Frontmatter

This article is an incredibly long argument for why I find the NFL relatively boring and the CFL incredibly exciting, even though NFL players are objectively better athletes. The article mainly focuses on the rules differences and cultural context of the two games. If you are an American, just know that I love you and this article is not an attack on you, it's an attack on a version of football that I do not like.

The first two sections explain the historical context of football and the rules of football. If you already know the rules of both types of football, skip section 2. If you know the rules of one type of football but not the other, you should read section 2. If you don't know anything about football, I've provided a glossary section at the end of the article that explains in detail what the terms mean. If you don't find sports interesting but want to know why I love Canadian football for meta-game reasons, skip sections 2 and 3. If you like sports but hate football, you are an insufferable contrarian. Read the entire article in penance.

1. Historical primer

In 1861, 13 years before the first snap was played on American soil, two groups of students at UofT gathered in a common area on school grounds with the goal of playing a game inspired by accounts of the full-contact “Rugby football” game played at the Rugby Public School. At the time, “Rugby football” (not to be confused with the technically younger than Canadian football “Association football”, codified by the Laws of the Game two years later in 1863) was a game played at English boarding schools without a strict rules code and was yet to develop into the modern Rugby Union format, an entirely different sport that I also enjoy watching. Those Canadian students didn't know it yet, but their strange broken-telephone interpretation of a game for wealthy British children would serve as the foundation of the single most profitable professional sports league on planet Earth.

Over the next few years, as Americans shot each other over slavery , the first inter-collegiate football rivalry was established between Toronto's “Varsity Blues” and McGill's “Redmen.” In 1874, an exhibition game between McGill and Harvard using Canada's version of Rugby football was played to a riveting 0-0 finish after 3 quarters (you'd think McGill and Harvard students would know how to count to 4!) This was the first time that football as it currently exists was played in the United States, and was an instant success despite the appalling score.

From Harvard, McGill, and UofT, football spread across Canada and the United States. Initially a collegiate game, it did not take long for the first pro team, the Ottawa Football Club(still a member of the CFL), to be established in Canada's capital in September of 1876. In 1892, the first American pro team, the Alleghany Football Club (now defunct) was established. American and Canadians played the same game until 1906, when the Americans added an objectively positive innovation to increase scoring: the forward pass. To the NFL's credit, this is a great change. In 1912, the games permanently diverged after a series of further changes designed to increase scoring were added by the American side.

All of this is to say that football is a Canadian sport. The American game is in fact a bastardization of our perfect game of football! In this article I will argue that the rules of Canadian Football make for a more enjoyable viewing experience than the American rules, which seem perfectly tailored to bore both players and spectators alike.

2. The rules of the Canadian and American games

At their core, American and Canadian football are more similar to each other than either is to their closest taxonomic relatives, Rugby league and Rugby union. In both footballs, the objective is to out-score the other team. Scoring is done in the following ways:

• A touchdown for 6 points
  • After a touchdown, the scoring team sets up 25 yards from the uprights and attempts to score a field goal, giving an additional 1 point.
  • Alternatively after a touchdown, the scoring team may choose to set up on the 5 yard line and attempt to score a second touchdown for 2 points.
• A field goal for 3 points
• A safety for 1 or 2 points.

Football differs from Rugby primarily through the downs system. Teams are divided into attackers and defenders. Each play, the attacking team sets up on the current line of scrimmage, and attempts to advance the ball. The attackers must achieve a gain of at least 10 yards in 3 downs (Canada) or 4 downs (USA). If they succeed, the down count is reset to 1 and they remain on attack during the next play. If they fail, they hand the ball to the current defenders and the role of attacking team and defending team swaps.

During each play, the following options are available:

• The attacking team may throw the ball forward one time.
• They may throw the ball backward as many times as they wish.
• They may hand-off the ball to another player as many times as they like.
• They may surrender control of the ball by kicking it down the field. If they are not attempting to score a field goal, this play is called a punt.

When a touchdown is scored, the scoring team becomes the defenders (if they weren't already) and the scored-on team becomes the attackers (ditto).

The American and Canadian games share all of the above features, but differ in the following ways. Changes made by the Americans in 1912 are marked in bold:

• In the Canadian game, the attacker has 3 downs to gain 10 yards. In the American game, they have 4 downs to gain 10 yards.
• The Canadian field is 110 yards by 60 yards, for a total play surface of 7150 square yards. The American field is 100 yards by 53.333 yards, for a total play surface of 5333.333 square yards. Canadian endzones are also twice as long at 20 yards to America's 10. Diagrams of the fields side by side are given below:
• Canadian teams may have 12 players on the field at one time, American teams may have 11.
• Canadian teams may kick as many times as they want in a play from anywhere on the field, although only the first kick can score a field goal. American teams are allowed 1 kick per play and must kick from behind the line of scrimmage. The defenders may never kick the ball intentionally in American football, but defenders can (and do!) punt the ball back in Canadian football to avoid a Rouge.
• Canadian teams may score a single point by kicking the ball through or in to the other team's end-zone. See Rouge in the glossary.
• Canadian punt-returners – the players responsible for catching and fielding a punt – must be given a 5 yard halo until the ball lands. Violating this halo causes a foul (see flag). This is because either team can recover a punt in Canadian football! In American football, this requirement does not exist because a punting team may not recover the ball on the same play except via fumble recovery.
  • In order for the attackers to recover their own punt, a play referred to as the onside punt or trick punt, the ball must be kicked from behind the line of scrimmage and recovered by a player who was standing behind the kicker when the ball was kicked. This play is not allowed in American football. In the event an onside punt is successfully recovered, the down count is reset even if less than 10 yards have been gained.
• A defending team receiving a punt in Canadian football is entitled to one forward pass during the play. This was recently outlawed in American Football.
• American football players may avoid returning a punt or kickoff by waving for a fair catch or kneeling in their own endzone for a touchback. This is not allowed in Canadian football, as all kicks must be fielded.
• In Canadian football, the attacking team must return to the line of scrimmage and start the next play within 20 seconds of the previous play being blown dead. In American football, the attacking team has 45 seconds to start the next play.
• The clock is paused between plays in Canadian football in the last 3 minutes of each half, while in American football timer constantly runs regardless of current game clock.
• In American football, the waggle is banned, while in Canada it is allowed.

3. Why do I like the Canadian rules more?

The changes made to the American rules in 1912 were intended to make the game more offensively focused and therefore more interesting. There is a saying in football strategy: “Offense sells tickets. Defense wins championships.” The point of this proverb is that the fans love Quarterbacks and Wide Receivers much more than they like Defensive Backs and Linebackers. Offensive plays are cooler and more exciting than defensive plays. The goal of a football team is to sell tickets and the goal of a football fan is to have fun watching football, so increasing the game's average offensive output is an admirable goal. Unfortunately, the changes made by the American rules have had the opposite of the intended effect.

On average, a pro football game in Canada sees 50.3 points scored, 528.6 passing yards thrown, and 199.9 rushing yards for a total average of 728.5 yards of gross offense. In an NFL game, the average points scored is a measly 46.0, passing yards is held to a mere 437.0, but rushing yards are much higher at 243.2 for an average gross offense of 680.2. (Stats as of 2023)

But why? NFL defenders (who almost universally have never watched a CFL game) will tell you that the CFL is a punt fest! 3 downs is not enough to advance the football! WRONG. 3 downs is the perfect amount and 4 downs slows the game down significantly. Consider the following basic math: a CFL offense must gain an average of 5 yards per play (as they usually punt on 3rd down). An NFL offense must gain an average of 3.334 yards per play before punting. Combine that with the following statistics: the average number of yards gained by a rush play is 4 and the average number of yards gained by a successful pass is 8. Do you see where this leads? With 4 downs, NFL teams are able to run chunk play books with short yard gains every play and barely any passing, because they can expect to advance 12 yards in the 3 safe downs they have before the 4th down punt. Meanwhile, CFL teams are forced to throw electrifying long bombs on every possession!

The gasping desperate NFL fan when presented with these basic facts tries one last gambit: kicking is boring and the CFL has too much kicking! Sure, there are twice as many punts in a CFL game on average (18 vs 8), but first of all, it's called FOOTball so there should be lots of kicking and second of all kicking would not be boring if the 1912 rule changes hadn't made it boring. Canadian kicking is wild and entertaining. The onside punt – a banned play south of the border – makes any punt attempt potentially as exhilarating as an onside kick attempt. Onside kicks and punts in Canadian football are allowed to be trick plays while the onside kick – the only interesting kicking play allowed in the NFL – has been neutered with the latest rule changes made by the No Fun League. Furthermore, the much maligned Rouge leads to Rugby Union style back and forth kicks that are always a treat to see. To make matters worse, the NFL seems determined to make the American kicking game even more boring. Over the years, they have banned seemingly every fun outcome of kicking. Punt returners are no longer allowed to forward pass, punts must occur behind the line of scrimmage, only one kick is allowed per play, kicks don't even need to be returned (see touchback and fair catch), and so on and so on. At some point, why not just get rid of kicks entirely and rename the American game “Handball?”

The worst American innovation of all has been the 45 second play clock and lack of clock pause at the end of the half. This creates two perverse incentives. American players use the full 45 second down time, eating up clock and leading to less average “real” play time per game. The lack of pause between plays in the last 3 minutes of the half mean that if the team ahead in points gains possession of the ball with less than 2 minutes remaining, they are able to simply delay the game until the clock runs out. The NFL averages as little as 11 minutes of live-ball time over a full 60 minute game! Meanwhile in the CFL, once play is blown dead the players have a mere 20 seconds to rush back to the line and set up the next play. On top of that, in the last 3 minutes of each half, the clock is paused when the ball is blown dead, which has completely eliminated stalling from the Canadian game and allowed incredible comebacks on a regular basis. These two factors lead to more live-play in the CFL.

4. It just means more.

There are reasons beyond the objective as to why I love Canadian Football more than American Football. When put together that reason can be summed up with the word SOVL. Before you continue reading, please watch the following video: CFL | This Is Our League

Why do I love the CFL? Because I live in Canada. I like the Buffalo Bills, but I will never go to a Bills game without shelling out hundreds of American dollars. For $40 last August, I had field side tickets in a packed TD Place cheering on the Ottawa REDBLACKS (and yes, the team's name is officially all-caps). I watched Damon Webb return an 85 yard pick 6 and I saw our rival Argos get dumpstered live. The CFL teams represent my home in a way no NFL team ever can.

Advertising in NFL games is also unbearably atrocious. The average NFL game and American NCAA game has more than 3 hours of advertising! Meanwhile, the CFL offers a free ad-free streaming service called CFL+ available for all fans outside of the TSN coverage area (and easily accessibly be VPN which they don't bother blocking). The CFL wants you to watch football. The NFL wants you to watch Subway commercials.

The strongest argument for the NFL is the athleticism of the players. What honest football fan doesn't love Josh Allen's rushing attack, the Minneapolis Miracle, or Saquon Barkley's backwards hurdle? The NFL has these players because there is more money in the NFL than the CFL. There is more money in the NFL because most Canadians don't care about football while most Americans do – plus there's 10 times as many of them as there are of us. Even if every Torontonian was a double-blue diehard, we couldn't possibly afford a player like Tom Brady. The yet-to-be-born GOAT football player will never play in the CFL.

But that doesn't matter. The Americans who play in the CFL for our entertainment love football so much they're willing to move to another country, learn a different (but better!) set of rules, and potentially get life-altering brain damage for the chance to suit up in a pro game. The Canadians who play in the CFL instead of the NFL (and there are some who choose that, see Nathan Rourke) play here because this country is their home. The CFL has an incredibly passionate fan-base, but to the players the CFL is the league that gave them a chance at greatness, a chance to play for their home team, and a chance to play football as it was meant to be played.

Also fuck soccer.

Glossary

• Interception: if the defending team catches a pass thrown by the attacking Quarterback, the defending team gains possession and immediately becomes the attacking team.
• Fair catch: in order to avoid being tackled by an incoming player from the kicking team, a receiver may wave to signal that play should be blown dead as soon as the ball is caught or hits the ground. This rule only exists in American football. In Canadian football, the ball must always be fielded unless penalty occurs during the kickoff.
• Field goal: a method of scoring worth 3 points where the attacking team successfully kicks the ball through the other team's uprights.
• Flag: a yellow cloth carried by football referees on their belts. Detached and thrown when the referee spots foul play.^1
• Fumble: if a player carrying the ball loses possession of the ball for any reason (drops it or has it knocked out of his hands), either team may pick up the ball and take possession of it.
• Line of Scrimmage: the line of scrimmage is the most forward crossing line on the field reached by a ball carrier on the attacking side during this drive. When play is blown dead, it resumes from this line.
• Pick-6: A “pick-6” is the unofficial term for an interception by the defending team that is carried all the way back to the attacking team's endzone, scoring a touchdown for the defenders.
• Rouge: if the ball is kicked in to or through the other team's end zone by the kicking team without the receiving team advancing it out of their endzone, the kicking team receives one point. This may happen any time, and the receiving team is allowed to avoid it by punting the ball back to the original kicking team. This rules only exists in Canadian football, having been removed from the American game in 1912.
• Rushing: rushing attack refers to a method of gaining yards that does not involve forward passing. Teams specializing in rushing attack prioritize breaking through the other team's line in order to allow a player called a Running Back to carry the ball the required 10 yards.
• Safety: a safety is a rare way of scoring points in both games. If a player on a team is tackled in their own endzone while holding the ball, the defending team receives 2 points. Alternatively, if a two point conversion is attempted and an interception or fumble occurs, the defending team may pick up the ball and attempt to score a touchdown. If the defenders manage to do this, they score a “1 point safety.” There has never been a successful 1 point safety in the history of pro football, although it has occurred at the collegiate level.
• Touchdown: a method of scoring worth 6 points where either team carries the ball across the line separating the play field from the other team's endzone without going out of bounds.^2
• Touchback: if the ball is kicked into the other team's endzone, the receiving team may recover the ball and kneel out the play. This rule only exists in American football. If a CFL player tries to do this, they concede a Rouge.
• Uprights: the poles in the centre of the endzone of a football field.
• Waggle: the waggle refers to the charge towards the line of scrimmage made by wide receivers and running backs in Canadian football. The waggle allows attacking players to build up speed before play begins. The waggle is banned in American football.

Footnotes 1: French Canadians call this a mouchoir. Alouettes and REDBLACKS fans will often shout “Mouchoir!” when a flag is thrown in reference to this, whether they are French or English fans. 2: French Canadians often refer to touchdowns as majeurs. As a result, some English fans refer to touchdowns as major scores in reference to this.

Forewords

In a previous book report, July Readings (2024), I had mentioned that the discussion on Aldous Huxley's essay Brave New World Revisited was to come out in a standalone article. This is it. For those unaware, Brave New World is a dystopian novel that came out in 1932, and while at the time not pretending to be prophetic, its author — Aldous Huxley — wrote an essay in 1958 taking a look back on the thirty years since its publication. The gist of his essay is that the world is sliding down dystopia way faster than he had anticipated, and he was right about a lot of things. I never jot down notes or do any highlighting/bookmarking when reading a book, but some of the things said in this essay were so outlandish that I couldn't refrain myself. I knew that I would want to share my findings with the good people of the printhouse. This however is not a proper rigorous critique; I'll just go through what I wrote down, whether it be quotes, paraphrases, and comment on it, and inserting my own biases. This was also reworked after my presentation at Theory Night earlier this year, I thank all who attended for their valuable questions and remarks which have helped reshape this garbage.

Do not let this man cook

We'll first look at the statements that may have not aged well, were straight-up wrong from the get-go, or were fucking insane:

“Overpopulation is the greatest threat humanity will have to face in the coming centuries”

This doesn't come out of nowhere, but it is funny to see how off the mark it is. Especially since recently some people have started to talk about how much of an issue population decline/aging is becoming. To be fair, he wasn't the only one to think that overpopulation was gonna become a problem. The reasoning sounded almost sound at the time if you oversimplified the problem and made (wrong) assumptions; we have limited resources on the planet, and more and more people living on it could put a strain on those resources. To add to that, not only are people having more and more children, but advances in technology make it so they all just don't die after a year or so. Likewise, having the shits will not bring anyone to an early grave anymore, reducing the rate at which population declines. But the reality is that overpopulation is a myth that was debunked even before he wrote this, as the planet can easily host many more billions of us since production increase is not linear — as long as we pull the reins on our crazy overconsumption. Furthermore, many countries have experienced a dramatic fall in their birth rates, and many world population models — however accurate they may be — are predicting a significant reduction in population growth rate, with the median in projection having a plateau between 10 and 11 billion humans worldwide. This brings us to our second point:

“Countries that will become overpopulated will turn toward communism”

The direct quote from the book is “It is a pretty safe bet that, 20 years from now [so in 1978], all the world's overpopulated and underdeveloped countries will be under some form of totalitarian rule — probably by the communist party “(Chp I, p.13) Does this come out of nowhere? Kinda. Here ol'boy Huxley is still convinced that overpopulation is the main issue that we will face, and that the strain on resources will bring about great economic hardship. This will lead governments of the countries most affected to step in more and more into the economy and impede more and more on the individual freedom of its citizen (for instance with rationing). All of this, Huxley says, will also create civil unrest whether simple political unrest of full on open rebellion. The government of those countries will then have to step in to secure their authority, and thus will concentrate more and more power in the hands of a few. Basically the government of overpopulated countries will have to become centralised and authoritative. Now I heard you wondering — where does communism come into play? Well for the ol'boy, a central authoritative government is Communism! Forget all your political theories and talks about fake concepts like “class”, “labour” and “capital”; communism is just when a government is central and is authoritarian/totalitarian!

“With advances in medicine, the ill will get to reproduce, and that's bad” & “With technological advances, stupid people will get the chance to reproduce, and that's bad”

Basically, Aldous (we're on a first name basis) argues that the general population will get sicker, and more stupid as times goes on, because some people that would otherwise have died by natural causes or by the result of their own stupidity will get to reproduce. This whole chapter was very yucky to read and oozes of eugenics. He talks about children born with any hereditary genetic “defects” as being separate from humankind. He says that the way we go about breeding is “contaminating the genetic pool”. I will just quote a sentence to give you an idea of how bad this is: “And what about the congenitally deficient organisms whom our medicine and social services now preserve so that they may propagate their kind”(Chp II, p.21). At the end of the chapter, he says that for humanity to survive, we will need to find a middle ground between full-blown eugenics, and an ethical solution to this “issue”. Getting back to the issue at hand, Aldous is wrong. We can manage most hereditary disease/“defect” much better than in the olden days, so there is no danger for the human race as a whole. As for intelligence, since we have been recording populations general IQ scores, they overall have been steadily rising. In fact, every time we change the IQ test, we normalise the results to have the average at 100 and a standard deviation of 15-16 IQ points. Populations taking older IQ tests do score on average above 100. _{that is until recently but the decline is thought to be environmentally caused, i.e. not to be hereditary, so he's still wrong.}

“Saving people from malaria was bad, actually”

A combination of the two above arguments, overpopulation bad, so saving people from mass-killing disease is ultimately bad. This kinda comes out of nowhere. In his eugenics chapter, he is basically just taking an example of what looks good but is actually bad because it worsens the “issue” of overpopulation. He says that the populations affected by malaria cannot adequately clothe, educate and feed themselves, and if you read between the lines, that a quick death by malaria would have been more merciful. Needless to say that a 100 Hitlers are saying: “WE AGREE”.

“Society will tend to move towards uniformity and de-individualisation”

This is a very weird and confusing arguments that is spread over 10 pages and makes very little sense. He basically says that because government try to organise themselves, and tend to over-organise, this will lead them to seek to organise humans too, and use social engineers to this end, and in the 21st century to start using “World controller” (Just like in Brave New World). His whole rant also encompasses apples, Newton, packs of elephants, medieval guilds, religion, termites, 1984, Brave New World, Jesus, Mao, Mussolini... My man is all over the place and jumps from one topic from another without making much sense. He doesn't really define uniformity and de-individualisation, but he has this sentence of what he thinks society will slide toward: “This ideal man is the man who displays 'dynamic conformity' (delicious phrase!) and an intense loyalty to the group, an unflagging desire to subordinate himself, to belong.” (Chp 3, p.33) This is so wrong it's not even funny. In more than one way, we are still far from uniformity in society. One thing that I think has made the need to blend in and conform almost irrelevant is the internet. It is now easier than ever to find some weirdoes online that have the same interests as you. You don't have to conform to a very specific set of rules for your whole life anymore, out of fear of being ostracised by the town. Don't get me wrong, there are still institutions such as school, work... where you do have to conform to certain social norms, and there are also social norms to adhere to when interacting with others, but that was true (and maybe even truer) during Aldous' time. With this I'm trying to say there is less uniformity in the way we can be and the way we interact with others nowadays than before and we have to conform less. As far as the comment on “the group” most will recognise that there is less and less emphasis nowadays on the community and more on the individual, as large communities or group have for the most part been completely atomised. To take one example, unless you have grown up in your current neighbourhood, I would wager that you barely know your neighbours and do not willingly interact with them on a daily basis. Nor would you recognise yourself as part of the group labelled “neighbourhood” and have an “unflagging desire [...] to belong” to that group. We less and less think of ourselves as parts of groups, and more as individuals, and we value our individuality dearly. We therefore do not really care about conforming to those group/communities or desire to subordinate ourselves either. Therefore, I think Aldous' claim that we are moving towards uniformity and de-individualisation is wrong. I won't stay on this topic too long, because I would actually have to do some thinking to go below surface-level, and we also have other arguments to go through. (also I'm lazy)

“Tranquilisers are great and their benefits far outweigh their side effects”

Aldous here is eager to find a parallel between soma (the drug in Brave New World that everybody takes and is akin to a tranquilizer) and what's happening in the real world, because he is a visionary and everything that he wrote about will come true. So he makes the point that as a society we are also moving towards using tranquilizers willy-nilly. But it's fine he says, because many new compounds are without major side effects, and just like soma, we will be able to take them without complications. He gives a list of the “promising compounds”. I googled each and every one of them and the first sentence on wikipedia was usually something like “Diamosophoseraprophrol was taken off the market in 1961 because additional research showed it had no beneficial effects beyond placebo and caused AIDS on top of ass cancer and impotence (even in women)” Another L for Aldous.

“Inception is real and subliminal messages can work”

Do I even need to comment on that? Seriously, proof that they work, and certainly by 'they' I do mean inception and subliminal messages₉ is |itera11y non-existent.

Wait, actually maybe let's let him cook a little...

There aren't just some laughably bad takes in here, and my man Aldous sometime has something interesting things to say:

“Advances in technology lead to Big Business...”

The crux of the argument is this: advances in technology allow us to have more and more complex machinery to produce such and such product or service. Those advances also allow us to expand a business' operating range. Since the new complex machinery is more expensive, and we can service more people far away from us, this will lead to centralisation. It is cheaper to have one big company servicing let's say the whole province or even multiple provinces, rather than multiple companies doing it. That big company also doesn't want any competition, since mass production requires mass distribution, therefore they do anything in their power to shut down the little companies. Couple that with the fact that the technologically advanced machinery is out of reach of those littles companies, due to cost, maintenance, availability, skilled operator availability... and they cannot compete with the big guys. Therefore, Big Business. The reasoning is sound, with Aldous detailing the process that he sees happening in his time, and that will continue to happen — and maybe worsen — according to him. And even if technological advances also bring about democratisation, which Aldous did not foresee, a smaller company being eaten by the Goliath of the industry is anything but an unfamiliar story nowadays. I will count this as a W for Aldous... but I will immediately temper it because of the below: Does Aldous think this is bad? Yes, as he hates centralisation and thinks that, as usual, the solution to anything is the middle ground, this middle ground being in between absolute laissez-faire — which allows the Big Businesses to gobble up everything — and total control — which he doesn't explain entails.

“There is a problem with media ownership”

Here Aldous employs the same reasoning as with the industry and technological advances; that all the small time papers have been gobbled up by the big boys. Similarly, mass communication requires mass distribution, meaning that the few opinions of the big boy journals will be read by the masses. This power would be attracting the Power Elite. The Power Elite is, in a capitalist society, the owners of the Big Businesses. This Power Elite will strive to be the owner of the journals, and use them to their own ends “influencing the though, feelings and actions of virtually everybody”(Chp III, p.27). He says that Big Media is neither good or bad, but a tool. And he think this tool is not being used to its true purpose, which is to inform, by its owner. Most big news papers/agencies are still owned by billionaires or massive corporations (themselves often owned by billionaires), so it is sad to see that the world has not improved in this regard. Just look at the way the recent talk on the change of the Capital gain tax in Canada [can you tell I started writing this a year ago 🙃] were handled, and you will have a prime example of the news working to disinform the public and work against their interest, but to the benefit of the richest. Couple that with the fact that a sizable amount of people nowadays read the news as a mean of distraction, and entertainment, and not truly to be informed, and you basically get the argument that Aldous was trying to make. Well, not totally, I think Aldous falls short in his analysis. His thesis about the media in the West boils down to: “The Power Elite owns the media, and they don't use it to inform. They are not concerned about saying true or false things, but about distracting the people, and drowning them in a sea of irrelevance to sell the most papers as possible”. To Aldous, information is capital to the wellbeing of a democracy, and the media is not concerned about that anymore which is an issue. I agree, and that's why we're in the “maybe he was cooking section”. Where I think it falls short is that — as far as I understood it — he thinks there is no nefarious goal by the owners of the media to undermine information and democracy, they are just giving the people what they want, distractions, to get their bag. On the contrary, I believe that there is a conscious effort by the media owners — those billionaires, and gargantuan companies — to use the media as a tool of propaganda to further their own goals and protect their interests. This also includes making sure the working class is not actively looking out for what's in their best interest. Funnily enough, I would almost say the owners of the media use it the way Aldous describe dictators using it: “In their propaganda today's dictators rely for the most part on repetition, suppression and rationalization – the repetition of catchwords which they wish to be accepted as true, the suppression of facts which they wish to be ignored, the arousal and rationalization of passions which may be used in the interests of the Party or the State.“(Chp III, p.48). Could we be living in a dictatorship of the capital?

Maybe I've played too much Disco Elysium and I need to touch grass, but what I'm trying to say is: “The mass media is basically used as a propaganda tool to defend the interests of the capital owners, and to actively prevent the working class from organising themselves and working towards their own betterment.”

“The new order of things leads to decreasing mental health”

This one is mostly quotes from Dr. Fromm, a philosopher and sociologist of the time (not a nazi or zionist, I checked), and is even more relevant today than it was 70 years ago.

“Our contemporary Western society [...] is increasingly less conductive to mental health and tends to undermine the inner security happiness, reason and the capacity for love in the individuals; it tends to reduce [them] into an automaton who pays for his human failure with increasing mental sickness, and with despair hidden under a frantic drive for work and so-called pleasure.”(Chp III, p.27)

He also says that, paraphrasing: these mental symptoms are not our enemy, but the best indication we have that the way things are running right now our incompatible with mental health and our overall happiness. Aldous uses it to push for his argumentation, which is less relevant and not that interesting to me, but I wanted to share the writing from Dr. Fromm. Entering the workforce, especially as another cog in the corporate machine, I did feel my mental health declining, my happiness too, and saw myself increasingly yearning for distractions. It is only in taking a step back from work, bettering my work-life balance, and climbing out of the productivity trap that I saw an improvement. Serene and contemplative life is not easily conciliable with our current capitalist system, but it is without a doubt healthier.

“Given a fair chance, people will choose to govern themselves and will govern themselves better than they can be governed by entities independent of their will.”

Basically here Huxley's saying that people, given a fair chance, will choose to have democracy, and that democracy is better (albeit maybe not optimally more efficient) than any form of dictatorship. His reasoning? It's human nature. His quote is: “In spite of the Id and the Unconscious, in spite of endemic neurosis and the prevalence of low IQ's, most men and women are probably decent enough and sensible enough to be trusted with the direction of their own destinies.”(Chp IV, p.41) Of course, there is the caveat of the fair chance. It is not defined supremely well (or well at all) by Huxley, but basically the fair chance is achieved when there have been good historical and technological condition, when society is stable, when the average individual has decent economic conditions and access to information, and when there are good demographic condition. Aldous defines none of them, and I don't really want to know what he means by “good historical and demographic” condition, but I can imagine. In any case, I think he's directionally right, so that's why it's in this section. Call me naïve, but I think humans are generally ok, when they're not struggling and are generally secure socially and financially. I had a ~1000 word bit about this in my previous draft, but I think the above sentence summarises my views pretty well. I also think that — hot take — people self-governing using democracy or the likes (for instance with the café's much beloved sortition) is better than its opposite.

Unfortunately, for Aldous democracy == (British) Liberalism so he's only partially right. And by “good historical and demographic” conditions, I have the feeling he might be doing a racism with a zest of eugenics. He also says that the fair chance is being taken away from us little by little, first because he's still raving about overpopulation, but also because he says we're loosing access to good info (see his point about the media above). I've elected to only include his first bit of reasoning for this because I was lacking things to put in the “he's cooking a bit” category.

Conclusion

In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and defence of a eugenics apologist. The world is often unkind to eugenics apologists. The eugenics apologist needs friends. Last year, I experienced something new: an half-burnt meal from a singularly unexpected source (a eugenics apologist). To say that both the meal and its maker have challenged my preconceptions about fine cooking is wrong. Neither have they rocked me to my core. In the past, I have made no secret of my disdain for Chef Gusteau's famous motto, “Anyone can cook.” But I realize, only now do I truly understand what he meant. Not everyone can become a great artist; but a great artist can come from anywhere. It is easy to imagine more humble origins than those of the eugenics apologists now cooking at Huxley's, who is, in this critic's opinion, nothing more than a eugenics apologists that wrote a famous book. I will never be returning to Huxley's, hungry for more.

It's a nice exercise to really dive into a book, and dissect it rather than consuming it blindly. It's something that I will try to do more often and not just for books. Interfacing with works on a deeper level rocks. Brave New World Revisited was an excuse for Aldous to comment on the world at the time, and he piggybacked off the success of his novel to reach a wider audience. I think the parts where he equates things from Brave New World to some facets of his contemporary world are the weakest part of the essay, and also makes it more confusing. I think you have gotten the chance to get a feel for what Aldous Huxley was putting down anyways — even if you haven't read Brave New World. While he is very wrong in his assessment of scientific subjects, medicine, sociology, politics, economics... he is sometimes, although rarely, spitting a bit. But he is mostly wrong, probably at least semi-racist, a red-scared capitalist lapdog and a eugenics apologist. So L+ratio+kill yourself.

Thank you for reading my logorrhea, Eddie – Award winning author

February

This month I read 3 ebooks and 1 physical book from the Toronto Public Library, totalling to 4 books (my worst month to date). My average star rating for the month was 2.88. My running total of books read in 2025 is 11, so I am 11% of the way to my goal of reading 100 books in 2025.

Dandelion by Jaime Chai Lun Yiew

Synopsis: When Lily was 11-years-old, growing up in the British Columbia interior in 1987, her mother Swee Hua left one day and never returned. Swee Hua was miserable living in a white-majority mining town, and longed to return to Brunei. But everyone was shocked when she never wrote, never visited, never contacted her husband or her daughters. 30 years later, pregnant with her first child, Lily cannot stop thinking about her mother. Determined to figure it out, once and for all, she visits her family in Brunei. But will she like the truth that she finds out?

My thoughts: This is probably one of the only pure-fiction books that I’ve ever read that felt like a biography. Partially because I’ve been reading a couple of biographies (girl who’s only ever read biographies thinks that everything is a biography). But mostly because of the writing style of the book. It just felt so much like the author was recounting things that happened to her in her childhood, and then alternating with her perspective in the present. Also, because the plot didn’t feel like it was structured in a traditional way; it didn’t feel like there was a rising action, a third act conflict, etc etc. Usually you’d only find this when you’re reading a true story, because readers will know that real life doesn’t often follow the classic structure of a novel. This is one of the Canada Reads picks for 2025, and it’s definitely outside of my normal reading, so I’m glad to have been pushed outside of my normal taste in books, especially with the discussion of stateless people. The main character’s father was born in Brunei of Chinese descent, and was stateless, while her mother claimed to have had Malaysian citizenship. Growing up in a jus soli/birthright citizenship country, it feels so foreign to read about people who just don’t have citizenship to any country, despite being born in one, and to read about the helplessness and insecurity that they had to deal with.

Rating: 2.5/5 community meals at your local community chinese restaurant.

Title Score: C (dandelions were symbolically present at the very beginning and end of the book, but it did seem forced)

Watch Out For Her by Samantha M. Bailey

Synopsis: Sarah Goldman is determined to make a fresh start in Toronto with her family. She doesn’t want to think about Holly Monroe. Ostensibly, Holly was hired to babysit her son Jacob over the summer, but she quickly wormed her way into the Goldman’s lives. She moved in with them, started giving Sarah advice, and even getting to know Sarah’s husband, Daniel. But Holly went too far too fast, and Sarah jumped at the chance to move to Toronto for Daniel’s new job. Now she’s stuck in a new city with no family or friends, in a creepy old house with hidden cameras and a suspicious neighbourhood watch. But Sarah has no need to worry; according to the creepy texts from the unknown number, she’s never truly alone.

My thoughts: I’m always a little surprised when a genre fiction book is chosen for Canada Reads, and I was especially surprised by this one because it just wasn’t very good. I suppose it was interesting to read from Sarah’s perspective and experience the dramatic irony of a rational person reading her completely paranoid thoughts. It also was pretty weird for Holly to have some rational explanations for her behaviour, but still also be creepy and obsessed with the Goldmans.

Rating: 2/5 necklaces from exclusive Vancouver boutiques

Title Score: B (a very generic thriller title for an extremely generic thriller)

A Two-Spirit Journey: The Autobiography of a Lesbian Ojibwa-Cree Elder by Ma-Nee Chacaby with Mary Louisa Plummer

Synopsis: This is the autobiography of Ma-Nee Chacaby, an Ojibwa-Cree Elder who eventually led Thunder Bay’s first Gay Pride Parade in 2013. She was born in Ombabika, Ontario in 1952, and the book chronicles her experiences, relationships, addictions, abuse, and spiritual journey growing up and living across Northern Ontario.

My thoughts: I thought that this was a really gripping and engaging account of Ma-Nee’s life, and it was shocking to hear about all the hardships she had gone through throughout her life. But it was so amazing to watch her get knocked down (sometimes literally) but still get back up again. I was also struck by how much she had experienced at a very young age, for example she had already been married, had kids, and divorced by the time she was in her early twenties. I also really admire her for staying true to her two-spirit identity, even when other Indigenous people hated her for it (because it made their own lives more difficult. Reading the afterward made me really appreciate all the work that Mary Louisa Plummer did to turn Ma-Nee’s oral account into a book that would be easy for the reader to understand but also true to Ma-Nee’s way of speaking. I can’t speak to the latter goal, but she definitely accomplished the former. Plummer definitely treated this as an academic project (it was published by the University of Manitoba Press) and she was determined to not repeat the mistakes of similar memoirs, where the white researchers often took ownership and did not fully respect the stories of the Indigenous women they were recording.

Rating: 4/5 Women’s Music Festivals where you met your soulmate 10 years ago

Title Score: A (this is exactly what the book was about, no notes)

This Will Be Fun by E. B. Asher

Synopsis: 10 years ago, a team of heroes saved the Queendom of Mythria from a terrible darkness. There was beautiful Beatrice, prickly Elowen, ex-bandit Clare, and heroic Galwell the Great, and together they were known as the Four. But saving the queendom did not come without sacrifice, and Galwell gave his life so that his friends could survive and succeed in their mission. 10 years later, the surviving members of the Four have gone their separate ways. Beatrice married a rich but rather dull duke, and has just been divorced by him. Clare has appeared in many advertisements and sponsorships, determined to be able to pay his own way. And Elowen has retreated to a dark forest, where she hopes that no one will brave the treacherous woods in order to bother her. But the Four have been served a summons that they cannot turn down: the marriage of the former-Princess, now-Queen of Mythria to her beloved. They owe it to the Queen to show up, but will Clare, Beatrice, Elowen (and their longtime adversary Vandra) survive the journey without ripping each other’s heads off? And even worse, will they be able to save the Queendom one more time?

My thoughts: This was a lighthearted queer (and straight) romance that was basically all fluff. The magic system didn’t make a ton of sense, and the author’s focus seemed to be on parodying real life with magic as much as possible (Wagons instead of Ubers, heart-magic consultants instead of therapists, brew taverns instead of Starbucks, etc etc etc). That being said, it was still charming, and it was nice to see that Elowen x Vandra and Beatrice x Clare each repair their own relationships with their partners but also with their questmates.

Rating: 3/5 Annual Clare look-alike contests

Title Score: D (this has nothing to do with the book and a bit trite imo)

I wrote this guide for a friend looking to transition to UX design. It made me happy to write, so I'll leave it here for those interested. I did not proofread it and I don't care.

User experience (UX) design, put simply, is the act of forming tangible experiences that cause or assist a user to complete a certain action or feel a certain way.

The keyword here is “tangible experiences”: others can design experiences as well, sure, but it is our sole ability and responsibility to translate them to something tangible; to materialize them in front of a player. We do this by holding the player at the center of our work's universe, considering them and their needs as we form systems and interfaces to guide them to their 'physical' – or emotional – destination.

To create a good user experience is a learned skill, inevitably brimming of trial and error. After all, the nature of this kind of work is to begin by making mistakes. These mistakes are tested, these tests produce results, and these results allow us to distill our creations to the point where they execute our intention as perfectly as possible (because in a space like this, perfection is never achievable).

How do you begin thinking like an experience designer? What is design thinking? Unfortunately, it might be impossible to simply transform you into a designer in the short span of a few paragraphs. Still, I can try to help you take the first step.

This Is Probably How You Will Need to Design

Design Thinking / The Experience Goal

Consider something near you. I will consider the eight ounces of to-go drip coffee next to me that I've half finished in the span of thirty minutes. This cup of coffee is not one, but two cups stacked on top of each other, with a plastic lid on top. The coffee is warm.

Why did the barista give me two cups? You might think the answers to be obvious: one cup would be too thin and could potentially burn me; two cups helps insulate the coffee so that it stays warm longer. And yes, these are the only answers; I have no reason to obscure any more from you. But to think of something and break down why it was made the way it is... that is the first step of design thinking. Then we simply reverse it.

In the design process, we start with an objective, an experience goal. We want a cafe patron to be able to comfortably consume their coffee. Simple enough. From there, we consider our user's demographic and their needs.

Consider the User

The average human is simple. They often fail to think before acting; thus, they have the potential to burn themselves on the coffee. But, they don't want to burn themselves!

The average human is also easily irritated. If something they paid for doesn't work out the way they want, there's a high chance they will get upset. Hot coffee cooling down quickly might make them punch a hole in our thin little plaster walls.

Okay, so we've thought about our customer and assumed some things about them. These are not the only traits of a coffee drinker, of course; we don't know everything! We never know everything. If we are unsure of what we might have missed, we can research to discover more factors in our decision-making. We can place a little survey next to the register of the shop, asking our customers how we can improve their experience. We can make user researchers analyze that data and provide us with design directions to follow, because data analysis is not the meat of our job, and we can then make more improvements that soothe those new qualms of our users.

Subsequently, after research, we make some informed design decisions. What if we lined our hot drinks with an additional cup at minimal cost, to ensure customers don't get hurt and sue the shit out of our dinky little third-wave coffee shop? And hey, that second cup would work well to keep our coffee warm for longer! And why not wrap the cups with a little cardboard sleeve, because Janine-53-years-old-who-buys-a-latte-every-two-days said that cup was too damn hot?

Everything I've said above is hopefully not groundbreaking to you at all. I've used all this dramatic and serious language, and you're probably sitting there thinking, “this girl is full of shit, because all the stuff she's pointing out is blatantly obvious”. And that's right! I'm full of shit. However, what might not be as obvious to you is that most people never consciously consider the reasons why something is the way it is, because good design is invisible design. Good design shouldn't make anyone stop and think (undesirable unless intended), because if so, we've slowed down the user or marred their experience (undesirable unless intended), and that makes both user and designer sad. So, if you're sitting there thinking “this is obvious and I already knew it all”, then that probably means we've achieved our purpose. Probably.

User Flow

So we've decided that two cups would help Janine out, and an additional cardboard sleeve would really help Janine out. How do we get these items into Janine's hands, so that she doesn't complain about the temperature of her coffee?

To begin, we try developing a user flow. This is where you, the designer, detail the chain of actions, choices, and expectations you envision the user to execute – via our design – in order to meet our desired experience goal. Creating a user flow takes time and detail-oriented thinking, because the designer must consider every possible state in the process. Where do we start? What can we assume? What are the causes and effects of decisions? What are our expected failure points and how do we resolve them back into our desired course of action?

An example flow for the solutions to our hot coffee dilemma would look something like this:

When a designer puts a user flow together, the chain of events should not be confusing to any random passerby viewing the flow. The final iteration of a user flow, after any review and feedback, should not generate new, relevant what-ifs, because we should be confident that we are accounting for, to the best of our abilities, every relevant possible state, cause, decision, action, and effect.

The Tangible Translation: Wireframes and Mockups

Time for the fun part: transforming plans into real existence! The coffee allegory becomes kinda irrelevant here: in that situation, the plan would simply be something along the lines of:

• increase the regular order of cups
• train baristas to follow expected user flow
• profit

But in the world of digital user experience, we mainly work with screen interfaces. To start, we look at our design decisions and user flow, and we identify:

• main screens
• subcomponents (widgets, panels, etc.)
• states of said screens and subcomponents.

Once these aspects are laid out (you can write a list of them if that helps!), we get to work, translating and aggregating them into wireframes. Wireframes are low-fidelity visual series of mockups of what users could expect to see and interact with in our games or software. They look something like this:

Panels. Buttons. Text. Tabs. But just that. Wireframes present no consideration of visual style. The size of things in a wireframe is not even final. It is tempting to add some kind of visual treatment, especially if you come from an artistic background, but doing so can impede upon the distinction between wireframe and visual mockup. The designer's sole focus here is to present all information to the viewer and user in a way that is simple and sensible. Make their experience of using the software easy.

Note that though there is no visual style applied, certain items have darker and lighter shades or outlines. It is important for our fellow developers to be able to at least slightly understand the difference between a button, a panel, something interactive, and something not. Of course, you can supplement this visual discernment with captions or notes for those who need to reference your work.

In the wireframing process, you should continue to consider end users, but do not forget another crucial set of users: your development compatriots. Who are you showing this to? An engineer who will implement your work? A designer who isn't familiar with how you might lay things out? Try to build your wireframes in ways that align with how they might use or interpret your work.

I've been mentioning users nonstop here. To put it harshly, we user experience designers are simply... vessels of design. While working, we exist and interact with the world solely for the sake of the user experience. Everyone else's thoughts are our priority – though that does not mean you should not consider your own instincts! You are usually also a demographic of the user base. Still, a good designer will be able to separate their biases from the real needs of their users.

Anyways. States. I have given you three frames here, which are all states of the same parent screen. The frames' relationship here is represented by consistent elements among all the frames and the changes in between them. This is important for understanding how the user flow applies between screens and components. For the viewer's convenience, I usually like to provide a key of those components that might change in between screens, and I tend to label major screen states in large text.

This is about as far as I can take you when it comes to wireframe construction guidelines. The intricacies of visual software are things best explained by the countless YouTube tutorials at your fingertips; I highly recommend turning to those for knowledge on auto-layout and prototyping. Good luck!

Presentation and Feedback

Your wireframes are done and ready to be presented? Time for the feedback gauntlet.

Presenting your work to designers and other stakeholders (be it producers, engineers, or anyone, really) is daunting. In a review meeting, the average designer will link their Figma file, screenshare, and walk through every screen/state/design functionality for the audience to comment on and tear apart. Knowledge of your work and the ability to concisely explain it becomes crucial. Some things to keep in mind:

• Always understand the greater narrative of what you are trying to explain. You can easily and accidentally drift into granular detail, but your stakeholders are trying to understand how the feature works.

• More than often, if not every time: your audience will pose questions or mention things that you didn't expect, or maybe forgot to cover in your designs. If that's the case, try not to view this as a failure on your part; instead, think of it more as a new thing to solve collectively.

  • Remember, everything is WIP until it's approved. (Sometimes you can delegate questions to others based on the context! Sometimes you can also pose an idea on the spot and work it through, then mention you'll add that later.)

• Engineers don't hate you. (this is hard to remember in the moment)

• Butting heads with someone? Their feedback is valid, even if you don't think it is at first glance. As a UX designer, your duty is to listen and try to understand where they're coming from before making further statements. Ask them to explain themselves and focus on their reasoning in response to anything they say that seems outlandish. Maybe they actually see something you don't.

• Leave every feedback meeting with an explicit understanding of what to do next. Make changes? Send links to people? Keep track of it all.

That Was Quick

I have only some confidence that I've covered even the majority of what you might need to know as a designer. I don't know if I can handle writing more. The truth is, you – the new designer – will learn a lot of this the hard way, through trial and error, and by getting burned by your mistakes. That's okay! Making mistakes is normal, as we know by now; it's how you respond to them and change your behavior going forward that counts.

Being a designer is wonderfully rewarding. The moment you see people using and enjoying the thing you made, you remember why you did it all; why you almost cried that one night at your computer, why you shook from sheer caffeine intake the other day as you hastily labeled your work for the review in one hour. This thing was once a scant few thoughts in your head, and now it is everyone else's to admire and hate and laugh at and break and use.

We designers are but simple creatures who only want to make useful, beautiful, delightful things for others to use. We dream to make people's lives easier, to help them have fun, to make them feel. It is easy to forget in the forest of everyday labor why we committed to creative work in the first place... but without this, what else do we have? What could be greater than the joy of creation? Are we anything without that which we love the most?

No. We are not. Now go forth and become a workaholic.

I listened to a good chunk of music this year. Heres a quick little blurb about the albums, what I rated them, and what genre they are, alongside a couple of songs I liked from each one. This is limited to albums released this year, but in my life I did a lot of listening to older albums too, which made me take breaks in listening to new albums here and there.

My rating scale more or less looks like this:

0 – really bad: Approximately no redeeming qualities. 1 – not good: Overall an album I did not like. 2 – neutral: Completely fine, more or less inoffensive for the entire listen. Background music tier. 3 – has some songs I like: Most of the album is bad to inoffensive, but there are some great songs in there too. 4 – has a good chunk of songs I like: A solid amount of this music is stuff I like, there might be a couple of bad songs and more inoffensive songs, but at this point I would start saying the album was good. 5 – I like most of it: Broadly speaking this is where we get into albums that are full of great songs. It has its flaws for me, but there's a lot of good here. 6 – I like just about all of it: Just about every single song on here is great, though maybe there's some thematic inconsistencies, parts that are outdone by other parts, or something like that. This can also often mean this is as good as an album can be for what it is. A generic sounding trap album without much in terms of deeper themes can land here if every song is just great, despite the album lacking that something more to elevate it. 7 – I really like all of it: just a fantastic album from start to back. 8 – Everything here is compelling: Creative, exciting, interesting, complex, compelling. The best of the best, the type of shit I'd put on a satellite to send our best to the aliens.

SOTY: Song of the year, but really just a marker for some of the absolute best songs I listened to this year

Naturally it's my opinion, and my mood at the time of listening almost certainly has some impact. If something scores higher I'm more likely to know more about the album as I've likely listened to it more. Not only because I enjoy it more, thus making me more likely to listen to it, but also, I care to rate it more accurately when it's an album I respect. An album I don't respect isn't getting much listening time, and an album think has mostly bad songs I can just chuck in one of the two bad categories based on just how terrible it seemed in the moment. This didn't happen much last year, and no albums got a 0.

Note: One thing that absolutely kills me is when guys hate on female rappers by default, and its everywhere. The amount of guys I know that just happen to have every least favourite song on every album be one where a woman has a feature and hates on the woman in question without actually listening to any albums drives me insane. I have included a tag for Women in hip hop, which is the type of thing I usually wouldn't do, letting my reviews stand for themselves, but knowing the sheer amount of misogyny in rap and rap fans, I figure it's good to throw something out there. That being said, it has been a very interesting time for women in hip hop, because it seems like women make up the vast majority of new rap stars these days. The 2010s era has left a ton of men as the biggest selling acts, but since then, very few men have been able to come up in the same way. In their place, there are many women getting a ton of play. It's something I've been keeping an eye on as I broadly see the zeitgeist moving from rap to country. Also, more discourse these days seems to shut down men who don't like the female rappers pretty quickly. Maybe it's the world changing, or maybe it's just young fans of hip hop growing up. I sure as hell don't know, but I'm glad to finally see it.

Also note: I didn't proofread this at all.

My Story Got Stories – Bruiser Wolf: 4 (with love)

Old School hip hop / Rap

I first heard of Bruiser Wold through YBP from Danny Brown's album Quaranta. Bruiser completely captured my attention with his very specific modern yet somehow very old school hip hop flow, with one of my favourite lines “It's hard to fit in to the murder mitten like OJ's glove”. I heard his album was releasing soon, and put it in my calendar to check out as soon as possible. This album was a ton of fun, and even had me laughing out loud more than a couple times. Bruiser Wolf raps with so much energy, his delivery is constantly exciting, and the amount of quips and jokes through this album made it an absolute blast to listen to. I went to see a performance live, and it elevated the experience with how good a performer he is. He falls into my favourite category of rap these days which is old rappers who decided to have fun or do something interesting with their experience instead of falling off and getting angry.

Dope Boy

2 Bad

Silence is Loud – NIA Archives: 5

Jungle / Drum & Bass

This is another one I was really excited for. I found NIA Archive after looking for new jungle music visiting the hospital one day, and holy there's a lot of good music in here despite her being such a young artist. The music is fun, interesting, fast paced yet smooth, and really puts me in a good place. I also went to see this concert live and it was my first experience with dancing in maybe 10 years, which was fun. I loved this album and listened to it a ton, and it's still a go-to if I get the aux and want to play music no-one will recognize.

Cards On The Table SOTY

Forbidden Feelingz SOTY

American Dream – 21 Savage: 3

Trap / Rap

21 Savage is back with another album after Her Loss which was a collab album with drake. 21 has fallen into what I generally have as the peak of hip hop sales, blowing up in the mid 2010s and having major commercial success. It seems that the rappers around this time, including Drake, Future, Kendrick, Cole, Young Thug, Gunna, and Carti are the main hip hop artists who seem to be able to drive sales no matter what they do. Unfortunately for many of these artists, that has led to just doing the same thing with the same sound, just rehashing some slang and switching things up just enough to be different. 21 was interesting because despite being probably one of the most boring rappers, he kept evolving and switching up the scope and sound of his production just enough to keep him actually as one of the most interesting prospects. Unfortunately, I consider this album to be one of his 2 mis-steps into just doing something extremely basic for an album. It isn't bad, but most of it is just fairly background spare a few real highlights.

Redrum

Blue Lips – ScHoolboy Q: 5

Grimy / Rap

Schoolboy Q was a major name when Kendrick was blowing up alongside everyone in their label, Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE). He had some absolutely incredible, creative, and grimy music that I would comfortably say belongs in a list of all time classics. He decided to make a change and do some more personal music, but unfortunately ended up making an album in 2019 called Crash Talk that was very bland, and despite a few highlights, I thought fell completely flat, after which he disappeared for a long time. This album is an incredible return to form, where while it may not reach the all time music highs of Blank Face or Oxymoron, blends more creative music sounds, more grimy beats and flows, yet still retains more of the personal reality that I think he was trying to go for in Crash Talk.

Blueslides

Back n Love

Everybody Can't Go – Benny The Butcher: 3

Griselda / Rap

Benny The Butcher of Griselda was generally seen as the best and most hype more mainstream sounding of the group. It seems that with this album, there was a bigger rollout, different features from usual, and a big push to make it a more commercial breakout record. It was a solid enough album, but the lead single pushed the most was also one of my least enjoyed from the album and constantly shoved into my recommendations, which didn't help. That being said, it still had some solid highlights and Benny, while releasing something not as great as previous collab albums like, he still put out something solid enough.

Jermanie's Graduation

Big Dog

No Quarter – Vino La Mano: 4

Griselda / Rap

This is a guy signed to Benny The Butcher's label who Benny has helped platform. While the album doesn't vary too much in sound or fully distinguish itself sonically, it is just really good and consistently so.

238 on Cal

All My Heart

We Don't Trust You – Future, Metro Boomin: 3

Trap / Rap

This album is a collab album between Future and Metro Boomin, which broadly means that it will sound good in the club, but generally not be for those searching for depth. The most notable part of this album for me was kicking off the Kendrick v Drake been with 'Like That', even if I think Kendrick doesn't even sound that great on it. The album doesn't really do that much to stand out, though Future and Metro being club hits guys were bound to make big club hits. Special shoutout to them both looking uncomfortable as hell posing on the album cover.

Type Shit

Like That

We Still Don't Trust You – Future, Metro Boomon: 3

Trap / Rap

Back to back huh, I have to listen to another pile of mainstream trap rap. Same things apply, it's all fine, but rarely stands out enough to really engage me. I did like this one more on release, but on re-listens it ended up coming around to about the same. Music I can put on in the background and the bass will sound good enough.

SFK – Conway The Machine: 2

Griselda / Rap

Oh Conway. This guy has easily the best and most intense raps of anyone on Griselda, but this one just didn't land at all for me. It seems that without doing collab albums with proficient producers, he really tends to underdo his beats. It is probably intended to give his lyrics more space, but I think he's better when he just has something that sounds better. It seems as he shifted away from straight rapping towards trying to make a label, his artists haven't thrived and neither has he. I'm hoping his next albums he can capture more of that lyrical charm he has had up to this point, because I felt like while this wasnt really bad, hearing one of the best rappers drop an album of bars that didn't land with beats that didn't stand out is tough.

Ninja Man

Please Don’t Cry – Rapsody: 5

Women in hip hop / Rap

Rapsody seems to carve herself out of this space, being a respected rapper's rapper, but at the same time, it does seem to carve her out of the mainstream. Laylas Wisdom had some immaculate highs, Eve was a good followup focused on female inspirations. This one turns to a more personal attempt, with the overarching story line of a therapy session, which seems to be becoming a common trend, but Rapsody is able to really navigate it with incredible rapping and personal storytelling. I know some people were not very into some of the more commercial angled hits, but I think they're fine, and it makes sense given her position in the industry.

Marlanna

Faith

RICHAXXHATIAN – Mach-Hommy: 8

AOTY / Rap

Well holy shit is this ever a step up. I have never heard beats like this before. I have never hear rapping like this before, and I've listened to like 6 Mach-Hommy albums. He was already an artist I loved, and I would chuck this into one of the greatest albums of all time territory. The lyrical chops in this are insane, and you have to pay attention because there are no published lyrics anywhere. I still find new things in this album and I've been listening to it since it came out. The production is also so different from just about anything out there, really taking on its own creative space blending styles of a few of my favourite producers to create something that is more than the sum of its parts. It is a hard listen because spare one song, it really isn't commercially viable at all, but god is it so worth it to get into. Watching some people talk about this has even changed much of my life philosophy, learning about Edouard Glissant and the right to opacity, saying that other cultures don't need to be understood or measured by colonial nations who will measure them in colonial ways and harm them (here I am giving it a rating), and similarly, you may wish for certain things not to be perceived, or only be perceived on your terms. Mach obscured his lyrics and identity, and I find it to be something that I respect and absolutely love about him. This album still gets frequent front to back listens from me, and I still love every single song.

#RICHAXXHATIAN SOTY

SUR LE PONT d'AVIGNON SOTY

Note: Almost every song on here I could probably put somewhere around SOTY

Marciology – Roc Marciano: 7

Coke Rap

Roc Marciano is an artist I truly respect for having his own style of rapping and his own style of production, and rapping over his own production. The benefit of this is it creates an incredibly distinct sound and style, but the downside is that it can get kind of same-y sometimes. When that happens, it really is just up to the straight quality to shine. This is probably the best work he has put out, and the quality really does shine. When I listened to this I really felt like I might be seeing an artist I already love hit their peak, and I hope he can maintain this or evolve in the future. I even bought a ticket off of Nana to go see it, but after some confusion and me accidentally seeming like I was trying to scam him, we decided to do something else instead.

Gold Crossbow

Killin Spree

Samurai – Lupe Fiasco: 6

Lyrical Rap

Lupe these days has been in the game for quite a while, and while not and old old head through his keeping it fresh, he's hit a definite older rap unc status. He has taken probably the best path from being a superstar to creating some insane creative highs, and now a lot of his rap is a lyrical exercise, all stages interesting. He is really aging gracefully and thriving in a lane that he defines for himself. This album is inspired by Amy Winehouse, and much of the lyrics draw symmetries between his life and career and Amy's, or Amy becoming a battle rapper. It really is creative, fun, and done delicately so to not be insensitive to the legacy of Amy Winehouse as many others could have easily done if attempting to do the same. It is a pretty easy listen, can be very engaging if you focus on the lyrics, and all around pleasure to listen to.

Samurai

Cake

Why Lawd? – Nx Worries: 5

RNB / Hip Hop

This is a collab between PAAK and Knxwledge, PAAK being huge and Knxwledge being a respected yet not massive producer who has an undeniable finesse to the samples and sound he uses. My expectations for this was a very nicely sampled sexy album, and that is what I got. Despite the amazing samples and undeniable synergy between the duo, I can't help but feel like it either needed to be just a bit shorter or a bit more sonically varied to keep it more interesting over the entire run time in the album. The songs are great, but there were times where I barely noticed that songs had changed, not in a creative transition way, but in a too many songs sounding too close kind of way.

MoveOn

Battlefield

King Of The Mischievous South Vol. 2 – Denzel Curry: 6

Southern Rap / Memphis Rap

Denzel Curry has really made a name for himself in being hard hitting, creative, and incredibly consistent. I remember after our house flooded, finally getting the sound system set back up, seeing this release, and getting instantly hit with banger after banger for all the work I'd completed. It was a great reward. Despite being an album of hard hitting bangers in a very mixtape-y way, there was definitely a charm and creativity that went into every one, with enough variation in samples and musicality to really distinguish the songs. Another great album in the long list of great albums from Denzel, and I'm excited to see where he goes next.

ULTRA SHXT

HOT ONE

Songs For Saints and Sinners – Killer Mike: 4

Southern Rap

Killer Mike returns after my last billion word music themed article where I did a whole background on my listening to music bringing me up to him dropping landlord bars. This seems like it's just a re-up, adding more to some of the songs on his last album, and having some new tracks. I've warmed up again to Mike after the landlord bars because the music was great and I'm a life enjoyer, but I'm still suspicious. Not bad, but it doesn't really have great legs as a standalone project. The highs are, still, insanely high in terms of flow, lyrics, and production.

Nobody Knows

SLUMMER 4 JUNKIES

Johann Sebastian Bachlava The Doctor – Action Bronson: 5

Goofy Ah White Boy / Rap

Action Bronson is always a funny character, and he seems to return to an old form for this album, with tracks that sound much closer to a fan favourite Mr Wonderful than his recent string of animal themed projects, one of which I loved, but one of which I thought just had some very high highlights. This is much more consistent with some incredible highs. Though he does seem to reuse some lyrics across songs, he is still incredibly charismatic, funny, and the production is just fantastic.

SALVAJE

DOCTOR SOTY

Across The Tracks – Boldy James, Conductor Williams: 6

Coke Rap

Boldy James is absolutely one of my favourites, dropping album after album I love for years at a rate unlike anyone else I know. Sure, the topics are always almost exactly the same. Sure, Boldy manages to never manage to hit more than a single note with his extremely detached sounding voice. Somehow, he still manages to come through with such creative stories and wordplay, doing collab albums with some of the best producers in the game to deliver a project that is way ahead of most, in my opinion. He still puts his son on for a mediocre verse though.

Terms and Conditions

St Juliana SOTY

The Death of Slim Shady – Eminem: 1

Rap, Old Coot, Fell off, edgy 50 year old

Eminem needs to figure his life out or just shut up already. In one interview he said all he does is sit and watch the news. We can tell. Go outside. I love old rappers who have something to say and appreciate the world around them and spit their wisdom and experience, yet this fucker who used to be so good is easily one of the worst rappers in the game right now. The beats are a bit better but fuck man it's not enough. Just listen to the JID verse that opens this song and turn it off when JID is done. Opening a song with “Fuck blind people” was kind of funny though.

FUEL

Antichrist Worst song of the year contender, and I will drop the lyrics of the first verse in a code block just to drive it home

Oh, shit, fuck  
Fuckin' PC police  
Fuck

Gen Z, here they come now (now), 'bout to unload rounds (brrt)  
Pronouns (shit), got me like, "Whoa now" (whoa)  
Homie, let's slow down (chill), no need to get so wound (man)  
Ready to throw down (yo), if I mispronounce (thee, them)  
Whoops (sorry), oh wow  
Got heterosexuals crammin' 'em down our throats now (he, she, they, them)  
Like I'm gettin' snow-plowed, my humor's too low-brow (yup)  
Yeah, so there's no doubt (nope), you 'bout to get grossed out (ugh)

But fuck it though, somebody needs to come and hit the reset button  
Back to 2003 'cause how did we get stuck in  
This woke BS? I'm tryna make it regress, fuck 'em

Just RE'd Up 3 – YG: 2

West Coast / 2000s

YG returns to his roots after a string of albums not getting the critical acclaim he once had. It sounds fairly well like his earlier mixtapes, but that style is kind of dated, and it is clear that his lyrical content sits somewhere between not evolving to devolving from his 2014-2016 My Krazy Life and Still Brazy highs.

Right Now

Summertime Butch – Benny The Butcher & Black Soprano Family: 5

Griselda / Rap

Benny The Butcher again, this time with in my opinion a little less aim for commercial success, which seems to help him with his creative choices on hooks and production. His rapping is solid, his coke bars land a little bit more again, and all around, I had a much better experience.

Summer '24

The Blue Building

brat – Charli xcx: 7

Hyperpop / EDM

I don't know as much pop as I do hip hop, so I can't talk so much about Charli's story on the way here. I wrote a review about this album with a lower score, but this list is mine and thus fairly dynamic as I go, and the quality of this album is not only unreal, but I found more in some of the tracks I wasn't as big a fan of, including going through like a third SOPHIE phase from listening to 'So I'. I still don't care for 'talk talk' or 'club classics' much, but I think it's pretty undeniable after listening to this album daily for months that it is just that good. Hard hitting, personal, fun, and just an adventure and experience to listen to.

B2b SOTY

365

Note: There are many songs here that I could have as SOTY contenders

No Hands – Joey Valence and Brae: 4 (with love)

Goody Ah White Boy / Alt Hip Hop

This one caught me off guard. I wasn't listening to too much music at the time and wanted to listen to something different, clicked on a Fantano great music, saw this, and ended up finding a rather refreshing listening experience. Packed with high energy bangers from guys that seem to just like having fun, what can I say, I had a lot of fun. It comes in, is fun, then goes. Funny punch lines, fun beats, and just enough creativity to stand out. I think it could have been slightly shorter, maybe leaving a few songs for a short re-up to keep the runtime a bit more concise and fresh, but who's to really complain about something fun. Super excited to see where these fellas go next.

BUSSIT

NO HANDS

Short n' Sweet – Sabrina Carpenter: 4

Pop

Sabrina Carpenter was really everywhere, she had a big year. I listened to the album and enjoyed it, every song was broadly really good, but I still ahve trouble telling you what half of them were. I feel like it was a little too same-y, but if this is what you want, it's probably really fucking good. For me, I felt I could just pick out my favourite 2 or 3 and readily ignore most of the rest without worrying about missing too much. Still, and enjoyable listen with some great catchy songs.

Taste

Espresso

GLORIOUS – GloRilla: 5

Memphis Rap / Women in hip hop

It was pretty undeniably Glorilla's year, she was on like a 2Chains 2012 type run where she has been everywhere putting out really high quality music and features left and right. This album is packed with bangers, attitude, songs for the girlies, and overall just great music from the south. I think I've written before that the south usually symbolizes a bunch of things not that I hate, but that I would generally find less appealing than other styles through lyrical and production choices, but the south has really been on top. GLO has been doing this exact thing, but it's been super exciting the whole time. I have found so much great music through following her features, and she's good enough that she might be able to evolve and put out more projects with some creative evolution, though only time will tell. Can't wait to hear more from her.

WATCHU KNO ABOUT ME SOTY

I LUV HER

Chromakopia – Tyler, The Creator: 5

Artsy Hip Hop

Tyler has had a very interesting career evolution and this is a new spin. His last album, Call Me If You Get Lost, was a return to rapping inspired by Westside Gunn after the one before, a very artsy Igor, which could hardly be called a rap album at all. I don't know how I can really box Tyler into genres, and I broadly like that about him. He's on his creative journey, and he's clearly very talented and creative. This new album seems to blend much of the artistic styling from Igor and blend it with the harder rapping, while bringing a new sound forward. I think it's a good album, and I think it has some really touching stories, and yes, that includes 'Judge Judy'. What I do find with the album is that it sometimes strikes me as being sonically in-between. At certain moments, hard hitting stuff seems to hold back to maintain the artsiness, and the artsiness seems to hold back a bit to accommodate the harder stuff. An example of this is that the emotional peaks are often immediately followed by a bar flexing. This might be a deliberate creative choice, deliberately putting up a wall at those intimate moments, but it still does do exactly that. Additionally, when Igor dropped I really felt like Tyler was the best music possible for someone going through a high school break-up, which I personally just didn't care for thematically. This album does deal with similar themes but does also deal with more hard hitting angles of it, like exes / flings dying. Maybe this slowly does indicate him moving towards a new phase. I think this album is good enough to put Tyler in a spot of being one of the most consistent and interesting musicians we have right now.

Rah Tah Tah

Tomorrow

Megan Act 2 – Megan Thee Stallion: 5

Note: This stands as a total review for both acts, I don't care to put the effort in to separate them

Southern Rap / Women in hip hop

I have really enjoyed Megan's music for quite a long time, first discovering her when she dropped 'Realer' in the lead-up to Fever, and that song stayed on repeat for a long time. She has continued to be a great rapper, and now seems to be in an era where shes starting to just go and do what she wants, with more releases coming as collabs with RM from South Korea, Spiritbox for a rap metal song, and using samples like 'Like a G6' for 'Like a Freak' and 'Goodies' by Ciara for 'Roc Steady'. It makes for an interesting and varied selection still based on her usual hard hitting raps that I know and love her for. I had a lot of fun with this album, and for being the length it is (because it is just 2 albums), I stayed way more entertained for the runtime than I expected.

Roc Steady

TYG

Alligator Bites Never Heal: Doechii: 4

Women in hip hop / Alt Rap

Doechii is interesting because all I know is that she apparently was a kind of tik tok / social media rapper, but I'm not plugged into that scene enough to know anything about it. All I know is that this is her breakout album and it's really impressive. I can see some of the roots in that I do find some of the songs to be a little sound-bitey and quirky, but still, her rapping is on point, it is fun, creative, and has the energy and confidence of someone that knows what they're doing. My only complaint is that through some of the quirkiness I find when I listen to one song I love it, but the album as a whole feels like it comes out as being a bit less than the sum of all its parts. She's still early in her career, though, and has a lot of time and clearly more than enough talent and creativity to evolve in whatever way she decides.

STANKA POOH

NISSAN ALTIMA

You Only Live 1nce – Freddie Gibbs: 4

Coke Rap

Freddie has had an interesting journey to get where he is, having multiple absolutely incredibly collab albums through Pinata, Alfredo, and Bandana. From here, he signed a label deal to expand on his image and started working with groups of producers, but it seems that when he gets to pick his own production, similar to Benny The Butcher, the result comes out as far less interesting. Soul Sold Separately still had some incredible peaks through songs like 'Dark Hearted' that just cut through to the soul as good as any coke rap song can, so I was interested in seeing what he would do with another album in the same vein, which came as a surprise drop. This one came out, named as a followup to his 2017 album You Only Live 2wice and was thematically overall very similar to Soul Sold Separately , but seemed to just miss out on the amount of highs. Freddie is still an incredible rapper and explores a lot of personal discovery and his interactions with fame, but he could have surely used some more interesting production to make the project as a while shine more.

Origami

On The Set

Soul Burger – Ab-Soul: 2

Hip Hop / Rap

I can't lie to you, I have listened to this album 3 times, and I always like it until I realize I can't remember a thing about it. Being anti-memetic surely isn't a good sign for an album, especially with its producer and feature list, but I at least know it has one song that has the same sample as 'How Much a Dollar Cost' by Kendrick Lamar (They are both from Top Dawg Entertainment) that is a really good listen.

Righteous Man

Still Praying – Westside Gunn: 6

Griselda / Coke Rap

Westside Gunn back at it again, one of the main 3 Griselda members and probably the one with the best connections and ear for beats, which he uses to his advantage by making albums that sound bright and luxurious, and he generally packs them with features to make up for some of his inconsistent rapping. This album does put him more center, but it is him doing what he does at his best. The beats are interesting, he raps well, and puts together a project that maintains being interesting the entire time. DJ Drama can shut up on all these album but I've gotten better at tuning it out.

Runway Pieces at the Last Supper

Still Praying <– Griselda Posse Cut

300 Worms – JAEGER: 4

IDK the genre mang

This was a fun one because despite having a solid handful of friends release music, this might be the most complete feeling album release. It's incredibly angsty and muddy, but hits a really nice spot and keeps its quality throughout the entire album. This was a really refreshing switchup and got me out of a rut where I was getting sick of listening to new albums for a bit, which was also a nice feeling. Seeing it live twice, it really changes the effect of listening to it, it gives the atmosphere much more air and lets you physically feel the music. For digital listening, I tend to like the songs that have more higher pitched melody.

300 Worms

Gut

GNX – Kendrick Lamar: 5

West Coast Hip Hop / Rap

Kendrick Lamar is back after the Drake Beef with a new surprise drop. Hearing the snippet at the start of the 'Not Like Us' music video had me really excited for a really west coast banger Kendrick album, because god that hook was stuck in my head. A song leaked (likely released to generate hype because samples couldn't clear or something) called 'Let The Party Die' and it was also incredible. The album came out and naturally took the world by storm. The album for me is a near perfect split down the middle between tracks that are absolutely incredible and tracks that left me wanting more for one reason or another, but we got some real west coast bangers from Kendrick which is an absolute blast. To me, the album feels much like a mixtape of Kendrick exploring west coast music, with 'Reincarnated' being a 2Pac song in flow and production and Hey Now being a clear Drakeo The Ruler type song. I think a lot of my opinion on this album will be dictated by how long it takes for him to drop another. This is an insane mixtape to tide fans over for another release, but if it is a full album that will take years to follow up on, I think I can say it was an inconsistent album.

Heart Part 6 SOTY

Reincarnated SOTY

The Bricktionary – Boldy James, Harry Fraud: 4

Coke Rap

Boldy back at it again, this time with an album that I didn't exactly feel at first. Part of the magic of Boldy is that he has these bright and elegant beats that contrast with his extremely low-key delivery, yet match his storytelling. This is an album that plays things slower, which can really make things seem like they slow to a crawl. Match that with how Harry Fraud is more trap inspired and can be inconsistent, and I was worried going in. Eventually hit it with a more out loud sound system and really got into it. Despite the slower pace, the beats are luxurious though a bit darker than usual, and spare a couple songs where Boldy seems like he's half asleep, it's another great joint.

Pressin' My Bunk

Fish Grease

Access All Areas – FLO: 6

Pop

I don't dive into pop much, but discovered this one because it had a Glorilla feature and decided to give it a spin. I got really into this one through the whole listen. These songs are slick, sexy, catchy and punchy in a way that got almost all of these songs stuck in my head at one point or another. I think some of the more hip hop inspired verses could use a little more work, and I'd say there are a couple songs where I would have made them bonus tracks or something to keep the specific feel of the album consistent through the entire record.

Walk Like This

Caught Up SOTY

Trustworthy Interlude I generally don't include 3 but I wanted to include this as not a full song. Being a fella who's parents are divorced and has been cheated on this song really hits in an incredibly personal way. SOTY

Personification – Maxo Kream: 5

Southern Rap / The Guy Loves Being A Crip

Maxo has had a pretty interesting career to say the least with the cases and the like, but always emerges as a particularly interesting rapper with a big personality that always drops some quality music. He gets personal at times, then will say some of the most in your face hilarious criminal shit in the next song, but he always comes in with energy. He seems to just have a knack for it.

Cracc Era

Walk By Faith

Take Care – BigXThaPlug: 4

Texas Rap

I knew of BigX because he had a very distinct voice and some snippets that popped up in memes, and I rather enjoyed it. Voices that stand out in a good way are always good and refreshing. The production is upbeat and fun, as well as pretty distinct in a way that works well. I think that BigX is a solid rapper, but his lyrical content is pretty same-y, which doesn't help when the production, albeit fun, is the same. Song to song I really do feel like you can pick your favourite few and then not have to worry much about the rest. Only time will tell if he's able to evolve past this, because he does have a big wave right now and for his voice and attitude alone I know he can do more.

Law & Order

The Largest

---

Top Albums:

1. RICHAXXHATIAN – Mach-Hommy
2. brat – Charli xcx
3. Marciology – Roc Marciano
4. Across The Tracks – Boldy James, Conductor Williams
5. Access All Areas – FLO

Changes for next year

• Make a minimally more data entry focused outline
  • Allow sorting by date, score
  • I plan on using a Dataview plugin for this
• Keep track of best songs
  • I want to keep a list of all my favourite songs of the year
• Listen to more genres
  • Listening to new genres kept it exciting
  • I want to listen to more music that friends recommend too

I just smoked a bowl. On the TV, Doechii's Tiny Desk Concert plays. 2024 has been an incredible year for women in and around hip-hop. AmaaRae got featured in GQ, Elle, and Vulture magazines; Doechii is finally getting the attention she deserved after years of pushing it; Sexxy Red is reminding everyone about the thorough-line that connects the 5 tenets of hip-hop; and GloRilla dropped so much good music, her home city of Memphis, TN forgot all about her DUI arrest and awarded her the keys to the city. Matter of fact, I could probably write a whole paragraph on how 2024 was the year of GloRilla. She had a whole song go viral with a TikTok snippet. My dear reader, DJs downloaded a 45 second snippet off of TikTok and had crowds yelling out the lyrics at live shows, ALL BEFORE THE SONG OFFICIALLY DROPPED.

I have followed the rise of all these artists but I've been most impressed by the rise of Amaarae. Artists from Ghana barely make it to where she is but even less manage to stay in the limelight for as long as she has. Combined with truly incredible lyrics and production, I don't know if there are more than 5 artists from Ghana I like more than Amaarae. I can confidently say I've been listening to her music from the very beginning and she is undoubtedly a big influence in my music.

I started making music in the early 2010s (first with my best friend Henry Richardson, then in a band in high school and now solo). These years were a golden age for hip-hop in Ghana. The popularity of Twitter and widespread access to the internet gave rise to a burgeoning underground hip-hop scene made up of older teenagers and young adults. These artists took most of their inspiration from western acts as opposed to African musicians and as such the subject matter of the music shifted from light-hearted, folksy to something darker and metaphoric. There was definitely a downside to this, as most artists chose to abandon African ways storytelling tendencies entirely in favour of something that would appeal more to the big boys in Newark.

The scene was intricately tied to Twitter. The social media site blew up relatively early in Ghana (I created my account in August 2011) and the first few hundred users garnered thousands of followers quickly by doing regular Twitter shit: dunking on people. Maybe this is a symptom of my jealousy in how popular these accounts were, but some of these guys would talk such a big game on Twitter and I'd see them in church youth service acting all bashful and shit. No energy in the house of the Lord I guess.

My favourite artists from this era were a duo who went by Cruk'dStr8. They would collaborate with a range of artists in Ghana and the States and it was some of the best music I'd heard in a long long time. First making a name for themselves by dropping singles on Friday sampling popular songs (hip-hop fans might see the influence from Kanye West's GOOD Friday drops) and putting Ghanaian rappers on them. These drops were huge, and got 1000s of listens per post (if you don't get how big a deal this is, you just weren't there) and the group would the social media site to drop hints of an upcoming album.

My best friend, Henry, and I would listen to these drops religiously and I (admittedly) would bite from them here and there for our own little rap group in primary school: Royal Rappers. A lot of people are embarrassed by their rap stories in middle school, but not I. That shit was awesome. We started with just banging on desks with 5 or 6 people around and we ended with a performance in front of the whole school. Our first song, We Need A Beat, was so popular that it spawned another rap group in our class and they hit back with a diss, Beat Without A Bass. We were lucky the rapping was trash because their chorus was way better and title of the song alone almost cleared us... but this is a story for another time.

On February 2nd, 2013, Cruk'dStr8 dropped the album, Heliotrope. God. What a project. I didn't realize as an artist, you were allowed to do what they did on that album. Themes of travelling through Dante's inferno to find a missing piece of yourself, combined with production that was years ahead of what anyone else was attempting to do, and the bars. THE BARS. I am tempted to put some of my favourite lines here but I don't think it matters now. If you're curious here is a Genius link to all the album. I downloaded a copy of Heliotrope from DatPiff and I've had it on every hard drive I owned until last year, when I accidentally deleted my personal copy. Very few moments in my life have affected me on a personal level. Even to this day I get very sad thinking about it.

My dear reader, you might wonder why I don't just go to Spotify or Apple Music. Unfortunately Heliotrope, by Cruk'dStr8 is now lost media. The album has been scrubbed off the internet and now the only way to even know it existed at some point is Cruk'dStr8's Twitter page. I found a Hulkshare link (from a reply on that twitter page) but only 1 of the songs on there is actually playable (Dead Fantasy | Kizzy Kane). So the copy I deleted might have been the last copy. Like me, you might be wondering why the group would do this despite their success.

Well after Heliotrope, the group would go dark. Nothing to be heard from the core duo, but affiliated acts like Shabazz, Quesi B, and BrainyBeatz would keep going. By 2016 however, Cruk'dStr8 and affiliated acts would all stop making music. But in November 2017 I saw something strange. A new act from Ghana had dropped an incredible album and it was turning heads. I listened to it a few times and while the music was incredible I couldn't shake the feeling that I've heard this before. Now I have taken care to withhold the names of the core duo of Cruk'dStr8 , because maybe someone smarter than me would make the connection immediately. Their names were ERA and RAE.

Passionfruit Summers is the debut album from Ghanaian-American singer, songwriter Amaarae. If you knew about Cruk'dStr8 and Heliotrope, the sound is all there. Sonically it's extremely polished and the production quality was incredible. I couldn't believe it. One of my favourite Ghanaian musicians dropped a commercial tape, and its highly acclaimed! This album came with a new sounds and techniques that were slowly bubbling in the underground hip-hop and hip-life scene in Nigeria, a genre now known as alté. This was similar to what Cruk'dStr8 were doing a few years back but with a clear distinction and better execution. You see while Cruk'dStr8's sound was African inspired but clearly built on top off American hip-hop tendencies, alté music is built on top of hip-life tendencies with American style sprinkled here and there.

At this point I still had my copy of Heliotrope but I did a quick search online and that's when I realized it was all gone. As a matter of fact, Cruk'dStr8 is not mentioned anywhere by Amaarae as where she got her start. It's almost as if she doesn't want to be associated with that anymore. Few years ago, Moliy Music (co-writer and performer of Sad Girlz Luv Money) took to Twitter to accuse Amaarae of not sharing proceeds with her. This didn't seem to go anywhere and was forgotten about quickly, but I couldn't help but think of Cruk'dStr8 and ERA.

I've been keeping up with Amaarae partially because I want to see her rise to fame in first person but also I really want her to say something about Cruk'dStr8. Why delete the old music? What happened to ERA? What happened to Cruk'dStr8? I'm still not done looking for this tape. My plan is to reach out to former Cruk'dStr8 affiliates and hope they can send me a copy and/or explain what happened between 2014 and 2017.

Anyway here is a version of FunkyFlavaDopeShit posted on Quesi B's SoundCloud page: https://soundcloud.com/otis_7/crukdstr8-funkyflavadopeshit

The Q3 version of this roundup was sitting in the archives and never got uploaded. As a (not-so) special treat, here is my round up for the entire second half of 2024. Please enjoy the read for the hater behaviour, but sadly I don't have any new winners to suggest this time around

Stats breakdown from July – December 2024

• Total books read: ~5
• Reading mediums: 4 audiobooks & 1 combination of physical & audiobook
• Time spent reading: ~24.5 hours

Books Read + Reviews

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman Medium: audiobook

I usually write these once I finish the book but I need to note my thoughts right now as I finished the first third on the Via Rail to Montréal.

I – – Listen, I've seen the movie which gave me secondhand embarrassment then but uhh… The book is something else. Elio is horrendously HORRENDOUSLY down bad for Oliver. I'm listening to this on the train like 😶😳🫣 I may be able to make better sense of my thoughts later but

1. I'm astonished by everything Elio projects onto Oliver, like he is this master of social interactions and understanding others better than themselves. I guess this is maybe meant to be part of the perspective he would have as a 17-year old idolizing an older man but I think he's giving him entirely too much credit. He's literally just some guy.
2. Knowing that they get together later, the 17 vs 24 year old thing is extra EXTRA weird now that I myself am 24 (at time of writing). Oliver, he is literally a child. What the hell do you want with him? Leave him alone!!
3. Elio is actually unhinged and like past the point of usual yearning, agony & shame I would think.

Okay we're at the peach scene and it's so much more uncomfortable to listen to the book version 😖

My hold lapsed so I’m revisiting this again a month later to finish it. And I’m regretting it lol. More uncomfortable scenes and it's just getting a bit too pretentious for me.

Okay I powered through and finished it. I cannot in good conscience recommend this. Others may like it but I think I could have lived with just having seen the movie adaptation (which at least you get to see the beautiful Italian views and the great soundtrack). But I think Elio's inner monologue was just a bit too unhinged and pretentious to me.

Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro Medium: Audiobook

Hmm… I'm not really sure what to say about this one. I think it was meant to be a heartfelt story about AI but it felt kind of meandering at times and too vague about the setting and circumstances. I enjoyed the childlike, egoless perspective of the narrator but it did make the novel overall feel like it was written by an elementary school student. Am I saying it's bad? No. It literally won the Nobel Prize in Literature. Did I feel any type of way about it? Also no.

I think the points and takeaways of this book are not so profound, especially for it having been published in 2021. There was one point where I thought things were going to take an interesting turn but it didn't amount to much. Personally, I would skip this one.

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy Medium: Audiobook

This memoir wasn't quite what I expected, which is neither good nor bad. Despite the initial press buzz on the cheeky book name, and the literal review on the book cover that this was “Impressively funny”, I did not find much humour in this book (not even the dark kind). More than anything, I felt sad and sorry for Jeanette McCurdy and the various things she went through (additional to the Nickelodeon/Dan Schneider stuff). If you are curious about reading this, I would consult the content warnings first. While I didn't find the content triggering, it definitely could be for some.

Obviously, it's a memoir about a very public life but I feel like the few press interviews I saw when it come out covered/spoiled the big events and themes of the book. For that reason, I'm not sure it's worth the read? Idk I feel conflicted. If you're curious to know the details, you could probably read an article instead. On the bright side, it was nice to hear that she and Miranda Cosgrove had an actual friendship for many years, even after iCarly ended.

The Assassination of Fred Hampton by Jeffrey Haas Medium: Audiobook

I was still kind of in a book slump when I was reading this but thankfully it was a welcome change. I appreciated being able to learn more about Fred Hampton, the Black Panthers and their ideology, the FBIs involvement in the assassination + their other attempts to dismantle or thwart the civil rights movement. I watched Judas and the Black Messiah (2021) in the midst of reading this and it helped me do a better job of organizing the different people involved. It got a bit overwhelming at times to manage all the names + legal events when listening via audiobook.

Additionally, I would have preferred if Jeff Haas centred himself less in the telling of these events. It was kinda whiplash-inducing when he would drop in some details about who he was dating at that time and just get back to talking about the court case.

Happy Place by Emily Henry Medium: Physical (Kaitlyn’s copy) + Audiobook

Although I finished this book at the end of the year, I started reading the copy Kaitlyn lent me back in April. Because I read it sporadically across the months, I don't have the clearest memory of everything. This was also the only true romance book I read in 2024.

I really loved the cozy vibes of the costal town setting and the friendship in this book. Emily Henry always excels in setting the vibe that way. In truth, I think I liked the friendships in this book quite a bit more than the romantic relationship between the main characters. The miscommunication trope was kind of annoying too and the reconciliation didn't come together in the best way in my opinion. But the friendships and the way certain characters talked about their upbringings resonated with me most. I also quite liked the passage where she describes the meditative process of pottery wheel throwing. All in all, a nice little read to close out the year.

And now... the Round Up to the Round Up!

My Top 3 Reads of the Year: Dune, Cultish, Everything I Know About Love

Dishonourable Mentions: Call Me By Your Name, Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead, Klara and The Sun + a handful of books I DNF'd

And as always, thanks for reading if you got this far!

Introduction

In his book on the subject, Cal Newport defines Digital Minimalism as “a philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else” (Newport, 2019). The key principles of this approach are:

1. Value Alignment - appraising each technology you keep in your life based on its utility and alignment with your values. Ideally, only engaging with digital tools that meaningfully enhance your life.
2. Optimization - determining how you will use a particular technology (i.e. boundaries, limitations, etc).
3. Intentionality - prioritizing active and purposeful use of technology over passive content consumption.

To set yourself on the metaphorical road to recovery, Newport prescribes what he calls a Digital Declutter. It involves taking a 30-day break from all optional technologies to reset habits and gain clarity on how technology affects your life. This is not simply a “digital detox”, but a structured exercise to evaluate and rebuild your digital habits intentionally. The objective is not to reject technology outright but to reclaim autonomy and align digital usage with personal priorities.

1. Step Back: Identify and temporarily remove all optional technologies for 30 days. This might include social media, entertainment apps, and even certain communication tools, depending on your personal needs and goals.
2. Rewire: During the 30 days (and beyond), you also need to engage in some key practices & behaviours to bolster this exercise and enable it to be sustainable long-term.
   • Embrace Solitude - when you are spending time alone with your own mind, you are free from the input of others. As a result, you are then using this time for self-reflection or thinking through things. This boredom often leads to creativity.

   • Meaningful Connection/Conversation - prioritizing talking/calling and face-to-face connections with others as opposed to likes or comments on a social media platform.
     • Newport suggests creating or identifying “office hours” where you regularly open up time to connect with others. For example, taking advantage of the downtime in your daily commute and encouraging family & friends to call you during that time. Alternatively, having a routine where you’re always at a certain coffee shop at a certain time on a certain day of the week and friends can find you there (sound familiar? 😉).
   • High-Quality Leisure
     • Honing Your Craft - identifying a “craft” you want to get good at. You convert the time and energy spent on passive consumption to high-quality leisure that is ultimately more energizing and validating (ex. making something tangible with your hands). This doesn’t have to be an art-focused craft.

     • Super-Charged Socializing - participating in activities that require real-world, structured, social interactions where the structure takes the pressure off how you will socialize. My personal example would be my dance classes each week.
3. Reintroduce Selectively: After the declutter, carefully reintroduce only those technologies that add substantial value to your life and define clear boundaries for their use.

Methods

In July, I somewhat covertly underwent a digital declutter experiment of my own. I elected not to talk about exactly what I was doing in order to focus on the journey myself with no outside input. Additionally, I wanted to set up a sort of control and not have others act differently to accommodate my choice.

For context, I work a predominantly remote job in tech where I stare at a screen for roughly 8hrs a day. As a result, I am seldom compelled to then spend time on my personal laptop or watch TV after work. The little screen in my hand is another story, however. Naturally, my goals for this digital declutter were focused on my phone use. Truthfully, I should have done a better job noting down what I gave up as I cannot recall everything now months later. Regardless, my reflections will be on the key players and not the forgettable apps I removed.

Notable apps I had that I got rid of: YouTube, Facebook, Pinterest, Snapchat, TikTok

The boundaries I set around their use: When I occasionally needed to use the first three, I could access them through a web browser/on my laptop. The others were to remain off of my phone for the 30 days.

Results

During the duration of this experiment, some interesting results were observed. For starters, there were no logins to Pinterest the entire month, not even on my laptop! Facebook, however, was redownloaded a few times for dance-related communications that I would have otherwise missed as I do not have an Instagram account. In the spirit of full transparency, I did fall into scrolling a few times when I had it reinstalled for brief periods.

Regrettably, I wasn’t able to capture great stats on the results of this experiment. iPhone’s Screen Time tracker unfortunately has many blindspots when it comes to usage data that I did not realize until late in the game. Most notably, if you uninstall an application, the usage data related to it from previous weeks also gets wiped and provides an inaccurate record of how much time was spent on the app. Additionally, iPhone only stores the past month’s screen time. Thankfully I took some screenshots as I went. However, I was unable to compare my results to a broader time range to assess how much things had changed from my average behaviour in the past.

Putting the data tracking issues aside, I did observe a significant drop in daily screen time of about 34% in the first week. Additionally, the number of times I picked up my phone kept decreasing week over week. There was no discernable difference in sleep quality, duration, or schedule according to my Fitbit data. However, I did not set a boundary on before-bed phone usage during this experiment. While I wasn’t scrolling or watching content before bed, I had a lot of things to sort through or plan in July. I often needed to spend some time before bed looking things up (Chrome, Google Calendar, etc) to quell the swirling thoughts in my head so I could sleep.

Post 30-Day Declutter

I am pleased to share that most things have remained the same pertaining to my technology use, but there have definitely been pitfalls. I have not reinstalled YouTube, Pinterest, or Snapchat since. I have also taken additional measures on the phone browser version of YouTube (that I check at most once a month) to make it even less appealing and addicting. I have logged onto Pinterest via my laptop only a handful of times since then. Recently, I even deleted my Snapchat account entirely after months of not having been active on it.

I have, however, fallen victim to Facebook and TikTok scrolling syndrome several times since August when the digital declutter ended. I am in a cycle of reinstall and uninstall with these two apps, but I am at least curbing the habit by not having them on my phone the majority of the time. I’m planning to be better about it and set better boundaries and systems.

Discussion

Coming out of this experiment, there were a handful of personal positives and takeaways that stood out to me. Firstly, and most obviously, not being served up sludge content on an infinite scroll allowed me not to fall into a massive timesink. The few times I did get presented with it, I did not feel the same addictive pull and was able to resurface much quicker than I usually would. It was interesting to me how the urge to scroll was the strongest when I was looking for a coping mechanism. Some café users may recall that I suffered a serious burn on my leg in July. After the incident, I just wanted to scroll so that I could self-soothe and take my mind off the pain. It made me stop and reflect on how passive media consumption has become a normalized response to tune out unpleasant feelings or experiences, as well as the escapism of it all.

Secondly, this experiment affirmed that I don’t have to search or validate everything I am doing. Typically, I would have flocked to Pinterest to seek inspiration for my outfit when I was going to my first-ever Renaissance Faire; or to TikTok/YouTube to get some ideas on what to do for my travel plans that month. I got the chance to be more creative about how I approached situations like this, more confident in my own decisions without external input, and just more comfortable with the overall not-knowing as the Type A person I am. Also, it was just really humbling have to Google these things and then go watch a YouTube video at a maximum of 480p on my Chrome browser app. It made me question if it was even worth searching up.

The third, and also obvious but now affirmed takeaway, was that being unaware of all the new trends dulled the consumerist pull. It’s no surprise just how much product peddling happens on social platforms, especially Tiktok, but it’s easy to become desensitized to it with just how ubiquitous it is. When you distance yourself from it a bit, it’s also hard to fathom just how many content creators exist out there to post the same type of consumerist content in the name of selling an aesthetic or a lifestyle. Like surely we don’t need this many, and it’s all so pointless anyway...

Criticisms

While this has been an eye-opening experience and one I recommend to everyone, I have a few criticisms based on what I observed. Firstly, I did not feel as much creative or action-inspiring boredom from this declutter as when I have my Unplugged Days. Once a week for Unplugged Days, I put my phone in a drawer and work off a paper to-do list of things I want to get done that do not involve a phone or computer. Personally, I find that more effective because I am not aimlessly bored and I have structure through the menu of things I can do. In some measure, this does link back to what Newport says about having a game plan for the time that will be freed up.

Secondly, I observed that in my personal life, it’s easy to become disconnected to current events. I’m not really on social media and I am seldom tuning into TV or radio news. Not being constantly bombarded with news stories is better for your mental state overall, but it overlaps with the privilege to opt out of injustice happening in the world. As a result, you have to be more intentional to seek out (ideally quality) sources of information and ways of staying informed. This is an area that I’m still trying to sort out for myself.

Lastly, there is potential for isolating behaviours or narrowing of your social sphere. Newport shares in his book that most people cite a fear of being disconnected when removing optional social media from their lives. It’s a valid concern based on how our society has previously put these applications on a pedestal and made it seem like they are the pinnacle of connectivity. When you pull back the curtains, you see how shallow and superficial most of these friendships are. Speaking from the experience of not having most social media accounts for the last few years, it has created a funnel where only the most meaningful and quality friendships have remained active in my life. However, not being plugged into the digital realm where social interactions happen and plans are sometimes made can keep your social circle small and stagnant. To overcome this, there has to be more involved effort to seek out events or make new friends. This ultimately is a good behaviour to reinforce but it requires more will, planning, and intentionality to combat the various obstacles and deterrents.

Conclusion

In summation, I would recommend Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism and the 30-day Digital Declutter to any and all that are the slightest bit curious. I see it being more impactful and sustainable to do this declutter and boundary-setting around technology use, rather than going for more acute measures. I, myself, had considered getting a dumb phone and at this point, I don’t feel the need to do that so long as I work through what my technology use rules are and slowly work towards bringing my screen time down more. In preparation for 2025, I have been looking into how I can optimize my phone to help support these goals. I have linked a video on that, and some other resources that inspired this article in the section below.

References & Resources

• Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport
• Video summary of some of the book: https://youtu.be/sJdZ7kmA2QQ?feature=shared
• Perks of Living w/o Social Media by Newport: https://youtu.be/m6AF_aFuD8w?feature=shared
• YT Video on how to make your smartphone into a dumbphone: https://youtu.be/7jVb1lLniEw?si=U02m8KRwUL-gVglS

Hello, wildcats.

Using Google Takeout, you can export your Google data.

I use this specifically to export just my YouTube watch history.

I frequently find myself in situations where I am doing data science on my own activity history because some brainworm tells me “hey I'd like to revisit this thing I once visited” even though it was years ago and it will be a pain in the ass to find it again.

A screenshot of me, 6 years ago, posting on Discord a YouTube link to a video and lamenting that I cannot find another meme video which uses this video as source material – https://youtu.be/ZKxhI4I5kq8

To export your YouTube history as JSON, follow these steps.

1. Visit https://takeout.google.com/
2. Top right, profile switcher, switch to your brand account (my YouTube account is separate from my Google account)
3. Deselect all
4. Scroll to the bottom, YouTube > Enable
5. “Multiple formats” > switch to JSON
6. “All YouTube data included” > Deselect all, check history
7. Next step > File type=.zip, File size=50gb
8. Create export

Congrats. You now have, locally, slice of your watch history, instead of being beholden to the YouTube interface which is rarely sufficient for querying purposes.

What does the data look like?

{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched The monkey is furiously knocking at the door - Обезьяна неистово стучит в дверь - 猴子是疯狂地在敲门",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003d3-_OIDRL91c",
  "subtitles": [{
    "name": "Seen that! Видал, чо!",
    "url": "https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnEelfUE8SE_rZtwaRzUzyQ"
  }],
  "time": "2020-04-19T03:08:27.981Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
},
{
  "header": "YouTube",
  "title": "Watched https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "titleUrl": "https://www.youtube.com/watch?v\u003dnmcuoaqdJ9w",
  "time": "2020-04-17T18:22:47.173Z",
  "products": ["YouTube"],
  "activityControls": ["YouTube watch history"]
}

The URL and the timestamp are present. Great!

The video title is inconsistently present. Less great!

This helpful StackOverflow comment tells us that we can use the following YouTube endpoint to get some metadata

// https://www.youtube.com/oembed?url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmcuoaqdJ9w
{
    "title": "Weird Al SHREDS!!!",
    "author_name": "alyankovic",
    "author_url": "https://www.youtube.com/@alyankovic",
    "type": "video",
    "height": 113,
    "width": 200,
    "version": "1.0",
    "provider_name": "YouTube",
    "provider_url": "https://www.youtube.com/",
    "thumbnail_height": 360,
    "thumbnail_width": 480,
    "thumbnail_url": "https://i.ytimg.com/vi/nmcuoaqdJ9w/hqdefault.jpg",
    "html": "<iframe width=\"200\" height=\"113\" src=\"https://www.youtube.com/embed/nmcuoaqdJ9w?feature=oembed%5C#34; frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen title=\"Weird Al SHREDS!!!\"></iframe>"
}

So I guess that would be a fairly straightforward way to enrich the data.

That's not what I'm deep in right now though.

The Takeout service responds in a matter of minutes when we have scoped the export to just our YouTube watch history and nothing else.

It is still a manual process and will quickly become outdated given that I frequently watch videos.

I find myself having multiple exports, each with a different slice of my history.

To free up disk space, is it truly safe to simply delete the oldest export?

Using ChatGPT (conversation link), I whipped up a quick validation program that takes the search and watch history json files from the latest export and an older export to check some assumptions.

1. The newest export MUST contain every entry in the older export.
2. The newest export MUST NOT contain an entry older than the newest entry in the older export which is not also present in the older export.

I didn't get to number 2 because number 1 was exceedingly disproven.

THERE IS MISSING DATA BETWEEN EXPORTS.

The exports are from 2024-10-30 and 2024-12-07.

Summary: 993 total missing entries in the Watch History file.
Summary: 42 total missing entries in the Search History file.

This is not surprising, just disappointing.

Thankfully, using ChatGPT I was able to build a tool to identify the problem quite easily.

Banana Loof – NSA Releases Internal 1982 Lecture by Computing Pioneer Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

00:08:30

“No work, no research has been done on the value of information. We've completely failed to look at it. And yet it's going to make a tremendous difference in how we run our computer systems of the future. Because if there are two things that are dead sure, I don't even have to call them predictions. One is that the amount of data and the amount of information will continue to increase, and it's more than linear. And the other is the demand for instant access to that information will increase, and those two are in conflict. We've got to know something about the value of the information being processed. Everybody wants their information online.”

I think about that video a lot.

My browser extension + local server tool, Onboarder, lets me take notes in a text area it adds below the video player. The notes then get synced to a plaintext file on the disk.

https://github.com/TeamDman/Onboarder

I can use ripgrep to search through my notes incredibly efficiently.

I also made a program that lets me easily capture my system audio output to a .wav file, toggled on and off by hitting enter in the terminal.

https://github.com/TeamDman/audio-capture.git

I also have WhisperX running, which can transcribe a 1 hour video in 1 minte with incredible fidelity.

https://github.com/TeamDman/voice2text

The process of finding that Grace Hopper video, capturing her saying that sentence, and transcribing it was a collaboration between several disjoint tools I have added to my arsenal.

We've all heard of Big Data.

I want my own Big Data that works for me.

Storage is cheap, and I want a copy of all my data so that when I say “computer, find me the meme from within the last 4 years matching XYZ criteria” it can do so.

The problem with building a grandiose system like this is not the work that it will take, but the charting of the course.

How do I want to structure the data so that all these tools can play nice together?

The answer is probably Postgres.

It has support for vector embeddings, json columns, and generally all the stuff I'd need to proceed.

However, not everything should/can live in the database.

I should probably get building, or at least go to bed lol

In recent years, I've become enamored with voluntary, participatory violence. Big talk for someone who spends eight hours a day on the computer, but hey – I'm a deep believer in self expression, and what greater form of expression is there than that performed by the body itself? (Similar arguments can be made for other forms of expression, of course. And that’s art!)

When I say that I've become enamored with “violence”, I mean, um, violence. The turbulent jostle of hundreds of bodies: all sweaty, though not all are sweating. The flight of elbows and full body tackles, executed in the name of mutual love. Love: love for the music of the moment, audible through decorations of SCREAMED OFF-TUNE LYRICS from the liquid crowd. Lyrics; coupled with pirouettes, line dancing, rowing, circles of running concertgoers, or maybe just a great amount of collision. When I say that I’ve become enamored with “violence”, I’m saying that I fucking love the mosh pit.

Pits are primal. In the anonymity of a crowd, I can let go of inhibition. I happily relinquish my identity, succumbing to the flow of others. As my neighbors jump and shove, the futility in any kind of resistance emerges. I revert to operating on half survival instinct, half pure electricity of the moment. Limbs revel; eyes open and close as the rest of this body collides with other bodies. A brawl between no opponents. Everybody wins.

At what other moments in life do you ever get to engage so freely in movement? Sports are limited by rules. Martial arts require control and refinement; dance can feel bound by social rules. Violent activity only surfaces in the everyday as remote situations of fear, anger, or extreme excitement; and how often does the average person experience these emotions? Not often. (Ideally.)

But in the pit, savagery is everywhere. And so the pit becomes a special place. A butcher's block, designed to reduce you to your animalism.

Animalism. Our roots. Each concert I attend convinces me that the most humanly valuable experiences are those that evoke any kind of animalistic primality out of us, because they are freeing.

I do not live freely. I find that I have walked much of life guided by inhibitions and fears of mistakes, harm, and pain. Worried of displeasing others, I would constantly prune my behavior and words, holing myself further into a tunnel of a character to meet some sort of model me that never needed to exist. In my day-to-day life, this causes suffering. I wish to live authentically.

In the pit, though, nobody cares about whether or not I am seemingly intelligent, charming, agreeable, insightful, or me. I can let go and be, and I do so knowing everyone around me will accept me with unconditional love. At the end of the day, that’s the pit. A rippling body of love.

I recently found myself at an IDLES show, an elbow slamming into my chin as I tried to sing the same song as my unintentional assailant. As the welcome impact subsided, I noticed the joy around me, and realized that I desperately wanted this same relentless harmony in my everyday life. I want to show myself and be accepted for that, leaving no room for hesitance towards pain. I want the me in the pit to be outside of the pit too. I want her to be unafraid as she collides with others and as others clash with her.

I want to love freely. After all, what else do I have?

I watched “The Substance” yesterday with Tetyana as our Halloween night spooky movie.

The premise was really interesting; a company offers a service where you can inject yourself with a serum to create a “better” version of yourself. You are the matrix, they are the other. It's not a clone, it's basically just sprouting another human being out of you. You do not share the other's memory (and them yours), and yet only one of you can be conscious at a time. There are rules:

• You/Your other must feed your other/its matrix with IV while unconscious
• Your other must stabilize every day, which involves the other extracting some cerebrospinal fluid out of you (the matrix) and injecting it to themselves
• You must switch every 7 days, no exceptions
• Remember you are one

Our protagonist, Elisabeth, goes through with this procedure. Sue is born. The movie explores the dynamic between Sue and Elisabeth. The cinematography is where this movie really shines in my opinion, it is original and striking without every feeling too needlessly artsy. There were a ton of interesting shots, or ways the camera was used, positioned, or how the movement/lack of it was used. While being overall consistent for the movie, the cinematography was very noticeably different when following Elisabeth or Sue. While Elisabeth's was very sober, plain almost minimalist for the most part, Sue's was hectic, glamourous with very, very close-up shots.

The sound design was also very claustrophobic in a way, with a lot of low pass filter creating an effect of being underwater, while having some bodily sounds being unfiltered. This ties in to the body horror part of the movie. There are a bunch of disgusting sounds in there.

Another part of the body horror was nudity. There was so much ass. My notes for this portion of the review are simply “ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass [...]“. This is when Sue is on-screen, and she is extremely sexualised, not only by the movie, but by the entertainment industry, which plays an important part in the story. The other side of body horror comes in during the stabilizing requirements, and during other scenes that I cannot spoil. Most of it is during the last 20min of the film, which are so wild I would never in a million years predicted it.

The script is the weakest part of this movie in my opinion, with glaring plot holes and overall not being airtight, never giving you the “wow that is so clever” feeling from seeing something unfolding. It is not bad, but apart from the premise, it is serviceable. However, the movie does not take itself seriously (without the satire being too in your face most of the time), so the weakness of the scenario is not a fatal flaw. The music is not the main focus of the movie, and does its job here. Apart from one or two tracks, it doesn't do anything special. The acting is to be commended, both actresses (Elisabeth – Demi Moore & Sue – Margaret Qualley) are doing a great job and selling a believable performance. The director, who also wrote, co-edited, and co-produced the film, Coralie Fargeat, is also to be saluted, as I especially liked the direction. And I also have to mention Benjamin Kracun who was responsible for the much appreciated cinematography.

The themes of the use of women by the entertainment industry (sole focus on beauty, youth, and unrealistic standards as well as rampant sexualization for monetisation purpose) and parenting, are very unsubtly present here. The second one was dealt with more depth and almost nuance, while the first was pretty simplistic. I don't believe the movie could have gotten away without mentioning the first though, so it is understandable. What the movie says about the former and self-hate, self-loathing, things taken for granted/lack of appreciation for the things we have, aging... were really interesting in my opinion, even if I can't fully relate to the last one yet. Overall, this movie touches on multiple subject, without being too verbose. A lot of them are mostly indirectly approached, which is nice to see; the movie is not afraid of the viewer not understanding/getting everything.

I would recommend this movie, it is a nice breath of fresh air in the horror genre, which — last I checked — was pretty stale. But don't expect too much horror. 16/20

The Toronto Blue Jays, fresh off a last place finish in 2024 but finishing with 91, 92, and 89 wins from 2021-2023, have pieces to make a deep push in the playoffs, but need some much needed help to do so. Their young talent is the biggest question mark, as some of them need a lot of work that might not fit their “win now” mentality. Bo Bichette and Vlad Jr. are both on the tail end of their Blue Jays tenure, both reaching free agency in 2026. Pitchers Kevin Gausman, Chris Bassitt, and outfielder George Springer will also reach free agency around that time. Pitcher Jose Berrios has an opt out in 2027, and can choose to go into free agency in his age 33 season. Because of this, and the incentive to build a successful team as Canada's only baseball team (rip Montreal), I begin my optimistic wish list for Toronto's future. I will break it down position by position and try to make it as digestible as possible, while providing 3 “tiers” of thought: cheap, average, and lucrative. I will try to add definitions for terms I use that not everyone would know to help with this.

BREAKDOWN OF MINOR LEAGUES: MLB AAA AA High A Low A

ARBITRATION: player has reached enough service time to advocate for themselves if they believe they deserve a larger contract, if both sides cannot agree, it is taken to a third party arbitration hearing, not good for player-team relations

SPOTRAC.COM: website that evaluates player contracts and estimated player market value

PLAYER OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the player can choose to opt in or opt out, going to free agency

TEAM OPTION: clause in additional years of a contract where the team can choose to opt in or opt out, sending player to free agency

FANGRAPHS.COM: website that gives super in depth looks at each team and players, projections, and evaluations

CY YOUNG AWARD: best pitcher award

TEAM BREAKDOWN/WISHLIST ——————————————————————

CATCHER: Alejandro Kirk, Tyler Heinemen, Brian Serven

After trading away Danny Jansen this past season, it's clear that Captain Kirk is the primary catcher for the years to come, now in his arbitration years and set to reach free agency in 2027. Originally signing as an international free agent way back in 2016, he is just now getting his spot as the no1 catcher. Taking a step back offensively in 2024 however, the Blue Jays should nix having Tyler Heinemen and Serven as the backups (kind of nothing players outside of being able to play catcher), and instead sign a no2 catcher that can also serve as a pinch hitter when needed. This is when trading your top catching prospect hurts you. Gabriel Moreno, traded from Toronto to Arizona, has become a top catcher in the game at only 24 years old. Traded with outfielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. for Daulton Varsho, this trade still baffles me as you traded a top catching prospect and a quality outfielder for a decent outfielder who can play catcher but probably won't ever again.

The catcher free agent class is usually pretty weak, as a good catcher is one of the more important pieces to keep around. Ironically, Danny Jansen is a free agent again, but will probably be asking for a multi-year deal worth more than I would spend on a no2 catcher. After departing with Moreno, their catching prospect list is basically non-existent, as none of their catchers rank.

Cheap: Yasmani Grandal

Grandal will be entering his age 36 season, and has fallen off significantly after his time in Milwaukee. Injuries and poor performance filled out his 4 year contract with the White Sox, having just one good year from 2020-2023. Signing with the Pirates this year on a 1 year, 2.5mil contract, he put up better numbers than his last year with Chicago hitting more homers in less games. His best years are behind him, but as a switch hitting bench bat, he could provide some offense on a game to game basis. Spotrac has his projected market value to be 1.3m/y but I think matching his previous contract with another 1 year, 2.5-3 mil deal is a good cheap option for a no2 catcher.

Average: Gary Sanchez

Gary Sanchez is a veteran of the AL East division, playing with the Yankees for the majority of his career before stints with the Twins, Mets, Padres, and most recently, the Milwaukee Brewers. Batting .220 in 2024 with 11 homers in 89 games isn't anything special, but only 31, I can see him recovering some of his power lost from his Yankee days, and would sign him to a 2 year, 8 mil deal. Having him as a bench option/secondary catcher seems like the better option as his average and on base percentage is up from his last year with the Yankees, having played half as many games.

Lucrative: Elias Diaz

Diaz will “only” be 34 in 2025, and has more than 6 years of service time as a major league catcher. Starting with the Pirates but having his best seasons in Colorado, Diaz is a good backup option, batting .270 with Colorado this year before being traded to San Diego. He only hit half as many homers this year as he did last year, but still hit for a decent average. His market value is projected to be much higher than I think it should be at 13.1m/y, coming off of a 3 year, 14 mil extension and taking a step back in his production during those years, I can see signing him to a 2 year, 15mil deal.

SUMMARY: Yasmani Grandal – 1yr,2.5-3 mil Gary Sanchez – 2yr, 8mil Elias Diaz – 2yr, 15mil

FIRST BASE: Vlad Jr, Spencer Horwitz

The biggest question mark for the Blue Jays is whether Vlad Jr. can return to his 2021 season production or if this could be the final days of Vlad Jr. in a Blue Jays jersey. By far the most expensive player to evaluate, it's hard to see the Blue Jays not at least trying to keep Vladdy on the Jays. In his last years of arbitration and making almost 30 mil in arbitration in 2025, it's hard to see both sides agreeing on a number for a long term deal. Hitting 30 homers and batting over .300, he is edging closer to his best season with Toronto (40 homers, .300+ average), but with little time remaining on his tenure, the Jays should be putting him as their top priority. Spotrac has him valued as a potential 10 year, 250mil player, akin to the Braves' Matt Olson (8yr, 168 mil) which would become the largest contract in Blue Jays history, beating out George Springer's 6 year, 150 mil contract. Only missing 18 games since 2021, I think he is a safe person to bet big on, and at the very least, maintain his production for the majority of his career. In this game of ifs, I have to picture a reality where they don't get Vladdy to resign, either due to the front office's own mismanagement or because of a more lucrative deal from another team, most likely a routine contender.

Cheap: Spencer Horwitz

Just starting his tenure as a major leaguer and having a good first season in Toronto, the Jays can continue to develop Horwitz as their first baseman following a potential departure from Vladdy. Under contract until 2031, and not arbitration eligible until 2027, he is the perfect cheap, homegrown option to invest in and make their starting first baseman of the future. Hitting over .300 for the first months of his career and ending with a .265 average and 12 home runs is more than quality for a 24 year old drafted in 2019. His pre arbitration contract is only 741,000/y and he has the tools necessary to become a main piece of the Blue Jays future.

Average: Anthony Rizzo/Rhys Hoskins

This one is a little different because both players have options (Rizzo team option, Hoskins player option) so this is assuming both players have their options opted out of, sending both to free agency. Much like the signing of Brandon Belt last season, an added first baseman option will let Vladdy play games at DH and let him rest a little throughout the season without having to take him out of the lineup.

Anthony Rizzo, a World Series champion in 2016 with the Chicago Cubs and back in the World Series with the Yankees this year, hasn't had the same production since his time with the Cubs, and has been sidelined with injury during his tenure with the Yankees. The Yankees are expected to decline his option, I think Rizzo is a good left handed option, and if healthy, can still have quality performance on offense and defense. Signing a 32 mil contract from 2022-23 and another contract for 2023-25, the Yankees are expected to buy out the last year of his 40mil contract for 6 mil. From the start of his Yankees tenure to now, his market value has plummeted from 17/mil to an estimated 2 mil/y salary. Because of this, and his notable defense, I think he is a good option to have as a backup/bench bat. His last full season was 2022, where he hit 32 homers to a .224 average, and if he can get close to this production as a first baseman/DH/bench bat, can be a good signing for the Blue Jays. Despite him being 36 next season, I would give him a 2yr, 10 mil contract with an option for a third year.

Rhys Hoskins is kind of the opposite. Missing all of 2023 due to injury, and signing a short-term deal with the Milwaukee Brewers and proving he is still a quality player, I think Hoskins will opt out of his contract to pursue a more lucrative deal. Hitting 26 homers to a .214 average is nothing to scoff at after missing an entire year. His last full season was with the Phillies in 2022 where he hit 30 homers to a .246 average, pretty close to his most recent season. His estimated market value sits at 11.8mil/y, and I think that's fair given his current 17mil/y contract. At 31 years old, I would give him a 4yr, 50 mil contract, or a shorter 2 year, 30 mil contract with a player option for a third year.

Lucrative: Vladdy Jr.

Obviously, the lucrative option would be to sign Vladdy long term. Returning to form after a down year in 2023 where he only hit 26 homers to a .264 average, and only 25, the Blue Jays almost have to re-sign Vladdy, a generational cornerstone when at his best, an above average player at his worst. I would give him an 8yr, 200mil deal with options for a 9th and 10th year for a total of 250 mil.

SUMMARY: Horwitz – 747,000/y, Team control until 2031 Rizzo – 2yr, 10 mil, option for third year Hoskins – 4yr, 50mil or 2yr, 30mil with an option for a third year Vlad Jr. – 8yr, 200mil with options for 9th and 10th year

SECOND BASE: Will Wagner, Ernie Clement, Leo Jimenez

With a plethora of unproven infielders, it's hard to say how they will navigate 2nd base. Like Spencer Horwitz, Will Wagner performed well during his first few months with the Jays after being acquired from Houston. Batting over .300 in his first 25 games, it's still hard to tell what he will do in a full season given the chance. Ernie Clement has been a flexible infield option as well, playing 2nd, 3rd, and SS last season. He is on his way to being a productive everyday player, having played his career high in games last season and hitting to a .263 average. To compete for a championship in the next couple years however, they may need more. I can see Clement as the starting second baseman to begin the season, and depending on his production, reevaluate from there. He is almost 30 which is a bit old to develop as an infielder, and he will make 2.5mil next season. Leo Jimenez is too young and too green to evaluate as an everyday player, and has not performed well in his time given at the major league level. I believe he will start in the minor leagues and get called up when needed. Playing in only 60 games mostly due to injuries to the main core, he averaged .229 last season. Second base doesn't always have to be an impact position, but someone who should be in the field as many games as possible with some flexibility in their ability to play other positions. The top second baseman last season was Ketel Marte for Arizona, hitting 36 homers to a .292 batting average, by far an outlier on the offensive front. Former Blue Jay Marcus Semien is a close second place, who with Toronto broke the single season home run record for a second baseman but took a step back offensively with the Texas Rangers' collapse in the second half, only hitting to a .237 batting average.

Cheap: Use what they have in Wagner, Clement, Jimenez

Having an excess of middle infielders makes it easy to plug in someone you already have in your system, without the need to look elsewhere. Wagner showed promise and with Jimenez, are young and cheap with many years of team control. Ernie Clement showed success at the major league level but is getting older for someone who is just now getting significant playing time. He will be entering his age 29 season.

Average: Jorge Polanco

Switch hitting second baseman has a 12 million club option with Seattle for 2025, but only hitting 16 homers to a .213 average, I see Seattle declining his option, sending him to free agency. In the last year of his contract extension from 2019 with Minnesota, Jorge Polanco was a key piece of the Twins' success and still relatively young at 31 years old. Because of this, and his former success , hitting 33 homers to a .258 average in 2021, I think he would be a good short term, win now contract if he can return to form. His market value is a little higher than I would give him at 13.7/y, but a short term deal could be beneficial for both sides. Because of his past and as a switch hitter, I think a 2 year, 25 mil deal with an option for a third year worth 15mil would work well.

Lucrative: Gleyber Torres

Yankee mainstay Gleyber Torres hits free agency this winter, and depending on the Yankee's success in this year's World Series, the team might not re-sign Torres with young infielders on the rise in their minor league system. He's only missed a handful of games in his last 3 seasons, and a veteran of the AL East, could be a good steal for the Jays, even if at a hefty price. The Jays have a lot of young infielders, but could sign Torres to a multi-year deal to have some offensive stability while the young players develop. He took a step back offensively this year, dropping his homers from 25 to 15, and his average from .273 to .253, but looking at his first half vs second half stats, he performed much better in the second half as the leadoff hitter, hitting over .300 the last few months of the season. The Blue Jays' known issues with production in the leadoff spot puts Gleyber in a good spot to provide some early offense for Bo and Vladdy, who will get more opportunities to drive in runs early. Torres is only 27, and will fetch a high price. He received 14.2mil in arbitration last season, and due to his step back offensively, could be signed to a 3 year, 50 mil deal with options for more on the hope that he can return to his 20+ homer, .250+ average with consistency.

SUMMARY: Wagner, Clement, Jimenez – <4 mil/y and a lot of team control Jorge Polanco – 2y, 25mil with option for third year at 15mil Gleyber Torres – 3y, 50mil with options for fourth and fifth year

THIRD BASE: Clement (projected starter on FanGraphs), Addison Barger, Orelvis Martinez

The Blue Jays haven't had a consistent third baseman since acquiring Matt Chapman from Oakland in 2022, departing with Cavan Biggio and Santiago Espinal and settling on deals for Justin Turner and Isiah Kiner-Falefa last year. Their top third base prospect, Orelvis Martinez, hit to a .267 average in the minor leagues before getting called up to the Jays, and promptly suspended for 80 games after violating the PED policy. In years previous, he's been nothing special, but is only 22 years old. Another third base prospect, Addison Barger, got significant playing time last year but hit to a <.200 average, and will most likely start 2025 on the minor league roster. Another third base prospect, Cutter Coffey, one of the players acquired from Boston in the Danny Jansen trade, hit 14 home runs in the minor leagues before being traded, where he only hit 1 the rest of the season. This position is very much a work in progress, and in a win now scenario, needs significant improvement unless you move Vladdy back to third base, something he did a little bit last year but hasn't played full time since 2019. Moving Vlad to third would allow Horwitz or another first baseman (think Rizzo or Hoskins) to play everyday and still let someone play DH without removing much from the field defensively.

Cheap: JD Davis

Because of the unreliability from the Jays third basemen in their organization already, the best cheap option to acquire would be JD Davis, who has shown power in the past but didn't perform well last year where he only played in 50 games. He hit 18 homers to a .248 average with San Francisco in 2023, and could return to that 15+ homer form given a full season. In seasons where he played more than 100 games, he has hit at least 12 home runs and at least a .248 average. A 1yr, 2.5 mil deal, same as last season, should be good enough for him.

Average: Yoan Moncada

Riddled with injuries these past few seasons, Yoan Moncada needs a “prove it” deal, the opportunity to show the league you still got it on a short 1 year contract, to get back on the right track. As a switch hitting third baseman who was touted as a top prospect with Red Sox and later the White Sox, he is only a few years removed from his best campaign, where he hit 25 homers to a .315 average in 2019. Still young at 29, and most likely to have his 25mil team option opted out of, he will be looking for somewhere to show his stuff. Playing poorly from 2020-2024, only playing in a handful of games the last couple seasons, his price tag will be much lower than his contract was, and a 1 yr, 4 million dollar deal would be a good prove it deal for him.

Lucrative: Alex Bregman

Bregman is tricky, because there is a big possibility that the Astros resign Bregman, who has played his entire career in Houston, winning 2 championships in 2017* and 2022 respectfully. He is coming off a 5 year, 100mil extension signed in 2020, and will probably be asking for close to that if he hits free agency. Hitting 41 home runs in 2019, it's no question why he got the contract extension, but since 2020 has performed to a slightly above average statline, as a 20+ homer .250+ average player. If he can't get a deal done because his asking price is too high or Houston's offer is too low, I can see a 4 year, 80 million dollar deal for a quality third base option who has only missed significant time once in his career.

SUMMARY: JD Davis – 1yr, 2.5mil Yoan Moncada – 1yr, 4mil Alex Bregman – 4yr, 80 mil

SHORTSTOP: Bo Bichette, Ernie Clement, Josh Kasevich

Bo Bichette has been a mainstay at the shortstop position since 2019, hitting for a .300+ average almost every season, with his lowest coming this year due to injury at .225, but only playing 81 games (also important to note that it was a hand injury, so offensive struggles were likely because of that). He is set to earn 17.5mil in 2025, his last season before reaching free agency. During his stint on the injured list, Ernie Clement and others held down his position, but not performing nearly as well as Bichette had in years prior. Josh Kasevich has yet to debut on the Blue Jays roster, but performed to a .325 average in 41 games at AAA. I think he will start in the minor leagues, and probably only debut due to injuries or late in the season, so I think signing someone who can slot in to multiple positions while also taking over on rest days for Bo if needed.

Cheap: Amed Rosario

A flexible INF/OF, Rosario has had consistent success at the major league level, with most of his 9 seasons consisting of .260+ averages and 5-15 home runs. He has played most of the season each year, with stints on the Dodgers, Guardians, Mets, and Reds. Not a huge impact player offensively, but his value is in his versatility and ability to stay on the field, not to mention his low cost. Rosario signed a 1.5mil deal in 2024 with Tampa Bay before being sent to the Reds. His estimated value is 2.3m/y, so a 1y, 2.5 mil deal is more than doable.

Average: Ha-Seong Kim

San Diego has at least 50 shortstops last time I checked, Kim one of them, and his contract for 2025 rests on a mutual option. The Padres need to cut payroll, and Kim is expected to opt out of his side, despite a down year offensively. He only hit 11 homers to a .233 average, but at 29 years old and a veteran of the Korean league, Kim is still a worthy player. Kim missed 40 games this year due to injury, but played in 150 games in 2022 and 2023. He is coming off a 4 year, 28 mil contract signed in 2021, and his market value is estimated at 12.3mil/y. I wouldn't spend that much on someone who's best season was only 17 homers at a .266 average, but a 3 year, 33 mil deal with an option for a 4th works well for me, as he has also played second base in San Diego, another spot the Jays need to fill.

Lucrative: Bo Bichette

It's no mystery that Bo Bichette is talented, and that last year was an outlier to his overall production, but signing him to a long term deal would still come with some ifs. 26 years old is super young for a shortstop, and is coming off a 3 year, 33.6mil extension signed in 2023. Set to reach free agency after this next season, signing him now on the idea that he returns to form instead of waiting until after the 2025 season in case his stock rises so much he chooses to hit the open market is the best bet for a solid infield for years to come. Not counting 2024, where he missed half the season, he has hit over 60 home runs to a .300+ average since his debut in 2019. After a down year, you could probably get him to sign a long term deal for less than if he had played a full season, and a 7yr, 150mil contract is somehow on the cheaper end for a player like Bobear.

SUMMARY: Amed Rosario – 1yr, 2.5mil Ha-Seong Kim – 3yr, 33 mil with an option for a 4th year at 15mil Bo Bichette – 7yr, 150mil

OUTFIELDERS: George Springer, Daulton Varsho, Nathan Lukes, Joey Loperfido, Jonatan Clase

Instead of doing 3 players for each outfield position, I will present 5 outfielders, 2 cheap, 2 average, and 1 lucrative.

The Blue Jays outfield has seen massive turnover in recent years, going from proven sluggers like Teoscar Hernandez and Lourdes Gurriel to defensive standouts like Kevin Kiermaier and Daulton Varsho, but the constant member of the outfield, George Springer, has fallen off completely from his best years. The highest Blue Jays contract in history at 6yrs, 150mil, Springer is a shell of his former self, hitting to a .220 average last season. George will be 35 during the 2025 season, and a 35 year old outfielder is like one of those dogs with the training wheels because their legs are shot. A worthy candidate to replace George Springer as the top outfielder is Daulton Varsho, and while he was acquired through a horrible, lopsided trade, has proven he can patrol Center Field to a gold glove standard. Lukes, Loperfido, and Clase are young and unproven, but can fill out Left and Right field if needed. Outside of these names, there aren't a lot of impact players for the Jays' outfield. Minor leaguer Alan Roden would be the first one called up if needed, hitting to a .314 average in 71 games at AAA. There are always a lot of quality outfielders on the market, we'll see if the Jays can snag anyone of note for next season.

Cheap: Michael Conforto

Conforto has been through injury hell since he hit over .300 in the shortened covid season, missing all of 2022. He signed a 2 year deal with San Francisco, and performed well enough, playing most games during those two seasons and matching his production from 2021, even surpassing his home run numbers this last season, hitting 20 and batting .237. I can also see him taking somewhat of a prove it deal, improving last season but still needing to return to his 2019 standard, where he hit over 30 home runs for the first and only time in his career. His market value is set at 4.7mil/y, but I don't think he would go for anything less than 10 mil/y. A 1 yr, 15mil deal should be good enough value for what he is hoping to do in 2025. Conforto is a primary Right Fielder but can play Left and Center if needed.

Cheap: Harrison Bader

Besides a short run during his time with the Yankees, Bader has been a defense first outfielder for his career. I would compare this signing to the signing of Kiermaier a couple years ago, adding great defense but with Bader having slightly better offensive numbers. Having Bader as a Center Fielder allows Varsho to rest vs lefties, or allows him to slide to Left with Springer in Right for a more complete outfield. At 30 years old, and valued at 7.1m/y, I think a 1yr, 10 mil or a 2yr, 18 mil deal, comparable financially to Kiermaier's contract (1yr, 10.5mil).

Average: Tyler O'Neill

Canada's own Tyler O'Neill hit 31 homers last year, and would provide much needed power to the middle of the order for people not named Vlad Jr. He made just under 6 mil in arbitration in 2024, and is valued at 16.2mil/y after this great season. He did miss time with injury the past 3 years, which could lower his value a bit, but that makes the 31 homers this season stand out that much more. A corner outfielder, he can slot in as the everyday Left or Right fielder, and also DH when needed. Only 29, I can see signing him to a 4yr, 60 mil contract.

Average: Alex Verdugo

As a member of both the Red Sox and the Yankees, Verdugo is no stranger to the AL East, and has proven to be a +defender with solid offensive output. Only 28, he will probably be looking for a multi-year deal. Making 8.7mil last season in arbitration, I think a 5 year, 60 mil contract with options can be beneficial for both sides, as he provides a left handed bat and solid defense at the corner outfield positions.

Lucrative: Juan Soto

Juan Soto is on the fast track to the Hall of Fame. Only 25 years old, he won the World Series in 2019, and has over .300 for almost his entire career. Hitting for average and power, Juan Soto is the upper echelon of offensive production. His “worst” season is still a 25+ homer season, and had a career high 41 homers in 2024. The Yankees will do everything in their power to re-sign Soto, but why shouldn't the Jays do the same? Making a whopping 31 mil in arbitration this season, he will no doubt be a $500 million dollar man. Slotting in Right or Left, and as a power hitting left-handed bat, Juan Soto will be at the top of the list for every team worth their salt. A 15yr, 500mil contract is an insane amount of money, and is well deserved for a man of Soto's caliber.

SUMMARY: Michael Conforto – 1yr, 15mil Harrison Bader – 1yr, 10mil or 2yr, 18mil Tyler O'Neill – 4yr, 60 mil Alex Verdugo – 5 yr 60 mil Juan Soto – 15yr, 500mil

DESIGNATED HITTER: Vlad Jr., Spencer Horwitz, George Springer

As far as offensive production goes, the Jays need a significant improvement in their DH slot, having an everyday power presence while allowing Vladdy, Horwitz, and Springer to play their normal positions. DH's vary more year to year and don't receive long term contracts because they only hit. (The Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton is one of the only DH's to make significant money and only hit, as Ohtani will return to pitching in 2025). Because of this and the tendency to not sign a DH only player, the options are usually slim.

Cheap: Eloy Jimenez

Debuting with the Chicago White Sox and starting off strong with a 30+ homer season, Jimenez has never been the same player since, struggling with injuries and poor performance. He actually played the same amount of games in 2021 as he did in the shortened 2020 season because of injuries, but put up decent enough numbers in 2023, but not to the standard of his debut season. Because of his strong first season in Chicago, he was signed to a 6yr, 43 mil contract extension, and never lived up to the price tag. He has a team option for 2025, but at 16.5mil, he will most certainly have it declined. He's only 27, and could benefit highly from a 1yr prove it deal, if he can stay healthy. His estimated market value is only 2.3m/y, and a 1yr, 3mil contract for a DH on the hopes they can get back to their 25+ homer days is perfect for a Jays team that wants results without spending big.

Average: JD Martinez

Veteran slugger JD Martinez has produced his entire career, and at 37 years old, is only now starting to slow down. From 2014-2023 (not counting the shortened covid season) Martinez has played over 100 games each season, hitting to a .270+ average. 2024 has arguably been the worst of his career, only hitting 16 homers to a .235 average, but can still provide a power bat at the DH spot, not having to play every day either. At 38, a big money deal is risky, but with 7.5mil of his most recent contract deferred until 2034, could be attracted to a 1yr, 12 mil deal.

Lucrative: Joc Pederson

Another proven power bat, this time from the left side, Joc Pederson hit 23 homers to a .275 average in 132 games in 2024, one of his more consistent offensive seasons. A notorious power bat and two time World Series champion, he will most likely opt out of his 14 mil deal for 2025 and look for a multi-year contract in his age 32 season. His market value is estimated close to what he would earn this year, I think a 3yr, 50mil contract given he still produces is more than beneficial for the Jays.

SUMMARY: Eloy Jimenez – 1yr, 3mil JD Martinez – 1yr, 12mil Joc Pederson – 3yr, 50 mil

STARTING ROTATION: Kevin Gausman, Jose Berrios, Bowden Francis, Chris Bassitt, Yariel Rodriguez

The Blue Jays lucked out with Bowden Francis. When Kikuchi was traded, that opened up a spot in the rotation, and Francis broke out. Pitching to a 3.30 ERA and flirting with a no hitter on multiple occasions, Francis is an excellent pitcher for the future of the Jays. With an all righty rotation however, I think signing a lefty will be good for variety. With Rodriguez' struggles in his first season and subsequently pushed into a bullpen role, a spot is able to be opened up if needed. Alek Manoah (although also right-handed) should return for the second half of 2025 after his UCL surgery. Unfortunately their top lefty pitching prospect, 22 year old Ricky Tiedemann also is recovering from surgery and will miss the first half with Manoah. Lefty Ryan Yarbrough was traded for last season, so there is a possibility that he gets re-signed as a first half replacement for Manoah and Tiedemann.

Cheap: Ryan Yarbrough

Although mostly used from the bullpen this past season, Yarbrough was a starter for his first few years, pitching over 140 innings in 2018, 2019, and 2021 with Tampa Bay. Finishing last season with a 3.19 ERA in 44 games, Yarbrough could be a good lefty option to platoon that no5 starter spot with Rodriguez. Valued at 4.5mil/y renewing his tenure with the Jays on a 1yr, 4 mil contract should hold down the rotation until Manoah and Tiedemann can return from injury.

Average: John Means

The Baltimore lefty has been through injury hell, Only pitching more than 25 games in 2 seasons since 2019. In 2023 and 2024 he only pitched 4 games, and performed well with a a <3 ERA. Now a free agent, John Means will be looking for another 1 year prove it deal to show he can stay healthy and produce at a quality standard, which he did in 2019 and 2021, pitching over 140 innings to a 3.60 ERA. Making 3.3mil in 2024, a 1yr, 6 mil deal can help him show that he can still produce.

Lucrative: Blake Snell

The two time CY Young award winner got off to a slow start in 2024, not signing with a team until after Spring Training, which significantly halted his performance early on. Recovering tenfold and throwing a no hitter this year, Snell is expected to opt out of his last minute contract and hit free agency for the second consecutive season. In what has historically been an up and down statline on a year to year basis, Snell has shown consistency his last 3 seasons, pitching over 100 innings to a <3.50 ERA and winning the CY Young in 2023. He would slot in as the new ace, and a power lefty pitcher would round out the rotation nicely. Snell will most likely want to go to a regular playoff contender, and is valued at 26.3m/y. His biggest question mark in his career has been consistency, but after a third year of consistent performance, a 4yr, 150mil contract is well worth the cost.

SUMMARY: Yarbrough – 1yr, 4mil John Means – 1yr, 6 mil Blake Snell – 4yr, 150mil

BULLPEN: Jordan Romano, Chad Green, Erik Swanson, Genesis Cabrera, Ryan Burr, Brendon Little

Outside of closer Jordan Romano, setup man Chad Green, and lefty Genesis Cabrera, the bullpen is riddled with holes. In what was seemingly a revolving door of L talent, the bullpen is by far the part that needs the biggest change. The next guys up from AAA would be Zach Pop, Luis Frias, or Dillon Tate, all of which had poor performance in 2024. While not every pitcher in the bullpen needs to be an A+ guy, you should at least have consistency. There are always relief pitchers on the market, and on a wide range of price tags.

Cheap: Jose Leclerc

2024 was a step back for Leclerc after winning the World Series with Texas in 2023, pitching to a 4.32 ERA in 64 games. The veteran right hander is a consistent arm however, pitching over 50 innings in 6 of his 8 seasons. Coming off a big extension signed in 2019, and because relievers don't usually fetch a high price, a 2yr, 8 mil deal for Leclerc would add another stable arm in the bullpen.

Average: Kirby Yates

Yates was a Blue Jay for all of 6 seconds before injuring himself and sitting out his 2021 contract, but has since proven himself to be a top reliever in the game again. Cooking up a 1.17 ERA in 61.7 innings for Texas this year is outstanding for the veteran now entering his age 38 season, but age doesn't seem to have affected him as he put up his best numbers of his career. Because he is most likely on his way out of the league, I can see him settling for a 1yr, 8 mil deal.

Lucrative: Jeff Hoffman

Coming off a career year with the Phillies, pitching to a 2.17 ERA in 66 innings, his second consecutive season with an ERA in the 2's, Hoffman is a great choice to be that no1 guy out of the bullpen. Age 31, he will be looking for a multi-year deal. Estimated value set at 6.2m/y, I think a 3 year, 20 mil deal would give the Jays their A+ guy out of the bullpen to set up for Green and Romano in the 8th and 9th.

SUMMARY: Jose Leclerc – 2yr, 8mil Kirby Yates – 1yr, 8mil Jeff Hoffman – 3yr, 20mil

this has been my most ambitious post by far, and if any of these happen, I am the GOAT.

An anthropological investigation of a dead, pandemic-era Discord server

Portrait by Nick Verrelli

If I had a nickel for every Discord bot I have programmed, I would have two nickels.

The first was Verrelli Bot. Inspired by the bot work of Dom in our QCompSci messenger group chats, Verrelli Bot posted Markov-chains of Nick’s scraped (and now deleted) Twitter account. Good for a couple laughs and even as inspiration for a few tweets.

The second, Verrelli Bot 2, was my Javascript magnum opus.

What started as a replacement for the dogshit ranking system of MEE6 bot, soon spiralled into a full-blown economic and political model, spanning several eras and dynasties. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was December 2020 to March 2021; and deep in the midst of an international lockdown, we had nothing better to do than log onto Discord every day. The whole period was a blur to me. I can’t remember doing much except sitting in my basement office, my remote work on one screen and Discord open on my Lenovo gaming laptop¹.

At the core of Verrelli Bot 2 was NoahCoin – the digital upgrade of my fiat, Dollar Store brand currency, NoahBuck. In the beginning, it only had a few commands. v-mine was utilized to gain a small, random amount of NoahCoin. v-transfer would send NoahCoin to another person. v-slots would gamble a choice number of NoahCoin in the emoji casino. This was enough to kickstart a grand economic rat race and a bot project ending with dozens of commands.

Recounting each server event that took place in the three months between the introduction of Verrelli Bot 2.0 (December 29th, 2020) and the end of the server (March 11th, 2021) would be as futile as it would be boring. But I would like to present an anthropological, archeological, and sociological analysis of one of the recovered artifacts from the server: The infamous decree which became known as The Char Accords.

NOTE: From here onward, “Verrelli Bot” and “v-bot” will be used interchangeably, referring to the Verrelli Bot 2.0 (and all subsequent versions).

The Accords

On January 22nd 2021, Char ascended to the role of sole ruler of the server, and pronounced his decree. The full text is featured below and was later reprinted in the Nick York Times issue of that same day.

Upon further analysis within its original cultural context, the Char Accords reveal a great amount of detail regarding day-to-day life within Discordian society under the Machine Age of Verrelli Bot.

1. Rather than Charcord, the city as a whole will establish the new name of the discord to promote democracy.

The First Accord reveals that democracy and democratic values were at the forefront of the public discourse on server ownership. The server, up until this point, was filled with backstabbing tyranny over the digital throne. Everyone wanted to be the king, and no one trusted anyone.

This raises the question: How did one become the server ruler?

If their NNCBC (National Noahcord Bank of Commerce) account equaled or surpassed one million NoahCoins (held in NNCBC accounts by v-bot), their account would be reset back to zero and they would be granted the ‘Supreme Chancellor’ role, replacing whoever held it last. With the Chancellor role, they would be able to access specific v-bot commands that others could not: v-decree, v-tax, v-gag, and v-deputy – to name a few.

Originally, the Supreme Chancellor role would be given to whoever had the most NoahCoins. However, this led to extreme NoahCoin wealth disparity, with some users ranking in the millions while some only had hundreds. To solve both the inequality and rising NoahCoin inflation, the Verrelli Bot 2.5 [Definitive Golden Edition] update came with an economic overhaul that would both even the playing field and remove excess NoahCoins from circulation.

In this text, Char is referring to v-name, a command that allowed the Chancellor to rename the server. Of course, they could do it manually with the Supreme Chancellor role, but there was greater fanfare in having the bot do it publicly.

By not immediately renaming the server to “Charcord”, Char attempted to distance himself from the narcissistic regimes that came before him – including his own previous Charcord.

Ancient Discordian professor and scholar Dr. Nicholas commented, “The Chancellor was so desperate to distance himself from his past self that he claimed it was a divergent personality responsible; a Dark Char, if you will.”

2. Curfew has been lifted.

The “curfew” was the NoahCoin Farming Curfew imposed by the prior Jagcord Administration. Notoriously unpopular among the general populace, it banned the use of the v-farm command between the hours of 8pm and 11am.

An explanation of the v-farm command from the Verrelli Bot 2.5 [Definitive Golden Edition] patchnotes (published January 11th, 2021) can be found below:

This v-farm command became a very popular alternative to the widely used v-mine. Though slower (the cool-down on v-mining changed from time to time, but generally remained around 5 minutes), the profit was worth the risk of others potentially stealing your hard-earned crops².

The curfew that the Jag Regime had imposed was to stop so-called “overnight tryhards” who clogged up everyone’s notifications with 3am v-farm and v-mine attempts.

When asked for a comment on the curfew, Jag said “You can call them tryhards, I call them bots. I couldn’t escape Alex and Nick’s partnership. They had a strong bond. This was my wrench.”

By undoing the curfew, Char made himself friendly to the average farming citizen, as well as the aforementioned Bambino-Nicholas Alliance.

3. V-Tax, following an inauguration taxation, has been abolished.

v-tax was one of the most contentious v-bot commands that a Chancellor could use. Once daily, a Chancellor could type v-tax [integer between 1 and 5] to withdraw that percentage from every active NoahBank account and place it within their own account. Universally despised, it was still used by almost every Chancellor to keep their pockets stuffed. Anything less than v-tax 5 was seldom used.

Even Char couldn’t escape the allure of one final tax payout.

As Nick adds, “The hypocrisy of final taxation did not do much to ingratiate the new Chancellor to his citizens and was met with bipartisan uproar.”

4. I will be launching v-grant, a system which grants 10,000 NoahCoin to the citizens of the cord.

v-grant was added to solve a particular problem in the server at the time – there wasn’t much to do once you ran out of NoahCoin. This was a common problem, given that many vagrants gambled away their life savings in the v-casino on the v-slots.

v-mine, which users could do once every 5-10 minutes, took too long and produced little gain. v-daily and v-startup were recently banned following an Anti-Communism Committee investigation.

Char attempted to make himself a provider, a saviour of the people, doling out free money day-by-day, granted that you keep him in power.

Bambino in Growing Up in Kaitcord: Life as a V-Farmer sarcastically comments, “The irony in watching later Chancellors start each morning with v-grant and then v-tax 5…”

5. V-Request abolished, to prevent those from sneakily peaking at opposing parties balances.

To become Chancellor, your NNCBC account had to equal or surpass one million. This would empty your account and give you the Supreme Chancellor role with all its admin privileges. This economic overhaul from the 2.5 update also spawned a new host of strategies designed to take control of the server. To start was the obvious: political factions would form and donate money to a single person, allowing them to become the leader. The donors would normally be granted some high ranking role in the new society, generally the Sheriff position.

There were more advanced tactics too. The Bambino-Nicholas alliance was notorious for offloading hundreds of thousands of NoahCoins into ‘offshore’, inactive member accounts, to be later v-heisted back.

Another common tactic was ‘Pushing over’, whereby rival factions would push an enemy bank account over the one million mark, zeroing out the account, and then immediately pushing an allied account over the million mark to snatch away the throne.

For example: Account A has 700,000 NoahCoin Account B has 800,000 NoahCoin Account C has 900,000 NoahCoin

Account A and B are allied against Account C. They could easily combine funds and take the Chancellor role. However, they want to make sure Account C has no easy way to stop their new rule. Account B first v-transfers 100,000 NoahCoin to Account C. Account C passes hits one million, becomes Chancellor, and their balance is back to 0.

Account A has 700,000 NoahCoin Account B has 700,000 NoahCoin Account C has 0 NoahCoin

Now, Account B v-transfers 300,000 NoahCoin to Account A, making them the new Chancellor, with their political rival now bankrupt.

These strategies heavily relied on knowing how much each person had in their bank account. Originally, users could see their balance with v-balance or v-bal. Eventually, it had to be patched in to allow privately messaging Verrelli Bot this command, as users would check their balance in chat and immediately delete it, leaving a string of empty Discord notifications.

Evenso, a loophole was found with the command v-request. This command was used to request money from someone else on the server. If the requested account did not have available funds, the request was automatically – and publicly – cancelled with an error message.

By sending varying v-request amounts, users could check which requests went through and which produced insufficient fund errors. This allowed the attacker to estimate within precise amounts the exact bank balance of their target.

With the Fifth Accord, Char aimed to nullify this tactic entirely.

6. V-transfers must now be accepted to prevent forceful overthrowing.

See Section 5 for the “pushing over” political strategies.

This Accord was never implemented due to the cultural significance of v-transfer politics.

“We had more NoahCoin than we knew what to do with. We couldn't fit all our cash under our own mattresses safely – so we did the next best thing, we hid it under our neighbor's mattress. Of course, we never told them about it. There were risks, but it was the secret that allowed us to ensure the safety of our dynasties. Who doesn't stash away a little cash for a rainy day?” – Nick, on offshoring NoahCoin in inactive accounts

7. V-trial in place, launching a jury system which will democractically [sic] vote for a punishment rather than imprisonment without trial.

Culturally, the Supreme Chancellor was not the only bot role. The other was “Sheriff”, which could be granted to any user by the Chancellor (including themselves) by using the v-deputy command. The Sheriff had access to v-imprison and v-release. V-imprison stripped a user of all their roles and banned access to all voice calls and chats except one: Prison Yard.

This power was abused. Many mass imprisonments followed regime changes. Sometimes, though, the Sheriff used their power for good, imprisoning those who stole v-farm crops or other such crimes (which varied from one ruler to the next).

In later versions of the prison, timeouts could be set on prisoners' chats. One message per hour, or even per day. Some prisoners used their one message to petition for release. Others used it for a rebellious v-mine command.

Due to technical limitations, this Accord was never implemented. Yet it was, in the opinion of the author, by far the most progressive of all the Accords – trying to put an end to the often dual tyrannies of Chancellor and Sheriff.

8. To prevent citizens to overwhelm [sic] the farm sites, a minimum of 1000 NoahCoin must be used to purchase seeds.

v-farm was the main alternative to gain NoahCoins, aside from v-mine. Even within this system, there were strategies to keep money in your account and out of your enemies. There were ten virtual farm “plots” which could be filled by using v-farm. People who were rich and wanted to keep others from gaining money filled all those farms with v-farm 1, ensuring that for the next hour no one could farm and the resulting harvest would only be between 0 and 10 NoahCoins. See Section 2 for further explanation on the mechanics of v-farming.

Char aimed to put an end to this practice and leave the farms open for those with a genuine seed investment.

9. Nick News will continue to come out daily. V-Pay will be used to pay workers for their piece, 20k a news article, to promote creativity. Minimum requirements determined by the editor. This balance will not be taken from anyone's wallet.

The support of “Nick News” came to the Discord server as a surprise. One week earlier (decades in Discord time), Char had actually banned Nick’s Discord newspaper, The Nick York Times, under suspicion of Anti-Char and Pro-Communist propaganda. By the time that the Char Accords rolled around, it was evident that he was desperate to undo the actions of his past and set himself up as a new man in the eyes of the public.

The Nick York Times is a topic for its own Printhouse article, but must be mentioned here. Started by Nick while v-imprisoned under the Jagcord Regime, it was his series of plaintext articles on Discordian news, culture, and the NoahCoin economy. It grew in popularity, eventually having its own v-bot command (v-news) and a series of writers. It also spawned the widely acclaimed “wa wa wee wa” strip series by Bambino. A true testament to the free time many had under lockdown, publishing nearly daily editions for multiple weeks.

“Like any journalist publication, it was both loved and hated. I like to think we did a lot of good work in those days. We brought people news that mattered to them as it happened, just barely keeping ahead of the daily grind required to run a paper. I’m proud to say we had quite the diversity of columnists, and I was just happy to see people expressing themselves in the art of writing. Of course, like any paper, we had a political leaning...” – Nick, Editor-in-Chief of the Nick York Times

10. ENJOY!

Suspiciously, this 10th Accord was absent in the Nick York Times version printed the same day.

---

The Aftermath

Not even 24 hours had passed before Nick, the newly appointed Sheriff under Char, v-transferred Bambino enough NoahCoins to make him the new Chancellor.

The Char Accords had only just begun their implementation before a Caesarean betrayal shot Char back down to nothing. He all but removed himself from the political sphere of the server afterwards.

---

A Snapshot in Time

This was only the tip of the iceberg. Not mentioned here are the v-lotteries, v-mines closing due to auto-miners, the v-duels (and the infamous PANSHOT! bug), the v-slots odds update controversy, v-dawg (the server pet), v-prison break by suicide technique, the earth being mined dry, and of course, The Nat Job.

Of all these, The Char Accords remain one of the most intriguing relics to survive the Discordian Bot era. Scholars today still debate on the cultural impact of the Accords and what may have happened if they fully went into effect.

“It would have been a utopia if it happened.” – Char

The server itself persisted for another two months, with countless unrecorded political upheavals, purges, and revolutions. V-bot continued to be upgraded, until version 2.8 [THE LAST COMETH], which ironically finally re-implemented the Twitter Markov chains that the original v-bot was known for.

On March 11th, 2021, by collective user action, all NoahCoins were v-incinerate’d. This fulfilled the prerequisite conditions for v-killswitch. The killswitch was activated. The server logs were dumped and Verrelli Bot kicked all users, forever fossilizing the server in 2021.

All this is to say,

We don’t have roles or bots in our Discord servers anymore.

Everybody had their hands out, Everything was for the taking, Now it’s all over.

Stay frosty, Noah

---

Thanks to Nick, Jag, Char, and Alex for all the commentary. And special thanks to Kaitlyn for the proofread and revisions.

---

¹ The Lenovo gaming laptop which was running 24/7 on a wall socket to host the bot

² “I’m not ashamed to say it: back in my day, in my youth before Kaitcord, I was a notorious crop thief. I would monitor my Discord notifications for others v-farming, and would set a timer on my phone to remind me when their crops were ready for harvest. I would swoop in and rob them blind. It wasn’t an honest living, but a girl’s gotta eat.” – Kaitlyn, The Last Supreme Chancellor before Fossilization

Coffee is awesome. I drink it everyday and it makes me feel super fucking good. I have about 3-5 cups a day, sometimes less if I get a bit too jittery and sometimes more if I'm feeling extra awesome. A couple of friends who will remain nameless keep ‘detoxing’ from coffee every so often and I struggle to understand why they do this. While we were hanging out I may have been a tad schizophrenic but I believed I heard them say things along the lines that it isn’t good for you. Or that being dependent on coffee is a no no. To make sure I wasn’t schizophrenic I asked them about their coffee breaks.

Q: Why do you 'detox' or take breaks from drinking coffee? A1: I've only done it twice, once during Lent when u are supposed to give up something and now because [redacted] is and its nice to do things with friends :3 A2: To avoid migraines from withdrawals, so I don't like to be too dependent on it because if I am drinking like three cups a day, but then i have a day where I don't drink around that amount it fucks me up.

Strange.. It seems like being dependent on it and then manually taking it away for a week would just induce withdrawals without any benefits of detoxing for a prolonged period of time, yet this is what A2 chooses to do from time to time. A1… well A1 is a troller.

Is my argument disingenuous? Probably. I did what any titan of academia would do. I googled “is coffee bad for you?” This is what I found:

“High intake of boiled, unfiltered coffee has been associated with mild increase in cholesterol levels. The bottom line? Your coffee habit is probably fine and may even have some benefits. But if you have side effects from coffee, such as heartburn, nervousness or insomnia, consider cutting back.” – Mayo Clinic (First google result obviously)

“Regular coffee consumption may reduce your risk for certain health conditions, including diabetes, stroke, depression, cardiovascular disease, and even some types of cancer. However, having too much caffeine can cause you to be jittery and anxious and make it difficult to sleep at night.” – Verywellhealth.com (random ass stupid health site idk?)

““The overall evidence has been pretty convincing that coffee has been more healthful than harmful in terms of health outcomes,” said Frank Hu, chair of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, in an April 5, 2021, article in Discover. “For most people, moderate coffee consumption can be incorporated into a healthy diet.” Hu said that moderate coffee intake—about 2–5 cups a day—is linked to a lower likelihood of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, liver and endometrial cancers, Parkinson’s disease, and depression. It’s even possible that people who drink coffee can reduce their risk of early death. – Harvard mfer Frank Hu (Harvard Idk man whatever)

Do I actually have a real point here? Not really. That being said, I want to say that coffee is delicious and lovely. I think we all should be drinking many cups a day. As for A2 if they are really getting migraines or having panic attacks then they should stop and I should stop trolling them. However, to prepare for a rare time where no caffeine would be readily available to you is silly. If you have a day where you don’t drink your normal amount of coffee then that’s unfortunately a skill issue and you deserve to suffer. If you are randomly detoxing from coffee for a week in preparation for a caffeine doomsday then you also deserve to suffer. I guess I do have a point.

You deserve to suffer.

I've gone through many stages of “pro wrestling” enjoyment, starting at genuine “wow this is really real and cool” to “nahh this is fake and dumb” to now appreciating it as a niche performance art and trying to understand it on a technical level. With iconic characters throughout history, professional wrestling has become a generational pastime, with both participation and enjoyment passed down through families.

Originating in the era of carnies during the late 1800s and adapted from Greco-Roman wrestling, the “kayfabe” or “worked” art of wrestling was quickly popularized in the 1920s, with the first “Golden Era” of wrestling emerging in the late 40's. The first wrestling “celebrity” to be known nationwide would be “Gorgeous George”, known for his flamboyant attire, he was an early predecessor to characters like “Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.

Mostly involving grappling and various holds, early wrestling, aided by the lacking technology, allows the performers to cover the face or mouth and communicate with the “referee” and their opponent on what to do next. This is now referred to as “calling a match” or “calling spots”. With any performance art, time only allows for more interpretation and adaptation of the industry, creating flashier showmanship and larger events following its inception. In the era of technology, camera cuts are utilized to maintain that charade.

WWE has become synonymous with pro wrestling, often used as a replacement for pro wrestling (think UFC for MMA). Before the corporate entity, pro wrestling was separated into territories. In the late 1940s, during this first golden era, the “National Wrestling Alliance” was formed (and exists to this day). Often just called the “NWA” for short, they established a “World Champion” agreed upon by the various promoters, who would then travel to the various territories and face off against the biggest draws in those places. Because of this, many promoters would want their star to stay local to create the most profit for them, leading to many promoters separating from the NWA. One of these promoters, Vince McMahon Sr. would create the WWWF, and after selling it to his son, Vince McMahon Jr. would transition it into WWF and purchase many of the territories by the late 80s, and is now known worldwide as WWE.

With the eminent takeover of cable television, Vince McMahon Jr. would “poach” the top stars in the failing territories. Now under one corporate umbrella, American professional wrestling was now mostly controlled by one supreme being, Vince McMahon. It would be under McMahon's guidance that characters such as Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage became household names in the 80s and 90s, with the over the top, outlandish way of speaking becoming a staple of professional wrestling. There have been different iterations of the same characters or “gimmicks” throughout wrestling's existence, but for every gimmick that works and clicks with the fanbase, there are 10 that don't and fail. For every Hulk Hogan there is a “Shockmaster” and for every Undertaker there is “OZ”.

The late 80's and early 90's were a breaking ground for new ideas, some good, some horrible, most racist, but at its very simplest, it was the era of ego. Everyone thinks they should get paid more and get more opportunity in the spotlight, and this was highlighted by the creation of “WCW”, backed by billionaire Ted Turner and TBS. With the WWF shifting to a revolutionary weekly program with the debut of “Monday Night RAW” in Jan. 1993, WCW would shift to this method in Sep. 1995 under the guidance of new VP Eric Bischoff, their debut episode of “Monday Night Nitro” was broadcasted from Minnesota <3. Shifting to a more reality tv based form of storytelling and utilizing the backing of billionaire Ted Turner, WCW Nitro would become the first real competitor to WWE and Monday Night RAW. This was the beginning of the “Monday Night Wars” and would go on to create some of the most iconic characters in its history.

Top stars like Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair would revive their careers left lacking in the WWF, while homegrown characters like Sting and Goldberg would achieve their biggest success in the “new” WCW. Wrestlers who believed themselves to be misused or underutilized in WWF would “jump ship” to WCW to try and find better success, including Jeff Jarrett, Brett Hart, Mr. Perfect, and many, many, more. For almost 2 years straight WCW was beating the WWF, forcing McMahon and his cronies to think outside of the box. No more could they rely on the do good, boy scout, dynamic and opted for an edgier, more mature business model. Called the “Attitude Era”, characters like “The Rock” and “Stone Cold Steve Austin”, would become icons of the era but it would be WCW's “Mean” Mark Calloway that might be the biggest name in wrestling history, after he was hired by the WWF and turned into “The Undertaker”. While WCW headed downhill, The Undertaker became the biggest name in wrestling. Longevity became Calloway's biggest strength, wrestling well into the 2020's.

Below is a small sample size of iconic characters who left WCW for WWF and became household names. WCW ————— WWF The Giant – The Big Show Eddie Guerrero – no name change Oz/Vinnie Vegas – Diesel (then back to WCW as Kevin Nash, and back to WWF as Kevin Nash) Damon Striker – Edge Cactus Jack – Mick Foley (Mankind, Cactus Jack, Dude Love) Chris Jericho – no name change Terra Ryzing – HHH “Stunning” Steve Austin – “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

By 2000, the WWF had won the “Monday Night Wars” and WCW had gone bankrupt, with the blame game still being played today by various entitles (Hogan, Flair, Bischoff, Hart, and more) with many of its top stars already having left for McMahon's company. McMahon would purchase WCW and work it into a “kayfabe” storyline with his son and daughter, having WCW stars “invade” the WWF and attack their top stars.

History would repeat itself in 2002, with the creation of “Total Nonstop Action” or TNA Wrestling under the NWA umbrella. Helmed by the previously mentioned Jeff Jarrett, TNA would become the next place where talent can go to achieve the success they think they deserve. Hogan would again become part of a WWF (now WWE) derivative, and TNA would repeat the same steps by WCW in hiring people from the competition. Wrestlers like Christian, Kurt Angle, The Dudley Boyz and Scott Steiner created a second wave of success in their careers, getting rehired by WWE down the line. Much like WCW, however, as the company began to go downhill in the 2010s, various stars in TNA (shortly rebranded as Impact Wrestling) were picked up by WWE and given a larger platform to perform.

TNA ———– WWE Abyss- Chris Park (producer, joined 2019) Eli Drake – LA Knight (joined 2021) Rosita – Zelina Vega/Queen Zelina (joined 2017) AJ Styles – no name change (joined 2016) Bobby Roode – no name change (joined 2016) Samoa Joe – no name change (joined 2015) CM Punk – no name change (joined 2006, rejoined 2023)

But now we reach the modern day. WWE is flourishing under billion dollar network deals. Although ideas change, some things always work. A Hulk Hogan becomes a John Cena, an Undertaker becomes Bray Wyatt, and the wheel keeps turning.

The more things change, the more things stay the same, as they say. Another billionaire, another company, this time “All Elite Wrestling” or AEW. Founded by Tony Khan in 2019, AEW is the modern day WCW, offering big money to former WWE wrestlers and broadcasted on TBS and TNT. WCW had Nitro, AEW has Dynamite. WWE has Smackdown, AEW has Rampage. Helmed by Khan, AEW hired some of the top wrestlers on the independent wrestling scene, as well as the top “free agents” formerly with WWE. Starting out as the wrestling fanatic's alternative to WWE, AEW found quick success but has faltered, with wrestlers having creative control over their characters (nobody wants to look bad). The first wave of AEW wrestlers joining WWE has begun, with Jade Cargill, Hamilton, Ontario's own Ethan Page, and Brian Pillman Jr. now in WWE.

More deeply embedded in pop culture than ever, its becoming increasingly interesting for me to attempt to navigate this niche section of “sports entertainment”, now viewing it through a creative lens, taking note of the quality of writing or storytelling within matches, the character arc, and overall presentation of it all. I long joke that it's “redneck Shakespeare” or a “stuntman's soap opera”, but in this current state I genuinely enjoy where pro wrestling is today.

Thank you for sticking with me on this, I know its not something people are itching to read but if you made it this far, have a brew on me.