I must apologise for the late (a whole week!) release of last month's reading. While they normally come out on the 5th of each month, I dropped quite the lengthy article earlier this month and needed a bit more time to finish this one. Without further ado, let's get into it:

Howling Dark – Christopher Ruocchio

You know what, I lied: I didn't actually finish this book in October, the last 80 pages plagued me all the way until mid-November. It was such a slog to read through. It's not bad, but it just really, really didn't click for me; I'd rather be reading the other Dune books (liem you know what to do, I'll even accept you moving to bluesky)

Mutual Aid – Dean Spades

That was a great little book. It introduces (in the sense “describes”) the concept of mutual aid and goes on to describe how a mutual aid group could work, and what the common issues with those groups are. It was a really interesting read, especially since it was so politically committed. While it doesn't go super far, some things that the book took as granted were just not the admitted reality of even many left leaning people. It was nice to just kinda be like: ok, that's the situation, where do we go from there.

Mutual aid is something that I found particularly interesting in “The Assassination of Fred Hampton[...]” which we read with the bookclub last month. Two great examples of mutual aid groups in this are the Black Panther breakfast program, which is also mentioned in “Mutual Aid”, and Jeff's law office (at some point in the office). People organically just coming together to make their neighbourhood or city a better place is something I found super cool. This is not to be confused with charities, or billionaire funded organisations. It's by the people, for the people, no strings attached.

Some aspects (and usual pitfalls) of mutual aid can also be applied in other situations, and in one chapter I was often drawing parallels between the organisation of the mutual aid group and that of my IT department.

Mutual aid is a cool concept, and its functioning is interesting to read here; don't hesitate to borrow my copy of the book.

Le droit de mentir (The right to lie) – Emmanuel Kant & Benjamin Constant

In 1785, Kant published Grundlegung zur Metaphysik der Sitten (Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals), in which — amongst other things — he touches on the illegitimacy of lying. In 1796 a quirked-up french swiss (then french) boy decides to critique Kant's position in his book Des réactions politiques (On political reactions). The next year, Kant replies in a text title Über ein vermeintes Recht aus Menschenliebe zu lügen (On a supposed right to tell lie). The biggest feud in philosophy ensues, which lasts until they duel each other, and also indirectly leads to the Franco-Prussian War (this is a complete lie).

This book only solidified my belief that the great writer of old are known for the idea within their work despite their shit writing. I am willing to give a pass to Kant, as german is pretty hard to translate so that's not on him — and my german is not good enough to actually read the original. But I'm sorry Benjamin, your writing is shit. A coma digression within a coma digression, within a coma digression...

Apart from that, the arguments are interesting and while I do not have a fully formed opinion on whether it is moral to lie or not, they did bring up some good points. One that I thousght made particularly good sense is that some people — by their actions or words — have broken the social contract and therefore do not have the right to the truth and are not entitled to the truth. Saying the truth to them is therefore no more a duty. This gets destroyed by Kant in his next essay, but the reasoning is still provocative.

Even if there is not apparent feud, it's still funny to see Kant trash talk Benjamin; Benjamin had not named Kant in his original reply, and only gave him the “a german philosopher” nickname — Kant goes hard on him for that.

Good little read.

Invisible Women – Caroline Criado-Perez

*trips, drops book which slide over to your feet, cover facing up* -Oops, I dropped my feminist literature, I'm so sorry about that _{(I'm 6'3” btw)} *bites lips*

For the synopsis, please refer to Elisa's Reading Roundup: Enjoying unemployment by binge-reading

This book is collection of anecdotes showcasing the lack of data we have about women specific issue, but also about the impact of universal issue on women. It is thankfully not a very dense, indigestible and rigorous text, and is overall well written. There are very clear divisions of topics in the chapters and parts, which make the book very easy to follow.

There are some very good points in there, and for the most parts, the anecdotes are well chosen to illustrate and issue, without getting too into the weeds. We have a nice selection of topics from the workplace, home life, healthcare... One really good point that was made, and that I hadn't really thought about, is that by taking the average human and making decisions based on that, the result will usually leave women at a disadvantage. For instance, safe exposure to certain chemicals mostly depends on weight and metabolism, and taking the genderless average of both will make the maximum threshold safe for men, but still unsafe for women. Of the things that I would never have thought about, it's how the economy and it's design are favouring men and reinforcing the gender gap issue, especially when it comes to tax credits and monetary benefits. There are many anecdotes that are about things that I would not have though could afffect women in particular, because they seem completely unrelated.

With the book being written, or at least published in 2019, COVID is obviously absent from the topics here, and I would really have been curious about what a chapter of this book dedicated to it would have been like. There was not only a big healthcare issue with the covid crisis, but also a restructuring of society especially in the workplace, with the recrudescence of gig-work and work from home which I think would have been interesting topics.

Another one of my unmet expectations, and were the book could fall a bit short, is in the analysis of the anecdotes, which is usually very surface level, if there is one.

One thing I found odd were the citations. With a book this filled to the brim with info, there are many citations. While I liked that the citations were separated in chapters, the format of most of them really leaves to be desired; it's just urls. This made reading up on the topics I wanted to go deeper in extremely annoying — who enjoys typing a long url in the search bar? It also strange that those almost all directed to news articles, rather than the source that those news articles use.

As I've discussed, most of the anecdotes are relevant, but some feel a bit out of place in the book. Two in particular jump at me. One of the early one was about who Todd Howard, after showcasing the character creation menu in Fallout 4 during E3 2016 and pointing out that you could play as either a man or woman, decided to play as a man. I'm not too sure what the point being made is here but I found hilarious that it was included. Then some anecdote just might not have enough substance to warrant being included: I was particularly interested in the part where it states that VR headsets are not well suited for women, because men and women use/prefer different mechanisms to process depth — parallax for men and shape-from-shading for women — and VR priorities parallax. However, there were no citations in this book. When doing research, I could only find 3 papers related to the subject, all from long before modern VR was developed. None of those papers gave a definitive answer on whether men and women did use or even prefer different depth perception mechanism, as any results were not significant enough (high p value, extremely low sample size, issues with experiment design...). At least in this last case, that ties in with, and supports, the thesis of the book; there is clear a lack of data on how specific issues affect women. Not only that but there is a distinct lack of will to even attempt to gather data about women.

Hunter X Hunter – Yoshihiro Togashi

Chapters 95-140

We continue the story and I'm glad we depart from the collecting money avenue to just do shenanigans or go on adventure. I liked the Yorknew arc, but I'm not too sure about the isekai one yet.

Going back to my issues with the manga; the argument that people who are actually strong don't bother with the small fries make sense (see Harrison's post on the café), but the characterisation of the tower of doom and the hunter exam still aren't super consistent in my eyes. Tetyana started to watch the anime and I caught a couple of episodes with her — and while it isn't fair to judge the manga based on the anime — just as I remembered in the manga they made the hunters out to be a big deal. Naturally, one could trust the magaka when he says that the hunter exam is the hardest exam in the world, and that is actually matters in the power structure of the universe. But it really doesn't and some characters could eat that exam for breakfast, which feels like the rug has been pulled from under me.

The story is still interesting, my fear is growing that nen is basically like stands/hamon now and it can do pretty much everything. I will report back on what extent later. Nothing has yet topped the fight between Uvo and the Shadows, maybe because I was still under the impression that HxH was bad. The symphony to Chrollo (where the troupe goes on a rampage) was sick. I was midly underwhelmed with the fight between Chrollo and Killua's father+grandfather. They had made Killua's family to be so goated that I was expecting more. Although I cannot complain about them being the strongest people in town anymore; they are getting bodied by the weakest creature of Greed Island. While they are strong, they have no idea how to use their strength. I stopped right when the Bomber reveals his identity, I think it's about to get hype.

no way they got a _gargaydar as their first card!

Not too bad this month, and I also finished my backlog! While you might think this means more time for reading, the holiday season is upon us, which means less time overall. I will do my best, but also, I won't try too hard. Also a little change this month, I switched from Typora to Obsidian to write this. Having the rest of my monthly articles available with a click is really handy. But I like the focus that Typora provides, being so bare bones, so I will keep using it for standalone articles.

Thank you for reading my logorrhea Eddie

Hello, wildcats.

Using Google Takeout, you can export your Google data.

I use this specifically to export just my YouTube watch history.

I frequently find myself in situations where I am doing data science on my own activity history because some brainworm tells me “hey I'd like to revisit this thing I once visited” even though it was years ago and it will be a pain in the ass to find it again.

A screenshot of me, 6 years ago, posting on Discord a YouTube link to a video and lamenting that I cannot find another meme video which uses this video as source material – https://youtu.be/ZKxhI4I5kq8

To export your YouTube history as JSON, follow these steps.

1. Visit https://takeout.google.com/
2. Top right, profile switcher, switch to your brand account (my YouTube account is separate from my Google account)
3. Deselect all
4. Scroll to the bottom, YouTube > Enable
5. “Multiple formats” > switch to JSON
6. “All YouTube data included” > Deselect all, check history
7. Next step > File type=.zip, File size=50gb
8. Create export

Congrats. You now have, locally, slice of your watch history, instead of being beholden to the YouTube interface which is rarely sufficient for querying purposes.

What does the data look like?

{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched The monkey is furiously knocking at the door - Обезьяна неистово стучит в дверь - 猴子是疯狂地在敲门",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003d3-_OIDRL91c",
  "subtitles": [{
    "name": "Seen that! Видал, чо!",
    "url": "https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnEelfUE8SE_rZtwaRzUzyQ"
  }],
  "time": "2020-04-19T03:08:27.981Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
},
{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "time": "2020-04-17T18:22:47.173Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
}

The URL and the timestamp are present. Great!

The video title is inconsistently present. Less great!

This helpful StackOverflow comment tells us that we can use the following YouTube endpoint to get some metadata

// https://www.youtube.com/oembed?url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmcuoaqdJ9w
{
    "title": "Weird Al SHREDS!!!",
    "author_name": "alyankovic",
    "author_url": "https://www.youtube.com/@alyankovic",
    "type": "video",
    "height": 113,
    "width": 200,
    "version": "1.0",
    "provider_name": "YouTube",
    "provider_url": "https://www.youtube.com/",
    "thumbnail_height": 360,
    "thumbnail_width": 480,
    "thumbnail_url": "https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nmcuoaqdJ9w/hqdefault.jpg",
    "html": "<iframe width=\"200\" height=\"113\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/nmcuoaqdJ9w?feature=oembed%5C#34; frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen title=\"Weird Al SHREDS!!!\"></iframe>"
}

So I guess that would be a fairly straightforward way to enrich the data.

That's not what I'm deep in right now though.

The Takeout service responds in a matter of minutes when we have scoped the export to just our YouTube watch history and nothing else.

It is still a manual process and will quickly become outdated given that I frequently watch videos.

I find myself having multiple exports, each with a different slice of my history.

To free up disk space, is it truly safe to simply delete the oldest export?

Using ChatGPT (conversation link), I whipped up a quick validation program that takes the search and watch history json files from the latest export and an older export to check some assumptions.

1. The newest export MUST contain every entry in the older export.
2. The newest export MUST NOT contain an entry older than the newest entry in the older export which is not also present in the older export.

I didn't get to number 2 because number 1 was exceedingly disproven.

THERE IS MISSING DATA BETWEEN EXPORTS.

The exports are from 2024-10-30 and 2024-12-07.

Summary: 993 total missing entries in the Watch History file.
Summary: 42 total missing entries in the Search History file.

This is not surprising, just disappointing.

Thankfully, using ChatGPT I was able to build a tool to identify the problem quite easily.

Banana Loof – NSA Releases Internal 1982 Lecture by Computing Pioneer Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

00:08:30

“No work, no research has been done on the value of information. We've completely failed to look at it. And yet it's going to make a tremendous difference in how we run our computer systems of the future. Because if there are two things that are dead sure, I don't even have to call them predictions. One is that the amount of data and the amount of information will continue to increase, and it's more than linear. And the other is the demand for instant access to that information will increase, and those two are in conflict. We've got to know something about the value of the information being processed. Everybody wants their information online.”

I think about that video a lot.

My browser extension + local server tool, Onboarder, lets me take notes in a text area it adds below the video player. The notes then get synced to a plaintext file on the disk.

https://github.com/TeamDman/Onboarder

I can use ripgrep to search through my notes incredibly efficiently.

I also made a program that lets me easily capture my system audio output to a .wav file, toggled on and off by hitting enter in the terminal.

https://github.com/TeamDman/audio-capture.git

I also have WhisperX running, which can transcribe a 1 hour video in 1 minte with incredible fidelity.

https://github.com/TeamDman/voice2text

The process of finding that Grace Hopper video, capturing her saying that sentence, and transcribing it was a collaboration between several disjoint tools I have added to my arsenal.

We've all heard of Big Data.

I want my own Big Data that works for me.

Storage is cheap, and I want a copy of all my data so that when I say “computer, find me the meme from within the last 4 years matching XYZ criteria” it can do so.

The problem with building a grandiose system like this is not the work that it will take, but the charting of the course.

How do I want to structure the data so that all these tools can play nice together?

The answer is probably Postgres.

It has support for vector embeddings, json columns, and generally all the stuff I'd need to proceed.

However, not everything should/can live in the database.

I should probably get building, or at least go to bed lol

[Warning there are some tiny graphs here, you might want to read this article on a computer]

Recap

Quick recap for those who don't want to read/reread my previous article:

Humble Bundle was a subscription service that would give you a ton of games every month. I was subscribed for 26 months and acquired a lot of games through it. I would usually play a couple and then leave the rest to rot. In my steam library, comprising 435 games, I had 172 games I had never played. There was only one way I could get rid of those unplayed games; by playing them. At first, on a joint youtube channel with a bunch of friends — The Raddest Channel — I posted videos of me playing those games. But it just took too much effort, and I only played 15 games in the span of a year, not even giving some of them a fair chance. This was the Humble Purge: Act I.

Last year, after seeing two videos from Daryl Talks Games, where he details how he conquered his backlog, I set out to play all those games sitting untouched in my library. I gave myself a year to play 110 of them, the rest just being too poorly rated or of too little interest to me. I would give each game a fair chance, and play them for at least an hour before I could call quits. If I didn't enjoy the game after that, I wouldn't force myself and just let it go. I began, on December 3rd 2023. I would report my progress in a google sheet, with reviews for the games I played, how hyped I was to play them, and some other info. This was Humble Purge Act II.

In this article, I am to report my findings. Did I succeed? What was it like? Were there hardships? Am I fed up with video games forever? All will be answered below.

Setbacks

Let's first talk about the major setbacks that hindered this project. Can't have a good project without some setbacks. Since this project is extremely time intensive, and not much else, all the setbacks below just took some time away from playing the games in my backlog. In no particular order:

1: Marco

Ever since I moved away from Kingston, my best friend Marco and I took the habit of playing video games together a couple of times a week, sometimes every day of the week. It could be coop, multiplayer, it didn't really matter. We either played the games seriously, or used it as an excuse to catch up or hang out. I was not gonna stop playing video games with my best friend just for this project, even if they weren't the ones in my backlog. Sometimes we replayed games, spent 50h on a new game... I decided to add the new games I played with him, all from after Dec 2023, in my backlog — more about that in “My experience”.

_{Marco and me at my wedding (I am the one being carried)}

2: Trackmania

None of you will remember the Trackmania videos I uploaded to the Raddest Channel, but in those, I went through the campaign maps and got all the gold medals. For those unaware, Trackmania is a sorta arcady racing game, in the way that it is like you are controlling hot wheels. Everything is deterministic and the races can be quite spectacular, which makes the game particularly well suited for e-sport. This is how I originally discovered the franchise, through ZeratoR, a french streamer hosting often the biggest Trackmania events in Europe/the world. The newest instalment of the game made a resurgence on the intrawebs this summer and I got sucked into it. I just love this game, it is so addictive. I can easily play the same track for half an hour just to improve my time by 0.1s. I got really into it for the first three months, devoting almost 70h during that span. Fair to say it did impact this backlog a bit.

3: Got too busy at work

They had the audacity to make me work at work. I still can't believe it. I girlbossed a bit too close to the sun and I am now mostly responsible for a whole section of my department. This means that while at the beginning of the year I had time to play some games at work, it soon became impossible to do so, unless during periods of intense downtime, which became non-existent for me. Baring August, from April to the end of November, I could not play anything at work.

My experience:

The very beginning of the crusade against my backlog is described in the first article. I was very confident and eager to take on this project. I also didn't put too much pressure on myself, but since I was motivated and had so many games to choose from, I made great progress nonetheless. I mean, look at that commitment: 111h in December alone, I was on fire! To be fair, towards the middle of December it gets super, super slow at work, and I literally have nothing to do. Since I was only beginning to touch the backlog, I had so many games that were suitable for work that I just spent an hour or two a day playing while at the office. The same was true until about the last third of January, when work started to pick back up a bit. February is also a pretty quiet month, so the trend of me being able to play a lot continues. March is when it gets busy at work, and it shows. The graph is not 100% accurate, as I didn't log my playtime per game per month — I'm not a maniac. I just counted the playtime for a game for the month I started it. This generally works since I only played most games for a couple of days to around a week, but some I played over months/they overlap months, causing inaccuracies. I wanted to make the data analysis simple, so the only two games I've actually divided up per month are: Slay the Spire (the second time I played it, for an extra 34h, was between Aug/Sept) and Trackmania, that I've played for now 88h from June to November — counting it in one month would create a huge outlier. Anyways, as I was saying, my busyness at work is shown in the graph, with intensity ramping up from March to July, leading to August when I finally got a reprieve from work, followed by a vacation.

Before going any further, let's talk about the process, which was pretty straightforward. From my list, I would choose any game that catches my eye. Sometimes I would also check how long it was, and some other times I didn't care. Choosing games was more vibes-based rather than calculated. Usually, before the game had even started, I would have an idea of whether I would see it to the end, give up, or quit it after the required hour. Even if I wanted to play certain games initially, I had an intrinsic understanding of what I liked, and despite the vibes directing me to a specific game, if the gameplay didn't look like something I would enjoy, I would abandon them without remorse. I was wrong a couple of times, and the games that I misjudged were the source of my biggest disappointment — or the very opposite. In any case, there were still some games that required me to play them to be able to sort them in a category. Now apart from a couple of exceptions, after the first hour, it was clear which games I was gonna drop right away and which ones I would play until the end. When I got it wrong this time, it was usually because the games became ass nearing the end, and I therefore dropped them since I wasn't having fun anymore, when I thought I would finish the game for sure. There might be an article in the future about the biggest surprises, good and bad, of this Humble Purge (you best believe I'll milk this project for as many articles as I can). No matter my opinion of them, I would play the games seriously for an hour, without distraction, and just try to have fun. I wanted to maximise fun, so I didn't bother playing on the hardest difficulties or giving myself real challenges. Unless the game was more fun on higher difficulties — which happens — I was usually cruising on normal. Some games would enthrall me and I would play them for hours on end, others were more of a slow burner. A few even, despite my will to play them, could only be stomached for a half hour at a time. And then some were just complete ass, and I couldn't wait for that mandatory hour to be over. When I was done with a game, I would immediately write the review “à chaud” as we say in french (meaning off the cuff/in the heat of the moment). I had some trouble writing really meaningful reviews at first, but I got better as time went on. I think having written the reviews without having had the time to digest games was the right call, as they were more genuine this way. Because of this, we get some interesting quotes like:

“[...]Although kinda funny the first time I listened to it [the background music], pair an already overused lick with the repetitiveness of the music and you will want to kill yourself.[...]“

from my review of Wizards of Legend, which you will be surprised to learn was rated 8/10 despite the previous comment. Since I find it hard to be verbose about something good and am very eloquent about things I find bad, my style of review is usually “[one or two positive things followed by a very lengthy paragraph about everything wrong about the game] 9/10”

Let's come back to our chronological retelling of the project. I had just gotten some time off in August after an intense period of work, and I had put much energy into playing some games during this break. Around the beginning of September, I grew a tad tired and gave myself a break: two weeks or so of minimal gaming. That's where it started to go downhill. Coming back from my break, mid-September, I realised how many games I still had to play, and how little time I had left. My deadline was not the end of the year, but December 3rd. I basically had only two months to finish everything, and I still had about 25 games to go through. I had to start hustling. In the last two weeks of September, I played 8 games, for a total of 25.5h. And those were also not the games I was the most excited about, which I had already completed at the beginning of the backlog. And since my backlog was 110 games, finishing a game amounted to less than 1% of progress. This amount of time spent on those games, with this lack of meaningful progress, on top of a full-time job, the gym, other responsibilities... I got a mini burn-out from this and I was slowly losing hope in the project and myself. I even started to question the feasibility of it, or if I should just quit now; I had played about 85 games after all.

So I went back to the source, the videos that had inspired me to begin this project. Surely they would give me the strength to push through... They didn't. That's because those videos are a cautionary tale. It is impossible to finish your backlog, and putting a time limit on it is stupid. This is the message of Daryl Talks Games' second video. Although his backlog and mine are a bit different, the lesson should have stuck, but it just flew right over my head. I must have been blinded by confidence and enthusiasm when I first watched them. Watching those videos now after experiencing a backlog purge hits completely differently. I had misunderstood his videos completely, but no more. Taking in this lesson, I decided to start axing some games, and adding others. The games I know I would enjoy and want to 100% did not need to be on this list. Also added the games I played with Marco, because I did discover and play those games this year.

_{Thumbnail from Daryl Talks Games' videos, which inspired this project}

At first, the backlog allowed me to give up on games I didn't enjoy guilt free. But at about 85% completion of the project, the approaching deadline had the opposite effect, where I would feel guilty for spending too much time on a game, which is absolutely not the point of this Humble Purge. The point of this Humble Purge was to give the games I had in my library a chance and play cool games I didn't think I would like. Maybe also feel less guilty about the state of my gaming library.

With this new goal in mind, I continued my quest with renewed enthusiasm. If I didn't finish, it didn't matter. I could extend it to the end of the year; no one would hold me accountable anyways. I could also just remove some extra games, again, no one would hold me accountable. After my little reorganisation, the final number of games in the purge was still 110, the one I added from Marco balancing perfectly the ones I had removed. We were now in the middle of the first week of October. I only had to play 11 games over a bit less than 8 weeks (12 weeks if I extended it to the end of the year). Still challenging, but nothing too hard.

_{backlog spreadsheet around October}

The next week of October went fine, and I got through a couple of games. I then got the busiest and most stressful three weeks of the year and couldn't really play anything. It was a really fun cocktail of personal issues, travel, work, bank issues... Well, at least I can say I'm glad I sorted the whole “existential crisis over the backlog” out before that period. I would have 100% called it quits otherwise. In any case, just like any intense period, it came to pass. We were now in November, and I only had 6 games remaining. Granted, they were almost all 12h+ games, but even with only 3 weeks or so left in the project, I felt good. Again, I could add all the weeks of December to it anyways. I was so confident (and impatient) that I even started writing this and coding up the graphs (love you matplotlib <3). I was just enjoying my time with the project, which is exactly what I wanted.

After so much infortune, my luck finally turned and I got sick, right before the Remembrance Day weekend, giving me me a 5-day weekend to finish some games. This was a blessing (apart from the being sick part) and I managed to reduce my backlog to 2 games. And we were barely halfway through November. A couple of days later I crossed off the penultimate game, actually finishing it. I took a few days off to start working on this article, play other stuff, read, touch grass, live life... I then embarked on my last game, which was supposed to be 30h, 52h with side content. That last game was Assassin's Creed Origins, which was ass. After valiantly suffering through it for 5h30, I abandoned it and was done with the backlog. This was kind of anti-climactic, I would have loved to finish the backlog on a banger, where I sit in front of the credits after beating the game thinking “damn...”. But no, the last game was just boring slop, and I ended the backlog on a random Sunday afternoon. It reminded me of finishing my degree during covid.

Final tally: 110 games played, 758h devoted to the project, starting on December 3rd 2023 and ending Nov 17th 2024, after exactly 350 days.

_{Red line is games to play to stay on track. I replayed Sekiro (I blame Spencer and Vivian) and played a ton of Trackmania (I blame myself) in July hence the little drop}

The Data

The Games

First, let's get to know the data. I'm not sure why I didn't write this part in my first article, but it is a blessing in hindsight, as I swapped out some games and added others in the end. I won't bore you with too many stats, but still, prepare to be bored. I hope you like graphs.

Let's start with game genre; there were many different genres in this backlog, and even trying to make the categories as broad as possible, a fifth of all games were not able to fit in any major categories. Genres such as: investigation, tower defence, fighting games, racing games, dating sim, city builder... each represented at most <4% of the backlog. We can look at the spread of categories below:

If I was to concoct the most average game out of all the ones I have played, it would be a game starting with an S, that came out in 2017, is an action game, has a steam note of 89% and a metacritic score of 79. It would take someone 12.5h to finish the main story and 22h to finish it with all the side content. Believe it or not — out of all the games that came out in 2017 — this matches Sniper Elite 4 the best, which I played, so I guess it wins the “most average game of this backlog” award. In general, I played games from 2002-2024, with a steam rating from 64-99%, and a metacritic score from 60-97. To finish their main stories, the games took between 30min-60h and if I wanted to do the side content on top, it could go from 30min-114h. While most game's side content only added a couple of hours, some doubled or even septupled the duration of a game, which is insane. We can see such examples in the graph below, which shows the time to completion in orange, and the time to also do the side content in blue for each game. One bar is one game:

In total, if I had actually played all these games to completion, it would have taken me 1445h (or two months and 5h nonstop) and 2511h (or 3 months 14 days and 5h nonstop) if I had done the side content too! We've talked about how much time I devoted to the project above, but we'll talk about the time devoted to each game later. The time needed to finish a game — according to HowLongToBeat — did vary a lot, and we can see the distribution below.

As we can see, thankfully, most of the games I had to play were less than 10h long, and even with side content barely made it past 15h. I'm not gonna dwell on this graph for too long; it is not that relevant, as this is not the time it took for me to play the games, only the time they were supposed to take. Other than this, the hype and initial ratings of games were already discussed in the first article; whether or not a game was in the backlog depended on them. Let's jump to the results to see how many games I actually finished, and how much time I spent on games in general.

The Results

Since it would have taken me 1445h to finish every game, and I completed the backlog after 758h, it is reasonable to assume that I did not finish every game. The states of games' completion were:

• Finished which means I finished the campaign, and maybe played the side content too
• Abandoned, which means I played for a couple of hours, maybe did some side content, and stopped playing
• 1h-ed, which means I only played the game for the minimum 1h before abandoning it. This also counts games that were played for 1.5h granted this represented less than 50% of the campaign's duration. Games which campaign could and were completed in an hour are of course counted in the Finished category.
• NA (Not Applicable) means that there is no campaign or story to be completed

As we can see, I still finished almost 44% of the games in this backlog, which amounts to 48 games and is no small feat if I do say so myself (and I do). This is the largest category here, by almost 15%. On the other side of the spectrum, there is only 23 games — or about 21% of the backlog — that I played only for the minimum required duration. It is to be noted that the NA games that I only played for 1h are only counted here, and therefore the NA slice of the pie should be counted as either abandoned or finished (whatever the definition of finished might be). Speaking of Abandoned, they only represent the second-largest part of the pie, 29% or 32 games. Those games could have too frustrating to finish, maybe the story became bad, maybe a new mechanic breaks the gameplay... In any case, they were good enough for me to play more than the required amount, but not good enough for me to see them through the end. I am especially proud of those first two stats, since having a backlog where I only play 1 hour of each game and then go on to the next would have been a shame. I was serious about this and finished almost half of all the games — if we discount the ones that were NA. I took the time to enjoy the games in this backlog, and we will see below how much time games took me:

Look at those graphs, the first being so detailed it's almost useless, and the second one so broad it also almost useless, yet both are saying the same thing. The worst of both worlds — true perfection. The top graph shows how many games were played for each playtime, in increments of 30min. For instance, we can see that 8 games had a total playtime of 6h. There is a major peak at 1h and some minor ones at 6h, 10h and 18h. The second graph shows percentage of games per playtime ranges. Almost all games — 95.5%— were played for 1h to 19h. As one might expect, the majority of the games were played between 1-3.5h. Still, almost half of all games were played for more than 4h and a quarter for 7h or more. Those graph show that I did take my time on the games that deserved it, as I had planned for this project. I will say it again: at the end of the day, the goal was just to play through the game I already own, and have fun with it. If only there was a way to quantify how much I enjoyed myself... oh yeah, more graphs baby:

After so many graphs, finally a nice Gaussian distribution. Here, we are shown how many games I rated a specific grade. As we can see, the games in this backlog were rated pretty highly. Again, that is to be expected as this backlog is composed of 110 games picked out from the cream of the crop of the 172 games I own and have never played. Now, this means nothing if I don't explain what my rating consists in.

• 0/10 would be a game that I could not derive any fun from
• 2/10 there is very little interesting and very little fun
• 5/10 is slop and adequate but no more in any category/has one category really holding it back
• 10/10 fulfills all of my expectation for various criteria, and also is a ton of fun
• 11/10 exceeds all expectation, messiah of the backlog

The ratings were only integers, with a couple of exceptions for games that were better than a 10, but not quite an 11. Also, Prey got a non-round rating. These are of course not objective ratings, but *my* ratings, which are heavily influenced by my tastes. If you are somehow deluding yourself into thinking those ratings might actually hold some weight other than the ranking of my taste, and need convincing that my rating scale is bad, please consider that I gave Mass Effect 2 and Dead Space 2 a 4/10 and Batman Arkham City a 5/10 while the Frog Detective Trilogy gets 10/10s across the board. The ratings are also not really internally consistent. Deal with it.

I was not a harsh critique in general, and my ratings are globally generous. While I might have gone off on some games in their review section, I'm sure they deserved it. Maybe I was set off by how wrong my expectations were. We'll see that right now with the next graph, comparing my “hype” to play the games, which I recorded before playing the games, with the ratings I gave after playing them:

Those graphs are the result of doing a simple subtraction between the hype and the rating. Any positive value means that I found the game to be better than I though, a negative value is the opposite. We see that a difference of 0, i.e. the hype being the same as the rating, is prevalent here by quite a huge margin. This is probably due to the anchoring effect — when it was time to grade the games, I probably looked at the hype and thought the number I previously gave the game made sense. The first graph shows that there is a skew towards the positive, which is great as this indicates that in general, I enjoyed the games better than I thought I would. This was a reoccurring theme during this backlog, and I originally thought I was a bit picky when it came to video games, but no. There are just some bangers out there that I just hadn't tried out.

Can't really tell a lot from the second graph, but I made it because it looks cool; each bar, either blue or red, represents a game. The average hype was a 6.53/10 and the average rating a 6.92/10. To recap, 31 games were below expectations, 29 met them, and 51 surpassed them. Of the games that exceeded expectation, some have cracked the top 3. We will take a look at them next.

Top 3 Best Games :

I've played so many games, it would be a shame not to talk about any here; this project was about them, after all. I will keep it to a short list, and only include good games, as I want to bring some positivity into this article. I also remember good games way better than the bad ones; those have been erased from my memory. In this article, which is already long enough, we'll only take a look at the top 5% of games.

Honourable Mentions

First, let's start with some honorable mentions, which are at the top end of my 10/10, in no particular order:

MOLEK-SYNTEZ a great puzzle game about fabricating molecules. It's not only about succeeding, but also efficiency and economy of movement.

SLAY THE SPIRE hands down the best rogue-like I've played. The card system works so well and there is just the right amount of content and challenge.

SUNDERED soft metroidvania that took me by surprise. It is peaceful and claustrophobic, beautiful and depressing. Visuals are incredible (and hand drawn!) and the atmosphere is truly unique.

STILL THERE not exactly a point and click (thank god) and not exactly a puzzle game. The story and twist are what caught me off-guard, because they're so great. Just the right length.

The Top 3

Those games are not at the top end of my 10/10 scale — they have exceeded it. They are the 11/10.

3 – Celeste

Celeste, developed by Maddy Makes Games, is a game that has been heavily hyped on the internets, and I was worried it would not live up to its name. I shouldn't have been, because despite my high expectations this game still managed to surprise me with how good it is. I am not an avid enjoyed of platformers, I don't dislike them either, but this one hits just right. The controls are very responsive, and the gameplay mechanics dialed in. It was a true pleasure to navigate the levels, and it was impossible to get frustrated — especially since the game autosaves each panel and the respawn is fast — and that's coming from the guy who died about 1530 times in his playthrough. The level design compliments the controls and game mechanics perfectly. I really liked how there was a new gameplay mechanic for each chapter, but that didn't carry on to the others. There was no need to remember many things at once, just the basics and the specific gameplay gimmick of the chapter. It also kept things fresh. The design theme changed with each chapter, adding to the novelty. But these are not just disjointed chapters, there is a global story which is intertwined in the platforming and progresses with each chapter. The story is great — with some originality and gravitas — the characters are endearing and the progression of the protagonist is interesting.

Coming back to the design, the graphics are great and all the little effects, particle effects... are a welcome addition that only made the experience better. But honestly what steals the show here is the music, it is just incredible, I loved it. Moving through the panels, with this ambience, the music, it was just awesome, the vibes were always immaculate. The game is also the perfect length, and with it being divided up in distinct chapters, I never got tired of playing.

Would I recommend this game to anyone? Pretty much. Unless your hand/eye coordination is atrocious, you should be able to enjoy this game. It is the most accessible one of this top 3, despite its difficulty being the second highest here. I'm not saying it is not challenging, it definitely is, but it is a challenge you can surely overcome.

2- Disco Elysium

Speaking of video games not being accessible, we have Disco Elysium from the now infamous ZA/UM. If you really don't like politics, sociology, philosophy and big-words in general, this game is not for you. If you don't like reading, this game is not for you. If you don't like classic RPGs without combat, this game is not for you. Otherwise, it's awesome. Liem strongly recommended this game to me, so I waited until I was on vacation to play it, to have time to be fully immersed.

While the gameplay is good, it is really the writing and the visuals that upstage everything. I already spoke about the visuals in my September Readings when I talked about the artbook of this game. I will expand about the writing and story here, if you want to read about and see the visuals, checkout the reading report. The world and story go hand in hand, and it's great. The world and universe are truly unique, and it sucks in a realistic way. Its inhabitants react to you in a believable manner, and you can actually influence things. There are many choices to be made here, and even the most inconsequential ones will have a dialog option associated to them down the line. While your character is a bit coo-coo and it makes sense for player to choose his opinions, the NPCs have their own dialog, consistent with their character experiences and beliefs. The characters are all great, especially your partner Kim Kitsuragi. Each one of the facets of your identity is also a character, and they are all unique and have very “colourful” personalities to say the least. The way you interact with the world is also through them, which makes the gameplay really interesting. That's the part that I like the most, the interaction between our character and himself and our character and Kim. While you as the player have no idea of what's going on most of the time, Kim is there to provide useful info and feedback, but he never holds your hand (if only...). Kim is the best sidekick I have ever seen in a video game, and actually feels like a companion rather than an NPC. Your identities are also here to give you feedback, that is tainted by what they are — for instance drama's observation might be a little more exciting than reality — and whether you can trust them or not (which is kinda trusting yourself) is for you to decide. Other than the writing, the voice acting, which was mostly added in the free final cut version, is phenomenal. Everything adds to the atmosphere, which is superb.

​

Finally, the writing for your character, your thoughts, your own dialog is so well done, and there was more than one occasion where I was laughing like and idiot at my screen. The story is half an investigation, and half a personal journey, and is coherent and original. I try to keep all of my reviews as spoiler free as I can, so there is not much more that I can say, other than: play it for yourself.

1- Darkwood

With Darkwood, from indie studio Acid Wizard, being my number one pick out of all 110 games I played this year, I didn't know how to approach its review. There is absolutely nothing I can say that would even approach giving you an idea of how incredible this game is. I played it all the way at the beginning of the backlog, in January, but it is still to this day always on my mind. It just stuck to me and is that memorable. This was the 11.5/10 game of the backlog, meaning I didn't know games could be that good.

It originally didn't dawn on me how good this game is, because I abandoned it after 2h. The game is divided into a night and day cycle, you forage and progress the story during the day, and at night, you try to survive. Those nights are the most stressful things I have ever experienced in a video game, and I've played a bunch of horror games. No cheap tricks here, due to intentional gameplay limitations — it's top down, you cannot see outside your cone of vision and your vision is only focused on where your cursor is — you'll be tensed up the whole night from being so on guard. You are confined to your hideout during the night, a dilapidated house full of unfixable holes which can be plugged with furniture, but enemies will push it out of the way to get in. You cannot survive without light and of course light attract enemies; they will get in or at least try to. When? Who knows, but you better be on high alert for all 5min of the night because you have very little health, and your weapon will break at some point. There are random events making the whole thing even more difficult and stressful because it wouldn't be fun otherwise. You also have limited lives before game over, except on the easiest difficulty. The sound design and ambience in general is so well done; before getting desensitised I felt like I was on the verge of an aneurysm every night. This is the reason I initially abandoned it — it was good, but it was so tense I forgot to breathe, waiting for the morning light. Yet despite this, after sleeping on it, I decided to push on. And I'm glad I did.

I loved the ambience, from the game design, the story, characters, the graphics, the music, sound design... everything is so alien but coherent. It is just a different experience. The gameplay loop is well oiled, but it is the story and atmosphere that really bring this game together. The setting is so simple in a way but original. I love that it doesn't hold your hand, so at some points in the very disjointed story you just stumble by accident on some stuff, and the progression just feels so organic. I will not speak anymore about this game, the only true way to really experience how great it is is to play it.

Aparte

This last part, the Top 3, used to lead straight to the conclusion. I had finished writing all of this article. I had done the graphs, inserted them, created the gifs that needed to be created... The first draft was 100% complete, and apart from checking for spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I could have published it. I was about to get a final word count and do some advertising on the café before releasing it. Someone had other plans for me, and the article could not be finished, not before I touched on what someone had released:

MOTHERFU-

Unbeknownst to me, Daryl Talks Games was also secretly doing a backlog this year and released a video about it. My project came about as a direct inspiration from his first two videos, I therefore cannot end this article without mentioning his third backlog one. Let's preface this conversation by saying that his video is great, as usual, and I would encourage you to check his work out. I'm actually not mad he put out his video, and it was really fun seeing the parallels between our projects. I was trying to complete my backlog learning from his mistakes, but then he was also playing though his backlog, learning from his mistakes! I especially liked that his video was really focused on games rather than his progress this time, it was a nice change. It is also interesting to see that we have reached the same conclusion in the end (see my conclusion); the “backlog” needs to be a dynamic list of games you play, and not just a list of games you are planning on playing. _{he's just like me fr fr}

Conclusion

What did I get out of it

First, having a year-long project is sick. I can't remember the last time I had a project like that, or if I ever had one. Devoting hours to it and progressing despite the hurdles, actually sticking to it, feels great. I am proud of myself for completing this project, especially since it was completely autonomous. Now, completing the project brought me pride, but did completing this backlog bring me anything? Not really. Playing the games brought me much joy, but at the end of the day, actually finishing this backlog didn't feel like anything. There are more games that didn't make the cut to this backlog, would finishing them bring me the joy completing this backlog was supposed to bring me? Probably not. Putting my steam library in order is nice, but I did that all the way at the beginning of the project. It will sound corny as shit, but it was about the journey, not the destination.

In the end, this backlog was not the backlog; there will always be more games to be added to a fabled backlog, that can't ever kept up with, as it is ever growing.

But what I did get out of this backlog is a rekindled love for video games. There is genuinely so much good stuff out there. You often hear takes about how today's games are ass, and gaming has gone to the shitter, but this is simply not true. Just of the games that came out this year, there is a plethora of amazing games or DLCs. And you don't need to play games from this year, you are allowed to pick a game from previous years and enjoy it in the year of our lord 2024. And you can also play games that are not AAAs; the overwhelming majority of games that I rated 9 or higher were indie games. For every decent triple AAA, there are at least 2 indie bangers that came out the same year. My point is: do not limit yourself in what you're allowing yourself to play, and you'll see that maybe gaming is still fun.

I've played more games, and also have spent more time playing games, than I ever have this year and I love video games more than ever.

What's left? What's next?

Will I ever have time to do something like that again? Will there ever be a “Nail in the coffin: Humble Purge Act III”? I am now at a relatively chill time in my life: I have a decently paying regular full-time job, and am married. I'm not a dad, building a business, performing in a band, studying... I have more time on my hands now than I will probably have in the coming years. I would love to do the Humble Purge Act III in a couple of years, where I go through the games that didn't make the cut for this year's backlog, but will I have time?

I want to enjoy being done backlog, and am not ready to go head first into a big project like that again. I want to take some time for myself, I want to read more, I want to cook more, I want to go to the gym and start playing bass again. No big project for next year, I will just be writing articles about this project, to better digest it. There is so much I've only barely touched on here that would deserve its own articles.

In any case, I will start journaling all the games I play next year. In substance, it will have just the same info that I recorded in the backlog — hype, time to beat, rating, review etc — but for games I pick up on the fly rather than for a list of games set in stone. This might actually be the better alternative to having a backlog. I will probably release some articles for it, maybe monthly in addition to my Monthly Readings or just do a quarterly article; I have time to figure it out. In the meantime, I hope you have enjoyed reading about my project, and as always:

Thanks for reading my logorrhea, Eddie

In recent years, I've become enamored with voluntary, participatory violence. Big talk for someone who spends eight hours a day on the computer, but hey – I'm a deep believer in self expression, and what greater form of expression is there than that performed by the body itself? (Similar arguments can be made for other forms of expression, of course. And that’s art!)

When I say that I've become enamored with “violence”, I mean, um, violence. The turbulent jostle of hundreds of bodies: all sweaty, though not all are sweating. The flight of elbows and full body tackles, executed in the name of mutual love. Love: love for the music of the moment, audible through decorations of SCREAMED OFF-TUNE LYRICS from the liquid crowd. Lyrics; coupled with pirouettes, line dancing, rowing, circles of running concertgoers, or maybe just a great amount of collision. When I say that I’ve become enamored with “violence”, I’m saying that I fucking love the mosh pit.

Pits are primal. In the anonymity of a crowd, I can let go of inhibition. I happily relinquish my identity, succumbing to the flow of others. As my neighbors jump and shove, the futility in any kind of resistance emerges. I revert to operating on half survival instinct, half pure electricity of the moment. Limbs revel; eyes open and close as the rest of this body collides with other bodies. A brawl between no opponents. Everybody wins.

At what other moments in life do you ever get to engage so freely in movement? Sports are limited by rules. Martial arts require control and refinement; dance can feel bound by social rules. Violent activity only surfaces in the everyday as remote situations of fear, anger, or extreme excitement; and how often does the average person experience these emotions? Not often. (Ideally.)

But in the pit, savagery is everywhere. And so the pit becomes a special place. A butcher's block, designed to reduce you to your animalism.

Animalism. Our roots. Each concert I attend convinces me that the most humanly valuable experiences are those that evoke any kind of animalistic primality out of us, because they are freeing.

I do not live freely. I find that I have walked much of life guided by inhibitions and fears of mistakes, harm, and pain. Worried of displeasing others, I would constantly prune my behavior and words, holing myself further into a tunnel of a character to meet some sort of model me that never needed to exist. In my day-to-day life, this causes suffering. I wish to live authentically.

In the pit, though, nobody cares about whether or not I am seemingly intelligent, charming, agreeable, insightful, or me. I can let go and be, and I do so knowing everyone around me will accept me with unconditional love. At the end of the day, that’s the pit. A rippling body of love.

I recently found myself at an IDLES show, an elbow slamming into my chin as I tried to sing the same song as my unintentional assailant. As the welcome impact subsided, I noticed the joy around me, and realized that I desperately wanted this same relentless harmony in my everyday life. I want to show myself and be accepted for that, leaving no room for hesitance towards pain. I want the me in the pit to be outside of the pit too. I want her to be unafraid as she collides with others and as others clash with her.

I want to love freely. After all, what else do I have?

October

This month I read 5 ebooks and 3 physical books from the Toronto Public Library, and 1 audiobook, totaling to 8 books.

Horrorstor

Synopsis: Everyone knows Orsk, your friendly nordic furniture store. But at the Orsk Cuyahoga store, weird things have been happening overnight. Mirrors are breaking, furniture is getting stained with unspeakable substances. Store Manager Basil thinks that vandals must be breaking into the store at night, and recruits Amy and Ruth Anne to work and overnight shift with him to see if they can catch the vandals before Pat from the regional office arrives the next morning. Ruth Anne is delighted to help out; she’s been working for Orsk for her whole career, and lives and breathes it. Amy, on the other hand, is not so happy about it. But Basil has offered to pay overtime and approve her transfer to the Youngstown store, so it’s an offer that she can’t really refuse. Will this unlikely group of employees survive their night in the store? Or will this job kill them all?

My thoughts: I thought this was a pretty well done horror satire about working for a corporation. The author really leaned in to the Ikea aesthetic, and each chapter started with an entry for a piece of furniture in the Orsk catalogue. Major spoilers ahead, but the store was actually built on the site of a destroyed panopticon prison, and was haunted by the prison warden that was obsessed with the idea that hard labour cures all ills. And still, the actual villain ended up being the Orsk corporate office. If you are employed, this book will make you want to quit your job. I did genuinely find the book very unsettling (readers will know that I don’t even really like horror media, so I probably shouldn’t have read this at all). Something else I appreciated was that Amy actually showed a lot of character development. Some of this was definitely because she started out as a shitty person, but I still give the author credit for actually having her meaningfully change.

Rating: 4/5 stylish BODAVEST chairs, that will confine the penitent and oppose the agitated movement of blood towards the brain, forcing the subject into a state of total immobility, conducive to self-reflection and free of stressful outside stimuli

Changes by Jim Butcher (Dresden Files #12)

Synopsis: Harry Dresden’s life has changed forever in an instance. His ex-girlfriend and half-vampire Susan Rodriguez has come back into his life after years apart, and she has two devastating pieces of news. Firstly, she and Harry have a child together. A daughter, who’s name is Maggie (after Harry’s mom). (Concealing this fact alone is enough to make Harry rage with anger.) And secondly, Maggie has been kidnapped by Dutches Ariana Ortega of the Red Court of Vampires, and will be used as a blood sacrifice if Harry and Susan can’t rescue her in time. Now, Harry is apoplectic. Even though he’s just now learned of her existence, Harry is determined to save Maggie’s life. It will take every single favour, ally, artifact, and ounce of luck that he can get his hands on. But is he prepared to pay the price?

My thoughts: I think “Changes” is an extremely accurate title to describe this book. Even the fact that it’s one word, compared to every other two-word title, helps to set it apart from the rest of the series. Over the course of this book, Harry loses everything. His car is destroyed, his apartment and laboratory burned down, and he breaks his back (rendering him paralyzed). He is in a truly desperate situation, and sacrifices everything in order to even have a chance at saving Maggie. Karrin Murphy also loses her job for good, finally severing her link to the Chicago Police Department, and I’m very curious as to where she’ll go now. There are also a lot of consequences to his actions, most of which are not even fully realized until the next book. The one exception to this was the magic wayfinding stone that Harry received as a belated gift from his mother, which helps him navigate passages in the Way and effectively allows him to arrive anywhere. It’s described as being very dangerous, and that Harry has to accept all of the risks if he chooses to accept it, although none of the risks ever materialize in this book or the next one.

Rating: 4/5 dream teams known simply as “the eebs”

Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD by Jonas Jonasson

Synopsis: Victor Alderheim cares only about one thing. Not his wife, Jenny, from whom he swindled millions of dollars and her family’s art gallery. Not his teenaged son, Kevin, whom he abandoned in the middle of the Kenyan savannah. He only cares about his gallery, and making sure that the right kind of art (realism) gets featured there. But after growing into a mostly-fledged Masaai warrior, Kevin returns to Stockholm and crosses paths with Jenny. After discovering that they’ve both been wronged by the same man, they become fast friends. They desperately want to take revenge on Victor, but how can they with only 20 kroner to their names? Luckily, they run into Hugo, adman and CEO of Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD, a boutique firm that promises to ruin lives for the right price. And to top it all off, Kevin’s adopted father, full-fledged Masaai warrior Ole Mbatian leaves Keny for the first time ever in search of his son. Will this dubious quartet pull off SSR LTD’s biggest job yet? Or will it end up exploding in their faces.

My thoughts: The events of the book were extremely goofy and silly, but the dry/dark comedy writing style helped a bit to tamp down everything so that it didn’t feel too obnoxious. Even still, it was definitely a lot to take in. I think I would have enjoyed it more if my sense of humor was a bit more open and accepting. By far the best character was Ole Mbatian, who was funny and charmingly optimistic. Victor, on the other hand, was cartoonishly evil in a boring way. Overall this book is definitely difficult to describe, and I would encourage readers to try it for themselves to really get a sense of what the heck is going on.

Rating: 3/5 salmon pate sandwiches that are honestly worth any deal you could make with the devil

A Gentleman and a Thief: The Daring Jewel Heists of a Jazz Age Rogue by Dean Jobb

Synopsis: In the 1920s and 30s, one of the greatest jewel thieves in American history was on the loose. He captured the imaginations of thousands all while he snuck into mansions and estates, prowling around silently, and making off with thousands of dollars worth of gold and jewelry. His name was Arthur Barry, and he was the best of the best. When he was finally captured after being set up by his partner in crime, he immediately confessed so that his wife, Anna Blake, would not go to prison. And when Anna Blake was dying, he broke out of prison so that they could spend their last years together.

My thoughts: Readers will know that I love a heist, and I thought this book was a fascinating look into Arthur Barry’s life and crimes. It’s a work of narrative nonfiction, so it was extremely easy to read, while still being packed full of accurate historical detail. I thought it was really well researched and put together, and would definitely highly recommend it to anyone who’s into true crime but wants something a little lighter.

Rating: 5/5 strings of rose pearls that scratch your teeth and are worth millions of dollars

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

Synopsis: After attempting to rob a cashless bank days before Christmas, the robber flees into an empty apartment to hide from police. Except, it’s not empty: a real estate agent is showing the property to 8 prospective buyers. There’s Ro and Julia, a young couple who are nervous about becoming first time moms. Zara, a wealthy bank manager who tours apartments to see how the middle class live. Anna-Lena and Roger, an older couple who flip apartments and are very competitive, and Lennert, an actor who Anna-Lena has hired to bring down the property’s value. And Estelle, whose husband is just parking the car and will be here momentarily. They (plus the real estate agent) have all been taken hostage by the bank robber, who is trying desperately to figure out their next move. On the other side of the door are two police officers, reluctant father and son team Jim and Jack, who are out of their depth and struggling to keep the situation from spiraling out of control. But is that what’s really going on?

My thoughts: I hate to admit it but I did read this book because I saw it all over the internet. It was a booktok darling, but I do think that it was worth the hype. I still went into it pretty blind, but it was not the thriller I was expecting. Instead it was like sitting in a very good therapist’s office; cozy and comfortable, emotional, probing, and soul-searching. And eventually, after peeling back the layers, you finally discover what’s really going on. The book has a big focus on anxiety, depression, and loneliness, but there was still enough going on to drive the plot forward without getting bogged down. I also liked that the unreliable narrator wasn’t crazy or trying to protect themselves, but was instead misconstruing things to protect someone else, which I found new and interesting. Similarly, I liked that the book unraveled a mystery (how the bank robber escaped) that wasn’t a murder. Overall, I think that this is what I was hoping for when I read Sweet Sweet Revenge LTD, but Anxious People actually accomplished it.

Rating: ⅘ dead bodies filled with so much gin and tonic that you don’t dare cremate them (although that doesn’t mean they didn’t have good advice to offer)

The Assassination of Fred Hampton: How the FBI and the Chicago Police Murdered a Black Panther by Jeffery Haas

Synopsis: In 1969, Fred Hampton was a revolutionary leader, and Chairman of the Illinois chapter of the Black Panther Party. At only 21 years old, the FBI considered him a major threat and started surveilling and discrediting both Hampton and the Black Panthers as part of their COINTELPRO operation. On December 4th, 1969, the Chicago Police, working in tandem with the FBI, raided Fred’s home and shot him while he was drugged and unconscious in bed. The book is written by Fred’s lawyer Jeffery Haas, and chronicles his 12-year journey with the People’s Law Office in an attempt to gain justice for Fred’s family and the other survivors of the raid.

My thoughts: This book was really comprehensive and well written, and painted a pretty horrifying picture of how Black people were treated by police and the justice system both in the 1960s and today. Judge Sam Perry was particularly egregious, constantly ruling against Haas even when it was nonsensical to do so, and actively impairing their progress and ability to try the case. It was also insane that despite these giant court cases, and the settlements that the families eventually got, that the FBI and the Chicago Police still basically got away with murder. The only real consequence that any of the defendants ever experienced was not getting re-elected, which is overall very minor compared to how Fred was brutally murdered. He didn’t love long enough to see the birth of his son, and without him, the Black Panther movement crumbled. If Fred hadn’t been assassinated (especially at such a young age), I think that the future would have been noticeably different with him in it. I’m really glad that I got to read this with our book club, because it helped me engage with the text on a deeper level, and notice things that I had previously missed.

Rating: 4/5 perfect homecooked meals by Iberia Hampton

Eight Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson

Synopsis: Malcolm Kershaw owns a mysteries-only bookstore in Boston. Years ago, when he was just starting out, he wrote a blog post about eight perfect murders in crime fiction. It was just a little something for the bookstore’s blog, hoping that it was help increase sales. But now, years later, FBI Agent Gwen Mulvey thinks that someone is using that article as inspiration to commit a series of perfect murders in real life. She’s determined to get Malcolm, the resident subject-matter expert for crime fiction, to advise her in order to catch the murderer. Malcolm reluctantly agrees, but when the victims seem to be getting closer and closer to his personal life, it seems that he may be in way over his head. [The Eight Perfect Murders are: The Red House, Malice Aforethought, the ABC Murders, Double Indemnity, Strangers on a Train, The Drowner, Deathtrap, and The Secret History]

My thoughts: I feel like the concept for this book was really cool, but the execution was not great. I was not at all convinced that the unsolved murders were connected to each other or the eight perfect murders for the first third of the book, which is definitely too long. I would have preferred the irl murders to be a lot closer to their fictional counterparts. I also was pretty doubtful when Mal started getting paranoid that the murderer was coming after him/his loved ones. Not everything has to revolve around him (although he actually did end up being the center of everything, for an unexpected reason). My final problem (readers will know that’s an allusion to a Sherlock Holmes story) with Mal was when he revealed that he might have done some things in a dream/suppressed his memory of doing them. I think the allusion to The Murder of Roger Ackroyd was cool, but c’mon, you can’t just say “i thought i was dreaming but turns out it happened irl” and expect to get away with it. There are plenty of other ways to conceal something from the reader without being so outlandish (like, for example, just lying). The Gwen plotline felt super rushed. I thought that her suspension from active FBI service would actually go somewhere but she just was sidelined until the end of the book, when Mal confessed everything to her over a phone call. He claims that this would be enough evidence to prove to the FBI that her theory was right, but an unrecorded phone call would prove absolutely nothing and only serve to be for dramatic effect.

Rating: 3/5 pet cats that you adopted from the scene of the crime

The Stars Too Fondly by Emily Hamilton

Synopsis: In the year 2041, humanity’s last hope was a spaceship called the Providence I. It was manned by the world’s best, with a goal of flying out to Proxima Century B and starting a new civilization on a goldilocks planet. Cleo grew up obsessed with the Providence mission, especially Captain Wilhelmina (Billie) Lucas. But on the day of the launch, the moment that the dark matter engines were powered up, the entire crew simply vanished. Humanity never recovered, and the Providence remained on Earth. Now, in 2061, an adult Cleo and her friends are determined to explore the Providence and see if they can solve the mystery of the crew’s disappearance. But while on board, they accidentally power on the engines, and get launched into space. They’re trapped on the ship, with only a hologram of Captain Lucas to guide them. Can they figure out what happened to the old crew? And what will happen when they start reacting strangely to the dark matter engines?

My thoughts: despite this being intended as an adult sci-fi novel, it was incredibly YA-core. The writing style and the actions of the characters felt pretty immature, considering that Cleo and her friends were supposed to be 29 years old. The voice of the novel also felt very targeted to a teen audience, and I was genuinely confused as to what age group the book was really written for. It was also not very science-y for a science fiction book, and I usually read sci-fi books because I am craving some hard science. I don’t think that just any book set in space/on a spaceship should get to call itself science fiction without actually embodying the principles of science fiction. This book ended up being more a teen romance between Cleo and the hologram of Billie. I thought it was a little odd that there was basically a love triangle between Cleo and holo Billie and real Billie (each Billie thought that Cleo would choose the other Billie over her). I’m glad that it was resolved, but at the same time felt that it was resolved a little too neatly.

Rating: 3/5 3D printers that can cook up (literally) whatever your heart desires.

What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund

Synopsis: In this book, Peter Mendelsund explores what we see when we read, and our misconceptions about our own minds’ eye.

My thoughts: I’ve been on an odyssey to read this book for seven months. As readers will know, I am hypophantasic, and rarely, if ever imagine things in my head when I read. (For those asking, yes, I just focus on the words, and the descriptions of what’s going on are more than enough for me.) I thought it would be interesting to understand how other people experience reading, so I figured this book would be perfect. The book itself played around with a lot of images, and interesting layouts for text. However, I really struggled with this book. The main thesis was that the images we imagine are made up, and often extrapolated from few details in the text. Mendelsund treated this like it was a revolutionary observation, but to me it seems pretty obvious? If something is not being exhaustively described, but you imagine it fully, then you have to be making up some of it in order to get a complete picture. He acted as though this was a controversial statement that would upset readers if pointed out to them. I also found Mendelsund was very prescriptive, eventually to the point of irritation. He didn’t really leave room for any interpretations or experiences other than his own. I also found the tone overall to be pretty pretentious. So no, I did not enjoy this book, and I’m perfectly happy to live in my words-only, pictureless world.

Rating: 2/5 mental images of Anna Karenina (even though you don’t actually know what she looks like)

I watched “The Substance” yesterday with Tetyana as our Halloween night spooky movie.

The premise was really interesting; a company offers a service where you can inject yourself with a serum to create a “better” version of yourself. You are the matrix, they are the other. It's not a clone, it's basically just sprouting another human being out of you. You do not share the other's memory (and them yours), and yet only one of you can be conscious at a time. There are rules:

• You/Your other must feed your other/its matrix with IV while unconscious
• Your other must stabilize every day, which involves the other extracting some cerebrospinal fluid out of you (the matrix) and injecting it to themselves
• You must switch every 7 days, no exceptions
• Remember you are one

Our protagonist, Elisabeth, goes through with this procedure. Sue is born. The movie explores the dynamic between Sue and Elisabeth. The cinematography is where this movie really shines in my opinion, it is original and striking without every feeling too needlessly artsy. There were a ton of interesting shots, or ways the camera was used, positioned, or how the movement/lack of it was used. While being overall consistent for the movie, the cinematography was very noticeably different when following Elisabeth or Sue. While Elisabeth's was very sober, plain almost minimalist for the most part, Sue's was hectic, glamourous with very, very close-up shots.

The sound design was also very claustrophobic in a way, with a lot of low pass filter creating an effect of being underwater, while having some bodily sounds being unfiltered. This ties in to the body horror part of the movie. There are a bunch of disgusting sounds in there.

Another part of the body horror was nudity. There was so much ass. My notes for this portion of the review are simply “ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass [...]“. This is when Sue is on-screen, and she is extremely sexualised, not only by the movie, but by the entertainment industry, which plays an important part in the story. The other side of body horror comes in during the stabilizing requirements, and during other scenes that I cannot spoil. Most of it is during the last 20min of the film, which are so wild I would never in a million years predicted it.

The script is the weakest part of this movie in my opinion, with glaring plot holes and overall not being airtight, never giving you the “wow that is so clever” feeling from seeing something unfolding. It is not bad, but apart from the premise, it is serviceable. However, the movie does not take itself seriously (without the satire being too in your face most of the time), so the weakness of the scenario is not a fatal flaw. The music is not the main focus of the movie, and does its job here. Apart from one or two tracks, it doesn't do anything special. The acting is to be commended, both actresses (Elisabeth – Demi Moore & Sue – Margaret Qualley) are doing a great job and selling a believable performance. The director, who also wrote, co-edited, and co-produced the film, Coralie Fargeat, is also to be saluted, as I especially liked the direction. And I also have to mention Benjamin Kracun who was responsible for the much appreciated cinematography.

The themes of the use of women by the entertainment industry (sole focus on beauty, youth, and unrealistic standards as well as rampant sexualization for monetisation purpose) and parenting, are very unsubtly present here. The second one was dealt with more depth and almost nuance, while the first was pretty simplistic. I don't believe the movie could have gotten away without mentioning the first though, so it is understandable. What the movie says about the former and self-hate, self-loathing, things taken for granted/lack of appreciation for the things we have, aging... were really interesting in my opinion, even if I can't fully relate to the last one yet. Overall, this movie touches on multiple subject, without being too verbose. A lot of them are mostly indirectly approached, which is nice to see; the movie is not afraid of the viewer not understanding/getting everything.

I would recommend this movie, it is a nice breath of fresh air in the horror genre, which — last I checked — was pretty stale. But don't expect too much horror. 16/20

Went to a concert yesterday. It was the first concert I had ever been to by my own volition (if you discount the frosh week concert). Tetyana and I went to see Океан Ельзи (Okean Elsy) a ukrainian band that is touring the US and Canada before going back to perform in Ukraine. When I was working at Tetyana's family restaurant, their songs were cycling the playlist quite often, and I liked them.

After driving for 45min, we arrived at the venue early, probably at around 7h30 when their set was only starting at 8. There were no opening bands, it was just them. We found a spot at the first elevated platform, avoiding the pit, but despite our early arrival, we weren't at the first row of that mini balcony. It was not an issue for me, despite my petite stature (I'm only 180cm after all [5'11'' for you weirdos]), and we managed to find a triangle opening for Tetyana to see the stage. Shortly after we arrived, the pre-show entertainment started: an auction of some band items and other memorabilia, which profit would go to the defence of Ukraine. If you have been living under a rock, Ukraine has been actively at war for 2 years, defending itself against the full scale invasion from russia. The band even had a flag from the famous Azov's third separate assault brigade (3-тя окрема штурмова бригада) on the auction. The auction ended at around 7h50. I was starting to shift on my feet, uncomfortable, as I had spent the whole day running around to set up the second-biggest event of the year at work.

Unfortunately, while the show was supposed to start at 8pm, the band only showed up at 8h30. During my wait, I was checking out the stage. It was pretty bare bone, with a couple of light on top of the rigging. On the stage, on the guitarist side, a plethora of guitars were exhibited: a fender telecaster, gibson sg, some acoustic guitars, more electric ones.... On the bassist side only two: a hofner violin bass and another identical hofner violin bass that he didn't touch for the entire set — based (prepared) minimalist. I, too, enjoy short scale bases. I know nothing about pianos or drums, so I will just say that there was an acoustic drum set and an electric piano on stage. Despite the distractions, I was still uncomfortable.

Without introductions, the band came out and started with their first and second songs. God damn, the lead singer sounds as good if not better live than in recordings. I had put in my ear plugs at that point — I already have tinnitus — but they still sounded great. The welcome speech followed, and to my surprise, the lead singer is speaking quite good english to the crowd which, you won't be shocked to learn, was 90% ukrainian. Then they did the unthinkable; they sang songs in english. They have released two albums recently, one in ukrainian, and one in english. It was the first time they did one in english, and the reasoning they gave was that they wanted ukraine and ukrainian culture to be heard of around the world by its own merit, and not as a side mention when talking about the war. I was a bit apprehensive, as in France, whenever an artist starts to sing in english from french, or starts to mix both, it's usually quite shit. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about french bands that sing in english from the get-go, like my beloved Gojira, but the ones that see money and fame in singing in english and decide to transition. In any case, I was pleasantly surprised, as their english stuff was quite good. They sang Might Have Been a Dream, which I really liked, and is Tetyana's favorite song of their english album, which I haven't had the chance to listen to yet. I have listened to that song's studio counterpart in the car, and the live one was better. The studio version sounded too clean and the lead singer's english was better too — I liked his stronger accent and the more scuffed production of the live one more.

A quick transition later talking candidly about the war in Ukraine, and the band went back to ukrainian songs, with some of the audience singing — although timidly — the refrain of some. I, alas, could not take part in that as I do not really speak ukrainian and do not know the band's discography as well as I should. I could only clap and nod to the beat. The songs were good and their performance was solid. The lead singer performance is again really to be commended, he sounded incredibly good.

They sang some of their classics like я так хочу... (I do want it), не йди (Don't go), Tetyana's favorite без тебе мене нема (Without you there is no I). They were all great, but despite that the crowd and me were tired and there was not much engagement from our part. Which bring us to one of the other classics that they played, which I think they fumbled. It's без бою (Without a Fight), which starts slow and builds up to the refrain where the singer yells in a powerful voice — contrasting with the almost whisper of the start — “я не здамся без бою” (I will not give up without a fight). For their performance everything was the same as the recording if a bit modernised, and energised, adding to the build-up. Except when it was time for the cathartic yelling of the “я не здамся без бою”; the lead singer, instead of singing, turned his mic to the now very tired and lukewarm crowd which was probably not expecting it and kinda flunked it. And instead of learning his lesson, he did the same for the other two refrains. To the crowd's credit, they did wake up a bit after the second refrain, which they might have expected this time. But man, I would have loved to experience the song the way it is usually sung by the singer.

The show was great otherwise, and the song selection was a nice mix of classics, new stuff, english stuff, with a good balance of mellow to energetic stuff. The instrument performers were also good, the guitar was shredding an appropriate amount, the bass was playing in the pocket, and the drums were keeping time good (my lack of music expertise is showing). The mixing was very good, no issue of overpowering bass, too loud drums or too forward guitars. The voice was perfect and I have nothing but praise for their performance.

I would have loved if they also had played на небі (In the sky) and Обійми (Embrace) but I understand why they weren't in the setlist as — while they are beautiful songs — they might have put the crowd to sleep. Overall, it was a great concert, that could only have been made better if the band had started on time. It was a successful first concert, and I am looking forward to my second concert experience, coming up pretty soon in November, seeing Jaeger (go pre-save his album now).

The Toronto Blue Jays, fresh off a last place finish in 2024 but finishing with 91, 92, and 89 wins from 2021-2023, have pieces to make a deep push in the playoffs, but need some much needed help to do so. Their young talent is the biggest question mark, as some of them need a lot of work that might not fit their “win now” mentality. Bo Bichette and Vlad Jr. are both on the tail end of their Blue Jays tenure, both reaching free agency in 2026. Pitchers Kevin Gausman, Chris Bassitt, and outfielder George Springer will also reach free agency around that time. Pitcher Jose Berrios has an opt out in 2027, and can choose to go into free agency in his age 33 season. Because of this, and the incentive to build a successful team as Canada's only baseball team (rip Montreal), I begin my optimistic wish list for Toronto's future. I will break it down position by position and try to make it as digestible as possible, while providing 3 “tiers” of thought: cheap, average, and lucrative. I will try to add definitions for terms I use that not everyone would know to help with this.

BREAKDOWN OF MINOR LEAGUES: MLB AAA AA High A Low A

ARBITRATION: player has reached enough service time to advocate for themselves if they believe they deserve a larger contract, if both sides cannot agree, it is taken to a third party arbitration hearing, not good for player-team relations

SPOTRAC.COM: website that evaluates player contracts and estimated player market value

PLAYER OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the player can choose to opt in or opt out, going to free agency

TEAM OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the team can choose to opt in or opt out, sending player to free agency

FANGRAPHS.COM: website that gives super in depth looks at each team and players, projections, and evaluations

CY YOUNG AWARD: best pitcher award

TEAM BREAKDOWN/WISHLIST ——————————————————————

CATCHER: Alejandro Kirk, Tyler Heinemen, Brian Serven

After trading away Danny Jansen this past season, it's clear that Captain Kirk is the primary catcher for the years to come, now in his arbitration years and set to reach free agency in 2027. Originally signing as an international free agent way back in 2016, he is just now getting his spot as the no1 catcher. Taking a step back offensively in 2024 however, the Blue Jays should nix having Tyler Heinemen and Serven as the backups (kind of nothing players outside of being able to play catcher), and instead sign a no2 catcher that can also serve as a pinch hitter when needed. This is when trading your top catching prospect hurts you. Gabriel Moreno, traded from Toronto to Arizona, has become a top catcher in the game at only 24 years old. Traded with outfielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. for Daulton Varsho, this trade still baffles me as you traded a top catching prospect and a quality outfielder for a decent outfielder who can play catcher but probably won't ever again.

The catcher free agent class is usually pretty weak, as a good catcher is one of the more important pieces to keep around. Ironically, Danny Jansen is a free agent again, but will probably be asking for a multi-year deal worth more than I would spend on a no2 catcher. After departing with Moreno, their catching prospect list is basically non-existent, as none of their catchers rank.

Cheap: Yasmani Grandal

Grandal will be entering his age 36 season, and has fallen off significantly after his time in Milwaukee. Injuries and poor performance filled out his 4 year contract with the White Sox, having just one good year from 2020-2023. Signing with the Pirates this year on a 1 year, 2.5mil contract, he put up better numbers than his last year with Chicago hitting more homers in less games. His best years are behind him, but as a switch hitting bench bat, he could provide some offense on a game to game basis. Spotrac has his projected market value to be 1.3m/y but I think matching his previous contract with another 1 year, 2.5-3 mil deal is a good cheap option for a no2 catcher.

Average: Gary Sanchez

Gary Sanchez is a veteran of the AL East division, playing with the Yankees for the majority of his career before stints with the Twins, Mets, Padres, and most recently, the Milwaukee Brewers. Batting .220 in 2024 with 11 homers in 89 games isn't anything special, but only 31, I can see him recovering some of his power lost from his Yankee days, and would sign him to a 2 year, 8 mil deal. Having him as a bench option/secondary catcher seems like the better option as his average and on base percentage is up from his last year with the Yankees, having played half as many games.

Lucrative: Elias Diaz

Diaz will “only” be 34 in 2025, and has more than 6 years of service time as a major league catcher. Starting with the Pirates but having his best seasons in Colorado, Diaz is a good backup option, batting .270 with Colorado this year before being traded to San Diego. He only hit half as many homers this year as he did last year, but still hit for a decent average. His market value is projected to be much higher than I think it should be at 13.1m/y, coming off of a 3 year, 14 mil extension and taking a step back in his production during those years, I can see signing him to a 2 year, 15mil deal.

SUMMARY: Yasmani Grandal – 1yr,2.5-3 mil Gary Sanchez – 2yr, 8mil Elias Diaz – 2yr, 15mil

FIRST BASE: Vlad Jr, Spencer Horwitz

The biggest question mark for the Blue Jays is whether Vlad Jr. can return to his 2021 season production or if this could be the final days of Vlad Jr. in a Blue Jays jersey. By far the most expensive player to evaluate, it's hard to see the Blue Jays not at least trying to keep Vladdy on the Jays. In his last years of arbitration and making almost 30 mil in arbitration in 2025, it's hard to see both sides agreeing on a number for a long term deal. Hitting 30 homers and batting over .300, he is edging closer to his best season with Toronto (40 homers, .300+ average), but with little time remaining on his tenure, the Jays should be putting him as their top priority. Spotrac has him valued as a potential 10 year, 250mil player, akin to the Braves' Matt Olson (8yr, 168 mil) which would become the largest contract in Blue Jays history, beating out George Springer's 6 year, 150 mil contract. Only missing 18 games since 2021, I think he is a safe person to bet big on, and at the very least, maintain his production for the majority of his career. In this game of ifs, I have to picture a reality where they don't get Vladdy to resign, either due to the front office's own mismanagement or because of a more lucrative deal from another team, most likely a routine contender.

Cheap: Spencer Horwitz

Just starting his tenure as a major leaguer and having a good first season in Toronto, the Jays can continue to develop Horwitz as their first baseman following a potential departure from Vladdy. Under contract until 2031, and not arbitration eligible until 2027, he is the perfect cheap, homegrown option to invest in and make their starting first baseman of the future. Hitting over .300 for the first months of his career and ending with a .265 average and 12 home runs is more than quality for a 24 year old drafted in 2019. His pre arbitration contract is only 741,000/y and he has the tools necessary to become a main piece of the Blue Jays future.

Average: Anthony Rizzo/Rhys Hoskins

This one is a little different because both players have options (Rizzo team option, Hoskins player option) so this is assuming both players have their options opted out of, sending both to free agency. Much like the signing of Brandon Belt last season, an added first baseman option will let Vladdy play games at DH and let him rest a little throughout the season without having to take him out of the lineup.

Anthony Rizzo, a World Series champion in 2016 with the Chicago Cubs and back in the World Series with the Yankees this year, hasn't had the same production since his time with the Cubs, and has been sidelined with injury during his tenure with the Yankees. The Yankees are expected to decline his option, I think Rizzo is a good left handed option, and if healthy, can still have quality performance on offense and defense. Signing a 32 mil contract from 2022-23 and another contract for 2023-25, the Yankees are expected to buy out the last year of his 40mil contract for 6 mil. From the start of his Yankees tenure to now, his market value has plummeted from 17/mil to an estimated 2 mil/y salary. Because of this, and his notable defense, I think he is a good option to have as a backup/bench bat. His last full season was 2022, where he hit 32 homers to a .224 average, and if he can get close to this production as a first baseman/DH/bench bat, can be a good signing for the Blue Jays. Despite him being 36 next season, I would give him a 2yr, 10 mil contract with an option for a third year.

Rhys Hoskins is kind of the opposite. Missing all of 2023 due to injury, and signing a short-term deal with the Milwaukee Brewers and proving he is still a quality player, I think Hoskins will opt out of his contract to pursue a more lucrative deal. Hitting 26 homers to a .214 average is nothing to scoff at after missing an entire year. His last full season was with the Phillies in 2022 where he hit 30 homers to a .246 average, pretty close to his most recent season. His estimated market value sits at 11.8mil/y, and I think that's fair given his current 17mil/y contract. At 31 years old, I would give him a 4yr, 50 mil contract, or a shorter 2 year, 30 mil contract with a player option for a third year.

Lucrative: Vladdy Jr.

Obviously, the lucrative option would be to sign Vladdy long term. Returning to form after a down year in 2023 where he only hit 26 homers to a .264 average, and only 25, the Blue Jays almost have to re-sign Vladdy, a generational cornerstone when at his best, an above average player at his worst. I would give him an 8yr, 200mil deal with options for a 9th and 10th year for a total of 250 mil.

SUMMARY: Horwitz – 747,000/y, Team control until 2031 Rizzo – 2yr, 10 mil, option for third year Hoskins – 4yr, 50mil or 2yr, 30mil with an option for a third year Vlad Jr. – 8yr, 200mil with options for 9th and 10th year

SECOND BASE: Will Wagner, Ernie Clement, Leo Jimenez

With a plethora of unproven infielders, it's hard to say how they will navigate 2nd base. Like Spencer Horwitz, Will Wagner performed well during his first few months with the Jays after being acquired from Houston. Batting over .300 in his first 25 games, it's still hard to tell what he will do in a full season given the chance. Ernie Clement has been a flexible infield option as well, playing 2nd, 3rd, and SS last season. He is on his way to being a productive everyday player, having played his career high in games last season and hitting to a .263 average. To compete for a championship in the next couple years however, they may need more. I can see Clement as the starting second baseman to begin the season, and depending on his production, reevaluate from there. He is almost 30 which is a bit old to develop as an infielder, and he will make 2.5mil next season. Leo Jimenez is too young and too green to evaluate as an everyday player, and has not performed well in his time given at the major league level. I believe he will start in the minor leagues and get called up when needed. Playing in only 60 games mostly due to injuries to the main core, he averaged .229 last season. Second base doesn't always have to be an impact position, but someone who should be in the field as many games as possible with some flexibility in their ability to play other positions. The top second baseman last season was Ketel Marte for Arizona, hitting 36 homers to a .292 batting average, by far an outlier on the offensive front. Former Blue Jay Marcus Semien is a close second place, who with Toronto broke the single season home run record for a second baseman but took a step back offensively with the Texas Rangers' collapse in the second half, only hitting to a .237 batting average.

Cheap: Use what they have in Wagner, Clement, Jimenez

Having an excess of middle infielders makes it easy to plug in someone you already have in your system, without the need to look elsewhere. Wagner showed promise and with Jimenez, are young and cheap with many years of team control. Ernie Clement showed success at the major league level but is getting older for someone who is just now getting significant playing time. He will be entering his age 29 season.

Average: Jorge Polanco

Switch hitting second baseman has a 12 million club option with Seattle for 2025, but only hitting 16 homers to a .213 average, I see Seattle declining his option, sending him to free agency. In the last year of his contract extension from 2019 with Minnesota, Jorge Polanco was a key piece of the Twins' success and still relatively young at 31 years old. Because of this, and his former success , hitting 33 homers to a .258 average in 2021, I think he would be a good short term, win now contract if he can return to form. His market value is a little higher than I would give him at 13.7/y, but a short term deal could be beneficial for both sides. Because of his past and as a switch hitter, I think a 2 year, 25 mil deal with an option for a third year worth 15mil would work well.

Lucrative: Gleyber Torres

Yankee mainstay Gleyber Torres hits free agency this winter, and depending on the Yankee's success in this year's World Series, the team might not re-sign Torres with young infielders on the rise in their minor league system. He's only missed a handful of games in his last 3 seasons, and a veteran of the AL East, could be a good steal for the Jays, even if at a hefty price. The Jays have a lot of young infielders, but could sign Torres to a multi-year deal to have some offensive stability while the young players develop. He took a step back offensively this year, dropping his homers from 25 to 15, and his average from .273 to .253, but looking at his first half vs second half stats, he performed much better in the second half as the leadoff hitter, hitting over .300 the last few months of the season. The Blue Jays' known issues with production in the leadoff spot puts Gleyber in a good spot to provide some early offense for Bo and Vladdy, who will get more opportunities to drive in runs early. Torres is only 27, and will fetch a high price. He received 14.2mil in arbitration last season, and due to his step back offensively, could be signed to a 3 year, 50 mil deal with options for more on the hope that he can return to his 20+ homer, .250+ average with consistency.

SUMMARY: Wagner, Clement, Jimenez – <4 mil/y and a lot of team control Jorge Polanco – 2y, 25mil with option for third year at 15mil Gleyber Torres – 3y, 50mil with options for fourth and fifth year

THIRD BASE: Clement (projected starter on FanGraphs), Addison Barger, Orelvis Martinez

The Blue Jays haven't had a consistent third baseman since acquiring Matt Chapman from Oakland in 2022, departing with Cavan Biggio and Santiago Espinal and settling on deals for Justin Turner and Isiah Kiner-Falefa last year. Their top third base prospect, Orelvis Martinez, hit to a .267 average in the minor leagues before getting called up to the Jays, and promptly suspended for 80 games after violating the PED policy. In years previous, he's been nothing special, but is only 22 years old. Another third base prospect, Addison Barger, got significant playing time last year but hit to a <.200 average, and will most likely start 2025 on the minor league roster. Another third base prospect, Cutter Coffey, one of the players acquired from Boston in the Danny Jansen trade, hit 14 home runs in the minor leagues before being traded, where he only hit 1 the rest of the season. This position is very much a work in progress, and in a win now scenario, needs significant improvement unless you move Vladdy back to third base, something he did a little bit last year but hasn't played full time since 2019. Moving Vlad to third would allow Horwitz or another first baseman (think Rizzo or Hoskins) to play everyday and still let someone play DH without removing much from the field defensively.

Cheap: JD Davis

Because of the unreliability from the Jays third basemen in their organization already, the best cheap option to acquire would be JD Davis, who has shown power in the past but didn't perform well last year where he only played in 50 games. He hit 18 homers to a .248 average with San Francisco in 2023, and could return to that 15+ homer form given a full season. In seasons where he played more than 100 games, he has hit at least 12 home runs and at least a .248 average. A 1yr, 2.5 mil deal, same as last season, should be good enough for him.

Average: Yoan Moncada

Riddled with injuries these past few seasons, Yoan Moncada needs a “prove it” deal, the opportunity to show the league you still got it on a short 1 year contract, to get back on the right track. As a switch hitting third baseman who was touted as a top prospect with Red Sox and later the White Sox, he is only a few years removed from his best campaign, where he hit 25 homers to a .315 average in 2019. Still young at 29, and most likely to have his 25mil team option opted out of, he will be looking for somewhere to show his stuff. Playing poorly from 2020-2024, only playing in a handful of games the last couple seasons, his price tag will be much lower than his contract was, and a 1 yr, 4 million dollar deal would be a good prove it deal for him.

Lucrative: Alex Bregman

Bregman is tricky, because there is a big possibility that the Astros resign Bregman, who has played his entire career in Houston, winning 2 championships in 2017* and 2022 respectfully. He is coming off a 5 year, 100mil extension signed in 2020, and will probably be asking for close to that if he hits free agency. Hitting 41 home runs in 2019, it's no question why he got the contract extension, but since 2020 has performed to a slightly above average statline, as a 20+ homer .250+ average player. If he can't get a deal done because his asking price is too high or Houston's offer is too low, I can see a 4 year, 80 million dollar deal for a quality third base option who has only missed significant time once in his career.

SUMMARY: JD Davis – 1yr, 2.5mil Yoan Moncada – 1yr, 4mil Alex Bregman – 4yr, 80 mil

SHORTSTOP: Bo Bichette, Ernie Clement, Josh Kasevich

Bo Bichette has been a mainstay at the shortstop position since 2019, hitting for a .300+ average almost every season, with his lowest coming this year due to injury at .225, but only playing 81 games (also important to note that it was a hand injury, so offensive struggles were likely because of that). He is set to earn 17.5mil in 2025, his last season before reaching free agency. During his stint on the injured list, Ernie Clement and others held down his position, but not performing nearly as well as Bichette had in years prior. Josh Kasevich has yet to debut on the Blue Jays roster, but performed to a .325 average in 41 games at AAA. I think he will start in the minor leagues, and probably only debut due to injuries or late in the season, so I think signing someone who can slot in to multiple positions while also taking over on rest days for Bo if needed.

Cheap: Amed Rosario

A flexible INF/OF, Rosario has had consistent success at the major league level, with most of his 9 seasons consisting of .260+ averages and 5-15 home runs. He has played most of the season each year, with stints on the Dodgers, Guardians, Mets, and Reds. Not a huge impact player offensively, but his value is in his versatility and ability to stay on the field, not to mention his low cost. Rosario signed a 1.5mil deal in 2024 with Tampa Bay before being sent to the Reds. His estimated value is 2.3m/y, so a 1y, 2.5 mil deal is more than doable.

Average: Ha-Seong Kim

San Diego has at least 50 shortstops last time I checked, Kim one of them, and his contract for 2025 rests on a mutual option. The Padres need to cut payroll, and Kim is expected to opt out of his side, despite a down year offensively. He only hit 11 homers to a .233 average, but at 29 years old and a veteran of the Korean league, Kim is still a worthy player. Kim missed 40 games this year due to injury, but played in 150 games in 2022 and 2023. He is coming off a 4 year, 28 mil contract signed in 2021, and his market value is estimated at 12.3mil/y. I wouldn't spend that much on someone who's best season was only 17 homers at a .266 average, but a 3 year, 33 mil deal with an option for a 4th works well for me, as he has also played second base in San Diego, another spot the Jays need to fill.

Lucrative: Bo Bichette

It's no mystery that Bo Bichette is talented, and that last year was an outlier to his overall production, but signing him to a long term deal would still come with some ifs. 26 years old is super young for a shortstop, and is coming off a 3 year, 33.6mil extension signed in 2023. Set to reach free agency after this next season, signing him now on the idea that he returns to form instead of waiting until after the 2025 season in case his stock rises so much he chooses to hit the open market is the best bet for a solid infield for years to come. Not counting 2024, where he missed half the season, he has hit over 60 home runs to a .300+ average since his debut in 2019. After a down year, you could probably get him to sign a long term deal for less than if he had played a full season, and a 7yr, 150mil contract is somehow on the cheaper end for a player like Bobear.

SUMMARY: Amed Rosario – 1yr, 2.5mil Ha-Seong Kim – 3yr, 33 mil with an option for a 4th year at 15mil Bo Bichette – 7yr, 150mil

OUTFIELDERS: George Springer, Daulton Varsho, Nathan Lukes, Joey Loperfido, Jonatan Clase

Instead of doing 3 players for each outfield position, I will present 5 outfielders, 2 cheap, 2 average, and 1 lucrative.

The Blue Jays outfield has seen massive turnover in recent years, going from proven sluggers like Teoscar Hernandez and Lourdes Gurriel to defensive standouts like Kevin Kiermaier and Daulton Varsho, but the constant member of the outfield, George Springer, has fallen off completely from his best years. The highest Blue Jays contract in history at 6yrs, 150mil, Springer is a shell of his former self, hitting to a .220 average last season. George will be 35 during the 2025 season, and a 35 year old outfielder is like one of those dogs with the training wheels because their legs are shot. A worthy candidate to replace George Springer as the top outfielder is Daulton Varsho, and while he was acquired through a horrible, lopsided trade, has proven he can patrol Center Field to a gold glove standard. Lukes, Loperfido, and Clase are young and unproven, but can fill out Left and Right field if needed. Outside of these names, there aren't a lot of impact players for the Jays' outfield. Minor leaguer Alan Roden would be the first one called up if needed, hitting to a .314 average in 71 games at AAA. There are always a lot of quality outfielders on the market, we'll see if the Jays can snag anyone of note for next season.

Cheap: Michael Conforto

Conforto has been through injury hell since he hit over .300 in the shortened covid season, missing all of 2022. He signed a 2 year deal with San Francisco, and performed well enough, playing most games during those two seasons and matching his production from 2021, even surpassing his home run numbers this last season, hitting 20 and batting .237. I can also see him taking somewhat of a prove it deal, improving last season but still needing to return to his 2019 standard, where he hit over 30 home runs for the first and only time in his career. His market value is set at 4.7mil/y, but I don't think he would go for anything less than 10 mil/y. A 1 yr, 15mil deal should be good enough value for what he is hoping to do in 2025. Conforto is a primary Right Fielder but can play Left and Center if needed.

Cheap: Harrison Bader

Besides a short run during his time with the Yankees, Bader has been a defense first outfielder for his career. I would compare this signing to the signing of Kiermaier a couple years ago, adding great defense but with Bader having slightly better offensive numbers. Having Bader as a Center Fielder allows Varsho to rest vs lefties, or allows him to slide to Left with Springer in Right for a more complete outfield. At 30 years old, and valued at 7.1m/y, I think a 1yr, 10 mil or a 2yr, 18 mil deal, comparable financially to Kiermaier's contract (1yr, 10.5mil).

Average: Tyler O'Neill

Canada's own Tyler O'Neill hit 31 homers last year, and would provide much needed power to the middle of the order for people not named Vlad Jr. He made just under 6 mil in arbitration in 2024, and is valued at 16.2mil/y after this great season. He did miss time with injury the past 3 years, which could lower his value a bit, but that makes the 31 homers this season stand out that much more. A corner outfielder, he can slot in as the everyday Left or Right fielder, and also DH when needed. Only 29, I can see signing him to a 4yr, 60 mil contract.

Average: Alex Verdugo

As a member of both the Red Sox and the Yankees, Verdugo is no stranger to the AL East, and has proven to be a +defender with solid offensive output. Only 28, he will probably be looking for a multi-year deal. Making 8.7mil last season in arbitration, I think a 5 year, 60 mil contract with options can be beneficial for both sides, as he provides a left handed bat and solid defense at the corner outfield positions.

Lucrative: Juan Soto

Juan Soto is on the fast track to the Hall of Fame. Only 25 years old, he won the World Series in 2019, and has over .300 for almost his entire career. Hitting for average and power, Juan Soto is the upper echelon of offensive production. His “worst” season is still a 25+ homer season, and had a career high 41 homers in 2024. The Yankees will do everything in their power to re-sign Soto, but why shouldn't the Jays do the same? Making a whopping 31 mil in arbitration this season, he will no doubt be a $500 million dollar man. Slotting in Right or Left, and as a power hitting left-handed bat, Juan Soto will be at the top of the list for every team worth their salt. A 15yr, 500mil contract is an insane amount of money, and is well deserved for a man of Soto's caliber.

SUMMARY: Michael Conforto – 1yr, 15mil Harrison Bader – 1yr, 10mil or 2yr, 18mil Tyler O'Neill – 4yr, 60 mil Alex Verdugo – 5 yr 60 mil Juan Soto – 15yr, 500mil

DESIGNATED HITTER: Vlad Jr., Spencer Horwitz, George Springer

As far as offensive production goes, the Jays need a significant improvement in their DH slot, having an everyday power presence while allowing Vladdy, Horwitz, and Springer to play their normal positions. DH's vary more year to year and don't receive long term contracts because they only hit. (The Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton is one of the only DH's to make significant money and only hit, as Ohtani will return to pitching in 2025). Because of this and the tendency to not sign a DH only player, the options are usually slim.

Cheap: Eloy Jimenez

Debuting with the Chicago White Sox and starting off strong with a 30+ homer season, Jimenez has never been the same player since, struggling with injuries and poor performance. He actually played the same amount of games in 2021 as he did in the shortened 2020 season because of injuries, but put up decent enough numbers in 2023, but not to the standard of his debut season. Because of his strong first season in Chicago, he was signed to a 6yr, 43 mil contract extension, and never lived up to the price tag. He has a team option for 2025, but at 16.5mil, he will most certainly have it declined. He's only 27, and could benefit highly from a 1yr prove it deal, if he can stay healthy. His estimated market value is only 2.3m/y, and a 1yr, 3mil contract for a DH on the hopes they can get back to their 25+ homer days is perfect for a Jays team that wants results without spending big.

Average: JD Martinez

Veteran slugger JD Martinez has produced his entire career, and at 37 years old, is only now starting to slow down. From 2014-2023 (not counting the shortened covid season) Martinez has played over 100 games each season, hitting to a .270+ average. 2024 has arguably been the worst of his career, only hitting 16 homers to a .235 average, but can still provide a power bat at the DH spot, not having to play every day either. At 38, a big money deal is risky, but with 7.5mil of his most recent contract deferred until 2034, could be attracted to a 1yr, 12 mil deal.

Lucrative: Joc Pederson

Another proven power bat, this time from the left side, Joc Pederson hit 23 homers to a .275 average in 132 games in 2024, one of his more consistent offensive seasons. A notorious power bat and two time World Series champion, he will most likely opt out of his 14 mil deal for 2025 and look for a multi-year contract in his age 32 season. His market value is estimated close to what he would earn this year, I think a 3yr, 50mil contract given he still produces is more than beneficial for the Jays.

SUMMARY: Eloy Jimenez – 1yr, 3mil JD Martinez – 1yr, 12mil Joc Pederson – 3yr, 50 mil

STARTING ROTATION: Kevin Gausman, Jose Berrios, Bowden Francis, Chris Bassitt, Yariel Rodriguez

The Blue Jays lucked out with Bowden Francis. When Kikuchi was traded, that opened up a spot in the rotation, and Francis broke out. Pitching to a 3.30 ERA and flirting with a no hitter on multiple occasions, Francis is an excellent pitcher for the future of the Jays. With an all righty rotation however, I think signing a lefty will be good for variety. With Rodriguez' struggles in his first season and subsequently pushed into a bullpen role, a spot is able to be opened up if needed. Alek Manoah (although also right-handed) should return for the second half of 2025 after his UCL surgery. Unfortunately their top lefty pitching prospect, 22 year old Ricky Tiedemann also is recovering from surgery and will miss the first half with Manoah. Lefty Ryan Yarbrough was traded for last season, so there is a possibility that he gets re-signed as a first half replacement for Manoah and Tiedemann.

Cheap: Ryan Yarbrough

Although mostly used from the bullpen this past season, Yarbrough was a starter for his first few years, pitching over 140 innings in 2018, 2019, and 2021 with Tampa Bay. Finishing last season with a 3.19 ERA in 44 games, Yarbrough could be a good lefty option to platoon that no5 starter spot with Rodriguez. Valued at 4.5mil/y renewing his tenure with the Jays on a 1yr, 4 mil contract should hold down the rotation until Manoah and Tiedemann can return from injury.

Average: John Means

The Baltimore lefty has been through injury hell, Only pitching more than 25 games in 2 seasons since 2019. In 2023 and 2024 he only pitched 4 games, and performed well with a a <3 ERA. Now a free agent, John Means will be looking for another 1 year prove it deal to show he can stay healthy and produce at a quality standard, which he did in 2019 and 2021, pitching over 140 innings to a 3.60 ERA. Making 3.3mil in 2024, a 1yr, 6 mil deal can help him show that he can still produce.

Lucrative: Blake Snell

The two time CY Young award winner got off to a slow start in 2024, not signing with a team until after Spring Training, which significantly halted his performance early on. Recovering tenfold and throwing a no hitter this year, Snell is expected to opt out of his last minute contract and hit free agency for the second consecutive season. In what has historically been an up and down statline on a year to year basis, Snell has shown consistency his last 3 seasons, pitching over 100 innings to a <3.50 ERA and winning the CY Young in 2023. He would slot in as the new ace, and a power lefty pitcher would round out the rotation nicely. Snell will most likely want to go to a regular playoff contender, and is valued at 26.3m/y. His biggest question mark in his career has been consistency, but after a third year of consistent performance, a 4yr, 150mil contract is well worth the cost.

SUMMARY: Yarbrough – 1yr, 4mil John Means – 1yr, 6 mil Blake Snell – 4yr, 150mil

BULLPEN: Jordan Romano, Chad Green, Erik Swanson, Genesis Cabrera, Ryan Burr, Brendon Little

Outside of closer Jordan Romano, setup man Chad Green, and lefty Genesis Cabrera, the bullpen is riddled with holes. In what was seemingly a revolving door of L talent, the bullpen is by far the part that needs the biggest change. The next guys up from AAA would be Zach Pop, Luis Frias, or Dillon Tate, all of which had poor performance in 2024. While not every pitcher in the bullpen needs to be an A+ guy, you should at least have consistency. There are always relief pitchers on the market, and on a wide range of price tags.

Cheap: Jose Leclerc

2024 was a step back for Leclerc after winning the World Series with Texas in 2023, pitching to a 4.32 ERA in 64 games. The veteran right hander is a consistent arm however, pitching over 50 innings in 6 of his 8 seasons. Coming off a big extension signed in 2019, and because relievers don't usually fetch a high price, a 2yr, 8 mil deal for Leclerc would add another stable arm in the bullpen.

Average: Kirby Yates

Yates was a Blue Jay for all of 6 seconds before injuring himself and sitting out his 2021 contract, but has since proven himself to be a top reliever in the game again. Cooking up a 1.17 ERA in 61.7 innings for Texas this year is outstanding for the veteran now entering his age 38 season, but age doesn't seem to have affected him as he put up his best numbers of his career. Because he is most likely on his way out of the league, I can see him settling for a 1yr, 8 mil deal.

Lucrative: Jeff Hoffman

Coming off a career year with the Phillies, pitching to a 2.17 ERA in 66 innings, his second consecutive season with an ERA in the 2's, Hoffman is a great choice to be that no1 guy out of the bullpen. Age 31, he will be looking for a multi-year deal. Estimated value set at 6.2m/y, I think a 3 year, 20 mil deal would give the Jays their A+ guy out of the bullpen to set up for Green and Romano in the 8th and 9th.

SUMMARY: Jose Leclerc – 2yr, 8mil Kirby Yates – 1yr, 8mil Jeff Hoffman – 3yr, 20mil

this has been my most ambitious post by far, and if any of these happen, I am the GOAT.

Last year's summer was not amazing for me. I was forced out of university before it was done, and where I was excited to spend one more summer in Kingston, it all vanished with my dad getting brain cancer and later dying. The separation caused a final rift in my relationship and I got broken up with. There were some people I saw here and there but with the move I felt I lost my consistent social life. On top of that, moving to the big city from Kingston, I had no idea how navigate meeting people. Everyone was so good at shutting everyone out and I had no clue how to get in. To add to this, I got an injury that caused a nerve shock, creating a ton of pain shooting through my left arm, destroying my sleep and ability to exercise. I was working all the time, because I felt I had to be there, but I wasn't doing much or accomplishing anything.

After a week of every day feeling more vulnerable, weak, and isolated than the last, I remember going to my home gym, trying to lift some weights, and being unable to lift 2 pounds with my left shoulder, and I mentally collapsed. This collapse lasted several hours, and because it became so late, when I reached out for help, I didn't get much response from anyone. Not really to fault them, even at rock bottom I knew it was 1 30 AM on a work night. Getting no responses I started to reach out to more people, including my ex, who had called me multiple times since the breakup due to her mental health reasons. I knew I was in a bad spot, and knew it was my time where I needed help. Her response was “Don't come to me about this” which is somewhere close to as bad as you can be when replying to someone in a mental health crisis asking for help. She had also recently gotten an award that was offered to me. Queen's Athletics shut me out as the recipient because I dropped a semester to be with my sister in the hospital. The award represents supporting the cheer team in memory of a teammate and dear friend of mine who had helped me in the past, but ended up taking her own life some years back. The person with the award now turning me away in my time of need was another layer to the crisis. This whole everything was pretty brutal. Luckily, a bit later, Elisa got back to me and we chatted for a while.

When talking to Elisa I expressed that I felt like everything had collapsed. My friends groups, my support systems, my family, my prospects for further education, really just all of it. It felt like every aspect of my life was measurably worse, and things were not improving. She expressed that loneliness in Toronto is pretty tough and had been struggled with it a lot over her life too. Maybe it was just the fact that both of us understood how hard it is to be long-distance with Bennet, but we decided that we could tackle this head-on. We set up some plans to hang out, she had some ideas, and we got to work. Plan one was a Fall time event at Square One. This was October 2nd, 2023.

Naturally, we called it operation friendsmaxxing. We decided that to tackle this loneliness thing we would come up with more plans, and I made a goal of hanging out with someone every day. Liam, Elisa, and I started hanging out in some capacity very frequently, sometimes doing cool and interesting things, sometimes watching movies that weren't even the most interesting with nothing to say to each other (since we last saw each other a day or two before). I grabbed some food with some old family friends, and in particular, I remember going to Joey's with Rob, the dad of a family friend who knew my dad but they fell out near the end. We talked. He asked about my dad and said his side of things and wanted to know mine. We talked about his life and times when he thought it was truly over for him. We talked about my life and how it seemed like my life was truly done for. My old coach Shaver called me a couple days later (I had called her that fateful night too) and we chatted about everything, including the award which was weighing on my mind. Dumping everything on everyone else helped a bit, and hanging out a lot helped a bit. Things were brutal, but something had kind of started, and it was time to make it what it could be.

I don't really remember it much. Maybe my mind was just in overdrive simmering in everything that was so overwhelming. I realized that there were indeed people around before this. There were the vampire nights, which require a shout-out to Eddie and Tetyana for those costumes, they seem to be the best at dressing up and I need to get better. These were a blast, but in my head, I had been so isolated and out of it that I felt like I was grasping at straws to make something happen. From now on, plans would be the default state unless they fell through.

There were a ton of plans for the next while, and after hanging out with people so much, I realized that socializing was, as I still say, like a muscle. Like hitting the gym, going once or twice makes you super sore and tired, and it's kind of foreign, and it's easy to just forget to do. Like going to the gym, if you do it all the time, make space for it, and make it happen, it starts to become natural, it keeps happening, and it makes you feel better. We had a book club back in Kingston (Vgh) that I missed, but I needed to appreciate that it was here too! Not only that, but the people in the book club tended to have lots of cool ideas for things to do. I decided I didn't have to do something every day, but would focus on making higher-quality plans. Where before I felt like I was grasping at straws to hang out, my social life started to become more regular and more successful.

I remember Pattycom. I remember getting my first coffee by accident, taking Nick's order that they got wrong, and feeling like I was glowing. While I was still glowing, we would be chatted up by a random table saying it was international talk to a stranger day, and a guy started talking about his security work and helping a woman recover her sex tapes from her porn recording room at her ex's house. I remember missing the first giant Pattycom visit where 10+ people could make it and being a little angry. I remember the next week there being even more people and feeling so relieved that it wasn't going to be a one-off thing. The small weeks where it was two or three of us. The big weeks where we took up half the place. As someone who was always scared of caffeine after watching my mom go through caffeine withdrawal, coffee became a big player in my new social life.

Things were looking well up, but the terrible events continued to pile up. Losing more friends and family was the default state. My grandpa had a stroke and lost his memory. He slowly started to recover, then had a heart attack and died. Both of these hit me very hard. An old family friend who I hadn't seen in a while, but went to Queen's, died of an infection. My capstone project mate who did most of our project and still happily helped me out with my section when he heard about my dad also died in a car crash. I am very familiar with death, but you still can only handle so much at once. It affected me heavily, but this time, I had friends. I was on a cheer team that I didn't like that was going pretty terribly, and while that team didn't help, I had friends there behind me to air out my frustrations who I knew I could be excited to see no matter what. Worst case scenario, I just had to stick it out till Saturday. Frankly, there was so much happening and I was so stressed that I can barely remember when things happened, or sometimes even much of what happened. I don't even remember it being winter at all. On one hand, it's strange, but on the other hand, maybe that meant that the winter didn't make me miserable like it has in many different years.

I remember writing my Father's Day article where I let myself be vulnerable, which as someone with a solid dose of PTSD, doesn't happen very often. This allowed an introspective and emotional outlet in the Printhouse, and my friends were supportive and not just freaked out by me, which was cool. The Muggies happened! I proposed to my now ex-wife, the drama surrounding the slap, the delicious food and drink, the award for my Father's Day article, and the cigarette in the taxi on the way home was a night of living the high life. We truly could not get much higher.

We made plans for the summer in Edna's backyard, and there were so many ideas from everyone. We did even more than we could have planned for, and I think probably half the plans haven't even been crossed off. I can't even remember when this summer started. So much has been happening so often with so many people that it has just been the best. People say time speeds up as you get older, and I think it's partially true. Having so many plans that are so diverse changes that. Week by week and month by month can go so fast if you do the same thing every day, but we did everything. This summer feels like it has lasted years. Looking back, I can't even recount all the amazing things I did with so many amazing people. I would think I would dread winter because it means this summer is winding down, but I know I'm going to be looking around for even more plans and things to do, and with the right people, it can happen.

We read Dune. We read Dungeon Meshi. Now, we are more than halfway through Fred Hampton. All of these books have been amazing experiences. Dune was the first sci-fi that I really enjoyed as an adult. I didn't know they made them like that. Dungeon Meshi was this weird readable anime that you read backwards? It was funny reading a comic like a kid again, but I loved the adventure and the inspiration it gave me to cook more. It was a great experience. Fred Hampton is my recommendation and it's great seeing how people understand and interact with so many of the concepts in our discussions. We talk about the injustices and the learning what the movement was like and what they were about. I love when people are curious about the same things as me. I love reading.

I think I learned that doing things and socializing is not optional. You can't just wake up and not go to your job for a while. You shouldn't be able to with your own time, but you technically can. You should be doing things by default, and occasionally booking a rest. I would rather meet up with people and fall asleep by accident over not meet up with people. Schedule things ahead of time, book them into your calendar, and try to book more things later. If you have a night of nothing, try to make two plans. If you can make something happen, book it in and make it happen. You can show up and be tired or out of it, I've fallen asleep at a couple of coffee meetups, but I was there, which was better than not being there. It's also restful. If you go home from work and lie down to recover for the next day, you will be tired. If you socialize or do something cool, you will not only have done something but have something to look forward to to do again. This is a way better state to be in. There are little things everywhere, shows, deals, diners, fairs, festivals, trails, clubs, sports, etc. There is always something.

Last night, I went out for dinner with Rob again. We went to Joey's and I told him that it had been around a year since the time we went out, when I was down and out, and he had helped me a ton. We had an amazing time, and it was a nice full-circle moment for me. A year ago, I thought it was just misery from here on out. I thought the fun part of my life was over, and it would just be slowly rotting from then on. It turns out, a lot can change in a year. A place that I thought was leaving me isolated, as it turns out, had some more life in it. With a lot of effort, that turned into more than I could have possibly imagined.

Things aren't perfect, I still have a lot of unresolved issues simmering in my head from the struggles I've been through over the years, but I've found something that really is pretty nice.

You can't stop the rain The friends that come around To talk about the highs and lows, the ups and downs

Oncle

An anthropological investigation of a dead, pandemic-era Discord server

Portrait by Nick Verrelli

If I had a nickel for every Discord bot I have programmed, I would have two nickels.

The first was Verrelli Bot. Inspired by the bot work of Dom in our QCompSci messenger group chats, Verrelli Bot posted Markov-chains of Nick’s scraped (and now deleted) Twitter account. Good for a couple laughs and even as inspiration for a few tweets.

The second, Verrelli Bot 2, was my Javascript magnum opus.

What started as a replacement for the dogshit ranking system of MEE6 bot, soon spiralled into a full-blown economic and political model, spanning several eras and dynasties. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was December 2020 to March 2021; and deep in the midst of an international lockdown, we had nothing better to do than log onto Discord every day. The whole period was a blur to me. I can’t remember doing much except sitting in my basement office, my remote work on one screen and Discord open on my Lenovo gaming laptop¹.

At the core of Verrelli Bot 2 was NoahCoin – the digital upgrade of my fiat, Dollar Store brand currency, NoahBuck. In the beginning, it only had a few commands. v-mine was utilized to gain a small, random amount of NoahCoin. v-transfer would send NoahCoin to another person. v-slots would gamble a choice number of NoahCoin in the emoji casino. This was enough to kickstart a grand economic rat race and a bot project ending with dozens of commands.

Recounting each server event that took place in the three months between the introduction of Verrelli Bot 2.0 (December 29th, 2020) and the end of the server (March 11th, 2021) would be as futile as it would be boring. But I would like to present an anthropological, archeological, and sociological analysis of one of the recovered artifacts from the server: The infamous decree which became known as The Char Accords.

NOTE: From here onward, “Verrelli Bot” and “v-bot” will be used interchangeably, referring to the Verrelli Bot 2.0 (and all subsequent versions).

The Accords

On January 22nd 2021, Char ascended to the role of sole ruler of the server, and pronounced his decree. The full text is featured below and was later reprinted in the Nick York Times issue of that same day.

Upon further analysis within its original cultural context, the Char Accords reveal a great amount of detail regarding day-to-day life within Discordian society under the Machine Age of Verrelli Bot.

1. Rather than Charcord, the city as a whole will establish the new name of the discord to promote democracy.

The First Accord reveals that democracy and democratic values were at the forefront of the public discourse on server ownership. The server, up until this point, was filled with backstabbing tyranny over the digital throne. Everyone wanted to be the king, and no one trusted anyone.

This raises the question: How did one become the server ruler?

If their NNCBC (National Noahcord Bank of Commerce) account equaled or surpassed one million NoahCoins (held in NNCBC accounts by v-bot), their account would be reset back to zero and they would be granted the ‘Supreme Chancellor’ role, replacing whoever held it last. With the Chancellor role, they would be able to access specific v-bot commands that others could not: v-decree, v-tax, v-gag, and v-deputy – to name a few.

Originally, the Supreme Chancellor role would be given to whoever had the most NoahCoins. However, this led to extreme NoahCoin wealth disparity, with some users ranking in the millions while some only had hundreds. To solve both the inequality and rising NoahCoin inflation, the Verrelli Bot 2.5 [Definitive Golden Edition] update came with an economic overhaul that would both even the playing field and remove excess NoahCoins from circulation.

In this text, Char is referring to v-name, a command that allowed the Chancellor to rename the server. Of course, they could do it manually with the Supreme Chancellor role, but there was greater fanfare in having the bot do it publicly.

By not immediately renaming the server to “Charcord”, Char attempted to distance himself from the narcissistic regimes that came before him – including his own previous Charcord.

Ancient Discordian professor and scholar Dr. Nicholas commented, “The Chancellor was so desperate to distance himself from his past self that he claimed it was a divergent personality responsible; a Dark Char, if you will.”

2. Curfew has been lifted.

The “curfew” was the NoahCoin Farming Curfew imposed by the prior Jagcord Administration. Notoriously unpopular among the general populace, it banned the use of the v-farm command between the hours of 8pm and 11am.

An explanation of the v-farm command from the Verrelli Bot 2.5 [Definitive Golden Edition] patchnotes (published January 11th, 2021) can be found below:

This v-farm command became a very popular alternative to the widely used v-mine. Though slower (the cool-down on v-mining changed from time to time, but generally remained around 5 minutes), the profit was worth the risk of others potentially stealing your hard-earned crops².

The curfew that the Jag Regime had imposed was to stop so-called “overnight tryhards” who clogged up everyone’s notifications with 3am v-farm and v-mine attempts.

When asked for a comment on the curfew, Jag said “You can call them tryhards, I call them bots. I couldn’t escape Alex and Nick’s partnership. They had a strong bond. This was my wrench.”

By undoing the curfew, Char made himself friendly to the average farming citizen, as well as the aforementioned Bambino-Nicholas Alliance.

3. V-Tax, following an inauguration taxation, has been abolished.

v-tax was one of the most contentious v-bot commands that a Chancellor could use. Once daily, a Chancellor could type v-tax [integer between 1 and 5] to withdraw that percentage from every active NoahBank account and place it within their own account. Universally despised, it was still used by almost every Chancellor to keep their pockets stuffed. Anything less than v-tax 5 was seldom used.

Even Char couldn’t escape the allure of one final tax payout.

As Nick adds, “The hypocrisy of final taxation did not do much to ingratiate the new Chancellor to his citizens and was met with bipartisan uproar.”

4. I will be launching v-grant, a system which grants 10,000 NoahCoin to the citizens of the cord.

v-grant was added to solve a particular problem in the server at the time – there wasn’t much to do once you ran out of NoahCoin. This was a common problem, given that many vagrants gambled away their life savings in the v-casino on the v-slots.

v-mine, which users could do once every 5-10 minutes, took too long and produced little gain. v-daily and v-startup were recently banned following an Anti-Communism Committee investigation.

Char attempted to make himself a provider, a saviour of the people, doling out free money day-by-day, granted that you keep him in power.

Bambino in Growing Up in Kaitcord: Life as a V-Farmer sarcastically comments, “The irony in watching later Chancellors start each morning with v-grant and then v-tax 5…”

5. V-Request abolished, to prevent those from sneakily peaking at opposing parties balances.

To become Chancellor, your NNCBC account had to equal or surpass one million. This would empty your account and give you the Supreme Chancellor role with all its admin privileges. This economic overhaul from the 2.5 update also spawned a new host of strategies designed to take control of the server. To start was the obvious: political factions would form and donate money to a single person, allowing them to become the leader. The donors would normally be granted some high ranking role in the new society, generally the Sheriff position.

There were more advanced tactics too. The Bambino-Nicholas alliance was notorious for offloading hundreds of thousands of NoahCoins into ‘offshore’, inactive member accounts, to be later v-heisted back.

Another common tactic was ‘Pushing over’, whereby rival factions would push an enemy bank account over the one million mark, zeroing out the account, and then immediately pushing an allied account over the million mark to snatch away the throne.

For example: Account A has 700,000 NoahCoin Account B has 800,000 NoahCoin Account C has 900,000 NoahCoin

Account A and B are allied against Account C. They could easily combine funds and take the Chancellor role. However, they want to make sure Account C has no easy way to stop their new rule. Account B first v-transfers 100,000 NoahCoin to Account C. Account C passes hits one million, becomes Chancellor, and their balance is back to 0.

Account A has 700,000 NoahCoin Account B has 700,000 NoahCoin Account C has 0 NoahCoin

Now, Account B v-transfers 300,000 NoahCoin to Account A, making them the new Chancellor, with their political rival now bankrupt.

These strategies heavily relied on knowing how much each person had in their bank account. Originally, users could see their balance with v-balance or v-bal. Eventually, it had to be patched in to allow privately messaging Verrelli Bot this command, as users would check their balance in chat and immediately delete it, leaving a string of empty Discord notifications.

Evenso, a loophole was found with the command v-request. This command was used to request money from someone else on the server. If the requested account did not have available funds, the request was automatically – and publicly – cancelled with an error message.

By sending varying v-request amounts, users could check which requests went through and which produced insufficient fund errors. This allowed the attacker to estimate within precise amounts the exact bank balance of their target.

With the Fifth Accord, Char aimed to nullify this tactic entirely.

6. V-transfers must now be accepted to prevent forceful overthrowing.

See Section 5 for the “pushing over” political strategies.

This Accord was never implemented due to the cultural significance of v-transfer politics.

“We had more NoahCoin than we knew what to do with. We couldn't fit all our cash under our own mattresses safely – so we did the next best thing, we hid it under our neighbor's mattress. Of course, we never told them about it. There were risks, but it was the secret that allowed us to ensure the safety of our dynasties. Who doesn't stash away a little cash for a rainy day?” – Nick, on offshoring NoahCoin in inactive accounts

7. V-trial in place, launching a jury system which will democractically [sic] vote for a punishment rather than imprisonment without trial.

Culturally, the Supreme Chancellor was not the only bot role. The other was “Sheriff”, which could be granted to any user by the Chancellor (including themselves) by using the v-deputy command. The Sheriff had access to v-imprison and v-release. V-imprison stripped a user of all their roles and banned access to all voice calls and chats except one: Prison Yard.

This power was abused. Many mass imprisonments followed regime changes. Sometimes, though, the Sheriff used their power for good, imprisoning those who stole v-farm crops or other such crimes (which varied from one ruler to the next).

In later versions of the prison, timeouts could be set on prisoners' chats. One message per hour, or even per day. Some prisoners used their one message to petition for release. Others used it for a rebellious v-mine command.

Due to technical limitations, this Accord was never implemented. Yet it was, in the opinion of the author, by far the most progressive of all the Accords – trying to put an end to the often dual tyrannies of Chancellor and Sheriff.

8. To prevent citizens to overwhelm [sic] the farm sites, a minimum of 1000 NoahCoin must be used to purchase seeds.

v-farm was the main alternative to gain NoahCoins, aside from v-mine. Even within this system, there were strategies to keep money in your account and out of your enemies. There were ten virtual farm “plots” which could be filled by using v-farm. People who were rich and wanted to keep others from gaining money filled all those farms with v-farm 1, ensuring that for the next hour no one could farm and the resulting harvest would only be between 0 and 10 NoahCoins. See Section 2 for further explanation on the mechanics of v-farming.

Char aimed to put an end to this practice and leave the farms open for those with a genuine seed investment.

9. Nick News will continue to come out daily. V-Pay will be used to pay workers for their piece, 20k a news article, to promote creativity. Minimum requirements determined by the editor. This balance will not be taken from anyone's wallet.

The support of “Nick News” came to the Discord server as a surprise. One week earlier (decades in Discord time), Char had actually banned Nick’s Discord newspaper, The Nick York Times, under suspicion of Anti-Char and Pro-Communist propaganda. By the time that the Char Accords rolled around, it was evident that he was desperate to undo the actions of his past and set himself up as a new man in the eyes of the public.

The Nick York Times is a topic for its own Printhouse article, but must be mentioned here. Started by Nick while v-imprisoned under the Jagcord Regime, it was his series of plaintext articles on Discordian news, culture, and the NoahCoin economy. It grew in popularity, eventually having its own v-bot command (v-news) and a series of writers. It also spawned the widely acclaimed “wa wa wee wa” strip series by Bambino. A true testament to the free time many had under lockdown, publishing nearly daily editions for multiple weeks.

“Like any journalist publication, it was both loved and hated. I like to think we did a lot of good work in those days. We brought people news that mattered to them as it happened, just barely keeping ahead of the daily grind required to run a paper. I’m proud to say we had quite the diversity of columnists, and I was just happy to see people expressing themselves in the art of writing. Of course, like any paper, we had a political leaning...” – Nick, Editor-in-Chief of the Nick York Times

10. ENJOY!

Suspiciously, this 10th Accord was absent in the Nick York Times version printed the same day.

The Aftermath

Not even 24 hours had passed before Nick, the newly appointed Sheriff under Char, v-transferred Bambino enough NoahCoins to make him the new Chancellor.

The Char Accords had only just begun their implementation before a Caesarean betrayal shot Char back down to nothing. He all but removed himself from the political sphere of the server afterwards.

A Snapshot in Time

This was only the tip of the iceberg. Not mentioned here are the v-lotteries, v-mines closing due to auto-miners, the v-duels (and the infamous PANSHOT! bug), the v-slots odds update controversy, v-dawg (the server pet), v-prison break by suicide technique, the earth being mined dry, and of course, The Nat Job.

Of all these, The Char Accords remain one of the most intriguing relics to survive the Discordian Bot era. Scholars today still debate on the cultural impact of the Accords and what may have happened if they fully went into effect.

“It would have been a utopia if it happened.” – Char

The server itself persisted for another two months, with countless unrecorded political upheavals, purges, and revolutions. V-bot continued to be upgraded, until version 2.8 [THE LAST COMETH], which ironically finally re-implemented the Twitter Markov chains that the original v-bot was known for.

On March 11th, 2021, by collective user action, all NoahCoins were v-incinerate’d. This fulfilled the prerequisite conditions for v-killswitch. The killswitch was activated. The server logs were dumped and Verrelli Bot kicked all users, forever fossilizing the server in 2021.

All this is to say,

We don’t have roles or bots in our Discord servers anymore.

Everybody had their hands out, Everything was for the taking, Now it’s all over.

Stay frosty, Noah

Thanks to Nick, Jag, Char, and Alex for all the commentary. And special thanks to Kaitlyn for the proofread and revisions.

¹ The Lenovo gaming laptop which was running 24/7 on a wall socket to host the bot

² “I’m not ashamed to say it: back in my day, in my youth before Kaitcord, I was a notorious crop thief. I would monitor my Discord notifications for others v-farming, and would set a timer on my phone to remind me when their crops were ready for harvest. I would swoop in and rob them blind. It wasn’t an honest living, but a girl’s gotta eat.” – Kaitlyn, The Last Supreme Chancellor before Fossilization

Coffee is awesome. I drink it everyday and it makes me feel super fucking good. I have about 3-5 cups a day, sometimes less if I get a bit too jittery and sometimes more if I'm feeling extra awesome. A couple of friends who will remain nameless keep ‘detoxing’ from coffee every so often and I struggle to understand why they do this. While we were hanging out I may have been a tad schizophrenic but I believed I heard them say things along the lines that it isn’t good for you. Or that being dependent on coffee is a no no. To make sure I wasn’t schizophrenic I asked them about their coffee breaks.

Q: Why do you 'detox' or take breaks from drinking coffee? A1: I've only done it twice, once during Lent when u are supposed to give up something and now because [redacted] is and its nice to do things with friends :3 A2: To avoid migraines from withdrawals, so I don't like to be too dependent on it because if I am drinking like three cups a day, but then i have a day where I don't drink around that amount it fucks me up.

Strange.. It seems like being dependent on it and then manually taking it away for a week would just induce withdrawals without any benefits of detoxing for a prolonged period of time, yet this is what A2 chooses to do from time to time. A1… well A1 is a troller.

Is my argument disingenuous? Probably. I did what any titan of academia would do. I googled “is coffee bad for you?” This is what I found:

“High intake of boiled, unfiltered coffee has been associated with mild increase in cholesterol levels. The bottom line? Your coffee habit is probably fine and may even have some benefits. But if you have side effects from coffee, such as heartburn, nervousness or insomnia, consider cutting back.” – Mayo Clinic (First google result obviously)

“Regular coffee consumption may reduce your risk for certain health conditions, including diabetes, stroke, depression, cardiovascular disease, and even some types of cancer. However, having too much caffeine can cause you to be jittery and anxious and make it difficult to sleep at night.” – Verywellhealth.com (random ass stupid health site idk?)

““The overall evidence has been pretty convincing that coffee has been more healthful than harmful in terms of health outcomes,” said Frank Hu, chair of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, in an April 5, 2021, article in Discover. “For most people, moderate coffee consumption can be incorporated into a healthy diet.” Hu said that moderate coffee intake—about 2–5 cups a day—is linked to a lower likelihood of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, liver and endometrial cancers, Parkinson’s disease, and depression. It’s even possible that people who drink coffee can reduce their risk of early death. – Harvard mfer Frank Hu (Harvard Idk man whatever)

Do I actually have a real point here? Not really. That being said, I want to say that coffee is delicious and lovely. I think we all should be drinking many cups a day. As for A2 if they are really getting migraines or having panic attacks then they should stop and I should stop trolling them. However, to prepare for a rare time where no caffeine would be readily available to you is silly. If you have a day where you don’t drink your normal amount of coffee then that’s unfortunately a skill issue and you deserve to suffer. If you are randomly detoxing from coffee for a week in preparation for a caffeine doomsday then you also deserve to suffer. I guess I do have a point.

You deserve to suffer.

Spencer's Health and Fitness Part 2

Well, a few people have asked for it, so here is part 2. I think the first while learning fitness should be pretty freeform. Do whatever you want as long as it's exercise. Try out a little bit of everything if you can. Some weights, a bit of cardio, just messing about really. After a little while, it's good to come up with a proper plan. It can help with scheduling, it can help with recovery for your body, and it can help you actually reach some long-term goals more realistically.

The goal of this article is to come up with some basic fitness plans to help move people to their goals, with a focus on working out in a gym as well as diet. These are where I have the most experience, but I will ensure that I touch on mobility, cardio, and flexibility in a way that can generally apply.

What to Look For in a Program

Completeness

To start this section, I will group and borrow some info from Spencer's Basics Of Health and Fitness 1:

Broadly speaking, your body's basic patterns are somewhere around:
- Squatting: Crouching position -> Standing position
	- Legs, hips, lower back
- Pushing: Close to torso -> far from torso
	- Chest, shoulders, triceps
- Pulling: Far from torso -> close to torso
	- Upper back, lats, biceps
- Twisting: Asymmetric forces on the body
	- Abs, obliques, some back muscles
- Carrying: Holding and moving with something
	- Forearms, traps, core muscles in general

Aspects of Movement
- Strength: the amount of weight you can lift
- Cardio: Ability to do aerobic movement for a duration
- Flexibility: Ability to bend
- Conditioning: Ability to lift weight for a duration
- Explosiveness: Ability to move fast
- Mobility: The ability to functionally use your full range of motion
	- I referred to this as endpoint strength, which is a better description, but I will refer to it as mobility from now on

A complete program should have all of this. Any program you actually do almost certainly won't. Why? It's a lot. If you have hours to work out all the time and a good work ethic, you can make it all happen. If you're in a pinch or have goals that put more demand on some of these than others, you will focus on some aspects and put less effort into, or ignore altogether other aspects. Let us look at powerlifting, for example. Note that I won't assign a score because being more complete is not necessarily better.

Powerlifters do 3 things: Squat, Bench Press, and Deadlift. Anything else they do is to ensure that they can do these “big 3” better. Furthermore, they optimize themselves to do the highest single rep weight they can do. What does this mean? Let's take a beginner program and use it as an example:

(You would use an app to get the weights you would use for each lift, we will get back to that later)

Stronglifts 5x5 Workout 1: – Squats 5x5 – Bench Press 5x5 – Rows 5x5 Workout 2: – Squats 5x5 – Overhead Press 5x5 – Deadlifts 1x5 Work out every other day, 3 or 4 times a week

Now let's put it through the checklist:

Movement patterns: – Squatting: Yes, all the time – Pushing: Yes, all the time – Pulling: Yes, minimal deadlifts (because of all the squatting using the same muscles), and some rows – Twisting: No – Carrying: Barely. A deadlift is a pick-up, but there is no movement with it.

Aspects of movement: – Strength: Absolutely. All in. – Cardio: No – Flexibility: No. In fact, usually, powerlifting makes flexibility worse, which I will explain later – Conditioning: Not much. People will cycle higher and lower reps, but very rarely do they do very high rep – Explosiveness: Maybe. No throwing or anything, but bar speed could be taken into account – Mobility: No

This makes powerlifting look pretty incomplete as a structure. Why, then, is it so popular? For starters, it is very simple in every way. It is beginner-friendly, easily adaptable, and also easy to hit the gym, do, and get out quickly. For people who want to get stronger, they can almost certainly find a simple, quick, and easy-to-understand program that they can make work for them in mere minutes. Different people have different goals, and for many people, simply getting stronger and moving some weight is their goal.

The funny thing about powerlifting is that it provides the bedrock for almost all other programs too. You can take 3 or 4 movements you want to get stronger at, put them into a powerlifting program, and then add to it to make it more complete based on your goals. For example, if you did the above program but had a bunch of mobility drills beforehand, it would include mobility. If you did 3 days of this program and had a 4th day for conditioning and cardio, you could incorporate more movements as well as more aspects of movement. Suddenly, you have a pretty damn complete program! So let's for a second see what this would look like if I wanted to buff up the program. Let's say I recommended this program to a friend learning the ropes, what would I change?

Everyone

Overall Structure – 3 workouts per week – Core movements will be done with a programming app – Accessory work will be done with higher reps (3 sets of 12-20 reps) and should be tough, but based on feel – A set is how many times you do a bunch of reps. If I do 20 squats right now, I have done 1 set of 20 squats. If I do it again, it is now 2 sets of 20 reps. – One of the benefits of 5x5 is it is simple, one of the downsides is that it makes a bunch of people confuse sets and reps – the first number is sets, second is reps. 3x5 would be 3 sets of 5 reps, ie, you do 5 squats, rest, do 5 squats, rest, then do 5 squats.

Warmup: – 20 minutes moderate intensity cardio (seated bike is my personal go-to) – YTWI with some very light weights

Men:

Workout 1: Core movements – Squats 5x5 – Bench Press 5x5 – Rows 5x5 Accessory movements: – Dumbbell incline bench – Dumbbell row – Pec Fly – Rear Dely Fly – Curls Workout 2: Core movements – Squats 5x5 – Overhead Press 5x5 – Deadlifts 1x5 Accessory movements: – Arnold press – Pulldowns (or chin ups) – Rear delt fly – Pullovers – Rotator cuff strengthening – Tricep kickbacks

Women:

Workout 1: Core movements – Squats 5x5 – Overhead Press 5x5 – Deadlifts 1x5 Accessory movements: – Arnold press – Pulldowns (or chin ups) – Rear delt fly – Pullovers – Bad girls – Tricep kickbacks Workout 2: Core movements – Squats 5x5 – Bench Press 5x5 – Rows 5x5 Accessory movements: – Dumbbell Romanian deadlifts – Dumbbell row – Donkey kicks – Rear Dely Fly – Curls

Everyone again

Workout 3 – 20 jump lunges – 10 push ups (can use knees) – 3 swimmers (slow) – 15 crunches – a few banded neck extensions (front, side back) repeat the above three times – Farmer Carries – (when forearms tired) Hugging carries – (when tired) Plan your feet wide and start rotating your body to bring the weight side to side – Pre-hab mobility work – Based on specific personal weaknesses to prevent injury

Cooldown: maybe 2x20 seconds each? keep it casual – Neck stretches – tricep stretch – rhomboid stretch – touch toes – kneeling lunge, lean foreward and back – calf stretch

That just got a little more complicated, didn't it? Yes, but we did also just go from something very basic to a program that I would feel confident running myself. I have made adjustments for some common separation of goals where men have a greater focus on the upper body, women have a greater focus on the lower body. But I digress, let's run it through that gauntlet again:

Movement patterns: – Squatting: Yes, all the time – Pushing: Yes, all the time – Pulling: Yes – Twisting: A bit at the end of the big carry – Carrying: Yes, a bit

Aspects of movement: – Strength: Core work – Cardio: Warmups, Third day – Flexibility: Some stretching – Conditioning: Accessory work – Explosiveness: Jump lunges provide a bit – Mobility: YTWI + pre-hab

The increased complexity takes this beginner powerlifting program and turns it into a still beginner-friendly relatively complete program! If you were to stick to this program, frankly, it could take you pretty far on only 3 workouts per week, with one workout taking minimal equipment. You should be stronger, faster, and more injury-resilient. That being said, Stronglifts 5x5 is a program that isn't really best done forever, it's just a bit basic in the way the weight progresses (I will explain in 2 paragraphs). While great for people new to weights, longer-term gym-goers will find that eventually, they stop making progress with this scheme. What to do now? Well, Stronglifts 5x5 is the very core of this program, so what you can do instead is take another powerlifting program, replace Stronglifts 5x5 with that, and make some adjustments to the rest of the work to make sure you cover the bases you want to, and you're off to the races.

But let's pause here for a second. I said the way Stronglifts 5x5 progresses is a bit basic so it won't last forever. I put its progression off earlier too, so it's time to address that.

Progression

If you're fine just having some fun in the gym and making progress a bit here and there, by all means, you can just hit the gym and increase the weight a bit when it feels easy. This will work to some extent, but generally, it is good to not only be pushed a bit but have structure. There are a few common ways routines will progress.

Linear: This tells you to increase the weight by a certain amount every week or every workout. This is what Stronglifts 5x5 uses. Every week, if you can hit the numbers, you will increase the weight by 10 pounds for major compounds, or 5 pounds for smaller compounds. This can find your limits pretty fast but is not a great strategy for long-term progression once you have gotten past the initial strength you get from starting to train. It simply progresses very fast, and after lifting for more than a short while, our body does not get stronger as fast as the program increases the weight. This is why people recommend it for newer gym-goers: it gives people some time to learn with lighter weights, then fairly quickly find out how strong they are, which allows them to properly utilize a plan that will help them out in the long run. It has a role, and it does an amazing job at that. You will be progressing week to week.

Non-Linear Progression: This is for everything else, but for the sake of simplicity, I will place here programs that generally increase weight based on performance. For example, let's say you finished off your 5x5 but it was super easy, you could increase by 10 pounds. If it was hard but doable, increase by 5 pounds. If it is very hard, keep it the same. If you are stuck at the same for a few weeks, decrease by x pounds or y% of max weight to try to break through that barrier. This is great when you are still fairly new, but have hit your linear progression wall. It allows you to progress as your body gets stronger but still assumes that you are generally making consistent upward strength progress across all movements. This can be done effectively forever if you keep being able to increase the weights, but if you find yourself hitting the same ceilings again and again after dropping the weight a few times, it might be time to look into something more complicated. You will generally be progressing at a scale of maybe month to month.

Undulating Periodization: These generally use some freak math to decide how much to increase your estimated maximum weights by, but those increases happen pretty infrequently. In between these increases, you will likely have multiple steps where you alter the movement to attempt to squeeze more juice out of your main lift. These alterations could be changing how you do the exercise, like doing high volume, then speed, then strength and assessing how you have done, or it could even swap out exercises, like replacing squats with front squats for a week, which can help work muscles in a specific way or even just different from the usual at all. Things here become complicated, and you will be progressing over longer periods, maybe testing every 3 months to see how things feel. At this point, you may also be perfectly happy with losing strength or looks in certain areas to help reach your goals in others.

Please note that undulating periodization is non-linear periodization. I just have these separated a bit because I think it's worth it for the sake of understanding.

Reverse Periodization: Weights decrease as volume increases. This can help with endurance, and I would use it as I would dial into cheer competitions. It would help my conditioning and reduce risk of injury, as well as increase the energy I would put into my sport. You can use this if you want to dial in for a more cardio or aerobic-based activity, but broadly speaking, more of your time will be spent doing the above. You only need to reduce the weights if the weights are high enough to demand reduction.

Progression is a major part of what makes a routine the difficulty it is broadly considered. Linear progression is considered for beginners not because only a beginner would do that, but rather because this will get a beginner farther faster. It is the right tool for the job and should be used. Doing undulating periodization as a beginner would suck because the weight increases are so slow that your body would simply out-progress the program. You could do it and increase overall strain in other ways, but that would still mean the core of your program isn't doing its job. Beginners will progress better with a beginner program.

And on the point of progressing with a program, stick to your programs!!! If you are content with doing your program, keep running it. constantly swapping programs will never let the program dial in where you are and you will constantly be in the adjustment period of a program, which will slow your progress. If you are pushed by a program and are making consistent progress, stick with it! If it is boring you, try swapping up the accessory work first. Needless fiddling only serves to waste your time and energy, as programs take time to reach their potential. Only change your program if:

1. You are making no more progress with your current program
2. Your program feels too easy and does not push you at all (most programs will be like this for a month while the weights adjust to your strength from beginning estimates)
3. You have a change in the overall goal. Not just “I want to do x exercise a bit more”, but maybe you signed up for a competition, started a new sport, or are preparing for a larger lifestyle change.
4. You genuinely dread your program. You avoid the gym because the program sucks so much

Level of Program

Even I would not necessarily use an advanced program right now. No one else reading this should even really look at them at this point, but it would be incomplete to not include them. If you are fairly new, pick a beginner program. It is the right tool for the right job. If you have been consistent and have hit a plateau with your strength on your starting program, look at intermediate. Many of these intermediate programs have built world records. If you are a high-level athlete at a sport or want to dial in and have run the intermediate ones consistently for >3 years, look to advanced.

Many of these programs are just the building blocks of something more complex. If they don't seem complete to the point of achieving your goals add some accessories that do that. Also, make sure to fill them out a bit to hit every movement pattern at least once a week, ideally twice. After you have done what the core program insists, do some accessories you make up after to fill it out. You can have fun with these but still work hard. I find 2 accessories per body part I want to work on is a solid starting point. Over 4 and you are either not going hard enough, or are doing way more than you need to, maybe to a detriment. A good rule of thumb is 3 sets per accessory.

Beginner

All of these are pretty simple linear progression programs to help you find your groove

Stronglifts 5x5 (I did this one) – has a really easy free app GZCL Starting Strength

Intermediate

These take you out of linear progression and you can run them for years, different ones may work better at different times in your life

Madcow 5x5 (if you like the 5x5) – Like SL 5x5 but with slower progression 5/3/1 (crowd favourite) – Dead simple, works, tried and true – lots of accessory work recommendations – only focuses on 1 body part per workout, may underutilize your capacity – This helps it be well-balanced – this may not be a bad thing for you Cube method (a personal fave) – Beats the soul out of a major compound every workout PPL (More bodybuilding focused) – Push, pull legs (often repeated twice or with 1 more day for conditioning/cardio) – More of a genre of program than a specific one – Less focused on strength – more focused on looks PHAT – Made for athletes – does strength and looks PHUL – Separates upper and lower body days

Advanced / Sport Specific

Juggernaut 2.0 (a personal fave) – Spreadsheets on spreadsheets on spreadsheets – requires reading a book Fullsterkur (strongman) – costs actual money – requires some space and equipment – related to cube method, actually I might try this GUTS – a more complex and complete bodybuilding program

Some people will tell you that you need to record the weights of every exercise, how it felt, how your day was going into it, etc. You can, and it will help, but just trying to do your program consistently is like 50% of the picture. Pushing yourself is another 10%, good sleep is another like 10%, eating well is another 10% paying attention to aches and pains is like 10%, and all those other little details make up the rest. Will it matter? Yeah for sure, but the main part is just focusing on putting in good work, and with your life, do you really need to try to optimize your entire life around being a perfect athlete?

Diet

This won't be a review or ranking of specific diets, but rather I will keep it to dieting as a whole. With that, we must start at the core of dieting.

Calories.

There are calorie reductionists who say just eat less and just eat more, but that denies some of the human experience and relationship with food. Some people say calories don't matter, but that is a reactionary anti-the-first stance and is broadly not going to hold up well in practice. The answer lies somewhere between, and when I say somewhere between, I mean calorie reductionism is more or less correct, but Jesus some people need to stop being such pricks about it. The manosphere has done immense damage to effective diet advice because I think they care far less about dieting and far more about the assault on their ego that happens when they learn that women don't exist purely for their gaze. Anyway, I digress.

A calorie is a unit of energy. Our body is effectively storage for energy. Our bodies are also built to survive. If you eat a surplus of energy, the body says “Hey, times are plentiful, I should store some of this energy for later” and makes fat. If you eat a deficit of energy, the body says “shit, I can't get what I need from food, lets use some of that stored energy from earlier to make up for it.” But the body burns its fat.

If you eat a bunch of food, your body will adapt to it and need yet more food to grow. Be it that your body realizes it doesn't need to be as efficient, or maybe that it just doesn't absorb as many nutrients because there is so much food, I don't know. If you want to gain weight, you will start by needing to eat a bit more, and over time, that amount will creep slowly up to maintain the same weight gain pace. The same happens with the opposite. When people go on a diet, they usually can start pretty easily. You eat a bit less. Suddenly, you are down 1.5 pounds eating that same amount less that should have dropped you 10 pounds and you're not losing any weight. Your body has adapted, you need to go lower, and as you keep going, that little bit less you were eating is suddenly a lot less, and you're hungry all the time, which also means you're in a bad mood all the time.

This is where I think a lot of the distinction of the disagreement above comes from. Calorie reductionists have all of this cycle pretty much built in. Do you now need less calories? Just eat even less. The focus is still on calories, just the numbers need to be played with. Other people try to invite that complexity and mental condition into it. It's an honourable venture, I think it is often done in good faith. Most people want their body to be their body and not a scientific venture, but, in my opinion, change is easiest done when you make it a bit of a scientific venture.

Keeping Count

So how do you know how much to eat and how much to adjust to gain/lose weight? Well, the calculators that take lifestyle, weight, and that into account suck. Everyone's body is different, including yours from itself a few years ago. If you really want to know and do things based on the numbers, you have to pay for MacroFactor, the only app I know that does a good job with all of this. It automatically adjusts your numbers for you so you don't have to hyperfocus on it, and you input all the food you eat and your weight every day or so. It finds the trends and adjusts accordingly. It isn't a lot of work, and it is effective, but I can see it not being for everybody.

It does one thing you don't need the app for: writing down everything you eat. This is a good strategy. You can end the day, look at your list, and say “That extra thing I got? I didn't need that, and it didn't affect the rest of my day at all.” Alan Thrall, a now old-head strongman Youtuber said his best diet advice was to get rid of “ands.” When you grab a burger, don't get a burger and fries, just grab the burger. A breakfast sandwich and a donut? Just get a breakfast sandwich. A burger, fries, and a coke? Just grab a burger and fries with water. Getting rid of one “and” here and there makes a big difference over the span of a week, and still lets you retain your lifestyle. Writing everything down and getting rid of a thing or two here and there is a fantastic way to start.

This stems from my overall best diet advice: The diet for you is the diet that works.

I have seen so many people go on diets. So often, it is no diet to vegetarian or vegan, and after a month, it is back to no diet. This is what causes the research that “1 year after starting a diet most people have gained weight.” It isn't the diet so to speak, it is the fact that people try to do a diet that they will inevitably fail at, fail at it, go back to their old habits with an unhealthy dose of failure, and continue on their previous trend that they wanted to change, with a bonus of feeling now worse, which promotes stress eating, which is more failure, and it can spiral. This is not good. I would go as far as to say that this sounds pretty bad. The lesson is: when you start a diet, you need to already have your reflexes primed. Do you know what's vegan? An entire bag of chips. Do you know what wasn't intended when you came up with your diet? Eating an entire bag of chips every night. But why is eating a bag of chips every night not good for you?

We need to go over just a couple more things before we reach our main goal here. First: Macros and micros. Macros are your fats, carbs, and proteins. Micros are your vitamins, minerals, sodium, etc. Carbohydrates are a fast source of energy for the body, your body can easily break them down into sugar, which can be a good fast fuel source. Proteins are good for building and maintaining muscle, and fats are good for not only getting you a large volume of calories but also things like hormone production and joint health. Micros are smaller things that are important, but if you generally eat healthy, you shouldn't have to worry about them. What I will say here is make sure you get your vitamin D, if you are diabetic or have another health condition, ask your doctor about what to look out for, and also all women are iron deficient. If you get a blood test and are unhealthily short in something, look into taking vitamins to fix it, it may make you feel better.

Lastly: Just moderately not great foods. There are a lot of foods out there which aren't great, but aren't so bad that we do anything about it. For example, Mcdonald's has shockingly good macronutrient balance on a lot of its items. Why do I feel so bad after eating even just a moderate amount? Well, there's a lot of canola oil, high fructose corn syrup, and sodium. These are all pretty much fine if there's a bit, but altogether in that quantity combines a sugar spike from the corn syrup, water retention and bloat from the sodium, dehydration from the lack of actual water, and just broadly the impact canola oil has on some people, which may be part of all the processing. There is also a lack of something: it is a lot of calories, but not a lot of micronutrients. The combination of this means that while there isn't anything truly wrong with it at its core, some Maccas won't kill you or anything, it may leave you off feeling not so great, and you can certainly do better. In a pinch here and there it's all good, but if it's all the time, it might be time to look for something healthier or make your backup food.

What to Know Before A Diet

There are a bunch of different things you need to know to be prepared for a diet if you want it to succeed outside of how much you want to eat. You should have a handful of:

Breakfasts: Quick, easy, and can be grab-and-go in a pinch. A breakfast that takes 10 ingredients and 40 minutes to make is surely delicious and nutritious, but when you need to get to work and need to go fast, you don't want everything to fall apart right at the start of the day, as you will be thinking about how to make it up for the whole day, and that's stressful.

Lunches: These can be spots near you that support your diet, quick re-ups that can be done halfway through the day, or something that reheats easily in a container. Many people don't have access to a full kitchen halfway through the day, and if that is the case, you need a plan and a backup plan.

Dinners: Bigger and likely your most complete meals. These can take a little bit longer and have some more prep work to them, but they should be really tasty and leave you feeling good.

Snacks: Something you can grab and eat in 2 seconds that tastes good and is healthy. Want to eat a bag of chips? Well now you have to go to the store and get them, but a bag of trail mix is much better and also right there.

Soups and stews: Very important. These will take more time, but leave you with a mountain of delicious and extremely healthy food. If you have a Sunday afternoon off, you can easily have a soup bubbling in the background and end up with 2 weeks of lunches that freeze and reheat well.

Quick and Simple: Recipes that take like 15 minutes and 4 ingredients to make that are healthy and taste good. It doesn't have to be brilliant, but it can be pretty damn good, healthy, and it'll do on a weeknight.

Emergency Backups: This is not meal prep, but you should always have at least 2 healthy reheatable meals, maybe a soup or stew, in the freezer. Sometimes things happen. Maybe you are exhausted, maybe something popped up and you are out of time and in a huge hurry with no time to cook. No need for fast food, you have a backup in the freezer. Again? You're still good. On the extremely rare case that 3 unforeseen things happen, sure fuck it grab some Maccas, but also check what's happened here. When there are too many emergencies, it might be good to revisit how you got there and plan for if it may happen again. I try to keep at least 5 of these, usually from my soups and stews, because I know I can run through a whole week on exhaustion emergency meals if need be. The only time I have ever found this important is in cases of mental health and burnout. Have I ever run out of all my emergency meals? No. There is always something good at home, and that is very reassuring to me. Funnily enough, that helps my mental and makes it less likely to be necessary.

Smoothies: Smoothies are a very easy food, both to make and consume. It is good to have a good smoothie that you know you like, plus smoothies fit into almost every diet.

Flexes: Big dishes that you can make for friends that are absolutely delicious. Not just good for the diet, but will kill the game with anyone. Dinner party shit.

Desserts: Made to either prove to people that you aren't a big stickler or add to a potluck or something where you want to have fun. It will go a little outside the core values of your diet, but add your own personal flair to it, and make sure it lets loose a little.

Friends: Please don't eat them. Friends who have dieted likely know good recipes and tips and tricks that helped them succeed. Get some insight on what worked for them, what they do in a pinch, and how they handle a night out. All of that is going to happen to you eventually, and their insight might give you good ideas for how you want to handle them as well.

You should have a handful of ideas for all of these, and for things like quick and simple, breakfasts, lunches, and snacks, you should have a lot of experience with them before you start your diet.

What Diet Should I Pick?

Every diet claims it is oh-so-good for you, and generally, they are right. There are so many news articles on so many trending diets claiming that they are the best, will extend your lifespan, will help your gut health, whatever. What matters is that you aren't eating like shit. Almost any diet will accomplish that. If you are new to dieting, don't jump into anything restrictive right away. Restriction can bring creativity, but if you don't have much experience, can also pin you into a bad habit of doing something that is technically a part of the diet, like a bag of chips while on a vegan diet, because someone made a pork freekeh and you thought it was going to be a salad, and now you can't eat pork. When you've been paying attention to dieting for years, you will see fads and trends show up and melt away. Vegan, Keto, Mediterranean, even that piece of shit carnivore diet that barely arrived spare dumbass manosphere types is a diet I guess. In 5 years it won't matter if what you picked was trendy or not, what will matter is if you ate delicious food, enjoyed food with friends, stuck to it, and reached your goals. Hell, you can even mix and match. Intermittent fasting, Mediterranean lunches, keto dinners? Sounds delicious!

Also, there's a beautiful concept called cheat meals. Allow yourself to just dig in now and then. You've been healthy for 2 weeks, digging into some pizza for a meal won't be bad. Having no fun and giving up on your diet will. Your body takes time to adjust, one big overshoot or one big undershoot here and there won't do much in the long run. Also, you can do cheat meals that adhere to your diet somewhat. Maybe you shouldn't eat pizza, but it's the Superbowl and you skipped lunch for this, you can have a slice and some saucy wings. Going out that night? Skipping lunch not only means more calories for alcohol but starving yourself also means alcohol hits harder! (I am not liable for your terrible decisions)

The best diet is just generally trying to eat healthier. Your friends made unhealthy food? Give in here and there (putting up a bit of resistance can even get you some extra attention), because friends are the most important. Try the food that they make even if it isn't part of your diet. Those times are called good memories.

Starting

Well, you have an idea for a diet, you have a bunch of recipes planned, you've tested some dishes, you like them, and you have a couple of backups in the fridge. NOW is the time to start the diet, not 2 months ago when you barely touched your side of salad and decided to become a vegan in 1 day. You can do that and succeed? Godspeed, but I sure as hell can't.

My approach tends to look like this: 1. Change my snacks 2. change my breakfast 3. change my lunch 4. change my dinner

I don't snack much, so that just means finishing my current snacks and replacing them with new ones for when I crave them. I also don't eat many sweets at all, so I find this to be the lowest barrier. I can swap it out without thinking too much or changing my lifestyle at all. Breakfast is next because I usually either do something extremely quick and simple or skip breakfast altogether. This is a change that I will experience every day, but I generally will have planned this out and found something that I know will work. I am also happy eating the same breakfast every day, so it doesn't take much thought. My lunch comes next. I usually have tested some quick and simple meals, and if I'm not sure about something for some reason, I have my emergency meals ready as a backup. This is starting to take a bit more effort, but I have a backup plan, and I have some of the common ingredients in the fridge so I can swap plans fast if I need to. Last is dinner. This is something that takes some proper cooking and planning most of the time. This is the biggest jump, but I'm already almost completely there, so it's OK if it doesn't work out like I imagined, most of my meals are already there! I had one time when I wasn't yet vegetarian, but only my dinners had meat. Turns out, I rather liked being in that spot, and I didn't even want to go any further. In trying to make it to my diet, I accidentally found a diet that worked for me, one that I could stick to happily for the long term. These days, I have something different altogether, and guess what, I like it, so it's working.

Your diets and transitions to your diets will likely look different based on your lifestyle and priorities. Just know, you don't need to go all at once. Take your time, dip your toes, and then slowly integrate your new ideas. Maybe you grab fast food every lunch at work and that's a part of your routine. That might be the hardest to change, maybe save that for last. Maybe it's the part of your current diet which you like the least and you want to change it first. Maybe after swapping that out you realize you like everything else and are just happy now. Maybe you find a menu item or different spot that matches your diet better and you want to keep that routine.

The goal here isn't to change what you eat. It's to make you happier and healthier.

Now read that again.

I'm at the pizza hut I'm at the taco bell The combination made my eyes bleed

Oncle Spenny

I've gone through many stages of “pro wrestling” enjoyment, starting at genuine “wow this is really real and cool” to “nahh this is fake and dumb” to now appreciating it as a niche performance art and trying to understand it on a technical level. With iconic characters throughout history, professional wrestling has become a generational pastime, with both participation and enjoyment passed down through families.

Originating in the era of carnies during the late 1800s and adapted from Greco-Roman wrestling, the “kayfabe” or “worked” art of wrestling was quickly popularized in the 1920s, with the first “Golden Era” of wrestling emerging in the late 40's. The first wrestling “celebrity” to be known nationwide would be “Gorgeous George”, known for his flamboyant attire, he was an early predecessor to characters like “Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.

Mostly involving grappling and various holds, early wrestling, aided by the lacking technology, allows the performers to cover the face or mouth and communicate with the “referee” and their opponent on what to do next. This is now referred to as “calling a match” or “calling spots”. With any performance art, time only allows for more interpretation and adaptation of the industry, creating flashier showmanship and larger events following its inception. In the era of technology, camera cuts are utilized to maintain that charade.

WWE has become synonymous with pro wrestling, often used as a replacement for pro wrestling (think UFC for MMA). Before the corporate entity, pro wrestling was separated into territories. In the late 1940s, during this first golden era, the “National Wrestling Alliance” was formed (and exists to this day). Often just called the “NWA” for short, they established a “World Champion” agreed upon by the various promoters, who would then travel to the various territories and face off against the biggest draws in those places. Because of this, many promoters would want their star to stay local to create the most profit for them, leading to many promoters separating from the NWA. One of these promoters, Vince McMahon Sr. would create the WWWF, and after selling it to his son, Vince McMahon Jr. would transition it into WWF and purchase many of the territories by the late 80s, and is now known worldwide as WWE.

With the eminent takeover of cable television, Vince McMahon Jr. would “poach” the top stars in the failing territories. Now under one corporate umbrella, American professional wrestling was now mostly controlled by one supreme being, Vince McMahon. It would be under McMahon's guidance that characters such as Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage became household names in the 80s and 90s, with the over the top, outlandish way of speaking becoming a staple of professional wrestling. There have been different iterations of the same characters or “gimmicks” throughout wrestling's existence, but for every gimmick that works and clicks with the fanbase, there are 10 that don't and fail. For every Hulk Hogan there is a “Shockmaster” and for every Undertaker there is “OZ”.

The late 80's and early 90's were a breaking ground for new ideas, some good, some horrible, most racist, but at its very simplest, it was the era of ego. Everyone thinks they should get paid more and get more opportunity in the spotlight, and this was highlighted by the creation of “WCW”, backed by billionaire Ted Turner and TBS. With the WWF shifting to a revolutionary weekly program with the debut of “Monday Night RAW” in Jan. 1993, WCW would shift to this method in Sep. 1995 under the guidance of new VP Eric Bischoff, their debut episode of “Monday Night Nitro” was broadcasted from Minnesota <3. Shifting to a more reality tv based form of storytelling and utilizing the backing of billionaire Ted Turner, WCW Nitro would become the first real competitor to WWE and Monday Night RAW. This was the beginning of the “Monday Night Wars” and would go on to create some of the most iconic characters in its history.

Top stars like Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair would revive their careers left lacking in the WWF, while homegrown characters like Sting and Goldberg would achieve their biggest success in the “new” WCW. Wrestlers who believed themselves to be misused or underutilized in WWF would “jump ship” to WCW to try and find better success, including Jeff Jarrett, Brett Hart, Mr. Perfect, and many, many, more. For almost 2 years straight WCW was beating the WWF, forcing McMahon and his cronies to think outside of the box. No more could they rely on the do good, boy scout, dynamic and opted for an edgier, more mature business model. Called the “Attitude Era”, characters like “The Rock” and “Stone Cold Steve Austin”, would become icons of the era but it would be WCW's “Mean” Mark Calloway that might be the biggest name in wrestling history, after he was hired by the WWF and turned into “The Undertaker”. While WCW headed downhill, The Undertaker became the biggest name in wrestling. Longevity became Calloway's biggest strength, wrestling well into the 2020's.

Below is a small sample size of iconic characters who left WCW for WWF and became household names. WCW ————— WWF The Giant – The Big Show Eddie Guerrero – no name change Oz/Vinnie Vegas – Diesel (then back to WCW as Kevin Nash, and back to WWF as Kevin Nash) Damon Striker – Edge Cactus Jack – Mick Foley (Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love) Chris Jericho – no name change Terra Ryzing – HHH “Stunning” Steve Austin – “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

By 2000, the WWF had won the “Monday Night Wars” and WCW had gone bankrupt, with the blame game still being played today by various entitles (Hogan, Flair, Bischoff, Hart, and more) with many of its top stars already having left for McMahon's company. McMahon would purchase WCW and work it into a “kayfabe” storyline with his son and daughter, having WCW stars “invade” the WWF and attack their top stars.

History would repeat itself in 2002, with the creation of “Total Nonstop Action” or TNA Wrestling under the NWA umbrella. Helmed by the previously mentioned Jeff Jarrett, TNA would become the next place where talent can go to achieve the success they think they deserve. Hogan would again become part of a WWF (now WWE) derivative, and TNA would repeat the same steps by WCW in hiring people from the competition. Wrestlers like Christian, Kurt Angle, The Dudley Boyz and Scott Steiner created a second wave of success in their careers, getting rehired by WWE down the line. Much like WCW, however, as the company began to go downhill in the 2010s, various stars in TNA (shortly rebranded as Impact Wrestling) were picked up by WWE and given a larger platform to perform.

TNA ———– WWE Abyss- Chris Park (producer, joined 2019) Eli Drake – LA Knight (joined 2021) Rosita – Zelina Vega/Queen Zelina (joined 2017) AJ Styles – no name change (joined 2016) Bobby Roode – no name change (joined 2016) Samoa Joe – no name change (joined 2015) CM Punk – no name change (joined 2006, rejoined 2023)

But now we reach the modern day. WWE is flourishing under billion dollar network deals. Although ideas change, some things always work. A Hulk Hogan becomes a John Cena, an Undertaker becomes Bray Wyatt, and the wheel keeps turning.

The more things change, the more things stay the same, as they say. Another billionaire, another company, this time “All Elite Wrestling” or AEW. Founded by Tony Khan in 2019, AEW is the modern day WCW, offering big money to former WWE wrestlers and broadcasted on TBS and TNT. WCW had Nitro, AEW has Dynamite. WWE has Smackdown, AEW has Rampage. Helmed by Khan, AEW hired some of the top wrestlers on the independent wrestling scene, as well as the top “free agents” formerly with WWE. Starting out as the wrestling fanatic's alternative to WWE, AEW found quick success but has faltered, with wrestlers having creative control over their characters (nobody wants to look bad). The first wave of AEW wrestlers joining WWE has begun, with Jade Cargill, Hamilton, Ontario's own Ethan Page, and Brian Pillman Jr. now in WWE.

More deeply embedded in pop culture than ever, its becoming increasingly interesting for me to attempt to navigate this niche section of “sports entertainment”, now viewing it through a creative lens, taking note of the quality of writing or storytelling within matches, the character arc, and overall presentation of it all. I long joke that it's “redneck Shakespeare” or a “stuntman's soap opera”, but in this current state I genuinely enjoy where pro wrestling is today.

Thank you for sticking with me on this, I know its not something people are itching to read but if you made it this far, have a brew on me.

The year is 200X. Me and my best bud were hanging out at a kids' entertainment area in the mall. Equipped with an indoor jungle gym, a tiny zip line, a little fake treehouse I used to chill and drink orange fanta in, probably a ball pit, and plenty of other things that could keep a kid occupied for hours while their parents go shopping. This is not our first time here, and as we waltz onto familiar ground my friend goes ahead of me and I agree to meet up with him later. An hour passes... I am nowhere to be found. My friend, concerned by my disappearance, goes searching. At the computer section, he finds me, glued to my screen. I'm enthralled by this game that lets you play as Kirby and beat up Mario and other Nintendo characters that I did not recognize. I had to be proverbially dragged away from the computer so we could hang out like normal kids.

Much later in life did I learn that this game was Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64.

The year is 2008, my brothers invite some friends over to play on our Nintendo Wii. They bring this game I've never heard of before, apparently it just came out. I got to play as Kirby and beat up Mario and Link and some more characters I did not recognize. I was addicted, and fortunately, we decided to get the game for ourselves too. I spent many many hours appreciating every nook and cranny of that game, even though I sucked at it.

This game was Super Smash Bros Brawl for the Nintendo Wii.

The year is 2012, my middle brother installs this mod for Brawl on our Wii. He says it's to make the game more balanced. I didn't really get it but it looked cool with the purple menus. I think I am better at this game than I was before, but I still consistently lose to my brother when we fight each other. Despite this I am enthralled, plus it has Mewtwo now!!

This was Project M.

The year is 2014. I've somehow stumbled upon a livestream of a Super Smash Bros. tournament. Names get thrown around I don't recognize. Two players approach the camera and begin playing. I have played Project M before but I've never seen it being played like this. The skill on display by these players was nothing short of bewildering. Even though I didn't understand what was going on half the time I couldn't help but watch the spectacle.

This was Apex 2014.

The year is 2015. I now own a 3ds with Smash 4 on it, I am going to put in 200 hours just fighting the level 9 CPU. From Apex I found another tournament, the biggest fighting game tournament in the world. The grand stage for Smash Bros. but also many other more traditional fighting games. I see the final frontier of fighting games around the world, and I am amazed. I was familiar with the genre. I have been exposed to Street Fighter Ex plus Alpha, Street Fighter 4, and Marvel vs Capcom 3 on our home consoles by now. However, to me, these games were impenetrably complicated, so I just stuck to smash. “I could never learn those games,” I thought to myself.

That tournament... was EVO.

The year is 2016. I continue to play Smash 4 and dabble in Smash Bros. Melee. I found a website that lets me play Melee online, but I live in the UAE so games are scarce. Watching Evo becomes a yearly ritual. I wake up at 2 am to catch the Smash grand finals. It's lonely, I silently cheer at my computer desk while my family sleeps. I move back to Canada. While browsing the Smash Bros. forums I find a tournament being held in Kingston. I enter the tournament (won one tho btw) and begin entering weekly tournaments held at Queen's. They have other fighting games there too.

“I could never learn those games, but they look really cool,” I think to myself.

The year is 2017. I play mainly Melee now. I continue to attend the Queen's weeklies. I watch analysis videos on fighting games. They look awesome. I pick up another game called Rivals of Aether, it's a lot like Melee, it's pretty fun. I continue to watch Evo. At this point I try to watch all the games being played at Evo, I find them all very engaging.

“I wish I could play those games, but I have nobody to learn it with,” I think to myself.

The year is 2018. I enter University. I managed to convince my floormate to try and learn Dragon Ball FighterZ with me. We played a few games, it didn't stick. I prioritize doing my schoolwork and socializing with my new friends, so I don't have time to enter the weeklies anymore.

Years pass... I continue to watch Evo from the sidelines and dabble in Melee.

I started fencing too, my first thought is how similar it is to fighting games.

The year is 2024. I have made many friends from my university days. I could even talk to some of them about fighting games. One of them in particular is heavily invested in Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike. This year, Evo announces 3rd Strike as part of its main lineup, a once in a lifetime opportunity. He says he will go no matter what, and a group of us decide to join him. I have been watching for years now, what better chance to go than now? Since we're going, why not enter the tournament too? The unrealized dream of playing a fighting game begins to materialize in front of my very eyes. We begin training, we all suck equally.

Months pass, we travel to New York to compete in a smaller tournament. We meet our friend's mentor, who remarks that we have come far, I'm flattered. The next day we fight, and I win a game! We learn many things, and witness levels of skill we could never imagine. We talk to some of the people, one of them tells us “It's good to have a rival”. I agree.

We return home, that phrase echoing in my mind, and continue training. Every inch I gain over my rival is returned twofold. A silent arms race between two opponents. The day of competition looms over us all. With our weapons stockpiled and our blades sharp, we embark on the journey to the world stage.

Then our flight got canceled. That dream, once so clear now disintegrating away like sand through my fingers. We rebook our flights, but they are too late for us to compete. I try not to cry, I don't know if I succeeded.

I wake at 3 am, beaten and broken by the emotional lashes of the previous 12 hours. I can't sleep, so I look for a solution. There is a flight that will take me there on time, at a pretty penny. I reevaluate some financial decisions and draw out the money necessary to make it, I can't let it end here.

Despite it all, I make it, and enter the tournament. I defeat my first opponent, and feel confident. Then I lose to the second. “All that money just to do the same as NYC?” I fear. I cannot let it end here. I approach my third opponent, one more loss and it's lights out. I defeat him. “At least it will be an improvement” I tell myself. Then I beat my next opponent, and the next. My blade is sharp, forged in the flames of a 6 month rivalry. I approach my next opponent, and find his claws sharper...

To the world, I may have lost. But to myself, I have won. Not the whole tournament, but my dream. All these years of imagining what it's like, of wishing to be at Evo myself, of hoping to break the barrier that faced me every other time I tried. There I was, at Evo, having beaten 4 other people, in an actual real fighting game that is not Smash.

I stand at the ridge of this cold mountain and look at the view. My shoes dusty with the many steps of my journey. The icy peak barely visible through the clouds, but the view at this height is unlike anything I thought it would be. The vast lush valley sits below me and I admire how far I have come. I could continue to climb, and maybe I will, but those extra steps will be accompanied by the unending thought. “I did it...

...I've finally played a fighting game.”

Bit of a shorter review this quarter 😊

Stats breakdown from Apr – June 2024

• Total books read: ~4
• Reading mediums: all audiobooks
• Time spent reading: 24.5 hours

Books Read + Reviews

Dune by Frank Herbert Medium: audiobook

Truthfully, my review of Dune as a whole is not much different than what I wrote for Book 1. I really enjoyed reading it, as well as the weekly discussions and memes it spawned. I can tell that this is the type of book where you can get something new out of it each time you read, so I may revisit it in time. All that to say, the book was very unique, clever, and well done in my opinion. Looking forward to reading Dune Messiah next.

Everything I know About Love by Dolly Alderton Medium: Audiobook

I added this book to my TBR after hearing Dolly Alderton’s dinner party mentorship to Jessica Pan in the book I read last quarter. This book felt like a grown up version of when you were a kid and read those Chicken Soup for the Soul books. The book is a collection of vignettes from Alderton’s twenties that made me laugh, cry, and brought me comfort. Alderton tells the stories of her youth in a way I found quite riveting, personally nostalgic, and inspiring at times. She also occasionally peppers in recipes or other comedic bits that made this feel like I was reading through her life's scrapbook. The book has been adapted as a TV series and I think it lends itself well to that given how I felt like I had followed her and her friends through multiple seasons. Looking forward to watching it in the future. I also liked the transition from girlhood to womanhood and themes of friendship. Someone summed this up as a cross between Bridget Jones’ Diary, Sex and The City, and a self-help book and I'd say that's pretty dead on. Not groundbreaking but enjoyable and good for the soul.

Also if you saw that cute trend going around sometime ago to the audio of “nearly everything I know about love I learnt in my long-term friendships with women”, it comes from this author.

Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell Medium: Audiobook

Amanda Montell is both an author and a linguist who uses the latter as the lens in which she views the topics she addresses in her books. I read her first book “Wordsl*t: A Feminist Guide to Talking Back the English Language” back in 2021 and have taken a lot of learnings from it to this day. I highly recommend everyone read it at some point because what she discusses and uncovers from meta-analysis is not quite what you would expect (especially following the girlboss era).

That said, I was curious about her second book – Cultish. The title of the book is also what she has named the language that surrounds cults and other fanatical groups (kinda like a portmanteau of Cult + English). This book is paced more like a six part video essay and makes its way through “traditional” cults (Scientology, Jonestown, etc), MLMs, fitness societies (cross-fit, peleton, etc), and more. Like many others, I've always been curious about what drives people to join cults, how leaders amass their followings, and if a certain type of person is more likely to end up in a cult. Montell also touches on some of the research on this (while infusing her linguistics lens) and pulls at the threads of all these fanatical groups (big or small) to weave an engaging and interesting tapestry of this culture. I really enjoyed listening to the audiobook and it's given me a lot to think about since reading. This has been my favourite non-fiction read of 2024 thus far.

Dune Messiah by Frank Herbert Medium: Audiobook

I blitzed this as my hold finally came in after the bookclub had finished this. While I appreciated the brevity of this one, I unfortunately didn't like it as much as Dune. But maybe that's to be expected. Aside from that, I think my sentiments echo those of other bookclub members (or at least the ones I heard when Saturday coffee was hosted in my backyard).

Thanks for reading if you got this far!