set of duties (and nothing outside of those duties). They include Queens and Charlies (fighters), Nans and Uncles (caregivers), Tares (medical help), Oboes (musical performance), and more. Since Genesis is so anti-technology and anti-Earth, mechs are hated and forbidden to live on the planet.

Book 1: Defy the Stars

Synopsis: Noemi Vidal is a 17-year old solider of Genesis, and she's prepared to sacrifice her life in a suicide mission if it would by them more time in the battle against Earth. But when her best friend Esther is injured in action, Noemi is forced to board an abandon enemy ship to get her medical attention. No person has been on the Damocles since it was abandoned 30 years ago. But mech Model One A, better known as Abel, was trapped on board. Abel is Burton Mansfield's greatest creation, a mech with the knowledge, intelligence, and skill of all other mechs put together. Will Noemi and Abel be able to overcome their differences to save Genesis?

Book 2: Defy the Worlds

Synopsis: After successfully stopping the Masada Run, a desperate Genesis suicide mission, things seem like they are back to normal. Noemi is back on Genesis (although her fellow soldiers hate her for prioritizing a mech over their whole planet), and Abel doing freelance work around the galaxy (but he still has to watch his back). But Earth's next attack is a brutal one: delivering an engineered virus called Cobweb to Genesis, where they don't have the medical care nor the physiological immunity to survive. Noemi is the only Genesis citizen to have ever contracted Cobweb and survive, so she is called on to deliver a message to Earth: if Genesis remains incapacitated, they will have to surrender. While trying to figure out any other plan, Noemi is captured: not by Earth, but by Burton Mansfield, who is so desperate to have Abel that he's started taking hostages. Will Abel sacrifice himself to save Noemi? Will she even let him?

Book 3: Defy the Fates

Synopsis: Noemi has been fatally injured, and even Abel, the smartest mech in the galaxy, won't be able to save her life. But what if he could give her a new one? All of this is taking place during the ongoing Liberty war: tensions are getting higher, lines are being drawn and crossed, and in a rare moment of power, Genesis might finally be able to defeat Earth once and for all. But at what cost?

My thoughts on the whole series: I really struggled to come up with separate synopses for these books, partly because I binge-read them all within a week, and partly because there was so much happening in each book. Noemi and Abel stay very busy: as soon as one is captured, the other is determined to sacrifice their own life to save them, and vice versa. Noemi and Abel each rescue the other at least 10 times over the whole series, from various consortiums, alliances, enemies, and governments (and both parties are equally rescuing the other; I don't want to hear any Noemi slander about her being a damsel in distress, because that was never true.) Even when one person was captured, they often tried to rescue themselves so as not to have the other person make a sacrifice. This idea of constant sacrifice might seem a bit heavy-handed (would you sacrifice your freedom or your planet for a hottie you met three weeks ago?), but I easily accepted it. Abel's Directive One mandates that he protect his commander at all costs, and he also is programmed not to fear mortality. Noemi has been trained as a child soldier in a faith-oriented society that values sacrifice, and at the beginning of book 1 was preparing for a suicide mission.
Usually I'd be wary of two teenagers that fell in so deeply in love during a 3-week period, but Abel and Noemi are cute together. It also makes sense in-universe: Abel is a mech (and is still very robotic despite his developing soul), and Noemi initially becomes his new commander, but once he starts falling for her, he becomes hyper-focused on her health and well-being. For her part, Noemi is a teenaged solider determined to save her compatriots, even thought she's a complete outsider on Genesis. After Esther's death, Abel is practically the only other person in the galaxy that she can relate to. At the start of the first book, Noemi is 17, and Abel has existed as a mech for about 35 years, but I don't think it's a toxic age gap (readers will know that I hate any age gaps; the ideal relationship would have two people born on the same day of the same year). Although Abel is technically older, he always acts with Noemi's best interests in mind. He always respects her boundaries, and reiterates many times that he would be happy to love her even if she never loved him back, or if they never saw each other again: to him, the most important thing is always her happiness and well-being. I don't want to claim that Noemi is more mature because she's a battle-hardened soldier, but she never abuses Abel when she has command over him, and deeply values his life, to the point of considering him human (a subversive and ridiculed act in-universe).
A major theme throughout the series is mechs and humanity. Even though they are humanoid and have flesh, mechs are generally considered to be disposable, soulless automatons. Most of them cannot improvise when confronted with situations they have not been programmed for, and they don't have feelings. Genesis in particular despise mechs (too much tech and not enough God). Yes, Abel is much smarter and more perceptive than other mechs, but does he really have a soul? During his thirty years of isolation, he did manage to stay sane, but he also formed a lot of new neural pathways, and begins to process the world differently. Noemi was the first person to truly treat him like a person, and inspired Abel to feel love. Abel was programmed to have a Directive One, which is initially to protect his commander (First Burton Mansfield, later Noemi) from harm at all costs. However, he is able to override his embedded programming in order to perform actions (even morally grey actions) that prioritize his wants and needs, instead of his commander's (but don't worry, he would never betray Noemi). In the final showdown, Abel defeats his creator because he, a mech, has developed a soul, in comparison to Mansfield, a natural-born human who has become so cruel and selfish that he has essentially lost any soul he might've once had. Mansfield is never able to accept that idea that a mech could ever have a soul, even while designing a new line of mechs (read: slaves) that will give live birth to future generations of mechs instead of just being grown in vats. But Abel immediately sees the risks, and ends up destroying the whole program; he can't stop those Inheritor mechs from ever being created, but he hopes that ethics and mechs-rights will develop enough in the meantime to protect them. For her part, Noemi is very open-minded and accepting. She initially distrusts Abel primarily because he's allied with Earth, and thus her natural enemy. However, she quickly grows to respect him, and considers him to be far more than just a mech. At the beginning of book 1, she pleads for Esther to accept artificial organs that would save her life, but is unable to convince her to contradict her religious beliefs. In book 3, the situation is paralleled when Noemi becomes critically injured, and Abel wants to save her life through artificial means. In this case, he succeeds, and Noemi becomes the first half-human half-mech being in the galaxy. Despite a difficult physical adjustment, she is grateful to have a new chance at life, and even feels better as a mech-hybrid than she ever did as a human (implying that this was her destiny). I appreciated that Noemi never blames Abel for turning into an “unnatural abomination”, even when her own planet rejects her for that reason. Although they have some difficulties communicating, she never thinks that Abel is less than human.

Overall Rating: 4/5 lines from the movie Casablanca, which I have memorized using my eidetic memory watched hundreds of times in my mind

And finally:

The Bonus Bracelet of the Month:

This bracelet pattern is #141613 and has 24 strings, so it's definitely one of my largest ever. There weren't any natural triangles in the pattern so I just established my own in order to do the triangle ends, which was pretty bold of me. The ends don't even look that unnatural, so I'd say it was a success. The twisted tie ends also bring a lot of sophistication, especially for the bottom, where all of the ratty ends have been coaxed into one twist. The little elastics really helped, meaning that I didn't need to leave enough length to tie into a know. (Fun fact, the elastics are actually from my stockpile of braces supplies from when I had braces in middle school. Don't tell me that hoarding doesn't pay off). Finally, this is one of the few bracelets that I didn't just do a straight gradient; the colours are in the same family, but it's not just from darkest to lightest, or blue-est to green-est. I'm pretty please with how it turned out!

i am, your most faithful blogger, elisa

January

This month I finished: 6 e-books from the Toronto Public Library

(Light spoilers ahead!)

The Maid by Nita Prose

Synopsis: Molly Gray is a maid for a New York City hotel who doesn't understand social cues and takes her job very seriously. One day at work she enters the room of Mr Black, a wealthy socialite with a young second wife who always tips her well. Unfortunately, she finds Mr Black dead in the bedroom, and quickly becomes the obvious suspect. Molly must figure out who really killed Mr Black, and in doing so, she'll learn who she can and cannot rely on.
My thoughts: If you appreciate autism spectrum disorder representation in literature (as I do), you will like this book; I found being inside Molly's head is quite delightful. The author makes constant references to the Molly Maid cleaning company, and I learned that it's not actually a local Etobicoke chain, so that was disappointing (FYI, Molly Maid was founded in Mississauga but has since expanded to the US, the UK, Japan, and Portugal (one of these countries is not like the other)). Molly also unfortunately makes some pretty cringe decisions that I definitely don't approve of (past readers may complain that I have a very low tolerance for cringe/bad decisions, especially in romance; to that I must borrow a turn of phrase from Ariana Grande-Butera: “and what about it” The final reveal was also kind of wack.

Rating: 3/5 cleaning carts with all of the little bottles and chocolates that i am allowed to take as i please

A Lady's Guide to Fortune Hunting by Sophie Irwin

Synopsis: After Kitty Talbot's father passes away, leaving her with a mountain of debt, 4 younger sisters to support, and 0 parents, there's only one option left: to go into Regency London and debut during the Season, so that she can find a rich husband who will wipe away all her family's debts. If you are constantly afraid that women are just after you for your money, this book is NOT for you.
My thoughts: this book had a bit of a slow beginning, but I'm so glad that I stuck with it! Kitty is SUCH a girlboss, I would die for her. Go manipulate a young rich boy into marrying you, that's queen behavior. And she gives absolutely zero fucks, nothing will stand in her way. Reading her wake Radcliffe up early to grill him about the specific ins and outs of high-society so that she can blend in was honestly hilarious. Lowkey I also adore Radcliffe, and their interactions together are the absolute cutest. The ending is SUPER satisfying, and when I was done reading it I wanted to go back to the beginning and start again.

Rating: 5/5 family estates with roofs in desperate need of repair

Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Li

Synopsis: Will Chen, a Chinese-American art history student at Harvard, is invigorated when he witnesses art thieves break into an American museum and steal back priceless Chinese artefacts. He and four friends (also all Chinese-American college students) team up to steal 5 Chinese sculptures that were stolen by the West and currently live in European and American museums. There are several heists, but this book is much less about about the thefts and much more about the identities of these 5 second-generation, Chinese-American students.
My thoughts: I got this as a skip-the-line hold so I only had it for 7 days, so I had to really stress-read to finish it on time, and that definitely soured my experience reading the book. But it's so popular that if I didn't finish it then, I would probably have to re-read the whole book the next time I got access to it. So I pushed on. There are a LOT of references to Ocean's 11, so I felt a bit called out. The author tried to go for a more realistic view of how college-students might break into a museum, but I mean, it's still completely absurd. As someone in a museum-adjacent field, this book hit home with its discussions about colonization and theft of priceless cultural artefacts, and how museums are complicit in their past wrongdoing. It's almost strange to be viewing the effects of Canada/Britain's colonialism on China, instead of focusing on Indigenous nations, since that's what I'm most used to. This book is also very lyrical and delves a lot into feelings surrounding identity, the diaspora, and one's place in the world.

Rating: 3/5 rightfully repatriated jade sculptures

All These Bodies by Kendare Blake

Synopsis: It's the summer of 1958 in the American Midwest, and a string of murders has everyone on edge for one reason (there are multiple reason, but there's one really weird reason): all of the bodies have been completely drained of blood. The police have no leads until the latest killings: Marie Catherine Hale is discovered at the scene completely drenched in blood. That's weird enough, but it's not just that: Marie Catherine is only 15-years old. The case fascinates teenager Michael Jensen, son of the police chief with dreams of being a journalist. Marie Catherine agrees to tell her story, but only if she can tell it to him.
My thoughts: This book was definitely spooky, but it didn't really hit the spot. I feel like it was trying to be too many things at once: a supernatural horror but also a fictional true crime novel, and it didn't really hit the spot. It's too bad, because I like a lot of Kendare Blake's other books. Anna Dressed in Blood & Girl of Nightmares (romance between a ghost and a ghost hunter) are set in Thunder Bay, Ontario, and are actually some of my faves! The Three Dark Crowns quartet (fantasy series about 3 sisters with magic abilities that have to fight to the death in order for one to become the Queen of the island) was also great. But the Goddess War series (Greek mythology; normal human Cassandra meets teenaged Apollo, Athena, and Hermes, who have all been cursed to die) was also a miss for me.

2/5 mysterious symbols carved into a tree trunk while we were being chased through the woods

Malice by Heather Walter

(Book 1 in series, book 2 is below)

Synopsis: this is a Queer reimagining of Sleeping Beauty. In Briar, some girls are Graces, blessed with magic blood that can be used to create any elixir. Alyce is a Dark Grace, her blood can only be used to make evil-coded elixirs, and she's bullied and hated by the entire realm. The Queens and princesses of Briar have all been cursed: if they don't kiss their true love by their 21st birthday, they'll die. Aurora is the last surviving princess, and she only has one year left to live.
My thoughts: It was pretty good. There's a lot of lore and fantasy, so it doesn't feel too much like a basic fractured fairy tale. I thought it was great Lesbian representation, but I'm just a cis-het white woman, so what do I know. It does bug me that AlYce and MalIce aren't spelled the same way.

3/5 enchanted rings that put the wearer into an eternal sleep

Misrule by Heather Walter

(SPOILERS FOR MALICE)
(no book cover because I couldn't find a good image of the canadian edition, but just imaging the cover of Malice but with lavender instead of dark purple and you'll get the idea)
Synopsis: 100 years have passed since the events of book 1. Alyce, now called Nimara, rules over the Dark Court in the ruins of the former Briar. All the creatures that were once despised can thrive in the darkness, including Reagan, leader of the Vilas (evil-coded fairies). However, they've been at war with the Fey King this whole time, and the battle is coming to a close. Alyce/Nimara has to manage the war, rule her beloved subjects, and also deal with the fact that Aurora (a human; humans despised all of the creatures that now make up the Dark Court) is still in an endless sleep. What will happen if she wakes up? Has Alyce/Nimara changed too much to have a second chance with her true love?
My thoughts: Justice for Raegan, she did nothing wrong and deserves so much more. Aurora was honestly kind of getting on my nerves, and Alyce/Nimara wasn't that entertaining either. There's also a boy thrown in, and while he doesn't give me the icks or anything I just didn't really like him there. I desperately wish this book had been called Mnimara or Maurora or Mraegan or something. Who cares if it's not a real word; your girl loves a theme.

Rating: 2/5 enchanted staffs that give the Fey King his powers

The Bonus Bracelet:

This is a variation of pattern #105326. I chose the colours to look like a sunset, but someone (you know who you are) told me the colours looked like the lesbian flag but not even the good one. So I'm a bit miffed about that. I also had to do the knots for this one row by row like a dot-matrix printer to prevent it from warping, which made it feel like it was taking forever to complete.

i am, your most faithful blogger, elisa