I wrote this guide for a friend looking to transition to UX design. It made me happy to write, so I'll leave it here for those interested. I did not proofread it and I don't care.

User experience (UX) design, put simply, is the act of forming tangible experiences that cause or assist a user to complete a certain action or feel a certain way.

The keyword here is “tangible experiences”: others can design experiences as well, sure, but it is our sole ability and responsibility to translate them to something tangible; to materialize them in front of a player. We do this by holding the player at the center of our work's universe, considering them and their needs as we form systems and interfaces to guide them to their 'physical' – or emotional – destination.

To create a good user experience is a learned skill, inevitably brimming of trial and error. After all, the nature of this kind of work is to begin by making mistakes. These mistakes are tested, these tests produce results, and these results allow us to distill our creations to the point where they execute our intention as perfectly as possible (because in a space like this, perfection is never achievable).

How do you begin thinking like an experience designer? What is design thinking? Unfortunately, it might be impossible to simply transform you into a designer in the short span of a few paragraphs. Still, I can try to help you take the first step.

This Is Probably How You Will Need to Design

Design Thinking / The Experience Goal

Consider something near you. I will consider the eight ounces of to-go drip coffee next to me that I've half finished in the span of thirty minutes. This cup of coffee is not one, but two cups stacked on top of each other, with a plastic lid on top. The coffee is warm.

Why did the barista give me two cups? You might think the answers to be obvious: one cup would be too thin and could potentially burn me; two cups helps insulate the coffee so that it stays warm longer. And yes, these are the only answers; I have no reason to obscure any more from you. But to think of something and break down why it was made the way it is... that is the first step of design thinking. Then we simply reverse it.

In the design process, we start with an objective, an experience goal. We want a cafe patron to be able to comfortably consume their coffee. Simple enough. From there, we consider our user's demographic and their needs.

Consider the User

The average human is simple. They often fail to think before acting; thus, they have the potential to burn themselves on the coffee. But, they don't want to burn themselves!

The average human is also easily irritated. If something they paid for doesn't work out the way they want, there's a high chance they will get upset. Hot coffee cooling down quickly might make them punch a hole in our thin little plaster walls.

Okay, so we've thought about our customer and assumed some things about them. These are not the only traits of a coffee drinker, of course; we don't know everything! We never know everything. If we are unsure of what we might have missed, we can research to discover more factors in our decision-making. We can place a little survey next to the register of the shop, asking our customers how we can improve their experience. We can make user researchers analyze that data and provide us with design directions to follow, because data analysis is not the meat of our job, and we can then make more improvements that soothe those new qualms of our users.

Subsequently, after research, we make some informed design decisions. What if we lined our hot drinks with an additional cup at minimal cost, to ensure customers don't get hurt and sue the shit out of our dinky little third-wave coffee shop? And hey, that second cup would work well to keep our coffee warm for longer! And why not wrap the cups with a little cardboard sleeve, because Janine-53-years-old-who-buys-a-latte-every-two-days said that cup was too damn hot?

Everything I've said above is hopefully not groundbreaking to you at all. I've used all this dramatic and serious language, and you're probably sitting there thinking, “this girl is full of shit, because all the stuff she's pointing out is blatantly obvious”. And that's right! I'm full of shit. However, what might not be as obvious to you is that most people never consciously consider the reasons why something is the way it is, because good design is invisible design. Good design shouldn't make anyone stop and think (undesirable unless intended), because if so, we've slowed down the user or marred their experience (undesirable unless intended), and that makes both user and designer sad. So, if you're sitting there thinking “this is obvious and I already knew it all”, then that probably means we've achieved our purpose. Probably.

User Flow

So we've decided that two cups would help Janine out, and an additional cardboard sleeve would really help Janine out. How do we get these items into Janine's hands, so that she doesn't complain about the temperature of her coffee?

To begin, we try developing a user flow. This is where you, the designer, detail the chain of actions, choices, and expectations you envision the user to execute – via our design – in order to meet our desired experience goal. Creating a user flow takes time and detail-oriented thinking, because the designer must consider every possible state in the process. Where do we start? What can we assume? What are the causes and effects of decisions? What are our expected failure points and how do we resolve them back into our desired course of action?

An example flow for the solutions to our hot coffee dilemma would look something like this:

When a designer puts a user flow together, the chain of events should not be confusing to any random passerby viewing the flow. The final iteration of a user flow, after any review and feedback, should not generate new, relevant what-ifs, because we should be confident that we are accounting for, to the best of our abilities, every relevant possible state, cause, decision, action, and effect.

The Tangible Translation: Wireframes and Mockups

Time for the fun part: transforming plans into real existence! The coffee allegory becomes kinda irrelevant here: in that situation, the plan would simply be something along the lines of:

• increase the regular order of cups
• train baristas to follow expected user flow
• profit

But in the world of digital user experience, we mainly work with screen interfaces. To start, we look at our design decisions and user flow, and we identify:

• main screens
• subcomponents (widgets, panels, etc.)
• states of said screens and subcomponents.

Once these aspects are laid out (you can write a list of them if that helps!), we get to work, translating and aggregating them into wireframes. Wireframes are low-fidelity visual series of mockups of what users could expect to see and interact with in our games or software. They look something like this:

Panels. Buttons. Text. Tabs. But just that. Wireframes present no consideration of visual style. The size of things in a wireframe is not even final. It is tempting to add some kind of visual treatment, especially if you come from an artistic background, but doing so can impede upon the distinction between wireframe and visual mockup. The designer's sole focus here is to present all information to the viewer and user in a way that is simple and sensible. Make their experience of using the software easy.

Note that though there is no visual style applied, certain items have darker and lighter shades or outlines. It is important for our fellow developers to be able to at least slightly understand the difference between a button, a panel, something interactive, and something not. Of course, you can supplement this visual discernment with captions or notes for those who need to reference your work.

In the wireframing process, you should continue to consider end users, but do not forget another crucial set of users: your development compatriots. Who are you showing this to? An engineer who will implement your work? A designer who isn't familiar with how you might lay things out? Try to build your wireframes in ways that align with how they might use or interpret your work.

I've been mentioning users nonstop here. To put it harshly, we user experience designers are simply... vessels of design. While working, we exist and interact with the world solely for the sake of the user experience. Everyone else's thoughts are our priority – though that does not mean you should not consider your own instincts! You are usually also a demographic of the user base. Still, a good designer will be able to separate their biases from the real needs of their users.

Anyways. States. I have given you three frames here, which are all states of the same parent screen. The frames' relationship here is represented by consistent elements among all the frames and the changes in between them. This is important for understanding how the user flow applies between screens and components. For the viewer's convenience, I usually like to provide a key of those components that might change in between screens, and I tend to label major screen states in large text.

This is about as far as I can take you when it comes to wireframe construction guidelines. The intricacies of visual software are things best explained by the countless YouTube tutorials at your fingertips; I highly recommend turning to those for knowledge on auto-layout and prototyping. Good luck!

Presentation and Feedback

Your wireframes are done and ready to be presented? Time for the feedback gauntlet.

Presenting your work to designers and other stakeholders (be it producers, engineers, or anyone, really) is daunting. In a review meeting, the average designer will link their Figma file, screenshare, and walk through every screen/state/design functionality for the audience to comment on and tear apart. Knowledge of your work and the ability to concisely explain it becomes crucial. Some things to keep in mind:

• Always understand the greater narrative of what you are trying to explain. You can easily and accidentally drift into granular detail, but your stakeholders are trying to understand how the feature works.

• More than often, if not every time: your audience will pose questions or mention things that you didn't expect, or maybe forgot to cover in your designs. If that's the case, try not to view this as a failure on your part; instead, think of it more as a new thing to solve collectively.

  • Remember, everything is WIP until it's approved. (Sometimes you can delegate questions to others based on the context! Sometimes you can also pose an idea on the spot and work it through, then mention you'll add that later.)

• Engineers don't hate you. (this is hard to remember in the moment)

• Butting heads with someone? Their feedback is valid, even if you don't think it is at first glance. As a UX designer, your duty is to listen and try to understand where they're coming from before making further statements. Ask them to explain themselves and focus on their reasoning in response to anything they say that seems outlandish. Maybe they actually see something you don't.

• Leave every feedback meeting with an explicit understanding of what to do next. Make changes? Send links to people? Keep track of it all.

That Was Quick

I have only some confidence that I've covered even the majority of what you might need to know as a designer. I don't know if I can handle writing more. The truth is, you – the new designer – will learn a lot of this the hard way, through trial and error, and by getting burned by your mistakes. That's okay! Making mistakes is normal, as we know by now; it's how you respond to them and change your behavior going forward that counts.

Being a designer is wonderfully rewarding. The moment you see people using and enjoying the thing you made, you remember why you did it all; why you almost cried that one night at your computer, why you shook from sheer caffeine intake the other day as you hastily labeled your work for the review in one hour. This thing was once a scant few thoughts in your head, and now it is everyone else's to admire and hate and laugh at and break and use.

We designers are but simple creatures who only want to make useful, beautiful, delightful things for others to use. We dream to make people's lives easier, to help them have fun, to make them feel. It is easy to forget in the forest of everyday labor why we committed to creative work in the first place... but without this, what else do we have? What could be greater than the joy of creation? Are we anything without that which we love the most?

No. We are not. Now go forth and become a workaholic.

December

This month I read 5 ebooks and 1 eaudiobook and 6 physical books from the Toronto Public Library, totaling to 10 books.

We Solve Murders by Richard Osman

Synopsis: Steve Wheeler’s world is small, but he likes it that way. He has a good routine going; he goes to the pub quiz, he sits on his favourite bench, he does a bit of low-stakes investigative work, and he chats with his daughter-in-law Amy. Amy Wheeler prefers life with a bit more adrenaline. She works for a private security firm, and she’s currently stationed on a private island, protecting the famous author Rosie D’Antonio (she’s not a day over 70). Rosie makes for excellent company, which is good because this job isn’t particularly interesting. That is, until the other security agent assigned to the detail attempts to kill Amy. Suddenly, she’s forced on the run (with Rosie and all of Rosie’s luggage), and it turns out that there’s a trail of bodies that all appear to lead to Amy. And when her boss at the private security firm goes dark, Amy’s forced to turn to the only person she can trust to solve this mystery: her father-in-law Steve.

My thoughts: When I heard that Richard Osman was pivoting away from his Thusday Murder Club series in order to start a new project, I was a little worried. But it turns out I had nothing to worry about. This has the same dry writing style that I adore from The Thursday Murder Club series, and although the characters aren’t quite as charming as a group of seniors, I still loved every minute of it. Readers will know that I’m not a fan of private investigators in crime fiction, but Steve and Amy together were both so competent that it was never an issue for me. It also had a really poignant message about grief, which is part of what makes these novels so much deeper and more enjoyable than your average crime novel. I can’t wait for whatever Osman releases next.

Rating: 5/5 marriage bets that you are waiting to cash in on (for love)

Bad Men by Julie Mae Cohen

Synopsis: Saffy Huntley-Oliver is a socialite with a secret. No, it’s not that she’s having an affair, or that she’s addicted to drugs. It’s that for years, she’s been hunting and killing so-called “bad men;” rapists, abusers, corrupt politicians, and even her own step father (a child molester). And it’s made her pretty cynical about men in general; they all have secrets that make them bad men. Perhaps the only exception to that is Jonathan Desrosiers. He’s a beloved true crime podcaster that covers the cold cases, and his research actually helped solve a murder. Saffy can’t help it; she’s in love. Jonathan’s life is crumbling around him; his wife left him because he only ever focused on the podcast, and the next day a body is left on his doorstep, making him the prime suspect. He’s utterly miserable, but for Saffy, it’s the perfect opportunity. She engineers a couple of meet cutes with him, and suggests that the best way for Jonathan to clear his name is to solve the crime. Reluctantly, he agrees. Will Jonathan finally be able to prove his innocence? And, more importantly, will Saffy finally find the man of her dreams?

My Thoughts: I think this book would have been a disaster if it took itself very seriously. It billed itself as a feminist thriller, but I felt that the feminism was extremely surface level: an upper class white woman killing men that were abusing or harming other women. It wasn’t intersectional, and seemed a bit like a caricature of feminism. However, Saffy’s storyline was very fun and didn’t really take itself seriously, which made it work. It was especially funny to contrast Jonathan (completely stressed out because someone is stalking and poisoning his ex-wife, and he’s the main suspect) and Saffy (suspicious because she thinks that Jonathan is still in love with his ex-wife), but while still giving Saffy a lot of agency and importance even though her stakes were much lower.

Rating: 3/5 latex catsuits that are actually excellent forensic countermeasures

The Outlier by Elisabeth Eaves

Synopsis: Cate Winter is probably the most successful neuroscience ever. She and her team have developed a revolutionary treatment for Alzheimer's Disease, and her biotech company is about to be acquired for millions of dollars. You’d never suspect her darkest secret: that she’s a diagnosed psychopath. After a mysterious fire that killed her family, Cate was sent to the Cleckley Institute, an institution dedicated to the study and rehabilitation of child psychopaths. For Cate, it was a good childhood. She considered Dr M, the institute’s founder, as a surrogate father figure, and as an adult she’s become wildly successful. But Cate was an outlier among her classmates; by age 30, they had all been jailed, killed, or barely managing to earn a living. All except for Cate, and one other student. Armed with the knowledge that she’s not the only outlier, Cate becomes obsessed with finding him. But what happens if she’s finally met her match?

My thoughts: I think this book had an interesting premise, but overall was not very interesting. The other outlier (Hunter) eventually was revealed to be almost cartoonishly villainous. He literally had a tropical lair straight out of a James Bond novel, and his big invention had a water intake pump that doubled as a fish killing machine, which is how he eventually got caught. Hunter didn’t even have any issues with the fish, he just couldn’t be bothered to put in a grate or redesign the intake, or literally anything else.

Rating: 2/5 politicians that are promising to light up the night if they are elected

Emily Wilde’s Map of the Otherlands by Heather Fawcett (Emily Wilde #2)

Synopsis: After the success of her Encyclopaedia of Faeries, Emily Wilde is comfortable at Cambridge University. She’s currently working on her new project, a map-book of the faerie realms, and enjoying life with her co-author (and possible fiance) Wendell Bambleby. However, things might just collapse when her colleague Farris Rose accuses Wendell of violating academic integrity principles during the creation of her encyclopaedia. While it’s true that Wendell is actually a faerie and had indeed committed such violations for other scholarly works, there were absolutely zero violations in the creation of Emily’s encyclopaedia. Rose threatens to reveal his suspicions to Cambridge itself, which would be a disaster for Emily’s career. At the same time, Wendell is under threat. His faerie step-mother has sent assassins after him (and did manage to poison him), and he’s clearly no longer safe at Cambridge. The only solution is for the three of them (plus Emily’s niece Ariadne) to immediately travel to the Austrian alps. That way, Wendell can outrun his assassins, Emily can research her map-book and hopefully find a door to Wendell’s realm to find a cure for this poison, and Rose can supervise everything to make sure there’s no impropriety. But the Austrian Alps are inhospitable at the best of times, and especially during winter, surrounded by malicious folk. Will Emily and her crew survive the winter? And will they manage to rescue an esteemed researcher?

My Thoughts: My controversial opinion is that I don’t really like this series, even though everyone seems to rave about it. I listened to it as an audiobook and I did not like the narrator, but beyond that it just didn’t feel like a great book. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it was definitely lacking something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, and I didn’t find it particularly interesting. I’m also not a huge Emily x Wendell stan, so I wasn’t really impressed by the progression of their relationship in this book. I only read this sequel out of obligation to the first book, but I won’t be reading anything more in this series. I’m also annoyed that the book isn’t called “Emily Wilde’s Atlas of the Otherlands” because she’s working on a book of maps (aka an atlas), and not just a single map. The one thing that I did like was the Danielle de Grey storyline that continued from the previous book. However, the main charm of that storyline was when Emily detailed de Grey’s insane adventures in the footnotes of her diary, and that charm was lost when de Grey became a full character.

Rating: 3/5 tents that blend in perfectly into the surrounding grassy hillsides

The Queen’s Gambit by Walter Tevis

Synopsis: After her parents were killed in a car crash, eight-year-old Beth Harmon was sent to an orphanage. After weeks of observing the janitor play chess, he begrudgingly allowed her to play. It soon became obvious that Beth had more than just a knack for chess; she was one of the best players in Kentucky, if not the whole country. After her adoption, Beth started entering chess tournaments around the country and internationally, eventually supporting her adoptive mother. Throughout the novel, Beth struggles with her addiction to tranquilizers (which was caused by the orphanage staff intentionally drugging all of their charges), and her inability to connect with anyone or anything that is not chess.

My thoughts: I’ll be honest, this was not the kind of book that I like. I only read it because I was looking for a book to satisfy the last category for the 2024 TPL Reading Challenge (A book about games), and because I was getting served a lot of short-form video content about The Queen’s Gambit Netflix show (I’ve never seen it, but I figured if the show was so popular, it couldn’t be that bad). My advice to readers: don’t ever do that! As soon as I started reading it I knew it wasn’t for me, but it was too late to back out. I don’t think that I can declare it to be a bad book, but it was just not enjoyable to read. The whole tone of the book is incredibly dour and grey, and all of the characters’ interactions are mechanical (instead of emotional).

Rating: 2/5 Heists of the century (breaking into the orphanage head office and stealing 200 tranquilizer pills)

Full Speed to a Crash Landing by Beth Revis (Chaotic Orbits #1)

Synopsis: Ada Lamarr is out of options. Her spaceship has a massive hole in the side, and her oxygen tank is rapidly running dry. Unfortunately, her only hope of rescue is a government-run salvage ship, who are very reluctant to have her on board. They’re here on a classified mission to recover some high-value objects, and they certainly don’t want a loose cannon and illegal salvager like Ada to interfere with things. And Ada is fine with that. She’s more than happy to enjoy the abundant rations and luxurious (in comparison) accommodations on board, and to flirt shamelessly with Rian White, the government-representative in charge of the mission. But Ada and Rian each have secrets to hide, and it remains to be seen who is really manipulating whom.

My Thoughts: This was a short but fun sci fi novella. Readers will know that I’ve been hankering for a science fiction book that’s about science and spaceships (and not a fantasy or a war epic), and this really scratched the itch for me. I thought there was enough meat to the story that the author could have extended it into a full novel, so I’m glad that a sequel novella has been released. My most major complaint was that the name of the main character felt too obvious of a reference to two famous women in computer science (Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr). They both definitely deserve to be memorialized, but it just felt like I was being smacked in the face (especially because it stuck out compared to all of the other character names).

Rating: 4/5 notoriously reliable jetpack booster engines that just happened to fritz out when you were at the bottom of a tall, tall cliff

The Power by Naomi Alderman

Synopsis: This work of narrative nonfiction attempts to chronicle the initial discovery and effects of the ritual power: the ability for women (first teenage girls, and then spreading to older women) to generate electrical shocks from their bodies. It follows four major figures; Roxy, the daughter of a gangster who takes over her father’s empire; Allie, who runs away from her abusive foster parents and accidentally starts a cult; and Margo, mayor of an American city who slowly rises through the ranks. The fourth character is the only man: Tunde, a Nigerian journalist who allegedly recorded accounts of women’s rises to power around the world (it is common knowledge that Tunde’s body of work was actually written and published by his friend and coworker Nina). It is an engaging but ultimately implausible version of events.

My thoughts: I tried to write my synopsis in the style of the prologue and epilogue of the book, which consists of Neil proposing his book concept to Naomi. After reading, Naomi comments that the book is “cute but unrealistic” for depicting a patriarchal society, and suggests that Neil publish under a woman’s name so that he is taken more seriously. In reality, I think this is a great book that is worth the hype, and it explores the concept of rape culture and the overall patriarchy by flipping the script and giving women the power to painfully shock anyone. I loved the alternate history aspect of it, and it reminds me how much I like epistolary-style books, where you have to figure out what’s going on from the letters, reports, and other messages exchanged between characters. I thought that Alderman pulled off the concept really well. In the moment, I was irrationally disappointed that the female characters were complex and often immoral, but I definitely think the book is better for it. A small detail that I really appreciated was that the tissues that generate the electricity in women are called Skeins (which is the name for a bundle of yarn or string, and fibre arts are often portrayed as women’s work).

4/5 packs of glitter smuggled through Eastern Europe on order to support the troops

Chosen Ones by Veronica Roth

Synopsis: Sloane, Matt, Ines, Albie, and Esther were the chosen ones. As teenagers, they used a collection of folklore artifacts and uncontrollable powers to save North America from the catastrophic disasters wrought by the Dark One. But that was 10 years ago. Now, they all cope in different ways, but none of them are really doing well. At the 10th Anniversary ceremony commemorating the defeat of the Dark One, Sloane, Matt and Esther are captured. They wake up in an alternate dimension of Earth. In this universe, magic is everywhere, but so are threats. The Dark One is still active, and the leadership of this alternate Earth have a proposal: if Matt, Sloane, and Esther defeat the Dark One for good, then they can go back to their Earth. Esther and Matt agree, but Sloane is unable to master the magic. More than that, she’s tired of being used.

My thoughts: I thought that this was a cool concept for a book, and the first two thirds were done very well. However, Roth really lost the plot for the last third of the book. I thought it was absolutely insane that the main villain’s justification for constantly destroying the world was because he was immortal and wanted to die. Besides being insane, she didn’t really flesh out the main villain enough, but rather dropped everything in at the end. I’m also bothered that she completely sidelined Ines’s character. Why bother writing in 5 teenagers who saved the world if you’re only ever going to discuss four of them?

Rating: 4/5 origami paper cranes from a deceased loved one that weren’t necessarily acquired legally

A Holly Jolly Diwali by Sonia Lalli

Synopsis: Niki Randhawa has always made the practical choice, especially because her sister Jasmine was always the wild card who was breaking their parent’s heart. But being practical isn’t easy; in order to build her career in data analytics she’s been worked to the bone, with no time to make friends or visit relatives in India. But when she suddenly gets laid off from her job, it forces her to make other plans. So, she flies to India to attend her best friend Diya’s wedding. While there, she meets a very interesting guy, Sam, and starts getting in touch with her Indian roots. But Niki and Sam live oceans apart. Could they ever make it work?

My thoughts: This was a pretty standard romance novel, and I wouldn’t say that any part of it stood out to me. I was specifically hoping that this book would be an alternative to the huge influx of Christmas novels, since it was a book about Diwali, but Diwali was barely in the book at all (despite the title). I understand that it made sense for Niki not to know a lot about the history of Diwali and thus have to ask around about its significance (especially for Sikhs), but it felt like way too much telling and not enough showing.

Rating: 3/5 group honeymoons to the most gorgeous beaches you’ve ever seen

The Matzah Ball by Jean Meltzer

Synopsis: Rachel Rubenstein-Goldblatt has two big secrets. Firstly, she has myalgic encephalomyelitis, aka chronic fatigue syndrome. And secondly, she (a good Jewish daughter) has made a career of writing Christmas Romance novels. What can you do? The girl just loves Christmas. But when she meets with her publishers, she’s handed a major problem: they don’t want any more Christmas novels. What they do want is a Hanukkah novel, but Rachel hates Hanukkah. Well, she doesn’t hate it, but it just doesn’t have the same magic and charm of Christmas. So the only way that she’ll ever get inspired to write her next novel (and keep her job) is if she can get tickets to the hottest Hanukkah event in New York: the Matzah Ball. She even has an in with the event planner (Jacob Greenberg), because they went to Jewish summer camp together (we’ll skip over the part where he broke her heart). But the only tickets left are for volunteers, meaning that Rachel will have to work for 7 days in order to earn her place at the ball. Will she be able to balance her chronic illness with her assignment? And how can she deal with her unrequited feelings for Jacob after all these years?

My thoughts: I’ve previously read another Jewish romance by this author (Kissing Kosher), and I have to say that I didn’t like The Matzah Ball as much. I wish that Rachel’s CFS had been more of a focal point for the book. In Kissing Kosher, the main character didn’t cure her chronic illness, but she learned how to cope a lot better, and that’s what I was hoping to see again. This time, the chronic illness was not nearly as prominent, and I think the book was a bit less interesting for it. Also, I hated how much Rachel was obsessed with Christmas. The scene where she spent $60 (that she can’t afford) to visit a mall Santa Claus for a makeshift therapy session (that the mall Santa despises), made me almost stop reading the book.

Rating: 3/5 giant menorahs that were delivered with much assembly required

Thyme Travellers: An Anthology of Palestinian Speculative Fiction, edited by Sonia Sulaiman

Synopsis: This is a collection of 14 short stories written by authors from across the Palestinian diaspora. It includes stories about two women digging a tunnel from Australia to Palestine, a father and son in Ottawa who struggle to communicate with each other without the help of AI scripts, an outcast grandson struggles what to do with his grandmother’s memory chips, and more.

My thoughts: I thought this was a great collection, with a really wide variety of stories, both in style and in content. Some were extremely metaphorical, while others were much more concrete; some were set in the present or near present, others were in the very far future or even alternate realities, etc, and I appreciated the variety. It’s also interesting to note that the head editor started this project several years before the war in Gaza began, and the conclusion of the book includes a few calls to action for the readers to take (they primarily involve sharing and uplifting Palestinian voices). Rating: 3/5 alternate realities, where you either stayed with the love of your life, or you married your husband

Lavash at First Sight by Taleen Voskuni

Synopsis: Nazeli “Ellie” Gregorian is so busy with her tech sector marketing job that she barely has time for her lackluster boyfriend, let alone her family's business, Hagop’s Fine Armenian Foods. So when he dumps her, it doesn’t hurt too much. The real issue is that her parents have asked Nazeli to come with them to PakCon, a national food packaging conference in Chicago at the same time as her job is demanding her to be available 24/7 to work on an incredibly important project. The truth is that Hagop’s Fine Armenian Foods is struggling, and this conference could be their last shot at rescuing the business. But there’s a once in a lifetime opportunity: PakCon is hosting a game-show style competition, and the winning business will get an ad spot at the Super Bowl. Nazeli is determined to win, even when she meets the gorgeous Vanya, who just so happens to be at PakCon with her own Armenian food family business, and therefore becomes her biggest competitor. Will Nazeli be able to juggle the expectations of her job, her parents, and the cute girl at the next booth? Or will it all come crashing down?

My thoughts: I thought this was a pretty decent romance book. I read Sorry, Bro (see my July 2023 roundup) by the same author, and this was definitely done in a similar vein, just with the added layer of a cooking competition. I was a little bit annoyed that I saw the third act conflict coming from a mile away (what else could possibly happen when there are cameras everywhere and Nazeli has eaten Vanya’s family’s food before and disliked it, while simultaneous pretending to Vanya that she’s never tried it before??). However, I liked the added layers of Nazeli trying to please her parents (who weren’t caricatures), and the complicated dynamic between her family and Vanya’s family.

Rating: 3/5 hot-ones style competitions with hot sauce so spicy it might kill your father (or your crush’s father).

I listened to a good chunk of music this year. Heres a quick little blurb about the albums, what I rated them, and what genre they are, alongside a couple of songs I liked from each one. This is limited to albums released this year, but in my life I did a lot of listening to older albums too, which made me take breaks in listening to new albums here and there.

My rating scale more or less looks like this:

0 – really bad: Approximately no redeeming qualities. 1 – not good: Overall an album I did not like. 2 – neutral: Completely fine, more or less inoffensive for the entire listen. Background music tier. 3 – has some songs I like: Most of the album is bad to inoffensive, but there are some great songs in there too. 4 – has a good chunk of songs I like: A solid amount of this music is stuff I like, there might be a couple of bad songs and more inoffensive songs, but at this point I would start saying the album was good. 5 – I like most of it: Broadly speaking this is where we get into albums that are full of great songs. It has its flaws for me, but there's a lot of good here. 6 – I like just about all of it: Just about every single song on here is great, though maybe there's some thematic inconsistencies, parts that are outdone by other parts, or something like that. This can also often mean this is as good as an album can be for what it is. A generic sounding trap album without much in terms of deeper themes can land here if every song is just great, despite the album lacking that something more to elevate it. 7 – I really like all of it: just a fantastic album from start to back. 8 – Everything here is compelling: Creative, exciting, interesting, complex, compelling. The best of the best, the type of shit I'd put on a satellite to send our best to the aliens.

SOTY: Song of the year, but really just a marker for some of the absolute best songs I listened to this year

Naturally it's my opinion, and my mood at the time of listening almost certainly has some impact. If something scores higher I'm more likely to know more about the album as I've likely listened to it more. Not only because I enjoy it more, thus making me more likely to listen to it, but also, I care to rate it more accurately when it's an album I respect. An album I don't respect isn't getting much listening time, and an album think has mostly bad songs I can just chuck in one of the two bad categories based on just how terrible it seemed in the moment. This didn't happen much last year, and no albums got a 0.

Note: One thing that absolutely kills me is when guys hate on female rappers by default, and its everywhere. The amount of guys I know that just happen to have every least favourite song on every album be one where a woman has a feature and hates on the woman in question without actually listening to any albums drives me insane. I have included a tag for Women in hip hop, which is the type of thing I usually wouldn't do, letting my reviews stand for themselves, but knowing the sheer amount of misogyny in rap and rap fans, I figure it's good to throw something out there. That being said, it has been a very interesting time for women in hip hop, because it seems like women make up the vast majority of new rap stars these days. The 2010s era has left a ton of men as the biggest selling acts, but since then, very few men have been able to come up in the same way. In their place, there are many women getting a ton of play. It's something I've been keeping an eye on as I broadly see the zeitgeist moving from rap to country. Also, more discourse these days seems to shut down men who don't like the female rappers pretty quickly. Maybe it's the world changing, or maybe it's just young fans of hip hop growing up. I sure as hell don't know, but I'm glad to finally see it.

Also note: I didn't proofread this at all.

My Story Got Stories – Bruiser Wolf: 4 (with love)

Old School hip hop / Rap

I first heard of Bruiser Wold through YBP from Danny Brown's album Quaranta. Bruiser completely captured my attention with his very specific modern yet somehow very old school hip hop flow, with one of my favourite lines “It's hard to fit in to the murder mitten like OJ's glove”. I heard his album was releasing soon, and put it in my calendar to check out as soon as possible. This album was a ton of fun, and even had me laughing out loud more than a couple times. Bruiser Wolf raps with so much energy, his delivery is constantly exciting, and the amount of quips and jokes through this album made it an absolute blast to listen to. I went to see a performance live, and it elevated the experience with how good a performer he is. He falls into my favourite category of rap these days which is old rappers who decided to have fun or do something interesting with their experience instead of falling off and getting angry.

Dope Boy

2 Bad

Silence is Loud – NIA Archives: 5

Jungle / Drum & Bass

This is another one I was really excited for. I found NIA Archive after looking for new jungle music visiting the hospital one day, and holy there's a lot of good music in here despite her being such a young artist. The music is fun, interesting, fast paced yet smooth, and really puts me in a good place. I also went to see this concert live and it was my first experience with dancing in maybe 10 years, which was fun. I loved this album and listened to it a ton, and it's still a go-to if I get the aux and want to play music no-one will recognize.

Cards On The Table SOTY

Forbidden Feelingz SOTY

American Dream – 21 Savage: 3

Trap / Rap

21 Savage is back with another album after Her Loss which was a collab album with drake. 21 has fallen into what I generally have as the peak of hip hop sales, blowing up in the mid 2010s and having major commercial success. It seems that the rappers around this time, including Drake, Future, Kendrick, Cole, Young Thug, Gunna, and Carti are the main hip hop artists who seem to be able to drive sales no matter what they do. Unfortunately for many of these artists, that has led to just doing the same thing with the same sound, just rehashing some slang and switching things up just enough to be different. 21 was interesting because despite being probably one of the most boring rappers, he kept evolving and switching up the scope and sound of his production just enough to keep him actually as one of the most interesting prospects. Unfortunately, I consider this album to be one of his 2 mis-steps into just doing something extremely basic for an album. It isn't bad, but most of it is just fairly background spare a few real highlights.

Redrum

Blue Lips – ScHoolboy Q: 5

Grimy / Rap

Schoolboy Q was a major name when Kendrick was blowing up alongside everyone in their label, Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE). He had some absolutely incredible, creative, and grimy music that I would comfortably say belongs in a list of all time classics. He decided to make a change and do some more personal music, but unfortunately ended up making an album in 2019 called Crash Talk that was very bland, and despite a few highlights, I thought fell completely flat, after which he disappeared for a long time. This album is an incredible return to form, where while it may not reach the all time music highs of Blank Face or Oxymoron, blends more creative music sounds, more grimy beats and flows, yet still retains more of the personal reality that I think he was trying to go for in Crash Talk.

Blueslides

Back n Love

Everybody Can't Go – Benny The Butcher: 3

Griselda / Rap

Benny The Butcher of Griselda was generally seen as the best and most hype more mainstream sounding of the group. It seems that with this album, there was a bigger rollout, different features from usual, and a big push to make it a more commercial breakout record. It was a solid enough album, but the lead single pushed the most was also one of my least enjoyed from the album and constantly shoved into my recommendations, which didn't help. That being said, it still had some solid highlights and Benny, while releasing something not as great as previous collab albums like, he still put out something solid enough.

Jermanie's Graduation

Big Dog

No Quarter – Vino La Mano: 4

Griselda / Rap

This is a guy signed to Benny The Butcher's label who Benny has helped platform. While the album doesn't vary too much in sound or fully distinguish itself sonically, it is just really good and consistently so.

238 on Cal

All My Heart

We Don't Trust You – Future, Metro Boomin: 3

Trap / Rap

This album is a collab album between Future and Metro Boomin, which broadly means that it will sound good in the club, but generally not be for those searching for depth. The most notable part of this album for me was kicking off the Kendrick v Drake been with 'Like That', even if I think Kendrick doesn't even sound that great on it. The album doesn't really do that much to stand out, though Future and Metro being club hits guys were bound to make big club hits. Special shoutout to them both looking uncomfortable as hell posing on the album cover.

Type Shit

Like That

We Still Don't Trust You – Future, Metro Boomon: 3

Trap / Rap

Back to back huh, I have to listen to another pile of mainstream trap rap. Same things apply, it's all fine, but rarely stands out enough to really engage me. I did like this one more on release, but on re-listens it ended up coming around to about the same. Music I can put on in the background and the bass will sound good enough.

SFK – Conway The Machine: 2

Griselda / Rap

Oh Conway. This guy has easily the best and most intense raps of anyone on Griselda, but this one just didn't land at all for me. It seems that without doing collab albums with proficient producers, he really tends to underdo his beats. It is probably intended to give his lyrics more space, but I think he's better when he just has something that sounds better. It seems as he shifted away from straight rapping towards trying to make a label, his artists haven't thrived and neither has he. I'm hoping his next albums he can capture more of that lyrical charm he has had up to this point, because I felt like while this wasnt really bad, hearing one of the best rappers drop an album of bars that didn't land with beats that didn't stand out is tough.

Ninja Man

Please Don’t Cry – Rapsody: 5

Women in hip hop / Rap

Rapsody seems to carve herself out of this space, being a respected rapper's rapper, but at the same time, it does seem to carve her out of the mainstream. Laylas Wisdom had some immaculate highs, Eve was a good followup focused on female inspirations. This one turns to a more personal attempt, with the overarching story line of a therapy session, which seems to be becoming a common trend, but Rapsody is able to really navigate it with incredible rapping and personal storytelling. I know some people were not very into some of the more commercial angled hits, but I think they're fine, and it makes sense given her position in the industry.

Marlanna

Faith

RICHAXXHATIAN – Mach-Hommy: 8

AOTY / Rap

Well holy shit is this ever a step up. I have never heard beats like this before. I have never hear rapping like this before, and I've listened to like 6 Mach-Hommy albums. He was already an artist I loved, and I would chuck this into one of the greatest albums of all time territory. The lyrical chops in this are insane, and you have to pay attention because there are no published lyrics anywhere. I still find new things in this album and I've been listening to it since it came out. The production is also so different from just about anything out there, really taking on its own creative space blending styles of a few of my favourite producers to create something that is more than the sum of its parts. It is a hard listen because spare one song, it really isn't commercially viable at all, but god is it so worth it to get into. Watching some people talk about this has even changed much of my life philosophy, learning about Edouard Glissant and the right to opacity, saying that other cultures don't need to be understood or measured by colonial nations who will measure them in colonial ways and harm them (here I am giving it a rating), and similarly, you may wish for certain things not to be perceived, or only be perceived on your terms. Mach obscured his lyrics and identity, and I find it to be something that I respect and absolutely love about him. This album still gets frequent front to back listens from me, and I still love every single song.

#RICHAXXHATIAN SOTY

SUR LE PONT d'AVIGNON SOTY

Note: Almost every song on here I could probably put somewhere around SOTY

Marciology – Roc Marciano: 7

Coke Rap

Roc Marciano is an artist I truly respect for having his own style of rapping and his own style of production, and rapping over his own production. The benefit of this is it creates an incredibly distinct sound and style, but the downside is that it can get kind of same-y sometimes. When that happens, it really is just up to the straight quality to shine. This is probably the best work he has put out, and the quality really does shine. When I listened to this I really felt like I might be seeing an artist I already love hit their peak, and I hope he can maintain this or evolve in the future. I even bought a ticket off of Nana to go see it, but after some confusion and me accidentally seeming like I was trying to scam him, we decided to do something else instead.

Gold Crossbow

Killin Spree

Samurai – Lupe Fiasco: 6

Lyrical Rap

Lupe these days has been in the game for quite a while, and while not and old old head through his keeping it fresh, he's hit a definite older rap unc status. He has taken probably the best path from being a superstar to creating some insane creative highs, and now a lot of his rap is a lyrical exercise, all stages interesting. He is really aging gracefully and thriving in a lane that he defines for himself. This album is inspired by Amy Winehouse, and much of the lyrics draw symmetries between his life and career and Amy's, or Amy becoming a battle rapper. It really is creative, fun, and done delicately so to not be insensitive to the legacy of Amy Winehouse as many others could have easily done if attempting to do the same. It is a pretty easy listen, can be very engaging if you focus on the lyrics, and all around pleasure to listen to.

Samurai

Cake

Why Lawd? – Nx Worries: 5

RNB / Hip Hop

This is a collab between PAAK and Knxwledge, PAAK being huge and Knxwledge being a respected yet not massive producer who has an undeniable finesse to the samples and sound he uses. My expectations for this was a very nicely sampled sexy album, and that is what I got. Despite the amazing samples and undeniable synergy between the duo, I can't help but feel like it either needed to be just a bit shorter or a bit more sonically varied to keep it more interesting over the entire run time in the album. The songs are great, but there were times where I barely noticed that songs had changed, not in a creative transition way, but in a too many songs sounding too close kind of way.

MoveOn

Battlefield

King Of The Mischievous South Vol. 2 – Denzel Curry: 6

Southern Rap / Memphis Rap

Denzel Curry has really made a name for himself in being hard hitting, creative, and incredibly consistent. I remember after our house flooded, finally getting the sound system set back up, seeing this release, and getting instantly hit with banger after banger for all the work I'd completed. It was a great reward. Despite being an album of hard hitting bangers in a very mixtape-y way, there was definitely a charm and creativity that went into every one, with enough variation in samples and musicality to really distinguish the songs. Another great album in the long list of great albums from Denzel, and I'm excited to see where he goes next.

ULTRA SHXT

HOT ONE

Songs For Saints and Sinners – Killer Mike: 4

Southern Rap

Killer Mike returns after my last billion word music themed article where I did a whole background on my listening to music bringing me up to him dropping landlord bars. This seems like it's just a re-up, adding more to some of the songs on his last album, and having some new tracks. I've warmed up again to Mike after the landlord bars because the music was great and I'm a life enjoyer, but I'm still suspicious. Not bad, but it doesn't really have great legs as a standalone project. The highs are, still, insanely high in terms of flow, lyrics, and production.

Nobody Knows

SLUMMER 4 JUNKIES

Johann Sebastian Bachlava The Doctor – Action Bronson: 5

Goofy Ah White Boy / Rap

Action Bronson is always a funny character, and he seems to return to an old form for this album, with tracks that sound much closer to a fan favourite Mr Wonderful than his recent string of animal themed projects, one of which I loved, but one of which I thought just had some very high highlights. This is much more consistent with some incredible highs. Though he does seem to reuse some lyrics across songs, he is still incredibly charismatic, funny, and the production is just fantastic.

SALVAJE

DOCTOR SOTY

Across The Tracks – Boldy James, Conductor Williams: 6

Coke Rap

Boldy James is absolutely one of my favourites, dropping album after album I love for years at a rate unlike anyone else I know. Sure, the topics are always almost exactly the same. Sure, Boldy manages to never manage to hit more than a single note with his extremely detached sounding voice. Somehow, he still manages to come through with such creative stories and wordplay, doing collab albums with some of the best producers in the game to deliver a project that is way ahead of most, in my opinion. He still puts his son on for a mediocre verse though.

Terms and Conditions

St Juliana SOTY

The Death of Slim Shady – Eminem: 1

Rap, Old Coot, Fell off, edgy 50 year old

Eminem needs to figure his life out or just shut up already. In one interview he said all he does is sit and watch the news. We can tell. Go outside. I love old rappers who have something to say and appreciate the world around them and spit their wisdom and experience, yet this fucker who used to be so good is easily one of the worst rappers in the game right now. The beats are a bit better but fuck man it's not enough. Just listen to the JID verse that opens this song and turn it off when JID is done. Opening a song with “Fuck blind people” was kind of funny though.

FUEL

Antichrist Worst song of the year contender, and I will drop the lyrics of the first verse in a code block just to drive it home

Oh, shit, fuck  
Fuckin' PC police  
Fuck

Gen Z, here they come now (now), 'bout to unload rounds (brrt)  
Pronouns (shit), got me like, "Whoa now" (whoa)  
Homie, let's slow down (chill), no need to get so wound (man)  
Ready to throw down (yo), if I mispronounce (thee, them)  
Whoops (sorry), oh wow  
Got heterosexuals crammin' 'em down our throats now (he, she, they, them)  
Like I'm gettin' snow-plowed, my humor's too low-brow (yup)  
Yeah, so there's no doubt (nope), you 'bout to get grossed out (ugh)

But fuck it though, somebody needs to come and hit the reset button  
Back to 2003 'cause how did we get stuck in  
This woke BS? I'm tryna make it regress, fuck 'em

Just RE'd Up 3 – YG: 2

West Coast / 2000s

YG returns to his roots after a string of albums not getting the critical acclaim he once had. It sounds fairly well like his earlier mixtapes, but that style is kind of dated, and it is clear that his lyrical content sits somewhere between not evolving to devolving from his 2014-2016 My Krazy Life and Still Brazy highs.

Right Now

Summertime Butch – Benny The Butcher & Black Soprano Family: 5

Griselda / Rap

Benny The Butcher again, this time with in my opinion a little less aim for commercial success, which seems to help him with his creative choices on hooks and production. His rapping is solid, his coke bars land a little bit more again, and all around, I had a much better experience.

Summer '24

The Blue Building

brat – Charli xcx: 7

Hyperpop / EDM

I don't know as much pop as I do hip hop, so I can't talk so much about Charli's story on the way here. I wrote a review about this album with a lower score, but this list is mine and thus fairly dynamic as I go, and the quality of this album is not only unreal, but I found more in some of the tracks I wasn't as big a fan of, including going through like a third SOPHIE phase from listening to 'So I'. I still don't care for 'talk talk' or 'club classics' much, but I think it's pretty undeniable after listening to this album daily for months that it is just that good. Hard hitting, personal, fun, and just an adventure and experience to listen to.

B2b SOTY

365

Note: There are many songs here that I could have as SOTY contenders

No Hands – Joey Valence and Brae: 4 (with love)

Goody Ah White Boy / Alt Hip Hop

This one caught me off guard. I wasn't listening to too much music at the time and wanted to listen to something different, clicked on a Fantano great music, saw this, and ended up finding a rather refreshing listening experience. Packed with high energy bangers from guys that seem to just like having fun, what can I say, I had a lot of fun. It comes in, is fun, then goes. Funny punch lines, fun beats, and just enough creativity to stand out. I think it could have been slightly shorter, maybe leaving a few songs for a short re-up to keep the runtime a bit more concise and fresh, but who's to really complain about something fun. Super excited to see where these fellas go next.

BUSSIT

NO HANDS

Short n' Sweet – Sabrina Carpenter: 4

Pop

Sabrina Carpenter was really everywhere, she had a big year. I listened to the album and enjoyed it, every song was broadly really good, but I still ahve trouble telling you what half of them were. I feel like it was a little too same-y, but if this is what you want, it's probably really fucking good. For me, I felt I could just pick out my favourite 2 or 3 and readily ignore most of the rest without worrying about missing too much. Still, and enjoyable listen with some great catchy songs.

Taste

Espresso

GLORIOUS – GloRilla: 5

Memphis Rap / Women in hip hop

It was pretty undeniably Glorilla's year, she was on like a 2Chains 2012 type run where she has been everywhere putting out really high quality music and features left and right. This album is packed with bangers, attitude, songs for the girlies, and overall just great music from the south. I think I've written before that the south usually symbolizes a bunch of things not that I hate, but that I would generally find less appealing than other styles through lyrical and production choices, but the south has really been on top. GLO has been doing this exact thing, but it's been super exciting the whole time. I have found so much great music through following her features, and she's good enough that she might be able to evolve and put out more projects with some creative evolution, though only time will tell. Can't wait to hear more from her.

WATCHU KNO ABOUT ME SOTY

I LUV HER

Chromakopia – Tyler, The Creator: 5

Artsy Hip Hop

Tyler has had a very interesting career evolution and this is a new spin. His last album, Call Me If You Get Lost, was a return to rapping inspired by Westside Gunn after the one before, a very artsy Igor, which could hardly be called a rap album at all. I don't know how I can really box Tyler into genres, and I broadly like that about him. He's on his creative journey, and he's clearly very talented and creative. This new album seems to blend much of the artistic styling from Igor and blend it with the harder rapping, while bringing a new sound forward. I think it's a good album, and I think it has some really touching stories, and yes, that includes 'Judge Judy'. What I do find with the album is that it sometimes strikes me as being sonically in-between. At certain moments, hard hitting stuff seems to hold back to maintain the artsiness, and the artsiness seems to hold back a bit to accommodate the harder stuff. An example of this is that the emotional peaks are often immediately followed by a bar flexing. This might be a deliberate creative choice, deliberately putting up a wall at those intimate moments, but it still does do exactly that. Additionally, when Igor dropped I really felt like Tyler was the best music possible for someone going through a high school break-up, which I personally just didn't care for thematically. This album does deal with similar themes but does also deal with more hard hitting angles of it, like exes / flings dying. Maybe this slowly does indicate him moving towards a new phase. I think this album is good enough to put Tyler in a spot of being one of the most consistent and interesting musicians we have right now.

Rah Tah Tah

Tomorrow

Megan Act 2 – Megan Thee Stallion: 5

Note: This stands as a total review for both acts, I don't care to put the effort in to separate them

Southern Rap / Women in hip hop

I have really enjoyed Megan's music for quite a long time, first discovering her when she dropped 'Realer' in the lead-up to Fever, and that song stayed on repeat for a long time. She has continued to be a great rapper, and now seems to be in an era where shes starting to just go and do what she wants, with more releases coming as collabs with RM from South Korea, Spiritbox for a rap metal song, and using samples like 'Like a G6' for 'Like a Freak' and 'Goodies' by Ciara for 'Roc Steady'. It makes for an interesting and varied selection still based on her usual hard hitting raps that I know and love her for. I had a lot of fun with this album, and for being the length it is (because it is just 2 albums), I stayed way more entertained for the runtime than I expected.

Roc Steady

TYG

Alligator Bites Never Heal: Doechii: 4

Women in hip hop / Alt Rap

Doechii is interesting because all I know is that she apparently was a kind of tik tok / social media rapper, but I'm not plugged into that scene enough to know anything about it. All I know is that this is her breakout album and it's really impressive. I can see some of the roots in that I do find some of the songs to be a little sound-bitey and quirky, but still, her rapping is on point, it is fun, creative, and has the energy and confidence of someone that knows what they're doing. My only complaint is that through some of the quirkiness I find when I listen to one song I love it, but the album as a whole feels like it comes out as being a bit less than the sum of all its parts. She's still early in her career, though, and has a lot of time and clearly more than enough talent and creativity to evolve in whatever way she decides.

STANKA POOH

NISSAN ALTIMA

You Only Live 1nce – Freddie Gibbs: 4

Coke Rap

Freddie has had an interesting journey to get where he is, having multiple absolutely incredibly collab albums through Pinata, Alfredo, and Bandana. From here, he signed a label deal to expand on his image and started working with groups of producers, but it seems that when he gets to pick his own production, similar to Benny The Butcher, the result comes out as far less interesting. Soul Sold Separately still had some incredible peaks through songs like 'Dark Hearted' that just cut through to the soul as good as any coke rap song can, so I was interested in seeing what he would do with another album in the same vein, which came as a surprise drop. This one came out, named as a followup to his 2017 album You Only Live 2wice and was thematically overall very similar to Soul Sold Separately , but seemed to just miss out on the amount of highs. Freddie is still an incredible rapper and explores a lot of personal discovery and his interactions with fame, but he could have surely used some more interesting production to make the project as a while shine more.

Origami

On The Set

Soul Burger – Ab-Soul: 2

Hip Hop / Rap

I can't lie to you, I have listened to this album 3 times, and I always like it until I realize I can't remember a thing about it. Being anti-memetic surely isn't a good sign for an album, especially with its producer and feature list, but I at least know it has one song that has the same sample as 'How Much a Dollar Cost' by Kendrick Lamar (They are both from Top Dawg Entertainment) that is a really good listen.

Righteous Man

Still Praying – Westside Gunn: 6

Griselda / Coke Rap

Westside Gunn back at it again, one of the main 3 Griselda members and probably the one with the best connections and ear for beats, which he uses to his advantage by making albums that sound bright and luxurious, and he generally packs them with features to make up for some of his inconsistent rapping. This album does put him more center, but it is him doing what he does at his best. The beats are interesting, he raps well, and puts together a project that maintains being interesting the entire time. DJ Drama can shut up on all these album but I've gotten better at tuning it out.

Runway Pieces at the Last Supper

Still Praying <– Griselda Posse Cut

300 Worms – JAEGER: 4

IDK the genre mang

This was a fun one because despite having a solid handful of friends release music, this might be the most complete feeling album release. It's incredibly angsty and muddy, but hits a really nice spot and keeps its quality throughout the entire album. This was a really refreshing switchup and got me out of a rut where I was getting sick of listening to new albums for a bit, which was also a nice feeling. Seeing it live twice, it really changes the effect of listening to it, it gives the atmosphere much more air and lets you physically feel the music. For digital listening, I tend to like the songs that have more higher pitched melody.

300 Worms

Gut

GNX – Kendrick Lamar: 5

West Coast Hip Hop / Rap

Kendrick Lamar is back after the Drake Beef with a new surprise drop. Hearing the snippet at the start of the 'Not Like Us' music video had me really excited for a really west coast banger Kendrick album, because god that hook was stuck in my head. A song leaked (likely released to generate hype because samples couldn't clear or something) called 'Let The Party Die' and it was also incredible. The album came out and naturally took the world by storm. The album for me is a near perfect split down the middle between tracks that are absolutely incredible and tracks that left me wanting more for one reason or another, but we got some real west coast bangers from Kendrick which is an absolute blast. To me, the album feels much like a mixtape of Kendrick exploring west coast music, with 'Reincarnated' being a 2Pac song in flow and production and Hey Now being a clear Drakeo The Ruler type song. I think a lot of my opinion on this album will be dictated by how long it takes for him to drop another. This is an insane mixtape to tide fans over for another release, but if it is a full album that will take years to follow up on, I think I can say it was an inconsistent album.

Heart Part 6 SOTY

Reincarnated SOTY

The Bricktionary – Boldy James, Harry Fraud: 4

Coke Rap

Boldy back at it again, this time with an album that I didn't exactly feel at first. Part of the magic of Boldy is that he has these bright and elegant beats that contrast with his extremely low-key delivery, yet match his storytelling. This is an album that plays things slower, which can really make things seem like they slow to a crawl. Match that with how Harry Fraud is more trap inspired and can be inconsistent, and I was worried going in. Eventually hit it with a more out loud sound system and really got into it. Despite the slower pace, the beats are luxurious though a bit darker than usual, and spare a couple songs where Boldy seems like he's half asleep, it's another great joint.

Pressin' My Bunk

Fish Grease

Access All Areas – FLO: 6

Pop

I don't dive into pop much, but discovered this one because it had a Glorilla feature and decided to give it a spin. I got really into this one through the whole listen. These songs are slick, sexy, catchy and punchy in a way that got almost all of these songs stuck in my head at one point or another. I think some of the more hip hop inspired verses could use a little more work, and I'd say there are a couple songs where I would have made them bonus tracks or something to keep the specific feel of the album consistent through the entire record.

Walk Like This

Caught Up SOTY

Trustworthy Interlude I generally don't include 3 but I wanted to include this as not a full song. Being a fella who's parents are divorced and has been cheated on this song really hits in an incredibly personal way. SOTY

Personification – Maxo Kream: 5

Southern Rap / The Guy Loves Being A Crip

Maxo has had a pretty interesting career to say the least with the cases and the like, but always emerges as a particularly interesting rapper with a big personality that always drops some quality music. He gets personal at times, then will say some of the most in your face hilarious criminal shit in the next song, but he always comes in with energy. He seems to just have a knack for it.

Cracc Era

Walk By Faith

Take Care – BigXThaPlug: 4

Texas Rap

I knew of BigX because he had a very distinct voice and some snippets that popped up in memes, and I rather enjoyed it. Voices that stand out in a good way are always good and refreshing. The production is upbeat and fun, as well as pretty distinct in a way that works well. I think that BigX is a solid rapper, but his lyrical content is pretty same-y, which doesn't help when the production, albeit fun, is the same. Song to song I really do feel like you can pick your favourite few and then not have to worry much about the rest. Only time will tell if he's able to evolve past this, because he does have a big wave right now and for his voice and attitude alone I know he can do more.

Law & Order

The Largest

---

Top Albums:

1. RICHAXXHATIAN – Mach-Hommy
2. brat – Charli xcx
3. Marciology – Roc Marciano
4. Across The Tracks – Boldy James, Conductor Williams
5. Access All Areas – FLO

Changes for next year

• Make a minimally more data entry focused outline
  • Allow sorting by date, score
  • I plan on using a Dataview plugin for this
• Keep track of best songs
  • I want to keep a list of all my favourite songs of the year
• Listen to more genres
  • Listening to new genres kept it exciting
  • I want to listen to more music that friends recommend too

I just smoked a bowl. On the TV, Doechii's Tiny Desk Concert plays. 2024 has been an incredible year for women in and around hip-hop. AmaaRae got featured in GQ, Elle, and Vulture magazines; Doechii is finally getting the attention she deserved after years of pushing it; Sexxy Red is reminding everyone about the thorough-line that connects the 5 tenets of hip-hop; and GloRilla dropped so much good music, her home city of Memphis, TN forgot all about her DUI arrest and awarded her the keys to the city. Matter of fact, I could probably write a whole paragraph on how 2024 was the year of GloRilla. She had a whole song go viral with a TikTok snippet. My dear reader, DJs downloaded a 45 second snippet off of TikTok and had crowds yelling out the lyrics at live shows, ALL BEFORE THE SONG OFFICIALLY DROPPED.

I have followed the rise of all these artists but I've been most impressed by the rise of Amaarae. Artists from Ghana barely make it to where she is but even less manage to stay in the limelight for as long as she has. Combined with truly incredible lyrics and production, I don't know if there are more than 5 artists from Ghana I like more than Amaarae. I can confidently say I've been listening to her music from the very beginning and she is undoubtedly a big influence in my music.

I started making music in the early 2010s (first with my best friend Henry Richardson, then in a band in high school and now solo). These years were a golden age for hip-hop in Ghana. The popularity of Twitter and widespread access to the internet gave rise to a burgeoning underground hip-hop scene made up of older teenagers and young adults. These artists took most of their inspiration from western acts as opposed to African musicians and as such the subject matter of the music shifted from light-hearted, folksy to something darker and metaphoric. There was definitely a downside to this, as most artists chose to abandon African ways storytelling tendencies entirely in favour of something that would appeal more to the big boys in Newark.

The scene was intricately tied to Twitter. The social media site blew up relatively early in Ghana (I created my account in August 2011) and the first few hundred users garnered thousands of followers quickly by doing regular Twitter shit: dunking on people. Maybe this is a symptom of my jealousy in how popular these accounts were, but some of these guys would talk such a big game on Twitter and I'd see them in church youth service acting all bashful and shit. No energy in the house of the Lord I guess.

My favourite artists from this era were a duo who went by Cruk'dStr8. They would collaborate with a range of artists in Ghana and the States and it was some of the best music I'd heard in a long long time. First making a name for themselves by dropping singles on Friday sampling popular songs (hip-hop fans might see the influence from Kanye West's GOOD Friday drops) and putting Ghanaian rappers on them. These drops were huge, and got 1000s of listens per post (if you don't get how big a deal this is, you just weren't there) and the group would the social media site to drop hints of an upcoming album.

My best friend, Henry, and I would listen to these drops religiously and I (admittedly) would bite from them here and there for our own little rap group in primary school: Royal Rappers. A lot of people are embarrassed by their rap stories in middle school, but not I. That shit was awesome. We started with just banging on desks with 5 or 6 people around and we ended with a performance in front of the whole school. Our first song, We Need A Beat, was so popular that it spawned another rap group in our class and they hit back with a diss, Beat Without A Bass. We were lucky the rapping was trash because their chorus was way better and title of the song alone almost cleared us... but this is a story for another time.

On February 2nd, 2013, Cruk'dStr8 dropped the album, Heliotrope. God. What a project. I didn't realize as an artist, you were allowed to do what they did on that album. Themes of travelling through Dante's inferno to find a missing piece of yourself, combined with production that was years ahead of what anyone else was attempting to do, and the bars. THE BARS. I am tempted to put some of my favourite lines here but I don't think it matters now. If you're curious here is a Genius link to all the album. I downloaded a copy of Heliotrope from DatPiff and I've had it on every hard drive I owned until last year, when I accidentally deleted my personal copy. Very few moments in my life have affected me on a personal level. Even to this day I get very sad thinking about it.

My dear reader, you might wonder why I don't just go to Spotify or Apple Music. Unfortunately Heliotrope, by Cruk'dStr8 is now lost media. The album has been scrubbed off the internet and now the only way to even know it existed at some point is Cruk'dStr8's Twitter page. I found a Hulkshare link (from a reply on that twitter page) but only 1 of the songs on there is actually playable (Dead Fantasy | Kizzy Kane). So the copy I deleted might have been the last copy. Like me, you might be wondering why the group would do this despite their success.

Well after Heliotrope, the group would go dark. Nothing to be heard from the core duo, but affiliated acts like Shabazz, Quesi B, and BrainyBeatz would keep going. By 2016 however, Cruk'dStr8 and affiliated acts would all stop making music. But in November 2017 I saw something strange. A new act from Ghana had dropped an incredible album and it was turning heads. I listened to it a few times and while the music was incredible I couldn't shake the feeling that I've heard this before. Now I have taken care to withhold the names of the core duo of Cruk'dStr8 , because maybe someone smarter than me would make the connection immediately. Their names were ERA and RAE.

Passionfruit Summers is the debut album from Ghanaian-American singer, songwriter Amaarae. If you knew about Cruk'dStr8 and Heliotrope, the sound is all there. Sonically it's extremely polished and the production quality was incredible. I couldn't believe it. One of my favourite Ghanaian musicians dropped a commercial tape, and its highly acclaimed! This album came with a new sounds and techniques that were slowly bubbling in the underground hip-hop and hip-life scene in Nigeria, a genre now known as alté. This was similar to what Cruk'dStr8 were doing a few years back but with a clear distinction and better execution. You see while Cruk'dStr8's sound was African inspired but clearly built on top off American hip-hop tendencies, alté music is built on top of hip-life tendencies with American style sprinkled here and there.

At this point I still had my copy of Heliotrope but I did a quick search online and that's when I realized it was all gone. As a matter of fact, Cruk'dStr8 is not mentioned anywhere by Amaarae as where she got her start. It's almost as if she doesn't want to be associated with that anymore. Few years ago, Moliy Music (co-writer and performer of Sad Girlz Luv Money) took to Twitter to accuse Amaarae of not sharing proceeds with her. This didn't seem to go anywhere and was forgotten about quickly, but I couldn't help but think of Cruk'dStr8 and ERA.

I've been keeping up with Amaarae partially because I want to see her rise to fame in first person but also I really want her to say something about Cruk'dStr8. Why delete the old music? What happened to ERA? What happened to Cruk'dStr8? I'm still not done looking for this tape. My plan is to reach out to former Cruk'dStr8 affiliates and hope they can send me a copy and/or explain what happened between 2014 and 2017.

Anyway here is a version of FunkyFlavaDopeShit posted on Quesi B's SoundCloud page: https://soundcloud.com/otis_7/crukdstr8-funkyflavadopeshit

The Q3 version of this roundup was sitting in the archives and never got uploaded. As a (not-so) special treat, here is my round up for the entire second half of 2024. Please enjoy the read for the hater behaviour, but sadly I don't have any new winners to suggest this time around

Stats breakdown from July – December 2024

• Total books read: ~5
• Reading mediums: 4 audiobooks & 1 combination of physical & audiobook
• Time spent reading: ~24.5 hours

Books Read + Reviews

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman Medium: audiobook

I usually write these once I finish the book but I need to note my thoughts right now as I finished the first third on the Via Rail to Montréal.

I – – Listen, I've seen the movie which gave me secondhand embarrassment then but uhh… The book is something else. Elio is horrendously HORRENDOUSLY down bad for Oliver. I'm listening to this on the train like 😶😳🫣 I may be able to make better sense of my thoughts later but

1. I'm astonished by everything Elio projects onto Oliver, like he is this master of social interactions and understanding others better than themselves. I guess this is maybe meant to be part of the perspective he would have as a 17-year old idolizing an older man but I think he's giving him entirely too much credit. He's literally just some guy.
2. Knowing that they get together later, the 17 vs 24 year old thing is extra EXTRA weird now that I myself am 24 (at time of writing). Oliver, he is literally a child. What the hell do you want with him? Leave him alone!!
3. Elio is actually unhinged and like past the point of usual yearning, agony & shame I would think.

Okay we're at the peach scene and it's so much more uncomfortable to listen to the book version 😖

My hold lapsed so I’m revisiting this again a month later to finish it. And I’m regretting it lol. More uncomfortable scenes and it's just getting a bit too pretentious for me.

Okay I powered through and finished it. I cannot in good conscience recommend this. Others may like it but I think I could have lived with just having seen the movie adaptation (which at least you get to see the beautiful Italian views and the great soundtrack). But I think Elio's inner monologue was just a bit too unhinged and pretentious to me.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro Medium: Audiobook

Hmm… I'm not really sure what to say about this one. I think it was meant to be a heartfelt story about AI but it felt kind of meandering at times and too vague about the setting and circumstances. I enjoyed the childlike, egoless perspective of the narrator but it did make the novel overall feel like it was written by an elementary school student. Am I saying it's bad? No. It literally won the Nobel Prize in Literature. Did I feel any type of way about it? Also no.

I think the points and takeaways of this book are not so profound, especially for it having been published in 2021. There was one point where I thought things were going to take an interesting turn but it didn't amount to much. Personally, I would skip this one.

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy Medium: Audiobook

This memoir wasn't quite what I expected, which is neither good nor bad. Despite the initial press buzz on the cheeky book name, and the literal review on the book cover that this was “Impressively funny”, I did not find much humour in this book (not even the dark kind). More than anything, I felt sad and sorry for Jeanette McCurdy and the various things she went through (additional to the Nickelodeon/Dan Schneider stuff). If you are curious about reading this, I would consult the content warnings first. While I didn't find the content triggering, it definitely could be for some.

Obviously, it's a memoir about a very public life but I feel like the few press interviews I saw when it come out covered/spoiled the big events and themes of the book. For that reason, I'm not sure it's worth the read? Idk I feel conflicted. If you're curious to know the details, you could probably read an article instead. On the bright side, it was nice to hear that she and Miranda Cosgrove had an actual friendship for many years, even after iCarly ended.

The Assassination of Fred Hampton by Jeffrey Haas Medium: Audiobook

I was still kind of in a book slump when I was reading this but thankfully it was a welcome change. I appreciated being able to learn more about Fred Hampton, the Black Panthers and their ideology, the FBIs involvement in the assassination + their other attempts to dismantle or thwart the civil rights movement. I watched Judas and the Black Messiah (2021) in the midst of reading this and it helped me do a better job of organizing the different people involved. It got a bit overwhelming at times to manage all the names + legal events when listening via audiobook.

Additionally, I would have preferred if Jeff Haas centred himself less in the telling of these events. It was kinda whiplash-inducing when he would drop in some details about who he was dating at that time and just get back to talking about the court case.

Happy Place by Emily Henry Medium: Physical (Kaitlyn’s copy) + Audiobook

Although I finished this book at the end of the year, I started reading the copy Kaitlyn lent me back in April. Because I read it sporadically across the months, I don't have the clearest memory of everything. This was also the only true romance book I read in 2024.

I really loved the cozy vibes of the costal town setting and the friendship in this book. Emily Henry always excels in setting the vibe that way. In truth, I think I liked the friendships in this book quite a bit more than the romantic relationship between the main characters. The miscommunication trope was kind of annoying too and the reconciliation didn't come together in the best way in my opinion. But the friendships and the way certain characters talked about their upbringings resonated with me most. I also quite liked the passage where she describes the meditative process of pottery wheel throwing. All in all, a nice little read to close out the year.

And now... the Round Up to the Round Up!

My Top 3 Reads of the Year: Dune, Cultish, Everything I Know About Love

Dishonourable Mentions: Call Me By Your Name, Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead, Klara and The Sun + a handful of books I DNF'd

And as always, thanks for reading if you got this far!

This month I read 4 ebooks, 1 eaudiobook, and 1 physical book from the Toronto Public Library, totaling to 6 books.

Dishonourable Mentions

Blood Rubies by Mailan Doquang

Synopsis: Rune thought that this would be her biggest score yet: a bag of Charles Lemaire’s prized rubies. If she fenced it, the money would change her and Kit’s (her boyfriend) lives. But Kit’s younger sister Madee has gone missing, last seen in the slums of Bangkok. And Charles Lemaire is holding Kit hostage until Rune returns his rubies, which she lost while looking for Madee. Will Rune be able to rescue her friends, and herself? Or will she be forced to make an impossible decision?

My thoughts: Readers will know that I love a heist novel, but this one didn’t grab me at all. I didn’t find it engaging, nor were the characters that compelling, and the events of the book were starting to stress me out. So I didn’t feel the need to keep reading it.

You may like this book if: you, like Rune, are mixed race (she’s half American, half Thai)

And now for the Real Reviews:

Ruthless Vows by Rebecca Ross

Synopsis: It’s been two weeks since Roman and Iris were married at the front lines (the happiest day in Iris’ life). But it’s also been two weeks since the town was attacked, Iris was captured by her brother Forrest (MIA from Dacre’s army), and Roman’s presumed death. Iris has been forced to retreat back to Oath, and has continued writing articles for the Inkridden Tribune. The paper has asked for her and Attie to return to the front lines to continue their reporting. Meanwhile, Roman has been killed, captured, and brought back to life by Dacre and his forces. He doesn’t remember much of his past life, but he knows that he doesn’t trust Dacre. Will Iris and Roman ever survive this war and reunite?

My thoughts: I might have been influenced by reading some bad reviews of this book but I didn’t really like it that much. The first book in the series was driven primarily by Iris’ and Roman’s relationship, which kind of created rose-coloured glasses for the rest of the story. For this book didn’t have the same driving force, and was much more lackluster. I also listened to this book as an audiobook, and I definitely did not like either of the narrators. Usually this isn’t a problem for me, but their voices irritated me and their accents felt pretentious. To me, it definitely detracted from the story. But the main issue with this book isn’t really the presence of something bad, but more the absence of anything that was really good or interesting.

Rating: 2/5 enchanted coffee shops, where your drink never gets cold

The Art Forger by B. A. Shapiro

Synopsis: After a scandal that rocked the Boston art world, no one is willing to give Claire Roth a chance. Despite her talent, the only work that she can get is painting reproductions of classic paintings. But suddenly, it seems as though her luck may have changed. Renowned gallerist Aiden Markel waltzes into her studio with a proposition: he’ll stage a show of Claire’s paintings at his gallery. All she has to do is paint a reproduction for him. It’s too tempting to refuse, so Claire agrees. But when she sees the painting that she’s supposed to reproduce, she’s shocked. It’s Edgar Degas’ After the Bath, which was famously stolen from the Isabella Steward Gardiner museum during a robbery in 1990. Claire should report this to the police, but Aiden assures her that the authorities will eventually be notified, once the reproduction is finished. However, Claire isn’t sure. As she falls in love with Aiden, she grows more and more paranoid that this After the Bath is also a reproduction, and that the original one must be somewhere else. And when Aiden is arrested on charges of art fraud, Claire panics, and starts desperately searching for the real version of After the Bath in order to exonerate Aiden. Will she like what she finds? Or is this an art mystery that is best left unsolved?

My thoughts: Overall I thought this book was pretty interesting. Probably its biggest feature was the window into Claire’s mind, where she constantly expresses her love for art and paintings. She’s absolutely transfixed by Degas’ works, and it’s really interesting to see all of the emotion that she feels. However, I was pretty shocked to see Aiden’s (and other’s) perspectives that collecting art was addicting, and that having the only copy of a certain work of art is so intoxicating that it would compel you to commit crimes. It’s the kind of language that I would more associate with addictions like drugs or gambling. As a final note, I was somewhat disappointed that After the Bath was not a real painting. Obviously, if the author is going to speculate about the personal relationships of the artist and his contemporaries, then it makes sense to invent a work of art to be discussed. But I can’t help feeling a bit disappointed that there weren’t more connections to existing works of art.

Rating: 3/5 secret rooms in the Gardner Museum that might just contain the answer we’ve been looking for

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher (Dresden Files #13)

Synopsis: Harry Dresden is dead. Or is he? After being shot in the chest, and falling into the icy waters of Lake Michigan, Harry wakes up in a strange place with a familiar face. It’s Ron Carmichael, a former CPD cop who was killed by a loup-garou in Fool Moon (see my June 2023 roundup). He leads Harry through the Between to a special office building, where Harry meets Jack Murphy (Karrin Murphy’s deceased father). Apparently, there was an irregularity with his death, Jack asks him to investigate his own murder, hinting that his loved ones may be killed if he doesn’t. Harry agrees, and finds himself thrust into a very different Chicago. In the real world, 6 months have passed since his death, and the city has fallen to pieces since it’s no longer under the protection of the White Council’s most notorious wizard. And to make matters worse, Harry is a ghost. He can’t interact with the mortal world, and he can’t perform magic. Will he really be able to solve his own murder and rescue his friends? Or is this really the end of Harry Dresden?

My thoughts: This book was really good, except for one major flaw (which I will discuss momentarily). I liked that Harry had to reflect on his actions that took place in the previous book, especially how he had harmed so many people in his quest to be chivalrous and “do the right thing.” I look forward to seeing how the ramifications of his actions play out in the future. I also liked how this book was drastically different from every other Dresden Files novel. Harry being a ghost severely limited his normal powers, and also showed Chicago from a really unique perspective. However, I thought that the Uriel/Kincaid plotline was really weak, which is a huge problem because it’s the whole reason that Harry became a ghost at all. It just feels like Jim Butcher had a cool concept for a book and had to shoehorn in a reason for it to have occurred. It’s not just that Harry was manipulated, but that the internal logic of the story didn’t really make a lot of sense. The resolution of that whole plotline was a big disappointment for me.

Rating: 4/5 empty graves that have been beautifully maintained for you for this whole time

March Roars by Maureen Jennings (Paradise Cafe Series #4)

Synopsis: Private Detective Charlotte Frayne has recently received a peculiar letter. After the well publicized arrest of two young Black boys for robbery, a woman at Toronto’s House of Industry (the poor house) claims that they are innocent. She says that she witnessed the true thieves (two White men) acting suspicious shortly after the robbery took place, and that she now fears for her own safety by reporting them. Charlotte is forced to interview this woman and try to piece together what exactly is going on.

My thoughts: This book was decent, although it felt somewhat superficial. Charlotte suddenly becomes aware of the struggles of Black Torontonians in the 1930s (some of whom she has been friends with for many years), but doesn’t really use her station to make a difference (besides freeing the two boys from prison). I also feel like this series lacks a “B” plot, where the relationships between the main cast of characters would usually develop. It’s supposed to revolve around the Paradise Cafe, but Charlotte rarely, if ever, appears there. We didn’t develop deeper relationships with anyone else at the cafe, nor really see what was happening there, and that’s a major reason why I felt that this book lacked substance.

Rating: 3/5 single, engraved cufflinks that were pawned by a mysterious woman with a secret identity

The Vortex: A True Story of History's Deadliest Storm, an Unspeakable War, and Liberation by Scott Carney and Jason Miklian

Synopsis: This book describes the lead up and the after effects of the Great Bhola Cyclone, which killed an estimated 500 000 people in the Bay of Bengal in November 1970. The cyclone can be considered the catalyst for the revolutionary movement (and brutal crackdown) that took place in East Pakistan, eventually leading to the formation of Bangladesh.

My thoughts: I thought this book was super interesting and really well written. Readers will know that I am a fan of narrative nonfiction, and I thought it was a great choice by the authors to bring parts of the true story to life. I know that not everything happened irl the way that it’s depicted in the books, but it was much more digestible for me (especially because I didn’t know anything about East Pakistan and the formation of Bangladesh before reading this book). I liked how the authors focused on several different perspectives in order to create a full picture of what was purportedly going on, and it was super impressive to see all the research that they had done.

Rating: 4/5 planned capital cities that were built ahead of schedule and under budget (but were unfortunately the only good thing that you ever accomplished).

Barcelona Red Metallic by Christine Cosack

Synopsis: The hit-and-run death of a small child in Oyster Hill, British Columbia shocks residents of the sleepy small town. The RCMP sends a team to investigate the accident site, and the only tangible clue they find is a fragment of Barcelona Red Metallic paint. Even after the initial investigation, the case stays with Luci Miller. But more than the family of the victim, the family of Jo Nelson (plus her son Oliver and grandson Nico) stays with Luci. Will she ever find out what happened on that fateful morning?

My thoughts: I found this book to be pretty different than other crime novels. The tone was very gentle but not cozy, which is a fine line to walk in mystery fiction. I also appreciated how the majority of the book was about Jo, and how she raised her chronically ill son (Oliver has cystic fibrosis). I also thought the ending was very unexpected (which isn’t generally great), but in a way that made sense with Jo’s character and the information that we already knew about her.

Rating: 4/5 paintings of lung-shaped lichens

Introduction

In his book on the subject, Cal Newport defines Digital Minimalism as “a philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else” (Newport, 2019). The key principles of this approach are:

1. Value Alignment - appraising each technology you keep in your life based on its utility and alignment with your values. Ideally, only engaging with digital tools that meaningfully enhance your life.
2. Optimization - determining how you will use a particular technology (i.e. boundaries, limitations, etc).
3. Intentionality - prioritizing active and purposeful use of technology over passive content consumption.

To set yourself on the metaphorical road to recovery, Newport prescribes what he calls a Digital Declutter. It involves taking a 30-day break from all optional technologies to reset habits and gain clarity on how technology affects your life. This is not simply a “digital detox”, but a structured exercise to evaluate and rebuild your digital habits intentionally. The objective is not to reject technology outright but to reclaim autonomy and align digital usage with personal priorities.

1. Step Back: Identify and temporarily remove all optional technologies for 30 days. This might include social media, entertainment apps, and even certain communication tools, depending on your personal needs and goals.
2. Rewire: During the 30 days (and beyond), you also need to engage in some key practices & behaviours to bolster this exercise and enable it to be sustainable long-term.
   • Embrace Solitude - when you are spending time alone with your own mind, you are free from the input of others. As a result, you are then using this time for self-reflection or thinking through things. This boredom often leads to creativity.

   • Meaningful Connection/Conversation - prioritizing talking/calling and face-to-face connections with others as opposed to likes or comments on a social media platform.
     • Newport suggests creating or identifying “office hours” where you regularly open up time to connect with others. For example, taking advantage of the downtime in your daily commute and encouraging family & friends to call you during that time. Alternatively, having a routine where you’re always at a certain coffee shop at a certain time on a certain day of the week and friends can find you there (sound familiar? 😉).
   • High-Quality Leisure
     • Honing Your Craft - identifying a “craft” you want to get good at. You convert the time and energy spent on passive consumption to high-quality leisure that is ultimately more energizing and validating (ex. making something tangible with your hands). This doesn’t have to be an art-focused craft.

     • Super-Charged Socializing - participating in activities that require real-world, structured, social interactions where the structure takes the pressure off how you will socialize. My personal example would be my dance classes each week.
3. Reintroduce Selectively: After the declutter, carefully reintroduce only those technologies that add substantial value to your life and define clear boundaries for their use.

Methods

In July, I somewhat covertly underwent a digital declutter experiment of my own. I elected not to talk about exactly what I was doing in order to focus on the journey myself with no outside input. Additionally, I wanted to set up a sort of control and not have others act differently to accommodate my choice.

For context, I work a predominantly remote job in tech where I stare at a screen for roughly 8hrs a day. As a result, I am seldom compelled to then spend time on my personal laptop or watch TV after work. The little screen in my hand is another story, however. Naturally, my goals for this digital declutter were focused on my phone use. Truthfully, I should have done a better job noting down what I gave up as I cannot recall everything now months later. Regardless, my reflections will be on the key players and not the forgettable apps I removed.

Notable apps I had that I got rid of: YouTube, Facebook, Pinterest, Snapchat, TikTok

The boundaries I set around their use: When I occasionally needed to use the first three, I could access them through a web browser/on my laptop. The others were to remain off of my phone for the 30 days.

Results

During the duration of this experiment, some interesting results were observed. For starters, there were no logins to Pinterest the entire month, not even on my laptop! Facebook, however, was redownloaded a few times for dance-related communications that I would have otherwise missed as I do not have an Instagram account. In the spirit of full transparency, I did fall into scrolling a few times when I had it reinstalled for brief periods.

Regrettably, I wasn’t able to capture great stats on the results of this experiment. iPhone’s Screen Time tracker unfortunately has many blindspots when it comes to usage data that I did not realize until late in the game. Most notably, if you uninstall an application, the usage data related to it from previous weeks also gets wiped and provides an inaccurate record of how much time was spent on the app. Additionally, iPhone only stores the past month’s screen time. Thankfully I took some screenshots as I went. However, I was unable to compare my results to a broader time range to assess how much things had changed from my average behaviour in the past.

Putting the data tracking issues aside, I did observe a significant drop in daily screen time of about 34% in the first week. Additionally, the number of times I picked up my phone kept decreasing week over week. There was no discernable difference in sleep quality, duration, or schedule according to my Fitbit data. However, I did not set a boundary on before-bed phone usage during this experiment. While I wasn’t scrolling or watching content before bed, I had a lot of things to sort through or plan in July. I often needed to spend some time before bed looking things up (Chrome, Google Calendar, etc) to quell the swirling thoughts in my head so I could sleep.

Post 30-Day Declutter

I am pleased to share that most things have remained the same pertaining to my technology use, but there have definitely been pitfalls. I have not reinstalled YouTube, Pinterest, or Snapchat since. I have also taken additional measures on the phone browser version of YouTube (that I check at most once a month) to make it even less appealing and addicting. I have logged onto Pinterest via my laptop only a handful of times since then. Recently, I even deleted my Snapchat account entirely after months of not having been active on it.

I have, however, fallen victim to Facebook and TikTok scrolling syndrome several times since August when the digital declutter ended. I am in a cycle of reinstall and uninstall with these two apps, but I am at least curbing the habit by not having them on my phone the majority of the time. I’m planning to be better about it and set better boundaries and systems.

Discussion

Coming out of this experiment, there were a handful of personal positives and takeaways that stood out to me. Firstly, and most obviously, not being served up sludge content on an infinite scroll allowed me not to fall into a massive timesink. The few times I did get presented with it, I did not feel the same addictive pull and was able to resurface much quicker than I usually would. It was interesting to me how the urge to scroll was the strongest when I was looking for a coping mechanism. Some café users may recall that I suffered a serious burn on my leg in July. After the incident, I just wanted to scroll so that I could self-soothe and take my mind off the pain. It made me stop and reflect on how passive media consumption has become a normalized response to tune out unpleasant feelings or experiences, as well as the escapism of it all.

Secondly, this experiment affirmed that I don’t have to search or validate everything I am doing. Typically, I would have flocked to Pinterest to seek inspiration for my outfit when I was going to my first-ever Renaissance Faire; or to TikTok/YouTube to get some ideas on what to do for my travel plans that month. I got the chance to be more creative about how I approached situations like this, more confident in my own decisions without external input, and just more comfortable with the overall not-knowing as the Type A person I am. Also, it was just really humbling have to Google these things and then go watch a YouTube video at a maximum of 480p on my Chrome browser app. It made me question if it was even worth searching up.

The third, and also obvious but now affirmed takeaway, was that being unaware of all the new trends dulled the consumerist pull. It’s no surprise just how much product peddling happens on social platforms, especially Tiktok, but it’s easy to become desensitized to it with just how ubiquitous it is. When you distance yourself from it a bit, it’s also hard to fathom just how many content creators exist out there to post the same type of consumerist content in the name of selling an aesthetic or a lifestyle. Like surely we don’t need this many, and it’s all so pointless anyway...

Criticisms

While this has been an eye-opening experience and one I recommend to everyone, I have a few criticisms based on what I observed. Firstly, I did not feel as much creative or action-inspiring boredom from this declutter as when I have my Unplugged Days. Once a week for Unplugged Days, I put my phone in a drawer and work off a paper to-do list of things I want to get done that do not involve a phone or computer. Personally, I find that more effective because I am not aimlessly bored and I have structure through the menu of things I can do. In some measure, this does link back to what Newport says about having a game plan for the time that will be freed up.

Secondly, I observed that in my personal life, it’s easy to become disconnected to current events. I’m not really on social media and I am seldom tuning into TV or radio news. Not being constantly bombarded with news stories is better for your mental state overall, but it overlaps with the privilege to opt out of injustice happening in the world. As a result, you have to be more intentional to seek out (ideally quality) sources of information and ways of staying informed. This is an area that I’m still trying to sort out for myself.

Lastly, there is potential for isolating behaviours or narrowing of your social sphere. Newport shares in his book that most people cite a fear of being disconnected when removing optional social media from their lives. It’s a valid concern based on how our society has previously put these applications on a pedestal and made it seem like they are the pinnacle of connectivity. When you pull back the curtains, you see how shallow and superficial most of these friendships are. Speaking from the experience of not having most social media accounts for the last few years, it has created a funnel where only the most meaningful and quality friendships have remained active in my life. However, not being plugged into the digital realm where social interactions happen and plans are sometimes made can keep your social circle small and stagnant. To overcome this, there has to be more involved effort to seek out events or make new friends. This ultimately is a good behaviour to reinforce but it requires more will, planning, and intentionality to combat the various obstacles and deterrents.

Conclusion

In summation, I would recommend Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism and the 30-day Digital Declutter to any and all that are the slightest bit curious. I see it being more impactful and sustainable to do this declutter and boundary-setting around technology use, rather than going for more acute measures. I, myself, had considered getting a dumb phone and at this point, I don’t feel the need to do that so long as I work through what my technology use rules are and slowly work towards bringing my screen time down more. In preparation for 2025, I have been looking into how I can optimize my phone to help support these goals. I have linked a video on that, and some other resources that inspired this article in the section below.

References & Resources

• Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport
• Video summary of some of the book: https://youtu.be/sJdZ7kmA2QQ?feature=shared
• Perks of Living w/o Social Media by Newport: https://youtu.be/m6AF_aFuD8w?feature=shared
• YT Video on how to make your smartphone into a dumbphone: https://youtu.be/7jVb1lLniEw?si=U02m8KRwUL-gVglS

Hello, wildcats.

Using Google Takeout, you can export your Google data.

I use this specifically to export just my YouTube watch history.

I frequently find myself in situations where I am doing data science on my own activity history because some brainworm tells me “hey I'd like to revisit this thing I once visited” even though it was years ago and it will be a pain in the ass to find it again.

A screenshot of me, 6 years ago, posting on Discord a YouTube link to a video and lamenting that I cannot find another meme video which uses this video as source material – https://youtu.be/ZKxhI4I5kq8

To export your YouTube history as JSON, follow these steps.

1. Visit https://takeout.google.com/
2. Top right, profile switcher, switch to your brand account (my YouTube account is separate from my Google account)
3. Deselect all
4. Scroll to the bottom, YouTube > Enable
5. “Multiple formats” > switch to JSON
6. “All YouTube data included” > Deselect all, check history
7. Next step > File type=.zip, File size=50gb
8. Create export

Congrats. You now have, locally, slice of your watch history, instead of being beholden to the YouTube interface which is rarely sufficient for querying purposes.

What does the data look like?

{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched The monkey is furiously knocking at the door - Обезьяна неистово стучит в дверь - 猴子是疯狂地在敲门",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003d3-_OIDRL91c",
  "subtitles": [{
    "name": "Seen that! Видал, чо!",
    "url": "https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnEelfUE8SE_rZtwaRzUzyQ"
  }],
  "time": "2020-04-19T03:08:27.981Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
},
{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "time": "2020-04-17T18:22:47.173Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
}

The URL and the timestamp are present. Great!

The video title is inconsistently present. Less great!

This helpful StackOverflow comment tells us that we can use the following YouTube endpoint to get some metadata

// https://www.youtube.com/oembed?url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmcuoaqdJ9w
{
    "title": "Weird Al SHREDS!!!",
    "author_name": "alyankovic",
    "author_url": "https://www.youtube.com/@alyankovic",
    "type": "video",
    "height": 113,
    "width": 200,
    "version": "1.0",
    "provider_name": "YouTube",
    "provider_url": "https://www.youtube.com/",
    "thumbnail_height": 360,
    "thumbnail_width": 480,
    "thumbnail_url": "https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nmcuoaqdJ9w/hqdefault.jpg",
    "html": "<iframe width=\"200\" height=\"113\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/nmcuoaqdJ9w?feature=oembed%5C#34; frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen title=\"Weird Al SHREDS!!!\"></iframe>"
}

So I guess that would be a fairly straightforward way to enrich the data.

That's not what I'm deep in right now though.

The Takeout service responds in a matter of minutes when we have scoped the export to just our YouTube watch history and nothing else.

It is still a manual process and will quickly become outdated given that I frequently watch videos.

I find myself having multiple exports, each with a different slice of my history.

To free up disk space, is it truly safe to simply delete the oldest export?

Using ChatGPT (conversation link), I whipped up a quick validation program that takes the search and watch history json files from the latest export and an older export to check some assumptions.

1. The newest export MUST contain every entry in the older export.
2. The newest export MUST NOT contain an entry older than the newest entry in the older export which is not also present in the older export.

I didn't get to number 2 because number 1 was exceedingly disproven.

THERE IS MISSING DATA BETWEEN EXPORTS.

The exports are from 2024-10-30 and 2024-12-07.

Summary: 993 total missing entries in the Watch History file.
Summary: 42 total missing entries in the Search History file.

This is not surprising, just disappointing.

Thankfully, using ChatGPT I was able to build a tool to identify the problem quite easily.

Banana Loof – NSA Releases Internal 1982 Lecture by Computing Pioneer Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

00:08:30

“No work, no research has been done on the value of information. We've completely failed to look at it. And yet it's going to make a tremendous difference in how we run our computer systems of the future. Because if there are two things that are dead sure, I don't even have to call them predictions. One is that the amount of data and the amount of information will continue to increase, and it's more than linear. And the other is the demand for instant access to that information will increase, and those two are in conflict. We've got to know something about the value of the information being processed. Everybody wants their information online.”

I think about that video a lot.

My browser extension + local server tool, Onboarder, lets me take notes in a text area it adds below the video player. The notes then get synced to a plaintext file on the disk.

https://github.com/TeamDman/Onboarder

I can use ripgrep to search through my notes incredibly efficiently.

I also made a program that lets me easily capture my system audio output to a .wav file, toggled on and off by hitting enter in the terminal.

https://github.com/TeamDman/audio-capture.git

I also have WhisperX running, which can transcribe a 1 hour video in 1 minte with incredible fidelity.

https://github.com/TeamDman/voice2text

The process of finding that Grace Hopper video, capturing her saying that sentence, and transcribing it was a collaboration between several disjoint tools I have added to my arsenal.

We've all heard of Big Data.

I want my own Big Data that works for me.

Storage is cheap, and I want a copy of all my data so that when I say “computer, find me the meme from within the last 4 years matching XYZ criteria” it can do so.

The problem with building a grandiose system like this is not the work that it will take, but the charting of the course.

How do I want to structure the data so that all these tools can play nice together?

The answer is probably Postgres.

It has support for vector embeddings, json columns, and generally all the stuff I'd need to proceed.

However, not everything should/can live in the database.

I should probably get building, or at least go to bed lol

[Warning there are some tiny graphs here, you might want to read this article on a computer]

Recap

Quick recap for those who don't want to read/reread my previous article:

Humble Bundle was a subscription service that would give you a ton of games every month. I was subscribed for 26 months and acquired a lot of games through it. I would usually play a couple and then leave the rest to rot. In my steam library, comprising 435 games, I had 172 games I had never played. There was only one way I could get rid of those unplayed games; by playing them. At first, on a joint youtube channel with a bunch of friends — The Raddest Channel — I posted videos of me playing those games. But it just took too much effort, and I only played 15 games in the span of a year, not even giving some of them a fair chance. This was the Humble Purge: Act I.

Last year, after seeing two videos from Daryl Talks Games, where he details how he conquered his backlog, I set out to play all those games sitting untouched in my library. I gave myself a year to play 110 of them, the rest just being too poorly rated or of too little interest to me. I would give each game a fair chance, and play them for at least an hour before I could call quits. If I didn't enjoy the game after that, I wouldn't force myself and just let it go. I began, on December 3rd 2023. I would report my progress in a google sheet, with reviews for the games I played, how hyped I was to play them, and some other info. This was Humble Purge Act II.

In this article, I am to report my findings. Did I succeed? What was it like? Were there hardships? Am I fed up with video games forever? All will be answered below.

Setbacks

Let's first talk about the major setbacks that hindered this project. Can't have a good project without some setbacks. Since this project is extremely time intensive, and not much else, all the setbacks below just took some time away from playing the games in my backlog. In no particular order:

1: Marco

Ever since I moved away from Kingston, my best friend Marco and I took the habit of playing video games together a couple of times a week, sometimes every day of the week. It could be coop, multiplayer, it didn't really matter. We either played the games seriously, or used it as an excuse to catch up or hang out. I was not gonna stop playing video games with my best friend just for this project, even if they weren't the ones in my backlog. Sometimes we replayed games, spent 50h on a new game... I decided to add the new games I played with him, all from after Dec 2023, in my backlog — more about that in “My experience”.

_{Marco and me at my wedding (I am the one being carried)}

2: Trackmania

None of you will remember the Trackmania videos I uploaded to the Raddest Channel, but in those, I went through the campaign maps and got all the gold medals. For those unaware, Trackmania is a sorta arcady racing game, in the way that it is like you are controlling hot wheels. Everything is deterministic and the races can be quite spectacular, which makes the game particularly well suited for e-sport. This is how I originally discovered the franchise, through ZeratoR, a french streamer hosting often the biggest Trackmania events in Europe/the world. The newest instalment of the game made a resurgence on the intrawebs this summer and I got sucked into it. I just love this game, it is so addictive. I can easily play the same track for half an hour just to improve my time by 0.1s. I got really into it for the first three months, devoting almost 70h during that span. Fair to say it did impact this backlog a bit.

3: Got too busy at work

They had the audacity to make me work at work. I still can't believe it. I girlbossed a bit too close to the sun and I am now mostly responsible for a whole section of my department. This means that while at the beginning of the year I had time to play some games at work, it soon became impossible to do so, unless during periods of intense downtime, which became non-existent for me. Baring August, from April to the end of November, I could not play anything at work.

My experience:

The very beginning of the crusade against my backlog is described in the first article. I was very confident and eager to take on this project. I also didn't put too much pressure on myself, but since I was motivated and had so many games to choose from, I made great progress nonetheless. I mean, look at that commitment: 111h in December alone, I was on fire! To be fair, towards the middle of December it gets super, super slow at work, and I literally have nothing to do. Since I was only beginning to touch the backlog, I had so many games that were suitable for work that I just spent an hour or two a day playing while at the office. The same was true until about the last third of January, when work started to pick back up a bit. February is also a pretty quiet month, so the trend of me being able to play a lot continues. March is when it gets busy at work, and it shows. The graph is not 100% accurate, as I didn't log my playtime per game per month — I'm not a maniac. I just counted the playtime for a game for the month I started it. This generally works since I only played most games for a couple of days to around a week, but some I played over months/they overlap months, causing inaccuracies. I wanted to make the data analysis simple, so the only two games I've actually divided up per month are: Slay the Spire (the second time I played it, for an extra 34h, was between Aug/Sept) and Trackmania, that I've played for now 88h from June to November — counting it in one month would create a huge outlier. Anyways, as I was saying, my busyness at work is shown in the graph, with intensity ramping up from March to July, leading to August when I finally got a reprieve from work, followed by a vacation.

Before going any further, let's talk about the process, which was pretty straightforward. From my list, I would choose any game that catches my eye. Sometimes I would also check how long it was, and some other times I didn't care. Choosing games was more vibes-based rather than calculated. Usually, before the game had even started, I would have an idea of whether I would see it to the end, give up, or quit it after the required hour. Even if I wanted to play certain games initially, I had an intrinsic understanding of what I liked, and despite the vibes directing me to a specific game, if the gameplay didn't look like something I would enjoy, I would abandon them without remorse. I was wrong a couple of times, and the games that I misjudged were the source of my biggest disappointment — or the very opposite. In any case, there were still some games that required me to play them to be able to sort them in a category. Now apart from a couple of exceptions, after the first hour, it was clear which games I was gonna drop right away and which ones I would play until the end. When I got it wrong this time, it was usually because the games became ass nearing the end, and I therefore dropped them since I wasn't having fun anymore, when I thought I would finish the game for sure. There might be an article in the future about the biggest surprises, good and bad, of this Humble Purge (you best believe I'll milk this project for as many articles as I can). No matter my opinion of them, I would play the games seriously for an hour, without distraction, and just try to have fun. I wanted to maximise fun, so I didn't bother playing on the hardest difficulties or giving myself real challenges. Unless the game was more fun on higher difficulties — which happens — I was usually cruising on normal. Some games would enthrall me and I would play them for hours on end, others were more of a slow burner. A few even, despite my will to play them, could only be stomached for a half hour at a time. And then some were just complete ass, and I couldn't wait for that mandatory hour to be over. When I was done with a game, I would immediately write the review “à chaud” as we say in french (meaning off the cuff/in the heat of the moment). I had some trouble writing really meaningful reviews at first, but I got better as time went on. I think having written the reviews without having had the time to digest games was the right call, as they were more genuine this way. Because of this, we get some interesting quotes like:

“[...]Although kinda funny the first time I listened to it [the background music], pair an already overused lick with the repetitiveness of the music and you will want to kill yourself.[...]“

from my review of Wizards of Legend, which you will be surprised to learn was rated 8/10 despite the previous comment. Since I find it hard to be verbose about something good and am very eloquent about things I find bad, my style of review is usually “[one or two positive things followed by a very lengthy paragraph about everything wrong about the game] 9/10”

Let's come back to our chronological retelling of the project. I had just gotten some time off in August after an intense period of work, and I had put much energy into playing some games during this break. Around the beginning of September, I grew a tad tired and gave myself a break: two weeks or so of minimal gaming. That's where it started to go downhill. Coming back from my break, mid-September, I realised how many games I still had to play, and how little time I had left. My deadline was not the end of the year, but December 3rd. I basically had only two months to finish everything, and I still had about 25 games to go through. I had to start hustling. In the last two weeks of September, I played 8 games, for a total of 25.5h. And those were also not the games I was the most excited about, which I had already completed at the beginning of the backlog. And since my backlog was 110 games, finishing a game amounted to less than 1% of progress. This amount of time spent on those games, with this lack of meaningful progress, on top of a full-time job, the gym, other responsibilities... I got a mini burn-out from this and I was slowly losing hope in the project and myself. I even started to question the feasibility of it, or if I should just quit now; I had played about 85 games after all.

So I went back to the source, the videos that had inspired me to begin this project. Surely they would give me the strength to push through... They didn't. That's because those videos are a cautionary tale. It is impossible to finish your backlog, and putting a time limit on it is stupid. This is the message of Daryl Talks Games' second video. Although his backlog and mine are a bit different, the lesson should have stuck, but it just flew right over my head. I must have been blinded by confidence and enthusiasm when I first watched them. Watching those videos now after experiencing a backlog purge hits completely differently. I had misunderstood his videos completely, but no more. Taking in this lesson, I decided to start axing some games, and adding others. The games I know I would enjoy and want to 100% did not need to be on this list. Also added the games I played with Marco, because I did discover and play those games this year.

_{Thumbnail from Daryl Talks Games' videos, which inspired this project}

At first, the backlog allowed me to give up on games I didn't enjoy guilt free. But at about 85% completion of the project, the approaching deadline had the opposite effect, where I would feel guilty for spending too much time on a game, which is absolutely not the point of this Humble Purge. The point of this Humble Purge was to give the games I had in my library a chance and play cool games I didn't think I would like. Maybe also feel less guilty about the state of my gaming library.

With this new goal in mind, I continued my quest with renewed enthusiasm. If I didn't finish, it didn't matter. I could extend it to the end of the year; no one would hold me accountable anyways. I could also just remove some extra games, again, no one would hold me accountable. After my little reorganisation, the final number of games in the purge was still 110, the one I added from Marco balancing perfectly the ones I had removed. We were now in the middle of the first week of October. I only had to play 11 games over a bit less than 8 weeks (12 weeks if I extended it to the end of the year). Still challenging, but nothing too hard.

_{backlog spreadsheet around October}

The next week of October went fine, and I got through a couple of games. I then got the busiest and most stressful three weeks of the year and couldn't really play anything. It was a really fun cocktail of personal issues, travel, work, bank issues... Well, at least I can say I'm glad I sorted the whole “existential crisis over the backlog” out before that period. I would have 100% called it quits otherwise. In any case, just like any intense period, it came to pass. We were now in November, and I only had 6 games remaining. Granted, they were almost all 12h+ games, but even with only 3 weeks or so left in the project, I felt good. Again, I could add all the weeks of December to it anyways. I was so confident (and impatient) that I even started writing this and coding up the graphs (love you matplotlib <3). I was just enjoying my time with the project, which is exactly what I wanted.

After so much infortune, my luck finally turned and I got sick, right before the Remembrance Day weekend, giving me me a 5-day weekend to finish some games. This was a blessing (apart from the being sick part) and I managed to reduce my backlog to 2 games. And we were barely halfway through November. A couple of days later I crossed off the penultimate game, actually finishing it. I took a few days off to start working on this article, play other stuff, read, touch grass, live life... I then embarked on my last game, which was supposed to be 30h, 52h with side content. That last game was Assassin's Creed Origins, which was ass. After valiantly suffering through it for 5h30, I abandoned it and was done with the backlog. This was kind of anti-climactic, I would have loved to finish the backlog on a banger, where I sit in front of the credits after beating the game thinking “damn...”. But no, the last game was just boring slop, and I ended the backlog on a random Sunday afternoon. It reminded me of finishing my degree during covid.

Final tally: 110 games played, 758h devoted to the project, starting on December 3rd 2023 and ending Nov 17th 2024, after exactly 350 days.

_{Red line is games to play to stay on track. I replayed Sekiro (I blame Spencer and Vivian) and played a ton of Trackmania (I blame myself) in July hence the little drop}

The Data

The Games

First, let's get to know the data. I'm not sure why I didn't write this part in my first article, but it is a blessing in hindsight, as I swapped out some games and added others in the end. I won't bore you with too many stats, but still, prepare to be bored. I hope you like graphs.

Let's start with game genre; there were many different genres in this backlog, and even trying to make the categories as broad as possible, a fifth of all games were not able to fit in any major categories. Genres such as: investigation, tower defence, fighting games, racing games, dating sim, city builder... each represented at most <4% of the backlog. We can look at the spread of categories below:

If I was to concoct the most average game out of all the ones I have played, it would be a game starting with an S, that came out in 2017, is an action game, has a steam note of 89% and a metacritic score of 79. It would take someone 12.5h to finish the main story and 22h to finish it with all the side content. Believe it or not — out of all the games that came out in 2017 — this matches Sniper Elite 4 the best, which I played, so I guess it wins the “most average game of this backlog” award. In general, I played games from 2002-2024, with a steam rating from 64-99%, and a metacritic score from 60-97. To finish their main stories, the games took between 30min-60h and if I wanted to do the side content on top, it could go from 30min-114h. While most game's side content only added a couple of hours, some doubled or even septupled the duration of a game, which is insane. We can see such examples in the graph below, which shows the time to completion in orange, and the time to also do the side content in blue for each game. One bar is one game:

In total, if I had actually played all these games to completion, it would have taken me 1445h (or two months and 5h nonstop) and 2511h (or 3 months 14 days and 5h nonstop) if I had done the side content too! We've talked about how much time I devoted to the project above, but we'll talk about the time devoted to each game later. The time needed to finish a game — according to HowLongToBeat — did vary a lot, and we can see the distribution below.

As we can see, thankfully, most of the games I had to play were less than 10h long, and even with side content barely made it past 15h. I'm not gonna dwell on this graph for too long; it is not that relevant, as this is not the time it took for me to play the games, only the time they were supposed to take. Other than this, the hype and initial ratings of games were already discussed in the first article; whether or not a game was in the backlog depended on them. Let's jump to the results to see how many games I actually finished, and how much time I spent on games in general.

The Results

Since it would have taken me 1445h to finish every game, and I completed the backlog after 758h, it is reasonable to assume that I did not finish every game. The states of games' completion were:

• Finished which means I finished the campaign, and maybe played the side content too
• Abandoned, which means I played for a couple of hours, maybe did some side content, and stopped playing
• 1h-ed, which means I only played the game for the minimum 1h before abandoning it. This also counts games that were played for 1.5h granted this represented less than 50% of the campaign's duration. Games which campaign could and were completed in an hour are of course counted in the Finished category.
• NA (Not Applicable) means that there is no campaign or story to be completed

As we can see, I still finished almost 44% of the games in this backlog, which amounts to 48 games and is no small feat if I do say so myself (and I do). This is the largest category here, by almost 15%. On the other side of the spectrum, there is only 23 games — or about 21% of the backlog — that I played only for the minimum required duration. It is to be noted that the NA games that I only played for 1h are only counted here, and therefore the NA slice of the pie should be counted as either abandoned or finished (whatever the definition of finished might be). Speaking of Abandoned, they only represent the second-largest part of the pie, 29% or 32 games. Those games could have too frustrating to finish, maybe the story became bad, maybe a new mechanic breaks the gameplay... In any case, they were good enough for me to play more than the required amount, but not good enough for me to see them through the end. I am especially proud of those first two stats, since having a backlog where I only play 1 hour of each game and then go on to the next would have been a shame. I was serious about this and finished almost half of all the games — if we discount the ones that were NA. I took the time to enjoy the games in this backlog, and we will see below how much time games took me:

Look at those graphs, the first being so detailed it's almost useless, and the second one so broad it also almost useless, yet both are saying the same thing. The worst of both worlds — true perfection. The top graph shows how many games were played for each playtime, in increments of 30min. For instance, we can see that 8 games had a total playtime of 6h. There is a major peak at 1h and some minor ones at 6h, 10h and 18h. The second graph shows percentage of games per playtime ranges. Almost all games — 95.5%— were played for 1h to 19h. As one might expect, the majority of the games were played between 1-3.5h. Still, almost half of all games were played for more than 4h and a quarter for 7h or more. Those graph show that I did take my time on the games that deserved it, as I had planned for this project. I will say it again: at the end of the day, the goal was just to play through the game I already own, and have fun with it. If only there was a way to quantify how much I enjoyed myself... oh yeah, more graphs baby:

After so many graphs, finally a nice Gaussian distribution. Here, we are shown how many games I rated a specific grade. As we can see, the games in this backlog were rated pretty highly. Again, that is to be expected as this backlog is composed of 110 games picked out from the cream of the crop of the 172 games I own and have never played. Now, this means nothing if I don't explain what my rating consists in.

• 0/10 would be a game that I could not derive any fun from
• 2/10 there is very little interesting and very little fun
• 5/10 is slop and adequate but no more in any category/has one category really holding it back
• 10/10 fulfills all of my expectation for various criteria, and also is a ton of fun
• 11/10 exceeds all expectation, messiah of the backlog

The ratings were only integers, with a couple of exceptions for games that were better than a 10, but not quite an 11. Also, Prey got a non-round rating. These are of course not objective ratings, but *my* ratings, which are heavily influenced by my tastes. If you are somehow deluding yourself into thinking those ratings might actually hold some weight other than the ranking of my taste, and need convincing that my rating scale is bad, please consider that I gave Mass Effect 2 and Dead Space 2 a 4/10 and Batman Arkham City a 5/10 while the Frog Detective Trilogy gets 10/10s across the board. The ratings are also not really internally consistent. Deal with it.

I was not a harsh critique in general, and my ratings are globally generous. While I might have gone off on some games in their review section, I'm sure they deserved it. Maybe I was set off by how wrong my expectations were. We'll see that right now with the next graph, comparing my “hype” to play the games, which I recorded before playing the games, with the ratings I gave after playing them:

Those graphs are the result of doing a simple subtraction between the hype and the rating. Any positive value means that I found the game to be better than I though, a negative value is the opposite. We see that a difference of 0, i.e. the hype being the same as the rating, is prevalent here by quite a huge margin. This is probably due to the anchoring effect — when it was time to grade the games, I probably looked at the hype and thought the number I previously gave the game made sense. The first graph shows that there is a skew towards the positive, which is great as this indicates that in general, I enjoyed the games better than I thought I would. This was a reoccurring theme during this backlog, and I originally thought I was a bit picky when it came to video games, but no. There are just some bangers out there that I just hadn't tried out.

Can't really tell a lot from the second graph, but I made it because it looks cool; each bar, either blue or red, represents a game. The average hype was a 6.53/10 and the average rating a 6.92/10. To recap, 31 games were below expectations, 29 met them, and 51 surpassed them. Of the games that exceeded expectation, some have cracked the top 3. We will take a look at them next.

Top 3 Best Games :

I've played so many games, it would be a shame not to talk about any here; this project was about them, after all. I will keep it to a short list, and only include good games, as I want to bring some positivity into this article. I also remember good games way better than the bad ones; those have been erased from my memory. In this article, which is already long enough, we'll only take a look at the top 5% of games.

Honourable Mentions

First, let's start with some honorable mentions, which are at the top end of my 10/10, in no particular order:

MOLEK-SYNTEZ a great puzzle game about fabricating molecules. It's not only about succeeding, but also efficiency and economy of movement.

SLAY THE SPIRE hands down the best rogue-like I've played. The card system works so well and there is just the right amount of content and challenge.

SUNDERED soft metroidvania that took me by surprise. It is peaceful and claustrophobic, beautiful and depressing. Visuals are incredible (and hand drawn!) and the atmosphere is truly unique.

STILL THERE not exactly a point and click (thank god) and not exactly a puzzle game. The story and twist are what caught me off-guard, because they're so great. Just the right length.

The Top 3

Those games are not at the top end of my 10/10 scale — they have exceeded it. They are the 11/10.

3 – Celeste

Celeste, developed by Maddy Makes Games, is a game that has been heavily hyped on the internets, and I was worried it would not live up to its name. I shouldn't have been, because despite my high expectations this game still managed to surprise me with how good it is. I am not an avid enjoyed of platformers, I don't dislike them either, but this one hits just right. The controls are very responsive, and the gameplay mechanics dialed in. It was a true pleasure to navigate the levels, and it was impossible to get frustrated — especially since the game autosaves each panel and the respawn is fast — and that's coming from the guy who died about 1530 times in his playthrough. The level design compliments the controls and game mechanics perfectly. I really liked how there was a new gameplay mechanic for each chapter, but that didn't carry on to the others. There was no need to remember many things at once, just the basics and the specific gameplay gimmick of the chapter. It also kept things fresh. The design theme changed with each chapter, adding to the novelty. But these are not just disjointed chapters, there is a global story which is intertwined in the platforming and progresses with each chapter. The story is great — with some originality and gravitas — the characters are endearing and the progression of the protagonist is interesting.

Coming back to the design, the graphics are great and all the little effects, particle effects... are a welcome addition that only made the experience better. But honestly what steals the show here is the music, it is just incredible, I loved it. Moving through the panels, with this ambience, the music, it was just awesome, the vibes were always immaculate. The game is also the perfect length, and with it being divided up in distinct chapters, I never got tired of playing.

Would I recommend this game to anyone? Pretty much. Unless your hand/eye coordination is atrocious, you should be able to enjoy this game. It is the most accessible one of this top 3, despite its difficulty being the second highest here. I'm not saying it is not challenging, it definitely is, but it is a challenge you can surely overcome.

2- Disco Elysium

Speaking of video games not being accessible, we have Disco Elysium from the now infamous ZA/UM. If you really don't like politics, sociology, philosophy and big-words in general, this game is not for you. If you don't like reading, this game is not for you. If you don't like classic RPGs without combat, this game is not for you. Otherwise, it's awesome. Liem strongly recommended this game to me, so I waited until I was on vacation to play it, to have time to be fully immersed.

While the gameplay is good, it is really the writing and the visuals that upstage everything. I already spoke about the visuals in my September Readings when I talked about the artbook of this game. I will expand about the writing and story here, if you want to read about and see the visuals, checkout the reading report. The world and story go hand in hand, and it's great. The world and universe are truly unique, and it sucks in a realistic way. Its inhabitants react to you in a believable manner, and you can actually influence things. There are many choices to be made here, and even the most inconsequential ones will have a dialog option associated to them down the line. While your character is a bit coo-coo and it makes sense for player to choose his opinions, the NPCs have their own dialog, consistent with their character experiences and beliefs. The characters are all great, especially your partner Kim Kitsuragi. Each one of the facets of your identity is also a character, and they are all unique and have very “colourful” personalities to say the least. The way you interact with the world is also through them, which makes the gameplay really interesting. That's the part that I like the most, the interaction between our character and himself and our character and Kim. While you as the player have no idea of what's going on most of the time, Kim is there to provide useful info and feedback, but he never holds your hand (if only...). Kim is the best sidekick I have ever seen in a video game, and actually feels like a companion rather than an NPC. Your identities are also here to give you feedback, that is tainted by what they are — for instance drama's observation might be a little more exciting than reality — and whether you can trust them or not (which is kinda trusting yourself) is for you to decide. Other than the writing, the voice acting, which was mostly added in the free final cut version, is phenomenal. Everything adds to the atmosphere, which is superb.

​

Finally, the writing for your character, your thoughts, your own dialog is so well done, and there was more than one occasion where I was laughing like and idiot at my screen. The story is half an investigation, and half a personal journey, and is coherent and original. I try to keep all of my reviews as spoiler free as I can, so there is not much more that I can say, other than: play it for yourself.

1- Darkwood

With Darkwood, from indie studio Acid Wizard, being my number one pick out of all 110 games I played this year, I didn't know how to approach its review. There is absolutely nothing I can say that would even approach giving you an idea of how incredible this game is. I played it all the way at the beginning of the backlog, in January, but it is still to this day always on my mind. It just stuck to me and is that memorable. This was the 11.5/10 game of the backlog, meaning I didn't know games could be that good.

It originally didn't dawn on me how good this game is, because I abandoned it after 2h. The game is divided into a night and day cycle, you forage and progress the story during the day, and at night, you try to survive. Those nights are the most stressful things I have ever experienced in a video game, and I've played a bunch of horror games. No cheap tricks here, due to intentional gameplay limitations — it's top down, you cannot see outside your cone of vision and your vision is only focused on where your cursor is — you'll be tensed up the whole night from being so on guard. You are confined to your hideout during the night, a dilapidated house full of unfixable holes which can be plugged with furniture, but enemies will push it out of the way to get in. You cannot survive without light and of course light attract enemies; they will get in or at least try to. When? Who knows, but you better be on high alert for all 5min of the night because you have very little health, and your weapon will break at some point. There are random events making the whole thing even more difficult and stressful because it wouldn't be fun otherwise. You also have limited lives before game over, except on the easiest difficulty. The sound design and ambience in general is so well done; before getting desensitised I felt like I was on the verge of an aneurysm every night. This is the reason I initially abandoned it — it was good, but it was so tense I forgot to breathe, waiting for the morning light. Yet despite this, after sleeping on it, I decided to push on. And I'm glad I did.

I loved the ambience, from the game design, the story, characters, the graphics, the music, sound design... everything is so alien but coherent. It is just a different experience. The gameplay loop is well oiled, but it is the story and atmosphere that really bring this game together. The setting is so simple in a way but original. I love that it doesn't hold your hand, so at some points in the very disjointed story you just stumble by accident on some stuff, and the progression just feels so organic. I will not speak anymore about this game, the only true way to really experience how great it is is to play it.

Aparte

This last part, the Top 3, used to lead straight to the conclusion. I had finished writing all of this article. I had done the graphs, inserted them, created the gifs that needed to be created... The first draft was 100% complete, and apart from checking for spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I could have published it. I was about to get a final word count and do some advertising on the café before releasing it. Someone had other plans for me, and the article could not be finished, not before I touched on what someone had released:

MOTHERFU-

Unbeknownst to me, Daryl Talks Games was also secretly doing a backlog this year and released a video about it. My project came about as a direct inspiration from his first two videos, I therefore cannot end this article without mentioning his third backlog one. Let's preface this conversation by saying that his video is great, as usual, and I would encourage you to check his work out. I'm actually not mad he put out his video, and it was really fun seeing the parallels between our projects. I was trying to complete my backlog learning from his mistakes, but then he was also playing though his backlog, learning from his mistakes! I especially liked that his video was really focused on games rather than his progress this time, it was a nice change. It is also interesting to see that we have reached the same conclusion in the end (see my conclusion); the “backlog” needs to be a dynamic list of games you play, and not just a list of games you are planning on playing. _{he's just like me fr fr}

Conclusion

What did I get out of it

First, having a year-long project is sick. I can't remember the last time I had a project like that, or if I ever had one. Devoting hours to it and progressing despite the hurdles, actually sticking to it, feels great. I am proud of myself for completing this project, especially since it was completely autonomous. Now, completing the project brought me pride, but did completing this backlog bring me anything? Not really. Playing the games brought me much joy, but at the end of the day, actually finishing this backlog didn't feel like anything. There are more games that didn't make the cut to this backlog, would finishing them bring me the joy completing this backlog was supposed to bring me? Probably not. Putting my steam library in order is nice, but I did that all the way at the beginning of the project. It will sound corny as shit, but it was about the journey, not the destination.

In the end, this backlog was not the backlog; there will always be more games to be added to a fabled backlog, that can't ever kept up with, as it is ever growing.

But what I did get out of this backlog is a rekindled love for video games. There is genuinely so much good stuff out there. You often hear takes about how today's games are ass, and gaming has gone to the shitter, but this is simply not true. Just of the games that came out this year, there is a plethora of amazing games or DLCs. And you don't need to play games from this year, you are allowed to pick a game from previous years and enjoy it in the year of our lord 2024. And you can also play games that are not AAAs; the overwhelming majority of games that I rated 9 or higher were indie games. For every decent triple AAA, there are at least 2 indie bangers that came out the same year. My point is: do not limit yourself in what you're allowing yourself to play, and you'll see that maybe gaming is still fun.

I've played more games, and also have spent more time playing games, than I ever have this year and I love video games more than ever.

What's left? What's next?

Will I ever have time to do something like that again? Will there ever be a “Nail in the coffin: Humble Purge Act III”? I am now at a relatively chill time in my life: I have a decently paying regular full-time job, and am married. I'm not a dad, building a business, performing in a band, studying... I have more time on my hands now than I will probably have in the coming years. I would love to do the Humble Purge Act III in a couple of years, where I go through the games that didn't make the cut for this year's backlog, but will I have time?

I want to enjoy being done backlog, and am not ready to go head first into a big project like that again. I want to take some time for myself, I want to read more, I want to cook more, I want to go to the gym and start playing bass again. No big project for next year, I will just be writing articles about this project, to better digest it. There is so much I've only barely touched on here that would deserve its own articles.

In any case, I will start journaling all the games I play next year. In substance, it will have just the same info that I recorded in the backlog — hype, time to beat, rating, review etc — but for games I pick up on the fly rather than for a list of games set in stone. This might actually be the better alternative to having a backlog. I will probably release some articles for it, maybe monthly in addition to my Monthly Readings or just do a quarterly article; I have time to figure it out. In the meantime, I hope you have enjoyed reading about my project, and as always:

Thanks for reading my logorrhea, Eddie

In recent years, I've become enamored with voluntary, participatory violence. Big talk for someone who spends eight hours a day on the computer, but hey – I'm a deep believer in self expression, and what greater form of expression is there than that performed by the body itself? (Similar arguments can be made for other forms of expression, of course. And that’s art!)

When I say that I've become enamored with “violence”, I mean, um, violence. The turbulent jostle of hundreds of bodies: all sweaty, though not all are sweating. The flight of elbows and full body tackles, executed in the name of mutual love. Love: love for the music of the moment, audible through decorations of SCREAMED OFF-TUNE LYRICS from the liquid crowd. Lyrics; coupled with pirouettes, line dancing, rowing, circles of running concertgoers, or maybe just a great amount of collision. When I say that I’ve become enamored with “violence”, I’m saying that I fucking love the mosh pit.

Pits are primal. In the anonymity of a crowd, I can let go of inhibition. I happily relinquish my identity, succumbing to the flow of others. As my neighbors jump and shove, the futility in any kind of resistance emerges. I revert to operating on half survival instinct, half pure electricity of the moment. Limbs revel; eyes open and close as the rest of this body collides with other bodies. A brawl between no opponents. Everybody wins.

At what other moments in life do you ever get to engage so freely in movement? Sports are limited by rules. Martial arts require control and refinement; dance can feel bound by social rules. Violent activity only surfaces in the everyday as remote situations of fear, anger, or extreme excitement; and how often does the average person experience these emotions? Not often. (Ideally.)

But in the pit, savagery is everywhere. And so the pit becomes a special place. A butcher's block, designed to reduce you to your animalism.

Animalism. Our roots. Each concert I attend convinces me that the most humanly valuable experiences are those that evoke any kind of animalistic primality out of us, because they are freeing.

I do not live freely. I find that I have walked much of life guided by inhibitions and fears of mistakes, harm, and pain. Worried of displeasing others, I would constantly prune my behavior and words, holing myself further into a tunnel of a character to meet some sort of model me that never needed to exist. In my day-to-day life, this causes suffering. I wish to live authentically.

In the pit, though, nobody cares about whether or not I am seemingly intelligent, charming, agreeable, insightful, or me. I can let go and be, and I do so knowing everyone around me will accept me with unconditional love. At the end of the day, that’s the pit. A rippling body of love.

I recently found myself at an IDLES show, an elbow slamming into my chin as I tried to sing the same song as my unintentional assailant. As the welcome impact subsided, I noticed the joy around me, and realized that I desperately wanted this same relentless harmony in my everyday life. I want to show myself and be accepted for that, leaving no room for hesitance towards pain. I want the me in the pit to be outside of the pit too. I want her to be unafraid as she collides with others and as others clash with her.

I want to love freely. After all, what else do I have?

October

This month I read 5 ebooks and 3 physical books from the Toronto Public Library, and 1 audiobook, totaling to 8 books.

Horrorstor

Synopsis: Everyone knows Orsk, your friendly nordic furniture store. But at the Orsk Cuyahoga store, weird things have been happening overnight. Mirrors are breaking, furniture is getting stained with unspeakable substances. Store Manager Basil thinks that vandals must be breaking into the store at night, and recruits Amy and Ruth Anne to work and overnight shift with him to see if they can catch the vandals before Pat from the regional office arrives the next morning. Ruth Anne is delighted to help out; she’s been working for Orsk for her whole career, and lives and breathes it. Amy, on the other hand, is not so happy about it. But Basil has offered to pay overtime and approve her transfer to the Youngstown store, so it’s an offer that she can’t really refuse. Will this unlikely group of employees survive their night in the store? Or will this job kill them all?

My thoughts: I thought this was a pretty well done horror satire about working for a corporation. The author really leaned in to the Ikea aesthetic, and each chapter started with an entry for a piece of furniture in the Orsk catalogue. Major spoilers ahead, but the store was actually built on the site of a destroyed panopticon prison, and was haunted by the prison warden that was obsessed with the idea that hard labour cures all ills. And still, the actual villain ended up being the Orsk corporate office. If you are employed, this book will make you want to quit your job. I did genuinely find the book very unsettling (readers will know that I don’t even really like horror media, so I probably shouldn’t have read this at all). Something else I appreciated was that Amy actually showed a lot of character development. Some of this was definitely because she started out as a shitty person, but I still give the author credit for actually having her meaningfully change.

Rating: 4/5 stylish BODAVEST chairs, that will confine the penitent and oppose the agitated movement of blood towards the brain, forcing the subject into a state of total immobility, conducive to self-reflection and free of stressful outside stimuli

Changes by Jim Butcher (Dresden Files #12)

Synopsis: Harry Dresden’s life has changed forever in an instance. His ex-girlfriend and half-vampire Susan Rodriguez has come back into his life after years apart, and she has two devastating pieces of news. Firstly, she and Harry have a child together. A daughter, who’s name is Maggie (after Harry’s mom). (Concealing this fact alone is enough to make Harry rage with anger.) And secondly, Maggie has been kidnapped by Dutches Ariana Ortega of the Red Court of Vampires, and will be used as a blood sacrifice if Harry and Susan can’t rescue her in time. Now, Harry is apoplectic. Even though he’s just now learned of her existence, Harry is determined to save Maggie’s life. It will take every single favour, ally, artifact, and ounce of luck that he can get his hands on. But is he prepared to pay the price?

My thoughts: I think “Changes” is an extremely accurate title to describe this book. Even the fact that it’s one word, compared to every other two-word title, helps to set it apart from the rest of the series. Over the course of this book, Harry loses everything. His car is destroyed, his apartment and laboratory burned down, and he breaks his back (rendering him paralyzed). He is in a truly desperate situation, and sacrifices everything in order to even have a chance at saving Maggie. Karrin Murphy also loses her job for good, finally severing her link to the Chicago Police Department, and I’m very curious as to where she’ll go now. There are also a lot of consequences to his actions, most of which are not even fully realized until the next book. The one exception to this was the magic wayfinding stone that Harry received as a belated gift from his mother, which helps him navigate passages in the Way and effectively allows him to arrive anywhere. It’s described as being very dangerous, and that Harry has to accept all of the risks if he chooses to accept it, although none of the risks ever materialize in this book or the next one.

Rating: 4/5 dream teams known simply as “the eebs”

Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD by Jonas Jonasson

Synopsis: Victor Alderheim cares only about one thing. Not his wife, Jenny, from whom he swindled millions of dollars and her family’s art gallery. Not his teenaged son, Kevin, whom he abandoned in the middle of the Kenyan savannah. He only cares about his gallery, and making sure that the right kind of art (realism) gets featured there. But after growing into a mostly-fledged Masaai warrior, Kevin returns to Stockholm and crosses paths with Jenny. After discovering that they’ve both been wronged by the same man, they become fast friends. They desperately want to take revenge on Victor, but how can they with only 20 kroner to their names? Luckily, they run into Hugo, adman and CEO of Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD, a boutique firm that promises to ruin lives for the right price. And to top it all off, Kevin’s adopted father, full-fledged Masaai warrior Ole Mbatian leaves Keny for the first time ever in search of his son. Will this dubious quartet pull off SSR LTD’s biggest job yet? Or will it end up exploding in their faces.

My thoughts: The events of the book were extremely goofy and silly, but the dry/dark comedy writing style helped a bit to tamp down everything so that it didn’t feel too obnoxious. Even still, it was definitely a lot to take in. I think I would have enjoyed it more if my sense of humor was a bit more open and accepting. By far the best character was Ole Mbatian, who was funny and charmingly optimistic. Victor, on the other hand, was cartoonishly evil in a boring way. Overall this book is definitely difficult to describe, and I would encourage readers to try it for themselves to really get a sense of what the heck is going on.

Rating: 3/5 salmon pate sandwiches that are honestly worth any deal you could make with the devil

A Gentleman and a Thief: The Daring Jewel Heists of a Jazz Age Rogue by Dean Jobb

Synopsis: In the 1920s and 30s, one of the greatest jewel thieves in American history was on the loose. He captured the imaginations of thousands all while he snuck into mansions and estates, prowling around silently, and making off with thousands of dollars worth of gold and jewelry. His name was Arthur Barry, and he was the best of the best. When he was finally captured after being set up by his partner in crime, he immediately confessed so that his wife, Anna Blake, would not go to prison. And when Anna Blake was dying, he broke out of prison so that they could spend their last years together.

My thoughts: Readers will know that I love a heist, and I thought this book was a fascinating look into Arthur Barry’s life and crimes. It’s a work of narrative nonfiction, so it was extremely easy to read, while still being packed full of accurate historical detail. I thought it was really well researched and put together, and would definitely highly recommend it to anyone who’s into true crime but wants something a little lighter.

Rating: 5/5 strings of rose pearls that scratch your teeth and are worth millions of dollars

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

Synopsis: After attempting to rob a cashless bank days before Christmas, the robber flees into an empty apartment to hide from police. Except, it’s not empty: a real estate agent is showing the property to 8 prospective buyers. There’s Ro and Julia, a young couple who are nervous about becoming first time moms. Zara, a wealthy bank manager who tours apartments to see how the middle class live. Anna-Lena and Roger, an older couple who flip apartments and are very competitive, and Lennert, an actor who Anna-Lena has hired to bring down the property’s value. And Estelle, whose husband is just parking the car and will be here momentarily. They (plus the real estate agent) have all been taken hostage by the bank robber, who is trying desperately to figure out their next move. On the other side of the door are two police officers, reluctant father and son team Jim and Jack, who are out of their depth and struggling to keep the situation from spiraling out of control. But is that what’s really going on?

My thoughts: I hate to admit it but I did read this book because I saw it all over the internet. It was a booktok darling, but I do think that it was worth the hype. I still went into it pretty blind, but it was not the thriller I was expecting. Instead it was like sitting in a very good therapist’s office; cozy and comfortable, emotional, probing, and soul-searching. And eventually, after peeling back the layers, you finally discover what’s really going on. The book has a big focus on anxiety, depression, and loneliness, but there was still enough going on to drive the plot forward without getting bogged down. I also liked that the unreliable narrator wasn’t crazy or trying to protect themselves, but was instead misconstruing things to protect someone else, which I found new and interesting. Similarly, I liked that the book unraveled a mystery (how the bank robber escaped) that wasn’t a murder. Overall, I think that this is what I was hoping for when I read Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD, but Anxious People actually accomplished it.

Rating: ⅘ dead bodies filled with so much gin and tonic that you don’t dare cremate them (although that doesn’t mean they didn’t have good advice to offer)

The Assassination of Fred Hampton: How the FBI and the Chicago Police Murdered a Black Panther by Jeffery Haas

Synopsis: In 1969, Fred Hampton was a revolutionary leader, and Chairman of the Illinois chapter of the Black Panther Party. At only 21 years old, the FBI considered him a major threat and started surveilling and discrediting both Hampton and the Black Panthers as part of their COINTELPRO operation. On December 4th, 1969, the Chicago Police, working in tandem with the FBI, raided Fred’s home and shot him while he was drugged and unconscious in bed. The book is written by Fred’s lawyer Jeffery Haas, and chronicles his 12-year journey with the People’s Law Office in an attempt to gain justice for Fred’s family and the other survivors of the raid.

My thoughts: This book was really comprehensive and well written, and painted a pretty horrifying picture of how Black people were treated by police and the justice system both in the 1960s and today. Judge Sam Perry was particularly egregious, constantly ruling against Haas even when it was nonsensical to do so, and actively impairing their progress and ability to try the case. It was also insane that despite these giant court cases, and the settlements that the families eventually got, that the FBI and the Chicago Police still basically got away with murder. The only real consequence that any of the defendants ever experienced was not getting re-elected, which is overall very minor compared to how Fred was brutally murdered. He didn’t love long enough to see the birth of his son, and without him, the Black Panther movement crumbled. If Fred hadn’t been assassinated (especially at such a young age), I think that the future would have been noticeably different with him in it. I’m really glad that I got to read this with our book club, because it helped me engage with the text on a deeper level, and notice things that I had previously missed.

Rating: 4/5 perfect homecooked meals by Iberia Hampton

Eight Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson

Synopsis: Malcolm Kershaw owns a mysteries-only bookstore in Boston. Years ago, when he was just starting out, he wrote a blog post about eight perfect murders in crime fiction. It was just a little something for the bookstore’s blog, hoping that it was help increase sales. But now, years later, FBI Agent Gwen Mulvey thinks that someone is using that article as inspiration to commit a series of perfect murders in real life. She’s determined to get Malcolm, the resident subject-matter expert for crime fiction, to advise her in order to catch the murderer. Malcolm reluctantly agrees, but when the victims seem to be getting closer and closer to his personal life, it seems that he may be in way over his head. [The Eight Perfect Murders are: The Red House, Malice Aforethought, the ABC Murders, Double Indemnity, Strangers on a Train, The Drowner, Deathtrap, and The Secret History]

My thoughts: I feel like the concept for this book was really cool, but the execution was not great. I was not at all convinced that the unsolved murders were connected to each other or the eight perfect murders for the first third of the book, which is definitely too long. I would have preferred the irl murders to be a lot closer to their fictional counterparts. I also was pretty doubtful when Mal started getting paranoid that the murderer was coming after him/his loved ones. Not everything has to revolve around him (although he actually did end up being the center of everything, for an unexpected reason). My final problem (readers will know that’s an allusion to a Sherlock Holmes story) with Mal was when he revealed that he might have done some things in a dream/suppressed his memory of doing them. I think the allusion to The Murder of Roger Ackroyd was cool, but c’mon, you can’t just say “i thought i was dreaming but turns out it happened irl” and expect to get away with it. There are plenty of other ways to conceal something from the reader without being so outlandish (like, for example, just lying). The Gwen plotline felt super rushed. I thought that her suspension from active FBI service would actually go somewhere but she just was sidelined until the end of the book, when Mal confessed everything to her over a phone call. He claims that this would be enough evidence to prove to the FBI that her theory was right, but an unrecorded phone call would prove absolutely nothing and only serve to be for dramatic effect.

Rating: 3/5 pet cats that you adopted from the scene of the crime

The Stars Too Fondly by Emily Hamilton

Synopsis: In the year 2041, humanity’s last hope was a spaceship called the Providence I. It was manned by the world’s best, with a goal of flying out to Proxima Century B and starting a new civilization on a goldilocks planet. Cleo grew up obsessed with the Providence mission, especially Captain Wilhelmina (Billie) Lucas. But on the day of the launch, the moment that the dark matter engines were powered up, the entire crew simply vanished. Humanity never recovered, and the Providence remained on Earth. Now, in 2061, an adult Cleo and her friends are determined to explore the Providence and see if they can solve the mystery of the crew’s disappearance. But while on board, they accidentally power on the engines, and get launched into space. They’re trapped on the ship, with only a hologram of Captain Lucas to guide them. Can they figure out what happened to the old crew? And what will happen when they start reacting strangely to the dark matter engines?

My thoughts: despite this being intended as an adult sci-fi novel, it was incredibly YA-core. The writing style and the actions of the characters felt pretty immature, considering that Cleo and her friends were supposed to be 29 years old. The voice of the novel also felt very targeted to a teen audience, and I was genuinely confused as to what age group the book was really written for. It was also not very science-y for a science fiction book, and I usually read sci-fi books because I am craving some hard science. I don’t think that just any book set in space/on a spaceship should get to call itself science fiction without actually embodying the principles of science fiction. This book ended up being more a teen romance between Cleo and the hologram of Billie. I thought it was a little odd that there was basically a love triangle between Cleo and holo Billie and real Billie (each Billie thought that Cleo would choose the other Billie over her). I’m glad that it was resolved, but at the same time felt that it was resolved a little too neatly.

Rating: 3/5 3D printers that can cook up (literally) whatever your heart desires.

What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund

Synopsis: In this book, Peter Mendelsund explores what we see when we read, and our misconceptions about our own minds’ eye.

My thoughts: I’ve been on an odyssey to read this book for seven months. As readers will know, I am hypophantasic, and rarely, if ever imagine things in my head when I read. (For those asking, yes, I just focus on the words, and the descriptions of what’s going on are more than enough for me.) I thought it would be interesting to understand how other people experience reading, so I figured this book would be perfect. The book itself played around with a lot of images, and interesting layouts for text. However, I really struggled with this book. The main thesis was that the images we imagine are made up, and often extrapolated from few details in the text. Mendelsund treated this like it was a revolutionary observation, but to me it seems pretty obvious? If something is not being exhaustively described, but you imagine it fully, then you have to be making up some of it in order to get a complete picture. He acted as though this was a controversial statement that would upset readers if pointed out to them. I also found Mendelsund was very prescriptive, eventually to the point of irritation. He didn’t really leave room for any interpretations or experiences other than his own. I also found the tone overall to be pretty pretentious. So no, I did not enjoy this book, and I’m perfectly happy to live in my words-only, pictureless world.

Rating: 2/5 mental images of Anna Karenina (even though you don’t actually know what she looks like)

I watched “The Substance” yesterday with Tetyana as our Halloween night spooky movie.

The premise was really interesting; a company offers a service where you can inject yourself with a serum to create a “better” version of yourself. You are the matrix, they are the other. It's not a clone, it's basically just sprouting another human being out of you. You do not share the other's memory (and them yours), and yet only one of you can be conscious at a time. There are rules:

• You/Your other must feed your other/its matrix with IV while unconscious
• Your other must stabilize every day, which involves the other extracting some cerebrospinal fluid out of you (the matrix) and injecting it to themselves
• You must switch every 7 days, no exceptions
• Remember you are one

Our protagonist, Elisabeth, goes through with this procedure. Sue is born. The movie explores the dynamic between Sue and Elisabeth. The cinematography is where this movie really shines in my opinion, it is original and striking without every feeling too needlessly artsy. There were a ton of interesting shots, or ways the camera was used, positioned, or how the movement/lack of it was used. While being overall consistent for the movie, the cinematography was very noticeably different when following Elisabeth or Sue. While Elisabeth's was very sober, plain almost minimalist for the most part, Sue's was hectic, glamourous with very, very close-up shots.

The sound design was also very claustrophobic in a way, with a lot of low pass filter creating an effect of being underwater, while having some bodily sounds being unfiltered. This ties in to the body horror part of the movie. There are a bunch of disgusting sounds in there.

Another part of the body horror was nudity. There was so much ass. My notes for this portion of the review are simply “ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass [...]“. This is when Sue is on-screen, and she is extremely sexualised, not only by the movie, but by the entertainment industry, which plays an important part in the story. The other side of body horror comes in during the stabilizing requirements, and during other scenes that I cannot spoil. Most of it is during the last 20min of the film, which are so wild I would never in a million years predicted it.

The script is the weakest part of this movie in my opinion, with glaring plot holes and overall not being airtight, never giving you the “wow that is so clever” feeling from seeing something unfolding. It is not bad, but apart from the premise, it is serviceable. However, the movie does not take itself seriously (without the satire being too in your face most of the time), so the weakness of the scenario is not a fatal flaw. The music is not the main focus of the movie, and does its job here. Apart from one or two tracks, it doesn't do anything special. The acting is to be commended, both actresses (Elisabeth – Demi Moore & Sue – Margaret Qualley) are doing a great job and selling a believable performance. The director, who also wrote, co-edited, and co-produced the film, Coralie Fargeat, is also to be saluted, as I especially liked the direction. And I also have to mention Benjamin Kracun who was responsible for the much appreciated cinematography.

The themes of the use of women by the entertainment industry (sole focus on beauty, youth, and unrealistic standards as well as rampant sexualization for monetisation purpose) and parenting, are very unsubtly present here. The second one was dealt with more depth and almost nuance, while the first was pretty simplistic. I don't believe the movie could have gotten away without mentioning the first though, so it is understandable. What the movie says about the former and self-hate, self-loathing, things taken for granted/lack of appreciation for the things we have, aging... were really interesting in my opinion, even if I can't fully relate to the last one yet. Overall, this movie touches on multiple subject, without being too verbose. A lot of them are mostly indirectly approached, which is nice to see; the movie is not afraid of the viewer not understanding/getting everything.

I would recommend this movie, it is a nice breath of fresh air in the horror genre, which — last I checked — was pretty stale. But don't expect too much horror. 16/20

Went to a concert yesterday. It was the first concert I had ever been to by my own volition (if you discount the frosh week concert). Tetyana and I went to see Океан Ельзи (Okean Elsy) a ukrainian band that is touring the US and Canada before going back to perform in Ukraine. When I was working at Tetyana's family restaurant, their songs were cycling the playlist quite often, and I liked them.

After driving for 45min, we arrived at the venue early, probably at around 7h30 when their set was only starting at 8. There were no opening bands, it was just them. We found a spot at the first elevated platform, avoiding the pit, but despite our early arrival, we weren't at the first row of that mini balcony. It was not an issue for me, despite my petite stature (I'm only 180cm after all [5'11'' for you weirdos]), and we managed to find a triangle opening for Tetyana to see the stage. Shortly after we arrived, the pre-show entertainment started: an auction of some band items and other memorabilia, which profit would go to the defence of Ukraine. If you have been living under a rock, Ukraine has been actively at war for 2 years, defending itself against the full scale invasion from russia. The band even had a flag from the famous Azov's third separate assault brigade (3-тя окрема штурмова бригада) on the auction. The auction ended at around 7h50. I was starting to shift on my feet, uncomfortable, as I had spent the whole day running around to set up the second-biggest event of the year at work.

Unfortunately, while the show was supposed to start at 8pm, the band only showed up at 8h30. During my wait, I was checking out the stage. It was pretty bare bone, with a couple of light on top of the rigging. On the stage, on the guitarist side, a plethora of guitars were exhibited: a fender telecaster, gibson sg, some acoustic guitars, more electric ones.... On the bassist side only two: a hofner violin bass and another identical hofner violin bass that he didn't touch for the entire set — based (prepared) minimalist. I, too, enjoy short scale bases. I know nothing about pianos or drums, so I will just say that there was an acoustic drum set and an electric piano on stage. Despite the distractions, I was still uncomfortable.

Without introductions, the band came out and started with their first and second songs. God damn, the lead singer sounds as good if not better live than in recordings. I had put in my ear plugs at that point — I already have tinnitus — but they still sounded great. The welcome speech followed, and to my surprise, the lead singer is speaking quite good english to the crowd which, you won't be shocked to learn, was 90% ukrainian. Then they did the unthinkable; they sang songs in english. They have released two albums recently, one in ukrainian, and one in english. It was the first time they did one in english, and the reasoning they gave was that they wanted ukraine and ukrainian culture to be heard of around the world by its own merit, and not as a side mention when talking about the war. I was a bit apprehensive, as in France, whenever an artist starts to sing in english from french, or starts to mix both, it's usually quite shit. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about french bands that sing in english from the get-go, like my beloved Gojira, but the ones that see money and fame in singing in english and decide to transition. In any case, I was pleasantly surprised, as their english stuff was quite good. They sang Might Have Been a Dream, which I really liked, and is Tetyana's favorite song of their english album, which I haven't had the chance to listen to yet. I have listened to that song's studio counterpart in the car, and the live one was better. The studio version sounded too clean and the lead singer's english was better too — I liked his stronger accent and the more scuffed production of the live one more.

A quick transition later talking candidly about the war in Ukraine, and the band went back to ukrainian songs, with some of the audience singing — although timidly — the refrain of some. I, alas, could not take part in that as I do not really speak ukrainian and do not know the band's discography as well as I should. I could only clap and nod to the beat. The songs were good and their performance was solid. The lead singer performance is again really to be commended, he sounded incredibly good.

They sang some of their classics like я так хочу... (I do want it), не йди (Don't go), Tetyana's favorite без тебе мене нема (Without you there is no I). They were all great, but despite that the crowd and me were tired and there was not much engagement from our part. Which bring us to one of the other classics that they played, which I think they fumbled. It's без бою (Without a Fight), which starts slow and builds up to the refrain where the singer yells in a powerful voice — contrasting with the almost whisper of the start — “я не здамся без бою” (I will not give up without a fight). For their performance everything was the same as the recording if a bit modernised, and energised, adding to the build-up. Except when it was time for the cathartic yelling of the “я не здамся без бою”; the lead singer, instead of singing, turned his mic to the now very tired and lukewarm crowd which was probably not expecting it and kinda flunked it. And instead of learning his lesson, he did the same for the other two refrains. To the crowd's credit, they did wake up a bit after the second refrain, which they might have expected this time. But man, I would have loved to experience the song the way it is usually sung by the singer.

The show was great otherwise, and the song selection was a nice mix of classics, new stuff, english stuff, with a good balance of mellow to energetic stuff. The instrument performers were also good, the guitar was shredding an appropriate amount, the bass was playing in the pocket, and the drums were keeping time good (my lack of music expertise is showing). The mixing was very good, no issue of overpowering bass, too loud drums or too forward guitars. The voice was perfect and I have nothing but praise for their performance.

I would have loved if they also had played на небі (In the sky) and Обійми (Embrace) but I understand why they weren't in the setlist as — while they are beautiful songs — they might have put the crowd to sleep. Overall, it was a great concert, that could only have been made better if the band had started on time. It was a successful first concert, and I am looking forward to my second concert experience, coming up pretty soon in November, seeing Jaeger (go pre-save his album now).

The Toronto Blue Jays, fresh off a last place finish in 2024 but finishing with 91, 92, and 89 wins from 2021-2023, have pieces to make a deep push in the playoffs, but need some much needed help to do so. Their young talent is the biggest question mark, as some of them need a lot of work that might not fit their “win now” mentality. Bo Bichette and Vlad Jr. are both on the tail end of their Blue Jays tenure, both reaching free agency in 2026. Pitchers Kevin Gausman, Chris Bassitt, and outfielder George Springer will also reach free agency around that time. Pitcher Jose Berrios has an opt out in 2027, and can choose to go into free agency in his age 33 season. Because of this, and the incentive to build a successful team as Canada's only baseball team (rip Montreal), I begin my optimistic wish list for Toronto's future. I will break it down position by position and try to make it as digestible as possible, while providing 3 “tiers” of thought: cheap, average, and lucrative. I will try to add definitions for terms I use that not everyone would know to help with this.

BREAKDOWN OF MINOR LEAGUES: MLB AAA AA High A Low A

ARBITRATION: player has reached enough service time to advocate for themselves if they believe they deserve a larger contract, if both sides cannot agree, it is taken to a third party arbitration hearing, not good for player-team relations

SPOTRAC.COM: website that evaluates player contracts and estimated player market value

PLAYER OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the player can choose to opt in or opt out, going to free agency

TEAM OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the team can choose to opt in or opt out, sending player to free agency

FANGRAPHS.COM: website that gives super in depth looks at each team and players, projections, and evaluations

CY YOUNG AWARD: best pitcher award

TEAM BREAKDOWN/WISHLIST ——————————————————————

CATCHER: Alejandro Kirk, Tyler Heinemen, Brian Serven

After trading away Danny Jansen this past season, it's clear that Captain Kirk is the primary catcher for the years to come, now in his arbitration years and set to reach free agency in 2027. Originally signing as an international free agent way back in 2016, he is just now getting his spot as the no1 catcher. Taking a step back offensively in 2024 however, the Blue Jays should nix having Tyler Heinemen and Serven as the backups (kind of nothing players outside of being able to play catcher), and instead sign a no2 catcher that can also serve as a pinch hitter when needed. This is when trading your top catching prospect hurts you. Gabriel Moreno, traded from Toronto to Arizona, has become a top catcher in the game at only 24 years old. Traded with outfielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. for Daulton Varsho, this trade still baffles me as you traded a top catching prospect and a quality outfielder for a decent outfielder who can play catcher but probably won't ever again.

The catcher free agent class is usually pretty weak, as a good catcher is one of the more important pieces to keep around. Ironically, Danny Jansen is a free agent again, but will probably be asking for a multi-year deal worth more than I would spend on a no2 catcher. After departing with Moreno, their catching prospect list is basically non-existent, as none of their catchers rank.

Cheap: Yasmani Grandal

Grandal will be entering his age 36 season, and has fallen off significantly after his time in Milwaukee. Injuries and poor performance filled out his 4 year contract with the White Sox, having just one good year from 2020-2023. Signing with the Pirates this year on a 1 year, 2.5mil contract, he put up better numbers than his last year with Chicago hitting more homers in less games. His best years are behind him, but as a switch hitting bench bat, he could provide some offense on a game to game basis. Spotrac has his projected market value to be 1.3m/y but I think matching his previous contract with another 1 year, 2.5-3 mil deal is a good cheap option for a no2 catcher.

Average: Gary Sanchez

Gary Sanchez is a veteran of the AL East division, playing with the Yankees for the majority of his career before stints with the Twins, Mets, Padres, and most recently, the Milwaukee Brewers. Batting .220 in 2024 with 11 homers in 89 games isn't anything special, but only 31, I can see him recovering some of his power lost from his Yankee days, and would sign him to a 2 year, 8 mil deal. Having him as a bench option/secondary catcher seems like the better option as his average and on base percentage is up from his last year with the Yankees, having played half as many games.

Lucrative: Elias Diaz

Diaz will “only” be 34 in 2025, and has more than 6 years of service time as a major league catcher. Starting with the Pirates but having his best seasons in Colorado, Diaz is a good backup option, batting .270 with Colorado this year before being traded to San Diego. He only hit half as many homers this year as he did last year, but still hit for a decent average. His market value is projected to be much higher than I think it should be at 13.1m/y, coming off of a 3 year, 14 mil extension and taking a step back in his production during those years, I can see signing him to a 2 year, 15mil deal.

SUMMARY: Yasmani Grandal – 1yr,2.5-3 mil Gary Sanchez – 2yr, 8mil Elias Diaz – 2yr, 15mil

FIRST BASE: Vlad Jr, Spencer Horwitz

The biggest question mark for the Blue Jays is whether Vlad Jr. can return to his 2021 season production or if this could be the final days of Vlad Jr. in a Blue Jays jersey. By far the most expensive player to evaluate, it's hard to see the Blue Jays not at least trying to keep Vladdy on the Jays. In his last years of arbitration and making almost 30 mil in arbitration in 2025, it's hard to see both sides agreeing on a number for a long term deal. Hitting 30 homers and batting over .300, he is edging closer to his best season with Toronto (40 homers, .300+ average), but with little time remaining on his tenure, the Jays should be putting him as their top priority. Spotrac has him valued as a potential 10 year, 250mil player, akin to the Braves' Matt Olson (8yr, 168 mil) which would become the largest contract in Blue Jays history, beating out George Springer's 6 year, 150 mil contract. Only missing 18 games since 2021, I think he is a safe person to bet big on, and at the very least, maintain his production for the majority of his career. In this game of ifs, I have to picture a reality where they don't get Vladdy to resign, either due to the front office's own mismanagement or because of a more lucrative deal from another team, most likely a routine contender.

Cheap: Spencer Horwitz

Just starting his tenure as a major leaguer and having a good first season in Toronto, the Jays can continue to develop Horwitz as their first baseman following a potential departure from Vladdy. Under contract until 2031, and not arbitration eligible until 2027, he is the perfect cheap, homegrown option to invest in and make their starting first baseman of the future. Hitting over .300 for the first months of his career and ending with a .265 average and 12 home runs is more than quality for a 24 year old drafted in 2019. His pre arbitration contract is only 741,000/y and he has the tools necessary to become a main piece of the Blue Jays future.

Average: Anthony Rizzo/Rhys Hoskins

This one is a little different because both players have options (Rizzo team option, Hoskins player option) so this is assuming both players have their options opted out of, sending both to free agency. Much like the signing of Brandon Belt last season, an added first baseman option will let Vladdy play games at DH and let him rest a little throughout the season without having to take him out of the lineup.

Anthony Rizzo, a World Series champion in 2016 with the Chicago Cubs and back in the World Series with the Yankees this year, hasn't had the same production since his time with the Cubs, and has been sidelined with injury during his tenure with the Yankees. The Yankees are expected to decline his option, I think Rizzo is a good left handed option, and if healthy, can still have quality performance on offense and defense. Signing a 32 mil contract from 2022-23 and another contract for 2023-25, the Yankees are expected to buy out the last year of his 40mil contract for 6 mil. From the start of his Yankees tenure to now, his market value has plummeted from 17/mil to an estimated 2 mil/y salary. Because of this, and his notable defense, I think he is a good option to have as a backup/bench bat. His last full season was 2022, where he hit 32 homers to a .224 average, and if he can get close to this production as a first baseman/DH/bench bat, can be a good signing for the Blue Jays. Despite him being 36 next season, I would give him a 2yr, 10 mil contract with an option for a third year.

Rhys Hoskins is kind of the opposite. Missing all of 2023 due to injury, and signing a short-term deal with the Milwaukee Brewers and proving he is still a quality player, I think Hoskins will opt out of his contract to pursue a more lucrative deal. Hitting 26 homers to a .214 average is nothing to scoff at after missing an entire year. His last full season was with the Phillies in 2022 where he hit 30 homers to a .246 average, pretty close to his most recent season. His estimated market value sits at 11.8mil/y, and I think that's fair given his current 17mil/y contract. At 31 years old, I would give him a 4yr, 50 mil contract, or a shorter 2 year, 30 mil contract with a player option for a third year.

Lucrative: Vladdy Jr.

Obviously, the lucrative option would be to sign Vladdy long term. Returning to form after a down year in 2023 where he only hit 26 homers to a .264 average, and only 25, the Blue Jays almost have to re-sign Vladdy, a generational cornerstone when at his best, an above average player at his worst. I would give him an 8yr, 200mil deal with options for a 9th and 10th year for a total of 250 mil.

SUMMARY: Horwitz – 747,000/y, Team control until 2031 Rizzo – 2yr, 10 mil, option for third year Hoskins – 4yr, 50mil or 2yr, 30mil with an option for a third year Vlad Jr. – 8yr, 200mil with options for 9th and 10th year

SECOND BASE: Will Wagner, Ernie Clement, Leo Jimenez

With a plethora of unproven infielders, it's hard to say how they will navigate 2nd base. Like Spencer Horwitz, Will Wagner performed well during his first few months with the Jays after being acquired from Houston. Batting over .300 in his first 25 games, it's still hard to tell what he will do in a full season given the chance. Ernie Clement has been a flexible infield option as well, playing 2nd, 3rd, and SS last season. He is on his way to being a productive everyday player, having played his career high in games last season and hitting to a .263 average. To compete for a championship in the next couple years however, they may need more. I can see Clement as the starting second baseman to begin the season, and depending on his production, reevaluate from there. He is almost 30 which is a bit old to develop as an infielder, and he will make 2.5mil next season. Leo Jimenez is too young and too green to evaluate as an everyday player, and has not performed well in his time given at the major league level. I believe he will start in the minor leagues and get called up when needed. Playing in only 60 games mostly due to injuries to the main core, he averaged .229 last season. Second base doesn't always have to be an impact position, but someone who should be in the field as many games as possible with some flexibility in their ability to play other positions. The top second baseman last season was Ketel Marte for Arizona, hitting 36 homers to a .292 batting average, by far an outlier on the offensive front. Former Blue Jay Marcus Semien is a close second place, who with Toronto broke the single season home run record for a second baseman but took a step back offensively with the Texas Rangers' collapse in the second half, only hitting to a .237 batting average.

Cheap: Use what they have in Wagner, Clement, Jimenez

Having an excess of middle infielders makes it easy to plug in someone you already have in your system, without the need to look elsewhere. Wagner showed promise and with Jimenez, are young and cheap with many years of team control. Ernie Clement showed success at the major league level but is getting older for someone who is just now getting significant playing time. He will be entering his age 29 season.

Average: Jorge Polanco

Switch hitting second baseman has a 12 million club option with Seattle for 2025, but only hitting 16 homers to a .213 average, I see Seattle declining his option, sending him to free agency. In the last year of his contract extension from 2019 with Minnesota, Jorge Polanco was a key piece of the Twins' success and still relatively young at 31 years old. Because of this, and his former success , hitting 33 homers to a .258 average in 2021, I think he would be a good short term, win now contract if he can return to form. His market value is a little higher than I would give him at 13.7/y, but a short term deal could be beneficial for both sides. Because of his past and as a switch hitter, I think a 2 year, 25 mil deal with an option for a third year worth 15mil would work well.

Lucrative: Gleyber Torres

Yankee mainstay Gleyber Torres hits free agency this winter, and depending on the Yankee's success in this year's World Series, the team might not re-sign Torres with young infielders on the rise in their minor league system. He's only missed a handful of games in his last 3 seasons, and a veteran of the AL East, could be a good steal for the Jays, even if at a hefty price. The Jays have a lot of young infielders, but could sign Torres to a multi-year deal to have some offensive stability while the young players develop. He took a step back offensively this year, dropping his homers from 25 to 15, and his average from .273 to .253, but looking at his first half vs second half stats, he performed much better in the second half as the leadoff hitter, hitting over .300 the last few months of the season. The Blue Jays' known issues with production in the leadoff spot puts Gleyber in a good spot to provide some early offense for Bo and Vladdy, who will get more opportunities to drive in runs early. Torres is only 27, and will fetch a high price. He received 14.2mil in arbitration last season, and due to his step back offensively, could be signed to a 3 year, 50 mil deal with options for more on the hope that he can return to his 20+ homer, .250+ average with consistency.

SUMMARY: Wagner, Clement, Jimenez – <4 mil/y and a lot of team control Jorge Polanco – 2y, 25mil with option for third year at 15mil Gleyber Torres – 3y, 50mil with options for fourth and fifth year

THIRD BASE: Clement (projected starter on FanGraphs), Addison Barger, Orelvis Martinez

The Blue Jays haven't had a consistent third baseman since acquiring Matt Chapman from Oakland in 2022, departing with Cavan Biggio and Santiago Espinal and settling on deals for Justin Turner and Isiah Kiner-Falefa last year. Their top third base prospect, Orelvis Martinez, hit to a .267 average in the minor leagues before getting called up to the Jays, and promptly suspended for 80 games after violating the PED policy. In years previous, he's been nothing special, but is only 22 years old. Another third base prospect, Addison Barger, got significant playing time last year but hit to a <.200 average, and will most likely start 2025 on the minor league roster. Another third base prospect, Cutter Coffey, one of the players acquired from Boston in the Danny Jansen trade, hit 14 home runs in the minor leagues before being traded, where he only hit 1 the rest of the season. This position is very much a work in progress, and in a win now scenario, needs significant improvement unless you move Vladdy back to third base, something he did a little bit last year but hasn't played full time since 2019. Moving Vlad to third would allow Horwitz or another first baseman (think Rizzo or Hoskins) to play everyday and still let someone play DH without removing much from the field defensively.

Cheap: JD Davis

Because of the unreliability from the Jays third basemen in their organization already, the best cheap option to acquire would be JD Davis, who has shown power in the past but didn't perform well last year where he only played in 50 games. He hit 18 homers to a .248 average with San Francisco in 2023, and could return to that 15+ homer form given a full season. In seasons where he played more than 100 games, he has hit at least 12 home runs and at least a .248 average. A 1yr, 2.5 mil deal, same as last season, should be good enough for him.

Average: Yoan Moncada

Riddled with injuries these past few seasons, Yoan Moncada needs a “prove it” deal, the opportunity to show the league you still got it on a short 1 year contract, to get back on the right track. As a switch hitting third baseman who was touted as a top prospect with Red Sox and later the White Sox, he is only a few years removed from his best campaign, where he hit 25 homers to a .315 average in 2019. Still young at 29, and most likely to have his 25mil team option opted out of, he will be looking for somewhere to show his stuff. Playing poorly from 2020-2024, only playing in a handful of games the last couple seasons, his price tag will be much lower than his contract was, and a 1 yr, 4 million dollar deal would be a good prove it deal for him.

Lucrative: Alex Bregman

Bregman is tricky, because there is a big possibility that the Astros resign Bregman, who has played his entire career in Houston, winning 2 championships in 2017* and 2022 respectfully. He is coming off a 5 year, 100mil extension signed in 2020, and will probably be asking for close to that if he hits free agency. Hitting 41 home runs in 2019, it's no question why he got the contract extension, but since 2020 has performed to a slightly above average statline, as a 20+ homer .250+ average player. If he can't get a deal done because his asking price is too high or Houston's offer is too low, I can see a 4 year, 80 million dollar deal for a quality third base option who has only missed significant time once in his career.

SUMMARY: JD Davis – 1yr, 2.5mil Yoan Moncada – 1yr, 4mil Alex Bregman – 4yr, 80 mil

SHORTSTOP: Bo Bichette, Ernie Clement, Josh Kasevich

Bo Bichette has been a mainstay at the shortstop position since 2019, hitting for a .300+ average almost every season, with his lowest coming this year due to injury at .225, but only playing 81 games (also important to note that it was a hand injury, so offensive struggles were likely because of that). He is set to earn 17.5mil in 2025, his last season before reaching free agency. During his stint on the injured list, Ernie Clement and others held down his position, but not performing nearly as well as Bichette had in years prior. Josh Kasevich has yet to debut on the Blue Jays roster, but performed to a .325 average in 41 games at AAA. I think he will start in the minor leagues, and probably only debut due to injuries or late in the season, so I think signing someone who can slot in to multiple positions while also taking over on rest days for Bo if needed.

Cheap: Amed Rosario

A flexible INF/OF, Rosario has had consistent success at the major league level, with most of his 9 seasons consisting of .260+ averages and 5-15 home runs. He has played most of the season each year, with stints on the Dodgers, Guardians, Mets, and Reds. Not a huge impact player offensively, but his value is in his versatility and ability to stay on the field, not to mention his low cost. Rosario signed a 1.5mil deal in 2024 with Tampa Bay before being sent to the Reds. His estimated value is 2.3m/y, so a 1y, 2.5 mil deal is more than doable.

Average: Ha-Seong Kim

San Diego has at least 50 shortstops last time I checked, Kim one of them, and his contract for 2025 rests on a mutual option. The Padres need to cut payroll, and Kim is expected to opt out of his side, despite a down year offensively. He only hit 11 homers to a .233 average, but at 29 years old and a veteran of the Korean league, Kim is still a worthy player. Kim missed 40 games this year due to injury, but played in 150 games in 2022 and 2023. He is coming off a 4 year, 28 mil contract signed in 2021, and his market value is estimated at 12.3mil/y. I wouldn't spend that much on someone who's best season was only 17 homers at a .266 average, but a 3 year, 33 mil deal with an option for a 4th works well for me, as he has also played second base in San Diego, another spot the Jays need to fill.

Lucrative: Bo Bichette

It's no mystery that Bo Bichette is talented, and that last year was an outlier to his overall production, but signing him to a long term deal would still come with some ifs. 26 years old is super young for a shortstop, and is coming off a 3 year, 33.6mil extension signed in 2023. Set to reach free agency after this next season, signing him now on the idea that he returns to form instead of waiting until after the 2025 season in case his stock rises so much he chooses to hit the open market is the best bet for a solid infield for years to come. Not counting 2024, where he missed half the season, he has hit over 60 home runs to a .300+ average since his debut in 2019. After a down year, you could probably get him to sign a long term deal for less than if he had played a full season, and a 7yr, 150mil contract is somehow on the cheaper end for a player like Bobear.

SUMMARY: Amed Rosario – 1yr, 2.5mil Ha-Seong Kim – 3yr, 33 mil with an option for a 4th year at 15mil Bo Bichette – 7yr, 150mil

OUTFIELDERS: George Springer, Daulton Varsho, Nathan Lukes, Joey Loperfido, Jonatan Clase

Instead of doing 3 players for each outfield position, I will present 5 outfielders, 2 cheap, 2 average, and 1 lucrative.

The Blue Jays outfield has seen massive turnover in recent years, going from proven sluggers like Teoscar Hernandez and Lourdes Gurriel to defensive standouts like Kevin Kiermaier and Daulton Varsho, but the constant member of the outfield, George Springer, has fallen off completely from his best years. The highest Blue Jays contract in history at 6yrs, 150mil, Springer is a shell of his former self, hitting to a .220 average last season. George will be 35 during the 2025 season, and a 35 year old outfielder is like one of those dogs with the training wheels because their legs are shot. A worthy candidate to replace George Springer as the top outfielder is Daulton Varsho, and while he was acquired through a horrible, lopsided trade, has proven he can patrol Center Field to a gold glove standard. Lukes, Loperfido, and Clase are young and unproven, but can fill out Left and Right field if needed. Outside of these names, there aren't a lot of impact players for the Jays' outfield. Minor leaguer Alan Roden would be the first one called up if needed, hitting to a .314 average in 71 games at AAA. There are always a lot of quality outfielders on the market, we'll see if the Jays can snag anyone of note for next season.

Cheap: Michael Conforto

Conforto has been through injury hell since he hit over .300 in the shortened covid season, missing all of 2022. He signed a 2 year deal with San Francisco, and performed well enough, playing most games during those two seasons and matching his production from 2021, even surpassing his home run numbers this last season, hitting 20 and batting .237. I can also see him taking somewhat of a prove it deal, improving last season but still needing to return to his 2019 standard, where he hit over 30 home runs for the first and only time in his career. His market value is set at 4.7mil/y, but I don't think he would go for anything less than 10 mil/y. A 1 yr, 15mil deal should be good enough value for what he is hoping to do in 2025. Conforto is a primary Right Fielder but can play Left and Center if needed.

Cheap: Harrison Bader

Besides a short run during his time with the Yankees, Bader has been a defense first outfielder for his career. I would compare this signing to the signing of Kiermaier a couple years ago, adding great defense but with Bader having slightly better offensive numbers. Having Bader as a Center Fielder allows Varsho to rest vs lefties, or allows him to slide to Left with Springer in Right for a more complete outfield. At 30 years old, and valued at 7.1m/y, I think a 1yr, 10 mil or a 2yr, 18 mil deal, comparable financially to Kiermaier's contract (1yr, 10.5mil).

Average: Tyler O'Neill

Canada's own Tyler O'Neill hit 31 homers last year, and would provide much needed power to the middle of the order for people not named Vlad Jr. He made just under 6 mil in arbitration in 2024, and is valued at 16.2mil/y after this great season. He did miss time with injury the past 3 years, which could lower his value a bit, but that makes the 31 homers this season stand out that much more. A corner outfielder, he can slot in as the everyday Left or Right fielder, and also DH when needed. Only 29, I can see signing him to a 4yr, 60 mil contract.

Average: Alex Verdugo

As a member of both the Red Sox and the Yankees, Verdugo is no stranger to the AL East, and has proven to be a +defender with solid offensive output. Only 28, he will probably be looking for a multi-year deal. Making 8.7mil last season in arbitration, I think a 5 year, 60 mil contract with options can be beneficial for both sides, as he provides a left handed bat and solid defense at the corner outfield positions.

Lucrative: Juan Soto

Juan Soto is on the fast track to the Hall of Fame. Only 25 years old, he won the World Series in 2019, and has over .300 for almost his entire career. Hitting for average and power, Juan Soto is the upper echelon of offensive production. His “worst” season is still a 25+ homer season, and had a career high 41 homers in 2024. The Yankees will do everything in their power to re-sign Soto, but why shouldn't the Jays do the same? Making a whopping 31 mil in arbitration this season, he will no doubt be a $500 million dollar man. Slotting in Right or Left, and as a power hitting left-handed bat, Juan Soto will be at the top of the list for every team worth their salt. A 15yr, 500mil contract is an insane amount of money, and is well deserved for a man of Soto's caliber.

SUMMARY: Michael Conforto – 1yr, 15mil Harrison Bader – 1yr, 10mil or 2yr, 18mil Tyler O'Neill – 4yr, 60 mil Alex Verdugo – 5 yr 60 mil Juan Soto – 15yr, 500mil

DESIGNATED HITTER: Vlad Jr., Spencer Horwitz, George Springer

As far as offensive production goes, the Jays need a significant improvement in their DH slot, having an everyday power presence while allowing Vladdy, Horwitz, and Springer to play their normal positions. DH's vary more year to year and don't receive long term contracts because they only hit. (The Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton is one of the only DH's to make significant money and only hit, as Ohtani will return to pitching in 2025). Because of this and the tendency to not sign a DH only player, the options are usually slim.

Cheap: Eloy Jimenez

Debuting with the Chicago White Sox and starting off strong with a 30+ homer season, Jimenez has never been the same player since, struggling with injuries and poor performance. He actually played the same amount of games in 2021 as he did in the shortened 2020 season because of injuries, but put up decent enough numbers in 2023, but not to the standard of his debut season. Because of his strong first season in Chicago, he was signed to a 6yr, 43 mil contract extension, and never lived up to the price tag. He has a team option for 2025, but at 16.5mil, he will most certainly have it declined. He's only 27, and could benefit highly from a 1yr prove it deal, if he can stay healthy. His estimated market value is only 2.3m/y, and a 1yr, 3mil contract for a DH on the hopes they can get back to their 25+ homer days is perfect for a Jays team that wants results without spending big.

Average: JD Martinez

Veteran slugger JD Martinez has produced his entire career, and at 37 years old, is only now starting to slow down. From 2014-2023 (not counting the shortened covid season) Martinez has played over 100 games each season, hitting to a .270+ average. 2024 has arguably been the worst of his career, only hitting 16 homers to a .235 average, but can still provide a power bat at the DH spot, not having to play every day either. At 38, a big money deal is risky, but with 7.5mil of his most recent contract deferred until 2034, could be attracted to a 1yr, 12 mil deal.

Lucrative: Joc Pederson

Another proven power bat, this time from the left side, Joc Pederson hit 23 homers to a .275 average in 132 games in 2024, one of his more consistent offensive seasons. A notorious power bat and two time World Series champion, he will most likely opt out of his 14 mil deal for 2025 and look for a multi-year contract in his age 32 season. His market value is estimated close to what he would earn this year, I think a 3yr, 50mil contract given he still produces is more than beneficial for the Jays.

SUMMARY: Eloy Jimenez – 1yr, 3mil JD Martinez – 1yr, 12mil Joc Pederson – 3yr, 50 mil

STARTING ROTATION: Kevin Gausman, Jose Berrios, Bowden Francis, Chris Bassitt, Yariel Rodriguez

The Blue Jays lucked out with Bowden Francis. When Kikuchi was traded, that opened up a spot in the rotation, and Francis broke out. Pitching to a 3.30 ERA and flirting with a no hitter on multiple occasions, Francis is an excellent pitcher for the future of the Jays. With an all righty rotation however, I think signing a lefty will be good for variety. With Rodriguez' struggles in his first season and subsequently pushed into a bullpen role, a spot is able to be opened up if needed. Alek Manoah (although also right-handed) should return for the second half of 2025 after his UCL surgery. Unfortunately their top lefty pitching prospect, 22 year old Ricky Tiedemann also is recovering from surgery and will miss the first half with Manoah. Lefty Ryan Yarbrough was traded for last season, so there is a possibility that he gets re-signed as a first half replacement for Manoah and Tiedemann.

Cheap: Ryan Yarbrough

Although mostly used from the bullpen this past season, Yarbrough was a starter for his first few years, pitching over 140 innings in 2018, 2019, and 2021 with Tampa Bay. Finishing last season with a 3.19 ERA in 44 games, Yarbrough could be a good lefty option to platoon that no5 starter spot with Rodriguez. Valued at 4.5mil/y renewing his tenure with the Jays on a 1yr, 4 mil contract should hold down the rotation until Manoah and Tiedemann can return from injury.

Average: John Means

The Baltimore lefty has been through injury hell, Only pitching more than 25 games in 2 seasons since 2019. In 2023 and 2024 he only pitched 4 games, and performed well with a a <3 ERA. Now a free agent, John Means will be looking for another 1 year prove it deal to show he can stay healthy and produce at a quality standard, which he did in 2019 and 2021, pitching over 140 innings to a 3.60 ERA. Making 3.3mil in 2024, a 1yr, 6 mil deal can help him show that he can still produce.

Lucrative: Blake Snell

The two time CY Young award winner got off to a slow start in 2024, not signing with a team until after Spring Training, which significantly halted his performance early on. Recovering tenfold and throwing a no hitter this year, Snell is expected to opt out of his last minute contract and hit free agency for the second consecutive season. In what has historically been an up and down statline on a year to year basis, Snell has shown consistency his last 3 seasons, pitching over 100 innings to a <3.50 ERA and winning the CY Young in 2023. He would slot in as the new ace, and a power lefty pitcher would round out the rotation nicely. Snell will most likely want to go to a regular playoff contender, and is valued at 26.3m/y. His biggest question mark in his career has been consistency, but after a third year of consistent performance, a 4yr, 150mil contract is well worth the cost.

SUMMARY: Yarbrough – 1yr, 4mil John Means – 1yr, 6 mil Blake Snell – 4yr, 150mil

BULLPEN: Jordan Romano, Chad Green, Erik Swanson, Genesis Cabrera, Ryan Burr, Brendon Little

Outside of closer Jordan Romano, setup man Chad Green, and lefty Genesis Cabrera, the bullpen is riddled with holes. In what was seemingly a revolving door of L talent, the bullpen is by far the part that needs the biggest change. The next guys up from AAA would be Zach Pop, Luis Frias, or Dillon Tate, all of which had poor performance in 2024. While not every pitcher in the bullpen needs to be an A+ guy, you should at least have consistency. There are always relief pitchers on the market, and on a wide range of price tags.

Cheap: Jose Leclerc

2024 was a step back for Leclerc after winning the World Series with Texas in 2023, pitching to a 4.32 ERA in 64 games. The veteran right hander is a consistent arm however, pitching over 50 innings in 6 of his 8 seasons. Coming off a big extension signed in 2019, and because relievers don't usually fetch a high price, a 2yr, 8 mil deal for Leclerc would add another stable arm in the bullpen.

Average: Kirby Yates

Yates was a Blue Jay for all of 6 seconds before injuring himself and sitting out his 2021 contract, but has since proven himself to be a top reliever in the game again. Cooking up a 1.17 ERA in 61.7 innings for Texas this year is outstanding for the veteran now entering his age 38 season, but age doesn't seem to have affected him as he put up his best numbers of his career. Because he is most likely on his way out of the league, I can see him settling for a 1yr, 8 mil deal.

Lucrative: Jeff Hoffman

Coming off a career year with the Phillies, pitching to a 2.17 ERA in 66 innings, his second consecutive season with an ERA in the 2's, Hoffman is a great choice to be that no1 guy out of the bullpen. Age 31, he will be looking for a multi-year deal. Estimated value set at 6.2m/y, I think a 3 year, 20 mil deal would give the Jays their A+ guy out of the bullpen to set up for Green and Romano in the 8th and 9th.

SUMMARY: Jose Leclerc – 2yr, 8mil Kirby Yates – 1yr, 8mil Jeff Hoffman – 3yr, 20mil

this has been my most ambitious post by far, and if any of these happen, I am the GOAT.

Last year's summer was not amazing for me. I was forced out of university before it was done, and where I was excited to spend one more summer in Kingston, it all vanished with my dad getting brain cancer and later dying. The separation caused a final rift in my relationship and I got broken up with. There were some people I saw here and there but with the move I felt I lost my consistent social life. On top of that, moving to the big city from Kingston, I had no idea how navigate meeting people. Everyone was so good at shutting everyone out and I had no clue how to get in. To add to this, I got an injury that caused a nerve shock, creating a ton of pain shooting through my left arm, destroying my sleep and ability to exercise. I was working all the time, because I felt I had to be there, but I wasn't doing much or accomplishing anything.

After a week of every day feeling more vulnerable, weak, and isolated than the last, I remember going to my home gym, trying to lift some weights, and being unable to lift 2 pounds with my left shoulder, and I mentally collapsed. This collapse lasted several hours, and because it became so late, when I reached out for help, I didn't get much response from anyone. Not really to fault them, even at rock bottom I knew it was 1 30 AM on a work night. Getting no responses I started to reach out to more people, including my ex, who had called me multiple times since the breakup due to her mental health reasons. I knew I was in a bad spot, and knew it was my time where I needed help. Her response was “Don't come to me about this” which is somewhere close to as bad as you can be when replying to someone in a mental health crisis asking for help. She had also recently gotten an award that was offered to me. Queen's Athletics shut me out as the recipient because I dropped a semester to be with my sister in the hospital. The award represents supporting the cheer team in memory of a teammate and dear friend of mine who had helped me in the past, but ended up taking her own life some years back. The person with the award now turning me away in my time of need was another layer to the crisis. This whole everything was pretty brutal. Luckily, a bit later, Elisa got back to me and we chatted for a while.

When talking to Elisa I expressed that I felt like everything had collapsed. My friends groups, my support systems, my family, my prospects for further education, really just all of it. It felt like every aspect of my life was measurably worse, and things were not improving. She expressed that loneliness in Toronto is pretty tough and had been struggled with it a lot over her life too. Maybe it was just the fact that both of us understood how hard it is to be long-distance with Bennet, but we decided that we could tackle this head-on. We set up some plans to hang out, she had some ideas, and we got to work. Plan one was a Fall time event at Square One. This was October 2nd, 2023.

Naturally, we called it operation friendsmaxxing. We decided that to tackle this loneliness thing we would come up with more plans, and I made a goal of hanging out with someone every day. Liam, Elisa, and I started hanging out in some capacity very frequently, sometimes doing cool and interesting things, sometimes watching movies that weren't even the most interesting with nothing to say to each other (since we last saw each other a day or two before). I grabbed some food with some old family friends, and in particular, I remember going to Joey's with Rob, the dad of a family friend who knew my dad but they fell out near the end. We talked. He asked about my dad and said his side of things and wanted to know mine. We talked about his life and times when he thought it was truly over for him. We talked about my life and how it seemed like my life was truly done for. My old coach Shaver called me a couple days later (I had called her that fateful night too) and we chatted about everything, including the award which was weighing on my mind. Dumping everything on everyone else helped a bit, and hanging out a lot helped a bit. Things were brutal, but something had kind of started, and it was time to make it what it could be.

I don't really remember it much. Maybe my mind was just in overdrive simmering in everything that was so overwhelming. I realized that there were indeed people around before this. There were the vampire nights, which require a shout-out to Eddie and Tetyana for those costumes, they seem to be the best at dressing up and I need to get better. These were a blast, but in my head, I had been so isolated and out of it that I felt like I was grasping at straws to make something happen. From now on, plans would be the default state unless they fell through.

There were a ton of plans for the next while, and after hanging out with people so much, I realized that socializing was, as I still say, like a muscle. Like hitting the gym, going once or twice makes you super sore and tired, and it's kind of foreign, and it's easy to just forget to do. Like going to the gym, if you do it all the time, make space for it, and make it happen, it starts to become natural, it keeps happening, and it makes you feel better. We had a book club back in Kingston (Vgh) that I missed, but I needed to appreciate that it was here too! Not only that, but the people in the book club tended to have lots of cool ideas for things to do. I decided I didn't have to do something every day, but would focus on making higher-quality plans. Where before I felt like I was grasping at straws to hang out, my social life started to become more regular and more successful.

I remember Pattycom. I remember getting my first coffee by accident, taking Nick's order that they got wrong, and feeling like I was glowing. While I was still glowing, we would be chatted up by a random table saying it was international talk to a stranger day, and a guy started talking about his security work and helping a woman recover her sex tapes from her porn recording room at her ex's house. I remember missing the first giant Pattycom visit where 10+ people could make it and being a little angry. I remember the next week there being even more people and feeling so relieved that it wasn't going to be a one-off thing. The small weeks where it was two or three of us. The big weeks where we took up half the place. As someone who was always scared of caffeine after watching my mom go through caffeine withdrawal, coffee became a big player in my new social life.

Things were looking well up, but the terrible events continued to pile up. Losing more friends and family was the default state. My grandpa had a stroke and lost his memory. He slowly started to recover, then had a heart attack and died. Both of these hit me very hard. An old family friend who I hadn't seen in a while, but went to Queen's, died of an infection. My capstone project mate who did most of our project and still happily helped me out with my section when he heard about my dad also died in a car crash. I am very familiar with death, but you still can only handle so much at once. It affected me heavily, but this time, I had friends. I was on a cheer team that I didn't like that was going pretty terribly, and while that team didn't help, I had friends there behind me to air out my frustrations who I knew I could be excited to see no matter what. Worst case scenario, I just had to stick it out till Saturday. Frankly, there was so much happening and I was so stressed that I can barely remember when things happened, or sometimes even much of what happened. I don't even remember it being winter at all. On one hand, it's strange, but on the other hand, maybe that meant that the winter didn't make me miserable like it has in many different years.

I remember writing my Father's Day article where I let myself be vulnerable, which as someone with a solid dose of PTSD, doesn't happen very often. This allowed an introspective and emotional outlet in the Printhouse, and my friends were supportive and not just freaked out by me, which was cool. The Muggies happened! I proposed to my now ex-wife, the drama surrounding the slap, the delicious food and drink, the award for my Father's Day article, and the cigarette in the taxi on the way home was a night of living the high life. We truly could not get much higher.

We made plans for the summer in Edna's backyard, and there were so many ideas from everyone. We did even more than we could have planned for, and I think probably half the plans haven't even been crossed off. I can't even remember when this summer started. So much has been happening so often with so many people that it has just been the best. People say time speeds up as you get older, and I think it's partially true. Having so many plans that are so diverse changes that. Week by week and month by month can go so fast if you do the same thing every day, but we did everything. This summer feels like it has lasted years. Looking back, I can't even recount all the amazing things I did with so many amazing people. I would think I would dread winter because it means this summer is winding down, but I know I'm going to be looking around for even more plans and things to do, and with the right people, it can happen.

We read Dune. We read Dungeon Meshi. Now, we are more than halfway through Fred Hampton. All of these books have been amazing experiences. Dune was the first sci-fi that I really enjoyed as an adult. I didn't know they made them like that. Dungeon Meshi was this weird readable anime that you read backwards? It was funny reading a comic like a kid again, but I loved the adventure and the inspiration it gave me to cook more. It was a great experience. Fred Hampton is my recommendation and it's great seeing how people understand and interact with so many of the concepts in our discussions. We talk about the injustices and the learning what the movement was like and what they were about. I love when people are curious about the same things as me. I love reading.

I think I learned that doing things and socializing is not optional. You can't just wake up and not go to your job for a while. You shouldn't be able to with your own time, but you technically can. You should be doing things by default, and occasionally booking a rest. I would rather meet up with people and fall asleep by accident over not meet up with people. Schedule things ahead of time, book them into your calendar, and try to book more things later. If you have a night of nothing, try to make two plans. If you can make something happen, book it in and make it happen. You can show up and be tired or out of it, I've fallen asleep at a couple of coffee meetups, but I was there, which was better than not being there. It's also restful. If you go home from work and lie down to recover for the next day, you will be tired. If you socialize or do something cool, you will not only have done something but have something to look forward to to do again. This is a way better state to be in. There are little things everywhere, shows, deals, diners, fairs, festivals, trails, clubs, sports, etc. There is always something.

Last night, I went out for dinner with Rob again. We went to Joey's and I told him that it had been around a year since the time we went out, when I was down and out, and he had helped me a ton. We had an amazing time, and it was a nice full-circle moment for me. A year ago, I thought it was just misery from here on out. I thought the fun part of my life was over, and it would just be slowly rotting from then on. It turns out, a lot can change in a year. A place that I thought was leaving me isolated, as it turns out, had some more life in it. With a lot of effort, that turned into more than I could have possibly imagined.

Things aren't perfect, I still have a lot of unresolved issues simmering in my head from the struggles I've been through over the years, but I've found something that really is pretty nice.

---

You can't stop the rain The friends that come around To talk about the highs and lows, the ups and downs

---

Oncle